"Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lull, but pass it does. Even for me."

For most people every day has a beginning, middle and an end. Darkness for most people symbolizes the ending of a day, time to rest, to sleep to be at peace from the world. It is a time to forget all you worry and dream happy dreams. A time to be free.

However for my kind, the vampire kind, that sadly never happens. Never sleeping, never being free from our worries, and having an unlimited amount of time to think about EVERYTHING!

For us time is never ending. The day we were changed was the beginning of our very last day.

I have come across many people who seem to think that this is the perfect life to have. They seem to think that having endless amount of time, never ending days, being unbreakable and beautiful and having the perfect mate is everything. Don't get me wrong while these things are good it is by no means the PERFECT life
everyone seems to think it is.

Truthfully I love my life; I make the most of what I have because I guess I am one of the lucky ones. I have had the most amazing years and I have gotten to spend these with my wonderful Peter, I have fantastic friends, well more like family and I have had the opportunities to visit some fantastic cities. It is times like these I am grateful I do not sleep, as night time is a whole different world. Sadly these are the times that fly by us; before you know it they are gone, the times you want to be never ending. Like for me I could happily lay in the arms of Peter forever never moving but it always has to end as sooner or later one of us has to hunt.

Hunt *laughs* exactly one of the times I hate one of the times I wish would pass quicker yet it doesn't. Every time I hunt I loath what I have become. But I do it to survive.
Oh and lucky me having lots of time to dwell on that. I just wish all these
people who think we have such a good life could experience these small parts.
The endless amount of time to loath yourself, for taking the life of a person,
someone's mother, brother, a parent's child.

For so long I hated the fact that Maria took my life she took me away from my parents, caused them endless amounts of grief and not a day goes by where I don't think about them.
I have so many happy memories of them. I try to keep them clear in my mind but
it is a little faded but I hold onto them, never letting them go completely. So
it pains me to think that at some stage I have taken away someone's child, and
caused them the same grief that Maria caused my family.

So many times, I have dreamed about being able to sleep once more to have that peace to be free from everything, to dream a dreamless sleep, to wake up and have a new day but alas it will never happen.

I have come to realize that life is what you make it. Hold on dearly to the times you love most and make the most of them while you have them. So many images I have etched in my mind from over my many years, some I would rather forget but also some I cherish deeply.

Life flies by even for me but I will make the most of each and every moment, Savor the good and attempt to forget the bad.