A/N: This is version two of this chapter. I enjoyed what I had of the first version, but it just wasn't working for me, so I decided to rethink this portion of the story. I, of course have the whole story memorized and know exactly where I am going, even if at times the path is unclear even to me. So, after some thinking and brush up reading on FFVII-Wiki this second version was created. Much thanks goes to Aerith who kindly reminded me of my goal. ^_^ Which is not just the Clephy smut.

Thanks goes to KitaraStrife who has kindly offered to beta the rest of this story.

CHOICE

"The planet will not survive his future again." –Aerith-

Chapter 016: Rethinking

She hovered in blackness slowly pulling the strands of glowing energy around her and casting a ghost of her physical form. The energy flowing about her feet circled about her before flowing off elsewhere. She clasped her hands together before her chest in troubled contemplation.

"You seem troubled my friend."

She gasped and turned, light strands of energy being left in her wake as she faced the figure that formed in front of her. She tilted her head slightly, looking up at the other through sad eyes.

"Dr. Valentine," she breathed, turning her gaze away. How could he call her 'friend' when she had caused his untimely death? She heard him sigh, though breathing in and of itself was not required for them, because all they were, were emotions and thoughts and memories of their former selves.

"Grimoire," he stated simply. "Why are you troubled?"

She turned her back to him and gazed off through the nothingness which was actually a vast sea of great oneness.

"What if Aerith made a mistake? What if Seph…what if my son chooses to follow the same exact path he chose all those years ago?"

"Aerith believes in him. Shouldn't you as well?"

Pearl like tears wafted from Lucrecia's eyes, hovering about her face before vanishing.

"I don't know if I can," she cried softly. "His heart has been so hardened by my mistakes."

"You cannot blame yourself for what happened, Lucrecia; it was beyond your control."

"If only I had been there, if only I had been there to protect him." Her physical form flickered and she shook her head. "I can't take this anymore!" she cried, vanishing from the area and allowing the flow of the lifestream to take her elsewhere. Grimoire sighed and bowed his head.

"I hope you were correct in trusting him, Aerith," he breathed as he two allowed the lifestream to carry him away.

*

Light fluttered in through the open window casting the room in a warm, early morning glow. The only sounds in the room that could be heard were the soft ticking of the black-rimmed, white-faced clock above the doorway and the slow inhaling and exhaling of breath of the sleeping individual under the covers. Early morning traffic sounds drifted up through the open window upon the subtle breeze that caused the curtains to flutter lazily.

Sephiroth shifted beneath the covers, scrunching his nose before cracking a single jade eye open, letting a low groan escape him. He rolled onto his back, cracking open his eyes and gazing up towards the ceiling. His vision was blurry and remained so for several moments till everything began to ease back into detail. He sighed as he gazed lazily up towards the ceiling, knowing that he ought to get up and take a shower while he still had the time. He was scheduled to meet Lieutenant Zackary Fair and Second Class SOLDIER Kunsel at the loading dock; where the three of them would be boarding a shuttle, which would take them to a small Shinra airbase several miles outside of the small sleepy town known as Nibelheim, where their mission was to investigate the uprising in monsters coming from the towns deserted Mako Reactor.

Sephiroth felt himself grow slightly detached at the thought of traveling to Nibelheim. Something in his gut told him traveling to Nibelheim would change the course of the next several weeks considerably for him, though he was not quite sure why. 'Perhaps I'm lingering too much on that little mountain town,' he thought as he sat up and pushed the covers aside. Nibelheim had been his focus for the past several months and it was beginning to get to him.

For one thing, he was plagued by dreams of the mountain town every night, and the fact that Zack was continually reminding him that is where a certain little runaway blond just happened to live was not helping either. Sephiroth sighed at the thought of Cloud. 'How are you keeping up my little Cadet?' he wondered dismally.

