–loud shriek from hallway—
Kyuubi: –looks up—Just when I think you can't get any girlier, you screech like that...
–full soda can that Shadow dropped on his foot comes flying through doorway and slams into Kyuubi's forehead—Just for that, you get the shaken-up one.
Kyuubi: Fucking....OW.
Oops...looks like I broke my "update every two days" streak...–looks guilty—I...uh...I've been watching Black Cat. Good stuff.

Last chapter's points of win for title-guessing go to FallenAnimosity. And an additional 200 points of win go to yamiNOkokoro26 for correctly guessing Kyuubi and Naruto's connection! As always, anonymous review replies are at the bottom.

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History class was uneventful (Except for Naruto getting told off a grand total of five times for dozing off, but this seemed to be a normal occurrence), and Sasuke was beginning to think that maybe.....he could get used to this. The rest of the day passed in the usual whirl of annoyance and stress. Lunch was a relief, especially after the math class from hell. Ms. Mitarashi was scary. Who in their right mind addressed their students as 'maggots' anyway? Freak.

"Saeko!"

Sasuke bit back a mental groan. Sakura had decided that as an "apology for Kyuubi's dumbass comment, since he's too stubborn to do it himself", it was her duty to show the "new girl" around (Sasuke had the feeling that he'd be The New Girl for a good couple of months), even though he'd protested that he was perfectly capable of finding his own way.

Lesson Number One: It's impossible to argue with Sakura Haruno.

She smiled sweetly. "Do you want to eat lunch with me and my friends? I mean, food tastes better when you share it with people, right?"

"What anime did you steal that out of?" Sasuke grumbled, mood souring further when she giggled like he'd been joking or something.

Sakura grabbed his wrist and pulled him off. Holy hell, that girl was strong! She dragged him down the steps and veered left, entering through a small cluster of trees into a clearing. Two picnic tables stood adjacent to each other, with enough space between them for several people to sit in a circle. And there were people doing just that. Sasuke recognized a handful of people from his other classes.

"Sakura! My springtime love!" A tall teen in green tracksuit scooped Sakura up and swung her around. "It is wonderful to see you again!"

"Lee..." Sakura rolled her eyes, but she planted a kiss on his cheek anyway. "You just saw me. And don't get into the whole Springtime of Youth again, okay? We don't want to scare Saeko off."

Lee set her down, eyes sparkling beneath his goofy bowl-haircut. "You brought The New Girl?" Fucking hell, "her" name wasn't that hard to remember was it?

Sakura smiled brightly. "Yes. Everybody needs friends to eat with." I beg to differ, Miss Sunshine. Sasuke thought viciously. "Here, Saeko, I'll introduce you to everybody."

"You've already met my boyfriend, Lee," Lee started to say something, but Sakura overrode him. "And Kyuubi and Naruto Uzumaki." The two were currently bickering over, from what Sasuke could tell, ramen flavors. What the fuck? "They're twins, fraternal obviously." Sakura pointed to another redhead with aqua eyes heavily outlined with kohl, sitting on a red trenchcoat. Apparently, he was rather fond of black, as evidenced by black jeans, black E Nomine t-shirt, and black boots.

"That's Naruto's best friend, Gaara Sabure," Gaara looked up and narrowed his eyes at Sasuke, who glared right back, wondering why the smaller teen had no eyebrows and the kanji for love above his eye. "Gaara's sister Temari," Sakura gestured to a girl with the same teal eyes as Gaara, despite her blonde hair. She apparently shared his taste in color, wearing a black pencil skirt with silver zippers running down either side, and a black top with lace around the shoulders and neck. Like Sasuke, her shoes were simple black flats. "And brother Kankuro." Kankuro turned out to be a brunette wearing jeans and a sweatshirt, whose hair stuck up like he jammed his finger in a light socket.

Sakura moved on to a boy with a spiky brown ponytail sprawled on his back beside Temari. "Tema's boyfriend, Shikamaru Nara," Shikamaru opened one grey eye and studied Sasuke thoroughly. Said Uchiha blinked. Who combined sandals and black board shorts with a long-sleeved grey shirt and green cargo vest? Season confusion much? Sakura continued in full flow. "Gaara's boyfriend; Neji Hyuuga," Neji was an elegant looking young man in black slacks and a cream-colored sweater, with long brown hair tied back in a loose ponytail and strange, pearly white eyes.

"Neji's cousin Hinata," Sakura pointed to a girl in grey washed jeans and a plain blue t-shirt, with short fluffy blue-black hair and the same white eyes as Neji. She blushed and stuttered a hello. "Hinata's girlfriend and my best friend, Ino Yamanaka."

"Hey Saeko!" The blonde girl who had been beating on Kyuubi with Sakura greeted perkily. The pale lavender tube top covered with splashes of violet, indigo, lime, pink and white flowers set off her pale blue eyes and dusky gray capris. "Glad you could join us!"

"SAKURA!" Kyuubi hollered. "GET OVER HERE AND SETTLE THIS!" The pink-haired girl rolled her eyes as he pulled her off, and without missing a beat, Ino picked up where she left off.

