"Join us, brothers and sisters. Join us in the shadows where we stand, vigilant. Join us as we carry the duty that can not be forsworn. And should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten. And that one day we shall join you." Alistair finished speaking the words that had been used since the very beginning of the Grey Wardens. He looked at the two faces staring back at him solemnly. Vena and Ayndr seemed to grasp the serious of the ritual that was vital to becoming a Grey Warden. Alistair could not believe he was actually taking part in another Joining ritual especially with two kids. 'They aren't any younger then we were, Alistair, when we underwent the Joining and we did saved Ferelden...at least for little while.' His love reminded him and he sighed silently knowing she was completely right. It was just things seemed so differently being the Grey Warden in charge of doing the Joining. He never could understand how Duncan had enough resolve to go through with the ritual so many times when he could barely do one.
Duncan, the former Grey Warden leader, Alistair wished he was here right now. He was his mentor but more importantly he was like a father to Alistair. He died a long time ago at the battle that changed all their lives and left only two Grey Wardens standing, one being Alistair and the other his lady love. Duncan was always strong and stoic but he always left a soft spot for his recruits. He was the one instill the belief in Alistair that Grey Warden's duty was to the world of Thedas first and to own self second after that. Alistair had a hard time keeping that in mind as he picked up the chalice filled with the darkspawn blood that was the key to all of the Grey Wardens' abilities. First time he had chosen to submit himself to the taint he had not know how vital that taint was going to be against the Archdemon. If he known that it was going to be the very key to final victory he might have done things differently. Maybe he would have pleaded to stay a templar or run away after escaping the Chantry's walls. He knew that if it happened that way, he would have never gotten to know Duncan or his love. He wouldn't trade anything to forget the times he had with them. They were a part of him now, even in their deaths. They would want him to do this.
"Vena, step forward." Alistair commanded as he held out the chalice out to her. She stepped towards him and her hands grabbed the chalice. He wanted nothing more then to pull the chalice from her and save her from timer he knew would be on her head the instant the blood touched her lips, but he found himself unable to stop her from taking it more securely her hands. He watched as he lifted to her lips without even slightest hesitation. She drank before returning the chalice to him and he stepped away from her. The pain overcame her as it was clear by her face. Alistair knew the feeling well. It was a burning pain that seemed to scorched its way down the throat before landing in the stomach and just when the person thinks it over it ignites again back up spreading throughout their whole body. Vena's pained cry was proof enough before her eyes turned milky white as a new vision replaced her old. It was a vision of the Archdemon, the first taste of what laid ahead for the new Grey Warden and what might be the very taker of her life even if they were lucky enough to face it.
Ayndr watched as Vena collapsed. His eyes went wide in confusion and fear. Alistair had said that the process of becoming a Grey Warden was not beyond one full of pain and could have been fatal but this was too much. Why did the humans think that this was an acceptable thing to do? Was this just another part of them thinking that they were above the act of dying just like they were above the elves? "Ayndr, step forward." He heard Alistair say his name as he turned towards him extending the chalice. "No, I am not doing it." Ayndr stated taking a step back and brought his hand to his sword hilt. "There is no turning back." Alistair repeating the words his mentor had said so long ago. He knew what he would have to do if he couldn't get the elf to join. His mind flashed back to the man with a wife and child that died at the last Joining. Duncan had killed him as it was his duty to keep the Grey Warden's ritual a secret. Alistair knew it was his responsibility as well. He just could bring himself to do it. There just had to be a way to convince Ayndr to join. There just had to.
"Ayndr, do you remember what I asked the first time I met you?" Alistair asked. "Yes, it had to do with the vallaslin." He answered him, wondering why the human chose to bring this up now. "Yes, the vallaslin, the elven blood writing ritual that gives the Dalish their tattoos as symbol of their heritage. I asked you why you didn't have a tattoo etched onto your face like the others." Alistair continued and he watched as Ayndr relaxed enough to move his hand from the hilt. "I was thought not be ready to be an adult." Ayndr responded looking down sadly. "Yes, despite the fact that I noticed you were older then most of the children who had received them already. Don't you see Ayndr? This is your time to prove yourself to be an adult and take your fate in your own hands. You did tell me then that you wanted to find a way to payback the elves for what you help do to them? If you're not going to do this for you, at least do this for them. Ferelden needs you, Ayndr." Alistair responded holding out the chalice to him again.