It had been almost three months since Cloud had left Midgar, and two and a half months since he learned that the blond had returned to his hometown. Cloud had been kind enough to send Zack a letter explaining that he would not be returning to Midgar, and that he planned on staying in Nibelheim to look after his mother and take on the responsibilities of being the head of the Strife household, and that he wished things had turned out different. Zack had responded to the letter, but Sephiroth had not bothered to ask what his Lt. had written. He did not want to know. He did not think he could stomach it.

Soon after Cloud left Midgar, Sephiroth and Zack had come to an agreement that they could not uphold a romantic relationship and agreed to go back to being friends, which had worked out fine Sephiroth assumed. Sephiroth deemed the situation for the best, seeing as neither had much time for the other. Sephiroth had been sent away to Kalm for eight weeks leaving his (Lieutenant) in charge of missions in Midgar, of course that was until Genesis began causing havoc, which lead to Zack and Sephiroth's paths crossing for a brief moment.

'Perhaps this is all for the better,' Sephiroth mused as he stood and stretched, several muscles in his lower back and shoulders popping. He sighed and gazed over towards the window, crossing to it and leaning his hands upon the windowsill, gazing out over the waking city of Midgar. 'Perhaps this is how it was meant to be.'

"Perhaps you were meant to be alone?"

Sephiroth shook his head slightly, turning away from the window and walking to his closet, where he grabbed a towel and his clothes for the day. He had time for a shower and a quick visit to the labs.

He had been visiting the labs often while he was in Midgar and able. As much as he loathed the labs and the bastard who was professor Hojo, he had begun fearing for his sanity. After Cloud had left Sephiroth had been plagued by strange thoughts that did not belong to him and voices that seemed to speak of their own accord. He of course did not wish for anyone else to know of the situation, and thus had requested that the professor keep it strictly between them. Hojo had complied, but only after running a dozen fun and uncomfortable tests. The professor had given Sephiroth some kind of injection—he no longer paid attention to what was injected into him—which had affectively kept the voices from plaguing him, though his horrifying dreams had escalated greatly. Sephiroth had asked the professor about that, and the only answer he had received was, "Whether or not you are being plagued by these voices, your mind will find a way to express the fact that you are too stressed!"

Sephiroth turned on the showerhead and allowed the water to heat up while he stripped himself of his sleepwear, before stepping into the shower and letting the warm water hit his slightly chilled skin. He sighed and closed his eyes letting the water cascade down the top of his head, soaking the long silver strands of hair, causing them to cling to the sides of his face, neck and back. He opened his eyes and blew a few stray drops of water away from his mouth as he grabbed the coconut shampoo from the shampoo rack and poured a little into the palm of his hand.

'I wonder what these dreams of mine mean. Dreams, after all, are thoughts, memories and events that our minds are processing in our sleep. But I have only ever been to Nibelheim once...and I do not recall it being in flames.' He sighed at his own silly thoughts. He really was looking far to deeply into this. He could easily answer those questions. He dreamt of the little town because that is where Cloud lived. He dreamt of the town burning because he was a destructive creature by nature, as was anyone who was raised to be a living weapon. 'But what about the voice?' he wondered as he began rinsing the shampoo from his hair. Perhaps his mind had conjured up the voice as a way to justify his own thoughts. And it made sense that the voice would be that of a mother figure, someone who was supposed to always be there to tell you that you were doing the right thing, someone he had never had. Sephiroth sighed. He was being far too melodramatic.

*

Cloud dragged his feet as he ascended the staircase, passed the bathroom and entered his bedroom, head hung, shoulders slumped. He was exhausted. He had spent the whole day at the chocobo ranch several miles outside of the town, and everyone knew how much work it took to take care of chocobos. He glanced around his room, a sad sigh escaping him. His room had changed little since he had been gone, the bed and dresser and bedside table all remained where they had been. The only major difference was the walls and ceiling were no longer decorated with newspaper clippings or posters. He had removed them all when he had arrived home, and now he was beginning to wish he had not. He sighed, closed his bedroom door, crossed to his bed and flopped down on to his stomach, hugging his pillow. He closed his eyes. "Cloud, honey, I'm going over to the Lockheart's for dinner, are you sure you don't want to come? Tifa will be there."

