Ooowww –looks idiotically pathetic— I thought Neosporin wasn't supposed to sting!
Kyuubi: –attempting to apply band-aid— Hold still!
–whinesquirm—But it huuurts!
Kyuubi: Well then maybe you should watch what you're doing, you accident-prone maniac. Now go write the next chapter.
Yes master –limps off— Here, two updates in one day. That gets me back on schedule.

Naruto POV this chapter. And some kissing stuff. I couldn't convince Kyuubi to keep his tongue to himself.

EDIT: Fixed now that we actually know Naruto's parent's names. Nice how his mother actually does have red hair.

--

Naruto scowled, leaning against his Kawasaki Ninja ZX 12 R motorcycle. The sleek machine gleamed, orange swirl on the side bright against the black body. The metal was hot under the brilliant afternoon sun, warming his butt and thighs. Sakura had cornered him after school and dragged him off to a small, stuffy classroom where he got to listen to her drone on about something he really had no say in anyway. Who cared about the dumb old Spring Formal anyway?

Needless to say, Shikamaru wasn't the only one who dozed off.

The blond sighed, tipping his head back to squint at the cottony clouds scuttling across the sky. Alright, so the meeting had gone on a bit longer then expected (it probably would have been shorter if Sakura hadn't yelled at him and Shika for falling asleep). That didn't mean Kyuubi had to be late! Naruto sighed in annoyance, before jerking his orange Razr out of his pocket and punching in his twin's number. He tapped his foot, on arm wrapped loosely around his waist as he listened to the ringing. "Come on, pick up, ya dumb bastard."

There was a 'click', then Kyuubi's voice drifted over the line. "What?"

"Where the hell are you?!" Naruto demanded.

"Huh?" Kyuubi sounded confused. "What do you mean? I'm at home."

"What the hell..." Naruto spluttered. "I've been standing out here and you've been HOME?!"

"Well, you were taking so long; I got a ride from Sai."

"And you couldn't just call me and tell me that!? I've been waiting for twenty minutes!" Naruto flailed the arm that wasn't holding his phone wildly.

"...Didn't think of that."

"You are so...just...ARRRRGH!" Naruto yelled, slamming the phone shut and cursing violently. He jammed it back in his pocket and pulled his bike helmet out, the orange spiral on the side matching the one on his bike. The engine roared to life as Naruto swung his leg over and thumbed the ignition. He swerved out his parking space, only to get caught in the last minute traffic jam of students that stayed after school and teachers leaving early.

He grumbled to himself, leaning on his handlebars. He wanted to go home noooow! He sighed, idly watching the girl pacing back and forth on the sidewalk at the edge of the parking lot. Oooh, she was pretty. Cute butt, nice legs...

Hey, wait. That was the new girl...Saeko. What the hell was he doing, checking her out?

Okay, sure, she was hot. Black hair that just had to be as soft as it seemed, pretty little mouth that looked oh-so kissable, small but cute chest, damn fine ass...but she was still...!

...Uh...okay. He was really just trying to avoid thinking about The Incident at lunch. Stupid Kyuubi.

Unaware that she was being watched, Saeko sighed in annoyance, shifting her weight to one foot, slouching back and stuffing her hands in her pockets, looking supremely irritated. Naruto thought for a couple seconds, then shrugged mentally, pulling over beside her and flipping open his visor. She gave him a 'Drop Dead' look, then blinked and turned faintly pink when she recognized who it was.

"Are you waiting for somebody?" Naruto asked idly, crossing his arms over the handlebars.

She scowled. "Yeah...but I don't expect him to show up for another half hour or so." Her voice was resignedly annoyed. "He wouldn't know the meaning of on time if it stole his Icha Icha books right out from under his stupid pervert nose." Naruto blinked. Someone actually reads that crap? He grinned, making a mental note to tell Jiraya next time he saw him.

"Um...I can give you a ride...if you want." Naruto scratched the back of his neck, face automatically crinkling in a sheepish grin. "I was waiting for my brother, but the jerk went on ahead without telling me." He tossed her the spare helmet. Actually, it was Kyuubi's, but they were pretty much the same height so Naruto figured it should fit fine.

She caught it easily, looking from him to the bike purring on the road, to the helmet in her hands, to the blonde regarding her innocently from underneath the bulky plastic orb. "Tch. Dumbass." She muttered. Naruto narrowed his eyes at her, but it was too late to comment as she slid the helmet over her head and settled herself securely behind him.

