Thank you Ms. Fangs as always for making sense of my insanity.
The first ten chapters really included a ton of self introspection. This one has a decent amount but in the last four chapters you will begin to see more character interaction. Plus there will be signs of me. I have to inject humor. After a while - way too much angst gets me down. This is a redemption fic in more ways them one. Spock is not the only one who has wrongs to right. Enjoy the next installment. I always appreciate feedback - positive or negative. Do not hesitate to share your thoughts.
Chapter 11 – The Berlin Wall
Nyota watched as tranquility settled into Leo's face as he slept. They had spent the previous two hours arguing with hushed and muted screams. Neither one of them had allowed their voices to rise above an exasperated whisper for fear that Joanna would hear them. It ended with Leo delivering a soft forehead kiss filled with love and frustration. He told Nyota he loved her before he headed to the shower, returned to the bedroom, and succumbed to a fitful sleep that eventually led him to the calm he now experienced. She couldn't blame him for his anger, which was only rooted in fear. In recent weeks Nyota's renewed friendship with Spock had blossomed. The man had proved a valuable resource at the museum. He supplied pointers for her upcoming stint with the State Department. More than once, Leo had returned from a late shift at the hospital to find Spock in their home, comfortable and cozy with the woman he loved as well as his child.
Rarely did the couple spend time together without the presence of Spock looming in the air. If he was not actually in attendance, then the man was the topic of discussion. Joanna told him stories about their time together after school, how he told the funniest jokes, and made the craziest faces.
When Leo and Nyota made love he wondered if it was him or a memory of her ex lover that caused her to climax. He felt like he was losing grasp on his sanity. At one point his relationship with her had been damn near perfect. Yes they argued. She was so organized, almost to the point of OCD. He still polished off the milk and put the empty container back in the refrigerator. Normal couple stuff - but now they had tension that had been building up for weeks, threatening to unleash a torrential downpour on their parade.
Nyota thought about everything he shared and the words expelled in the air unable to be retrieved.
"Keep your voice down Leonard." Nyota rushed to their bedroom door, closing it to prevent the sounds from their disagreement spilling into the hallway.
"You're not my mother. Are you even still committed to this relationship?" He was angry but his voice held an edge of pain. Like a child who sought reassurance from a parent. His brows were raised while the whites of his eyes took over half of his face.
The words stabbed into her heart like a jagged edged knife. She didn't want him to think that anything had changed between them. "Don't be a dumbass." Nyota turned to walk away from Leonard and the escalating confrontation. His hand gripped her arm. It was forceful. "Let me go." She delivered her words slowly through clenched teeth. Her message was loud and clear.
Leonard released her arm and moved to sit on the edge of the bed. His head rolled forward into his hands as his shoulders slumped. "I'm a stranger in my home Nyota. He comes in here as if he owns the place - like he fucks you to sleep at night."
"Don't be a vulgar asshole Leonard McCoy."
"Stop with your self righteous bullshit Nyota. Do you want him back? Has this just been a meaningless diversion until he worked out his daddy issues? Don't play with me and definitely don't jerk Joanna around like a doll you can throw away when you're done with show and tell."
Nyota slapped him hard. With much more force than she originally intended. He stared at her for what drudged on like hours. Leo's hand rested against the reddened skin of his cheek. The laugh that followed disturbed Nyota. He moved towards the dresser. One drawer jerked out and clothes spilled to the floor. He gathered a few pairs of sweats, a set of scrubs, socks, and boxers. He headed for the closet and his duffle. She watched. Unable to reconcile that love was dying right before her eyes.
The wall collapsed. The imaginary structure that had been erected some time between her first and second years with Spock. Inadvertently she had created an emotional door for Leo to move in and out after their first night together. However she reserved the right to lock more like deadbolt and restrict his access on a given occasion. Now it was necessary – No, imperative that it be destroyed. And as she watched him begin to load his clothes the dam burst and that wall collapsed as if it were 1989 and they were in Berlin. Her tears could not be contained. She sobbed. She wailed. She had to run to him, pleading, the wetness of her eyes staining her shirt and his, as he dropped the bag and wrapped her in his arms.
Without discussion he fell into the role of comforter. When he had every reason to be disgusted with her and their situation he swallowed those feelings and gave her what she needed. In the end what was required for their love to be sustained. That was the difference. It was a simple characteristic that distinguished him from Spock and birthed the love that blossomed in her heart for Leo.
She finally responded to his accusations in a whisper, "That's not fair Leo. I love Joanna." Nyota considered Joanna her daughter but by the look on his face those weren't the words he expected.
Nyota placed her hand in the center of her chest. "This heart only beats for you McCoy." His eyes closed under the weight of her words. "I am sorry. I forgot how it felt to watch the person you love, give their best to someone else. I wanted to be his friend. I felt compelled to support him through this journey. However my responsibility is to you – to us." She stepped closer and reached for his hand, resting it atop the one still settled on her heart. "You are the only man I want."