Cloud opened his eyes.

"No thanks, mom, I'm just going to go to sleep, you go and have fun," he called back through his closed door. A long pause extended between himself, the door and his mother.

"Well, if you insist."

He heard his mother descend the stairs and leave the house. He sighed and closed his eyes again. Cloud felt his cheeks burn red as the image of Sephiroth leaning over him, his hair spilling over his smaller frame as he bent low near his ear blossomed in his mind's eye. "Do you want help with that Cloud?" Cloud could almost feel the general's hand along his lower back. Cloud opened his eyes. He groaned and rolled onto his back, hiding his eyes in the crook of his left arm. No matter how hard he tried, he could not keep the images of the general out of his mind, and it was made worse when he had woken up with a tablespoon's worth of semen staining the inside of his pajama bottoms. Cloud sat up and looked over towards his desk, where the stack of letters Zack had sent him all sat. He swung his legs off of his bed, stood and walked to the desk, shifting through the open envelopes till his gaze fell upon one envelope that was not opened.

The envelope had turned a dim yellow from how often he had picked it up and tried to open it, but failed and just set it back down. The handwriting was narrow, slanted to the right slightly and was obviously the generals. He had received the letter the day after he had received Zack's first letter, but he had not opened it. In fact, he had come very close to merely throwing it into the fire out of spite. But that had failed him as well.

Cloud once again took up the letter in his hands and gently ran the pad of his index finger along the narrow writing that read: Cloud Strife. Sephiroth's handwriting was so beautiful, as if he spent hours upon hours just perfecting each letter as best as was humanly possible. Cloud flipped the envelope over and fingered the back, easing the rounded tip of his fingernail beneath the paper and between the glue that held it sealed. He eased his fingernail along the edge till the flap popped open. He paused and eyed it. He could just see the edge of fine and rather expensive stationary hidden within the envelope. Cloud hesitated. He had a pretty good idea what information lay within the envelope, for in many of Zack's letters his old friend had tried to explain the situation, but Cloud would not listen. He did not want to listen. He pushed the flap open all the way, took the stationary between two fingers and slowly slid it out of the envelope. He set the yellow envelope back upon the desk, turned back towards his bed and took a seat, unfolding the stationary and began to read.

Dear Cloud,

Zackary has informed me of your decision to remain in Nibelheim to care for your mother and I hope that life deals you a kind hand. I will not ask you to come back, nor will I attempt to contact you after this letter if you do not so wish it of me. I just think you should know what took place that day with Scarlet.

The period had bled a little. Cloud wondered how long Sephiroth paused after that, causing so much ink to bleed through the page.

Scarlet had claimed she needed to speak with me, and seeing as she is of higher authority I willingly stayed to listen, of course she didn't really wish to speak with me at all. She was the one to advance upon me, Cloud, and unfortunately because of my inability to act, you were hurt. I will not ask you to forgive me because I obviously hurt you deeply and such things do not deserve forgiveness. I just pray you do not take this out on Zackary, who has become a complete wreck due to you calling him a bastard. Please write him, Cloud, assure him that your choice to stay in Nibelheim is not because of him, but because of me.

Sephiroth.

Cloud reread the letter several more times before letting his hands drop between his knees, letter dangling between his thumb and index finger. He bowed his head and groaned. 'Why am I such a fool?'

*

Sephiroth exited Shinra's main building via the side door and entered the loading dock where people were running back and forth attending to their jobs, every so often pausing and saluting when they noticed him before scampering off again. Sephiroth nodded at them as he passed, adjusting the clasp on his sword sheath. He approached the truck that would take them to the airspace where they would be boarding a shuttle which would send them on their way. Zack and his second class friend saluted before Zack approached smiling. "Good morning, Seph," he said cheerfully, bouncing from foot to foot and cracking his knuckles. Sephiroth eyed him for a moment. Zack always tended to get hyperactive before a mission, being the kind of man who enjoyed the action of a SOLDIER's life, but Sephiroth had a feeling it was not the mission that was getting his Lieutenant excited.