Naruto slid the bike slowly back into the lane, so he wasn't blocking traffic anymore. He grinned evilly when he realized the prat leaning on their horn in the dinky white car behind him was his least favorite staff member, the stuffy old guidance counselor Ebisu. Cheerfully flipping the old geezer off, he gunned the engine and roared down the street. Saeko tightened her arms around him as he skidded around the corner. She was probably going to chew him out for it like Sakura did, but what was the point of riding if you couldn't go fast?

At the next intersection, she tapped his shoulder and pointed to the left hand street. He turned the bike smoothly and they continued up the avenue until she made him stop at a small, two-story blue and white house. The yard looked neglected, but there were curtains at the windows, and the door and trim had been freshly painted. She slid gracefully off the bike, pulling the helmet off and offered it back to him.

"Can you put it away for me?" Naruto asked. "I can't really reach from here."

Saeko sighed, looking very put upon. "Under the seat, right?" He nodded and she slid her fingers under it until she found the catch. Flipping it up, she nudged his backpack to the side and settled the helmet in. She pulled the seat down again, then frowned when she discovered it needed a little more strength to latch. She put a little more 'oomph' into it, and it clicked shut.

Naruto snickered when he got a good look at her. "You've got helmet hair. It's all flat." He snickered some more. "You look funny."

She glared at him, twisting mental daggers into his forehead. "Just for that, I'm not saying thank you." She turned on her heel and stomped up the driveway, jamming her house key into the lock. It unlocked with a loud clack, and she jerked the front door open.

He grinned, unfazed. "You're welcome!" He called after her. The only answer was the door slamming behind her.

Fifteen minutes later, Naruto was tossing his backpack on the queen-sized bed shoved into one corner of the room and crossing his cluttered floor to the large tank sitting under the window. "Hey Gamakichi." Smiling, he lifted the large orange toad out of the terrarium and set him on his head. Gamakichi had been a sixteenth-birthday present from his uncle Jiraya, who owned the toad's father Gamabunta. Naruto grinned wider at the thought of the old pervert.

Jiraya was his great-uncle on his father's side. Crazy old bastard would be thrilled to know someone was actually reading the pornographic crap he dared call 'literature.'

He clattered down the stairs, nearly running headfirst into Kyuubi at the bottom. The redhead rolled his eyes. "Why are you walking around with that frog on your head?"

Naruto scowled. "He's a toad, and he's on my head because I don't want him in his tank all day, and he likes it up there!" Promptly ignoring his brother, who was making faces at him behind his back, Naruto beamed. "C'mon buddy! Let's go find you something to eat." Gamakichi croaked in happy agreement. The blond pelted off to the kitchen.

He skidded to a stop when he noticed his father standing in front of the open refrigerator. "Dad! You're home early!" The tall blonde straightened, a bottle of milk in his hand, and faced at his son.

"Hey kid." Minato Namikaze went to ruffle Naruto's hair, noticed Gamakichi, and settled for patting him on the shoulder. "Anything interesting happen today?" He smiled at the younger twin as the redhead slouched into the kitchen.

"There's a new girl in school." Kyuubi cackled. "And Naruto kissed her."

Naruto turned bright red. "I didn't do it on PURPOSE, you asshole! You pulled that stupid Dragonball crap on me!"

His twin stuck his nose in the air. "Sure, diss the Uzumaki Elbow Drop after you've fallen prey to it."

Minato sighed as his twins continued to bicker. I wonder if you could handle them any better then I do, Kushina... He smiled sadly at the thought of his wife, glancing at the family portrait hanging on the wall in the living room, clearly visible through the open arch of the kitchen doorway. Kushina was a beautiful woman, but it had been her kind heart that Minato had been drawn too. Of course, she had a one nasty temper when provoked. Minato almost laughed. What else could be expected of the great Tsunade Reichou's daughter? And she really did live on in their children. While Naruto looked like a miniature version of his father, Kyuubi much more closely resembled her physically. They had the same red hair and slighter build. Naruto had her sweet disposition and brilliant smile though.

Minato absently moved to the side as Naruto shot by him and zoomed around the dining room table before looping though the living room and back into the kitchen, Kyuubi in hot pursuit. He shook his head, unable to find the heart to tell them to settle down. After the complications during their birth that had taken Kushina's life, he was lucky that they were so healthy. Love...If you could see our boys now...what would you do?

"AUGH! Kyuubi! You bit me!" Naruto waved one hand frantically, almost knocking over the cutting board.

