It's been two days since the apology and Arizona is exhausted, she's finding it hard to function. She's had to ask another PEDs surgeon to take her last surgery of her shift because she can't confidently say she'll be all there or that she won't keel over. She hasn't been able to sleep properly since, she's so confused. There hasn't been any communication between the two since that day in the elevator and she's had enough. She's had enough of being confused, she's had enough of not knowing what Callie wants, she's had enough of feeling completely and utterly numb. She made herself numb, after the breakup she made herself not fully feel what it had done to her because then she'd be ok. Then she's make it. Then, she told herself, it didn't matter that her heart was broken. But she had had enough of hiding, of running away from her feelings, she was always optimistic and she was going to be now. She had to be. So tonight she was going to go home, she was going to have something to eat and something to drink and she was going to let herself feel and she was going to make a decision. Whether or not she and Callie had a chance in her mind.

-

Her having a meal and a drink turned out into no food and several, a few too many perhaps, drinks. She was now very, very tipsy. But her mission was accomplished, she let herself feel what the break up had done to her. She opened that proverbial compartment in her mind that was labelled break up, and it hurt. It hurt a lot which led to her drinking. But she had made a decision, she now knew what she was going to do. Whether it was a good idea or not to do it whilst she was drunk was up for debate, one which her mind at the moment was too inebriated to even realise. Arizona grabbed her keys and made her way outside, it was raining as usual in Seattle so she hoped she got a cab soon otherwise she would have to walk and it was quite a long way and it would be more of a stumble.

-

She was going to find her and talk to her right now. Callie was fed up of skating around the issue. Making her way up to the PED ward she had to stop several times to gain courage to continue. When she made it there she nearly sighed with relief when she didn't see the perky PEDs surgeon anywhere. She asked some of the nurses where she was and it turned out she wasn't even in the hospital she had left early because she was so tired. She immediately felt guilty, feeling somehow responsible.

"Hey you're the doctor that fixed my leg aren't you?" A small, young female voice startles her out of her musings. She turns and finds the voice belongs to the girl she operated on the other day with Arizona. Jessica.

"Yes I am, how's it feeling? Better I hope." Entering her room she takes note of the vase full of lilies. She knows instantly who bought them for Jessica, they're Arizona's favourite.

"Yep. Dr Robbins says I can go outside soon with my crutches. It feels like forever ago that I went outside."

"She get you these?"

"Uh huh, because I can't go outside. You know what happened to me don't you?" Callie instantly knows she's talking about her rape, she looks like she isn't really concentrating on their conversation anymore, she's concentrating more on the magazine she's picked up. The look of worry though spreading on her brow lets Callie know she is paying attention.

"Yes. I'm sorry that happened to you."

"It's ok. Well it's not but it's not your fault." She pauses and bites on her lip, she looks like she's debating something. "Do you think it's my fault?"

"Do you?"

"I asked first." For a fourteen year old she sure was lippy, most would be to scared to talk back.

"No I don't think it was your fault at all. You just went to a party like any normal fourteen year old. You don't think it was your fault do you? You shouldn't."

"That's what Dr Robbins said. That I shouldn't be ashamed, and I shouldn't think I'm to blame. My dad though, he blames me. I can see it. Plus I overheard him talking with Dr Robbins. She yelled at him. I never heard anyone yell at my dad before."

"Yeah she's like that."

"I like Dr Robbins. She understands." Before Callie can even comprehend that, or ask her about it a nurse comes in to take Jessica for some tests. Something about what she said edges its way into her mind and sticks there, 'she understands'. She wasn't sure she wanted Arizona to be able to understand even if she didn't know what that meant yet.

-

Callie was drained she had had a long day at the hospital and it was now the middle of the night and only now making her way home to her apartment. Christina was still at the hospital so she would have the place to herself, she planned to crash out in front of the television and watched whatever crap was on the first channel she flicked to. Mindless television thought was what exactly she needed right now, she had been thinking too much the last few days. She had apologised, it was now up to Arizona to decide if they had anything left the salvage.

As she got closer to her apartment building she recognised a familiar head of blond hair sat on her door step. Outside. In the freezing cold rain.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? You're going to get pneumonia. Why didn't you let yourself in, you've still got the key I gave you?" Callie quickly shrugged off her coat and wrapped the shivering Arizona in it. She was soaked through and freezing cold, she must have been here for quite a while.