"Zackary," he greeted before nodding towards the second class SOLDIER who had remained at attention. The other relaxed. Zack jumped.

"Oh yeah, Seph, I want you to meet a personal friend of mine!" Zack chirped, turning and wrapping his arm around the other's shoulders pulling him forward. "Seph, this is Kunsel! You'll be glad he's coming with us, he's an amazing SOLDIER!" Zack turned and smiled at the obviously uncomfortable young man. "Hey, I wonder why they haven't made you a first yet."

Kunsel let a nervous laugh escape him as he ducked out from under Zack's arm, taking a step back.

"Don't be silly, Zack, there's no way I'd make a good first class SOLDIER! I'm just not cut out for it."

Zack rolled his eyes.

"Oh please," he said, jumping into the back of the truck and taking a seat. He smiled at Kunsel and patted the seat right next to him. Sephiroth noted the slight shade of pink covering the second's cheeks as he climbed onto the back of the truck and sat down next to the hyperactive puppy. Sephiroth easily pushed off of the ground and joined them, though choosing to sit opposite the two. He knocked on the window announcing to the driver that they were ready.

The truck's engine roared to life and several seconds later they lurched out of the loading dock and onto the road that would take them to the airbase.

*

Sephiroth sat in his seat, arms crossed across his chest, emotionless eyes gazing out of the shuttle window, watching the world beneath them change shape the farther they traveled. How the tall city skyscrapers morphed into small country side towns. Little towns with little people living their little lives, blissfully unaware of how meaningless it all really was, how their lives were but specks on the scope of life, how they could so easily be snuffed out by natural or unnatural disaster.

"I did not!"

Sephiroth blinked, being pulled from his disturbing thoughts by the yelp that came from the seat in front of him. Zack had convinced Kunsel to remove his Shinra helmet and was apparently teasing him, which caused the second class SOLDIER to blush furiously and glare at the other in defiance. Kunsel had short brown hair that was sticking out in odd angles due to his helmet, cream skin with a few freckles adorning his nose and honey eyes with just a fleck of blue near the pupils. Not at all a bad looking young man. Sephiroth shifted his gaze from Kunsel to Zack who was smiling like an idiot as he poked fun at his companion. Sephiroth tilted his head just slightly, a motion only those who knew him would have noticed. Sephiroth was beginning to get an inkling that his Lieutenant had more than friendship on his mind when it came to the second class SOLDIER. Sephiroth returned his gaze to the window. Perhaps it was better for all involved if Zackary moved on with his life and sought out a lover, someone who he could rely upon, someone he could help train; it was obvious Zack believed Kunsel could make it to first class if he really wanted to. Sephiroth inwardly sighed. Yes, better for all involved. Sephiroth sighed and leaned his head back, his eyes fluttering closed, a twenty-six-hour shuttle flight did not interest him in the least.

Sephiroth found himself standing in blackness, nothingness, the sheer pressure of contemplating the thought of total nothingness was beginning to overcome him as he looked this way and that, his eyes seeing nothing, his senses picking up nothing, he could not even breathe. He was being smothered by the mere nothingness of his surroundings. He could feel his lungs burn slightly as they attempted to fill with the precious oxygen he needed, feel his heartbeat hammering against his ribcage trying to force blood to all of his vital organs. He felt panic begin to encase him and wondered if he was going to die. How had he come to be in this place of nothingness? Where had Zack, Kunsel and the shuttle gone? Where had the world vanished to? He felt his limbs growing weaker, his mind slowly sliding into darkness even though he was still very much awake and the sensation of nothingness seep into his veins. He bowed his head, his body relaxing to an extreme and eyed his black boots, which stood upon a solid yet not solid nothing. His mind had gone blank and he merely stood there. "Hey, Sephiroth? You asleep?"

Sephiroth's eyes opened.

The black nothingness was replaced with the bright flashing of what he could only assume were memories, all of which were of a certain spiky-haired Lieutenant. Sephiroth still could not move,could not breathe.