And like that the greatest obstacle in their relationship was obliterated. They had professed their love for one another in the past. She had reassured him that no he was not a rebound yet she had reserved a tiny amount of doubt in the event of an 'I told you so' moment. The spirit of Spock and the air of betrayal had been banished from what was between Nyota and Leo.
Nyota inched closer to Leo under the covers. His body responded to her in sleep as he lazily draped one arm across her and yanked her closer to his warmth. She didn't sleep that night. Nyota just watched Leo until it was time to wake Joanna and begin a new day.
Leonard's heart pounded in his chest. He stood outside of Spock's door and waited for the man to respond to the bell. After last night it was necessary to have an important discussion with Spock. A look of shock settled on the taller man's face when the door revealed the doctor on the other side.
"May I come in?" Leonard asked as non – threateningly as possible.
Spock stepped to the side and motioned for Leonard to enter. He spoke only after the door was closed. "Doctor McCoy this is a surprise."
The polite pretenses quickly disappeared. "I told you the night that Nero died that I would kill you if the thought of harming Nyota crossed your mind." Leonard's eyes were ablaze with something that vaguely resembled hatred.
"It is not my intention…" Spock was confused by this twist in the doctor's behavior. For the last few weeks he had enjoyed time in the home he shared with Nyota. There was even a semi friendship growing between Spock and youngest McCoy.
"I don't give a damn about your intentions. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. The fact of the matter is, your continued presence is disturbing the sanctity of my relationship with Nyota. It stops now. Whatever little mind tricks your employing."
"Doctor…"
"Did I say you could speak? Nyota is with me. Joanna is my daughter. That apartment is my home. The one I share with them. You are not welcome unless I say you are. Finish your projects with her at the museum and stay away. I mean that. This is my final warning."
"Nyota is capable of speaking for her self. Are you scared doctor? Does it disturb you that she does want me?" Spock's skin prickled with the false sense of power that came from manipulation. It would be so easy to slip back into his villainous ways - to drive a wedge between Nyota and the doctor.
"You know what you self centered asshole? It does bother me." Leonard's voice was riddled with passion and anger. "That's the difference between me and you - I can admit when I'm scared. I can look at that woman and tell her that the possibility of losing her makes me want to crap my pants. I love her. I want to spend the rest of my life, making her smile. However, Nyota is a saint and still cares about you for lack of better judgment. Just stop, can't you see what this is doing? What do you think we're going to have some type of three way relationship? I'm stingy I don't share."
Spock's demeanor changed again, a sudden flare of sadness welling behind his dark eyes.
"I miss her. I feel incomplete." Spock retreated from the doctor's glare and allowed his eyes to fall to the floor.
McCoy felt pity for the man. He knew Spock's story – a hell of a life to have to live and he really wouldn't wish such a thing on any being. Sure, everyone had choices, but sometimes, those choices were made for you – he could identify on some level, even if very, very small. So, with his brain saying one thing, but his cursed sentimental soul saying another, he decided to extend an olive branch.
Leonard inhaled slowly and let the breath out to calm himself before he spoke his next words, uttered with sincerity.
"Spock, completion is not found in another person. We have to reach that point before we bring someone else into the equation. So now you have clarity about why you made many of the decisions you did along this journey called life. You made those choices when Nyota was and was not part of your life. The controlling variable is you – not her." Just like Jim, compassion slipped into the man's voice. An underlying sense of understanding was present.
"Why is the same not true for you?" It was a valid question. Obviously the doctor thought so, he answered without skipping a beat.
"It is Spock. I make the choice day in and day out as to whether or not I will get drunk off my ass. That decision is often influenced by the presence of my child and that beautiful brown eyed woman. Still it's my battle. Neither of them holds the power. You have that authority."
The two men stood in silence - finally broken by Spock.
"I will honor your wishes." He said seemingly defeated. But there was no tension. Just the calm stillness that existed between two individuals who had reached an unspoken understanding and this time, it was McCoy to break it.
"Have you ever been to a football game?" The question was bizarre and Leonard could already imagine the response of his friends but it was worth a try.
"Are you speaking of rugby or soccer McCoy?" Spock's furrowed in confusion.
"I'm talking, good, old –fashioned, knock down, violent, American football." The doctor's eyes twinkled with amusement.
"Well, no I have never experienced a football game." Spock clasped his hands behind his back and rocked back and forth on the tips of his toes.
"Be at the apartment on Saturday around eleven thirty." Leonard was smiling widely now. "On time dumb ass and wear something that looks reasonably normal. Do you even own jeans?"
Without waiting for a reply and ignoring Spock's wide – eyed expression Leonard rushed out the door violently punching numbers into his cell. He yelled eleven thirty over his right shoulder in Spock's direction again. If he would have looked back he would have seen the beginning of a small smile on the man's face.