"I...wanted...to....see...you." It's hard for her to understand what Arizona is saying through the chattering of her teeth. "But..I couldn't catch...a cab, so...I walked. I forgot the k..ey." Callie rubs her hands along the blonds arms trying to warm her up, it feels so good to be near to her again after not being near her for weeks, not like this anyway, not without arguing.

"Come on, let's get inside and warm you up." If Arizona had still been drunk she would have made an inappropriate joke at that but the cold and the rain has quickly sobered her up, not enough for her to leave before talking to Callie. It's killing her not being near her and not getting this sorted, Callie had apologised so it was her turn. Her turn to be the grown up and talk to her. It's not until they are sat on the couch with a hot drink and she's changed into some of Callie's pyjama's that she starts to lose her courage. She's not sure she can do this. "How've you been?" Callie's just as nervous and stuck, they both want to talk but neither know how to start. They're at a stalemate, neither knowing the next players move.

"Tired. Upset. Confused." Arizona figures honesty is the only way to have this discussion, otherwise they'll be back to square one and bogged down with lies. "I've been so tired Callie."

"I'm sorry. If I could take it back I would. I've been so stupid. I can't believe I called you a whore." Arizona giggles at the memory, she can't believe it either. Callie looks at the blonde for a sign that her giggle was bitter or sarcastic but all she sees in return is sincerity, she can't believe Arizona can giggle about it.

"No I didn't believe it either. Why did you call me a whore?"

"I'm so sorry, I feel like such an ass, I saw Christina in your bed and I just assumed that, you know." Arizona nods, she can't trust her voice at the moment, she can't shut off the constant stream of hurt filling her up. She's so hurt that Callie thought their relationship meant that little to her. It gets her so frustrated.

"Didn't you know?! Didn't you understand Callie?! I loved you damn it."

"I know ok, I knew that but I freaked and then with Austin I just...I thought that we were going to turn out into a disaster just like with George, with Erica." Callie feels like she's spiralling out of control, 'loved' , past tense. Arizona had used past tense not 'love'.

"I'm not George, and I sure as hell am not Erica. I'm me, I'm Arizona and you should have trusted that. You should have trusted me. You hurt me so much Callie." The blond can't sit still at the moment, too many pent up feelings are warring their way to the surface she needs to pace the front room. "I...God Callie...I thought we were going somewhere and you freaked I get that but you should have talked to me. Why? Why didn't you talk to me?" The tears are running down both their faces now, they both know what this conversation means. They both know this could be it for them, or this could be the moment when it all falls back into place. This is their moment, their break or make moment.

"I was scared. I'm so sorry, I'm sorry. I screwed it all up, I broke us. This is all my fault, if only I wasn't scared of something so silly. My dad told me you loved me, and I freaked I didn't feel like I was ready. But baby, I'm ready. I love you so much Arizona. I love you." Callie's making her way over to Arizona but the blond is shaking her head. Arizona is once again at a loss, she wasn't prepared and she's so confused. She had been prepared for it being over, for walking away and she had no idea if they can come back from this. The silence between them is cutting into Callie's heart. She knows what silence means. She knows what it means for them. It means that they broke, they didn't make it and it was all her fault. She looks at the usually so calm, perky and confident woman before her and realises with a gasp that she broke her. She looks so broken, her mascara has run and her cheeks are littered with tears, her usually bright shining eyes are dull and red. She looks so devastated, Callie knows that this is it. "We..." She has to take a deep breath before she can continue. "We can't come back from this can we? There's no going back?" She's crying harder now, when she sees the quick shake of the head from Arizona she's sobbing and her knees give out. Arizona hasn't made eye contact with Callie since her declaration of love. Callie is sobbing into her arms and Arizona is still so confused but Callie is right in her assumption; there's no coming back from this.

Arizona is still so tired and her tears stopped a few minutes ago, she has no tears left in her. She's spent. She makes herself look at the woman crying in front of her. Her heart breaks a little for her. She quickly moves and lifts Callie's head from her folded arms and caresses both her wet cheeks.

"But maybe, maybe we don't have to find a way back. Maybe we can find a way forward."