'Zack,' he thought before the name died in his head and he once again could not think. He was trapped in his own body, unable to do anything upon his own will. He felt something brush against his mind, which triggered the motion of blinking to his physical form. Was he being controlled?

Sephiroth blinked and lifted his head from the back of his seat and eyed the curiously smiling eighteen-year-old. His eyes flickered towards the other young man, narrowing just slightly before flickering back towards the smiling young man. "Earth to Seph, you okay?"

Sephiroth felt another brush to his mind and suddenly heard words pouring from his mouth, words he had not thought or mentally processed or even attempted to say.

"Fine. Just sleeping."

Zack blinked and smiled, though a bit of worry crossed his features.

"Oh, okay. Well, we'll keep it down over here. You get some sleep; we'll wake you when it's time to eat."

"No, no, you two eat, I'll just sleep. Wake me when we arrive at our destination."

Zack blinked.

"Oh, okay, yeah sure." He turned back around in his seat.

Sephiroth felt his head lower back to the seat and his eyes close. He was once again encased in total nothingness. Even though he could not move, could not think and was trapped inside his body, a sense of fear pulsed through his useless body.

"Don't be afraid."

He felt a sensation of touch run along his shoulder. He desperately wanted to turn and see who was touching him, but he could not.

"Don't be afraid, my son." He felt his head being tilted upward and his eyes met that of slitted crimson. "Soon we will be together again."

Sephiroth wanted to ask this person who she, or it, was but he could not, he could not look away from those eyes, those terrifying, glowing eyes.

"Sephiroth!"

The creature, female or whatever, that had held him so entranced vanished into nothingness causing his head to drop again. The nothingness at his feet slowly began to swim with glowing blue and green light, encasing him and sending the sensation of—sensation—back into his body. He could feel his lungs fill with oxygen and his mind slowly catch up with him. He shifted, tilting his head back in a tired almost lazy motion, his eyes turning towards the source of the shifting, moving blue and green light. He frowned at a woman standing next to him holding onto his arm. He frowned. He recognized her, but his still slow mind could not quite remember from where. "Don't listen to that monster, don't let her control you! Fight it, Sephiroth, please fight it."

He frowned. What exactly was he supposed to be fighting? Who was this woman? And where was he? Who was he? Why did he feel so heavy, lost and confused? "Remember, Sephiroth you are human, you have people who love you! Don't ever forget that!"

Sephiroth opened his eyes, and blinked. He shifted looking around from his slouched position, slowly sitting up straighter, the muscles in his shoulders, lower back and arms stiffening with the motion of gentle stretching. The shuttle was dark, only a few dim lights lighting the hall for those who needed to wander to the bathroom. He glanced out the window to find himself looking back at his own reflection, the world beyond far too dark to be seen. He frowned and sat up straighter, looking into the seat ahead head of him. Zack and Kunsel had switched places so Zack was seated near the window, leaning against it sideways, Kunsel having fallen over and was using Zack as a pillow. Both were sound asleep. Sephiroth looked down at the table tray that had been opened in front of him. There sat a bowl of food and a hand scribbled note from Zack. He picked itup and tilted it as to catch the light so he could read it.

Just in case you were hungry when you woke up.

Sephiroth frowned and slumped back into his seat, holding the note in his hand. Asleep? How long had he been sleeping? The last thing he remembered was it being early morning and the two in the seat ahead of him acting like immature children. Sephiroth shifted his gaze and looked at the window, eyeing his own reflection. What was happening to him?

A/N: well this chapter is actually pretty boring, forgive me for that. But it had to happen. The next chapter will be far more…entertaining…^_^ I promise. Oh and well I have a theory of how Jenova controlled Sephiroth because he had given up so much of himself when he thought he was a monster, and she used his emotions and rage to control his actions etc, etc. Well in this chapter as they are getting closer and closer to Nibelheim Jenova decided to try to get her mitts on Sephiroth, who is having trouble remembering his goal due to so much happening between the time he returned to relive his life and the moment he would find her at the Mako reactor…well let's just say Lucrecia isn't too keen on her son destroying the world—again.