"Resident bug lover, Shino Aburame," Sasuke could swear the guy was glaring at him behind the round sunglasses under the hood of a grey sweatshirt. "Shino's boyfriend, Kiba Inuzuka," The brunette with the red tattoos from history grinned and waved. "Shikamaru's best friend, Chouji Akimichi," Chouji, a rotund young man with spiky auburn hair, bit into another chip. "Neji's ex-girlfriend, Tenten Kyouki," Tenten called a hello, her dark blue Chinese shirt with feathers embroidered in silver thread and light blue jeans going with the two buns her dark hair was pulled into.

Sasuke grumbled a hello, resenting that he had to—shudder—socialize. He sighed, sitting on the end of the bench next to Tenten (since she looked the least annoying), he propped his elbows on his knees and glared over his hands at nothing in particular.

Ino nudged Kiba out of the way so she could flop down next to Hinata, throwing an arm around the other girl's shoulder. "So, Mr. Umino said you moved here from Oto." Sasuke grunted an affirmative. Ino looked shocked. "But...that's halfway across the country!"

"Don't remind me." He grumbled.

Hinata poked her index fingers together. "I...I hope...you won't be...l...lonely here."

Ino immediately wrapped the brunette girl in a hug. "Awww, you're so sweet Hina!" Hinata flushed darkly as Kiba snickered. Ino punched him in the head without looking and returned to her interrogation of Sasuke. "So, do you have any siblings?"

Only a psychopathic older brother who I am going to murder in various painful ways once I get my hands on him. "No. It's just me and Kakashi."

Ino blinked. "Oh...so where do you live?"

"Serpent Avenue." Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Dumb name for a street."

"Th...there used to be...a lot of poisonous s...snakes in that area." Hinata pointed out unnecessarily.

Kiba sat up. "Oh, hey, ya mean that blue house that's been empty forever?" Sasuke 'Hn'd." Kiba grinned. "Cool, you're right across the street from me."

"I don't think 'cool' is the right word."

The other brunette was unfazed by Sasuke's unfriendliness. "So, this Kakashi guy, he's got silver hair, right? A broom head?" Sasuke nodded. Kiba cocked his head to the side, looking like a curious puppy. "Why's he wear that mask? Is he horribly disfigured or something?"

"No. He's just insane." Sasuke said flatly.

"That's not a very nice thing to say about your father, Saeko." Sakura scolded.

One of Sasuke's eyebrows twitched. "He is not my father."

"Boyfriend?" Kiba leered. "You like older men, huh?"

Sasuke looked at him like he was a three-eyed lobster doing the cancan in a grass skirt. "Don't be disgusting. He's just my guardian."

Hinata blinked. "Y...your guardian? A...are you...an orphan?" Ino frowned and started to say something else, but she was interrupted by an annoying shout.

"HA! Told you so, Kyuubi! Pork ramen is too better!" Naruto was standing and pointing triumphantly at his twin, yelling his dumb blond head off.

Kyuubi apparently didn't appreciate the noise any better then Sasuke did, because he lunged at Naruto, attempting to catch him in a headlock. "Shut up, Blondie!"

"Ahh, he's trying to kill me!" Naruto hollered, though the mischievous sparkle in his eyes deleted any possible way to take him seriously. "Halp! Gaara, save me!" He ducked behind the redhead. Gaara calmly got up, and moved to the side, allowing Kyuubi a clear shot at the blond. "Argh, traitor!" Naruto shouted.

Kyuubi grinned, looking like a fox that just spotted a particularly juicy rabbit. "C'mere you!" He lunged at his twin, sending the taller boy scampering backwards, screeching about all the redheads he knew being in a conspiracy against him.

Naruto took two steps back, tripped over Shikamaru, and fell right into Sasuke. The blond grabbed the edge of the table, trying (and failing) to not invade Sasuke's personal space more then he already had. The Uchiha merely blinked dumbly at the sudden nearness of startled blue eyes. What a pretty color... augh! What the hell was he thinking?

"I'm not done with you yet!" Kyuubi yelled, easily vaulting over the prone Shikamaru, who had done nothing more the mutter a 'Troublesome.'

"Kyuubi! Knock it off! You're going to make Naruto fall on—" Sakura started to scold.

"UZUMAKI ELBOW DROP!"

Naruto let out a startled help as Kyuubi's elbow collided with the back of his head, but he was cut off as lips met lips. Sasuke's black eyes widened with shock as Naruto's mouth collided with his. What... the... FUCK?!?!

"-Saeko." Sakura finished lamely.

Lesson Number Two: Uzumaki's are idiots.

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Boy, this chapter sucks. Gaara's last name literally means "sand" and Tenten's, as far as I can tell, means "dangerous weapon".

"Food tastes better when..." Oh come on. How could I resist?

Odd Facts:
--Saeko's voice in my head sounds like Romi Paku.
--The translation dictionary dot com gives for "Naruto Uzumaki" is 'When it becomes whirling".
--The translation it gives for "Sasuke Uchiha" is "Can be less crowded inside".
--I've got Temari, Sakura, Ino, Hinata, Girl!Naruto, and Saeko all doing Cellblock Tango in my head. It is très très amusante.

Anonymous Review Replies:
thrh: Bah, too many uke!Naruto fics out there. They are pretty odd, aren't they? That's what makes them awesome!
narobi: Thank you for your input!