Kyuubi scowled, rubbing his shoulder. "You punched me!"

"Cause you were being an idiot!" Naruto stuck his tongue out. Kyuubi dived for him again. Naruto dodged to the left, falling flat on his ass. His brother took the opportunity to pounce on him, grabbing the blond in the special 'Kyuubi Headlock of No Escape.'

Minato could feel a vein popping in his forehead. Probably smack them around for being morons. He sighed, moving forward and separating the two. "Well, anyway, who is this girl?

Naruto blinked. "Uh...Her name's Saeko Akatsuka. She just transferred here from Oto."

"Did Dickless finally get himself a girlfriend?" An interested voice piped up from the couch behind them. The Asiatic looking teen watching with his chin resting on his arms folded across the back of the couch smiled, looking politely interested, as if he had just asked Naruto how the weather was.

"I DO TOO HAVE A DICK, SAI, AND IT'S NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUISNESS!!" Naruto howled at the top of his lungs.

Sai Tomonari, age eighteen and five months, student at Konoha Art Academy. Specializes in traditional Japanese ink painting. Has been dating Kyuubi Uzumaki for two years. No perception of the concept of 'tact'. Nowhere near acceptable in polite society. Course, Kyuubi usually wasn't either. He had inherited his mother's short temper as well.

Naruto grabbed a Ziploc of dead flies off the counter and stomped upstairs in a huff, Gamakichi still on his head. Minato tossed the empty milk bottle in the recycling and vanished into the bathroom. Seconds later, the sounds of the shower running trickled into the living room.

Kyuubi placed his hands on the back of the couch and vaulted over, landing on Sai's legs. Sai grunted. "Hey, watch where you're landing." Kyuubi smirked, crawling up his way up his boyfriend's body and propped himself up on his elbows, planting them on the arm of the couch on either side of Sai's head.

Sai raised one eyebrow. "You realize that when you smirk like that, you're just begging to get molested?"

"You better." Kyuubi grumbled. "You didn't come see me at lunch, so I've been deprived all day, you ass."

Sai smirked in return, pulling the redhead down and planting a smoldering kiss on his lips. Kyuubi almost instantly melted against the older boy, purring as he opened his mouth for Sai's persistent tongue. He twisted his hands in the short black hair and tugged Sai's head back, forcing the kiss to become deeper. That gave him a slight advantage, but he lost ground when Sai slid a hand up over his chest under his shirt.

"Mmph. No fair...cheater."

The blond padding downstairs with the empty Ziploc and a strip of flypaper paused, and rolled his eyes at them. "Geeze...do you have to do it right there?"

"Naruto!" Minato called from the hall. "Where are your brother and Sai?"

Naruto wrinkled his nose. "They're making out on the couch again."

"Well, when they come up for air, tell them that there's money for pizza on the counter."

The blond blinked, sticking his head into his father's room. "You came home early, and now you're leaving. What's up?"

Minato just smiled, pulling his jacket on and grabbing his car keys. "Just meeting with an old student of mine." He gave his son a one-armed hug. "Be good and don't let those two actually go too far with the curtains open. I get enough complaints about them as it is." He ruffled Naruto's hair and went down the hall and through the front room, calling a good bye to Kyuubi. Rather predictably, he was ignored.

Naruto entered the living room again just in time to see Sai slide a hand down the back of Kyuubi's pants to grope the redhead's ass. Naruto grabbed a squirt bottle off the fireplace mantle, taking careful aim and spraying his brother in the face. Kyuubi yelped and glared at him. Naruto smirked. "Hey, if you're going below the waist, take it upstairs. We have to use that couch afterwards."

Kyuubi gave him a baleful look from underneath damp bangs. "You just totally ruined the mood, you moron."

Naruto sniggered. "Ain't that a crying shame?"

--

Tell me you don't like pushy!Uke!Kyuubi and I will call you a son of a silly person. Defy the stereotype! XD He is such a brat! Augh, Sai is OOC! –Stabbed-

Random Facts:
--Sai's last name means "developing friendship" and Tsunade's means "Leader with Miraculous Powers". Ohoho, fear my mighty naming powers!
--Naruto's bike can be found HERE: http : / www . sportbikez . net / picture / 973
--Obviously a taste for socially-retarded pale Asian guys with black hair and major issues seems to run in that family. Wait... Minato/Orochimaru?! Oh, I am SO not going down that path! Get out of my head! Augh! Brain cleansing, brain cleansing!