Ayndr looked at him seeing look of general compassion and caring from him. It was not a look he ever seen from a human towards him. He was used to glances full of hate and scorn from the humans who still thought of him as a second-class citizen. Alistair had never seemed to look down at him because he was an elf, but rather as equal who could be just as valuable as anyone, human or otherwise. Ayndr could do this as the other Grey Wardens did before him. He took the chalice from Alistair and drank. Alistair watched as Ayndr showed the same signs of undergoing the Joining as Vena did before collapsing as well. Speaking of which, Alistair turned back to Vena who begun to stir from her ordeal much to Alistair's relief. He offered her a hand up although a lot more tentatively this time expecting her to reject his offer of help, but she did take him up on the offer without a word as he helped her to stand.
"Maker's breath, I feel like I just ate a fireball, no wonder no one writes what happened during the Joining down." Vena said getting used to being back on her feet. "Well, welcome to being a Grey Warden, Vena, where darkspawn, the Archdemon, and a burning tongue is only a step away." Alistair said with a chuckle despite the situation. He was just so glad to see one of his recruits survive, now he just needed to pray the other one would do the same. "So, what about him? Will Ayndr survive?" Vena asked looking at the other elf who laid motionless still. Alistair could see the worry written all over her face. "Yes, he will. He's strong like you...Wait! I don't think I ever heard you call him by his name before. What changed?" He questioned her curiously, suppressing a grin. "I know what you're thinking and I advise you get the thought that I like him or anything of the sort out of your head right now. Or Maker help me, Ayndr and I are going to need a new Grey Warden leader when I kill you." She answered as her temper flared again causing Alistair to back down without a word.
She looked back at Ayndr. She really didn't like him. He was annoying with that strong and silent type of his. He blended into the background choosing to be seen but not heard. They were polar opposites. She could not like someone like that, could she? Then why was she so concerned as she waited anxiously for any movement to show that he was still alive and so relieved when he opened his eyes regaining consciousness. She shrugged it off. It was okay for one comrade to be worried about another and that was all that is was, she assured herself as Alistair helped him up. "Well it's now official. You are both Grey Wardens now. So, how do you feel? I'll explain all about the Archdemon who you saw in your dreams later." He asked looking between the elves. "I'm fine other then suddenly I'm starving!" Vena stated clutching her stomach. "Yes, I am too." Ayndr said in agreement. "We'll eat as soon as we get back...I can't believe they agreed on something. No wonder the Blight is upon us." Alistair commented with the last part more as a joke to himself as he lead them back to camp where they had left Eirdre to guard being the "sharp hound," that his love had said his name meant when she gave it to him.
Eirdre paced nervously as he waited for them to return. He hoped they all would return because he didn't know if Alistair could take anymore deaths and him too for that matter. They had lost much at the hands of saving Ferelden and not just his master as all their friends were scattered throughout the land. His master had been the glue that held them all together and with her gone they all went their separate ways. Strangely here, near Ostagar, he could feel her presence as if she was still with him while he waited for the others to return. It made him feel less alone with the thought of her still being near him. Suddenly he could see Alistair and others coming in the distance. He counted and noticed they all still there. The elves had both survived the Joining. Eirdre would not have worry now that Alistair was taking on too much. He ran and greeted them happily. He knew his master would be proud of Alistair as well.
Alistair was happy to see him too. Soon everything were sitting around the camp fire and eating the stew that he had left cooking while they went through the Joining. Alistair never really fancied himself a good cook, but he could at least boil all ingredients together until everything was an unified grey color. That's how he knew it was done, but luckily Vena and Ayndr really didn't mind as they too concentrated on filling their bellies to care what with. Alistair explained all about the Grey Wardens to them over supper, the side-effects like the increase appetite, the dreams of the Archdemon, and the darkspawn being able to sense them. He included all the abilities accepting the taint had given them too, including their ability to sense the darkspawn, be immune to their taint, and be only ones to stop the Archdemon. However, he was extremely vague on what was would be immediate aftermath of striking the final blow. Even though he knew it was a possibility that the elves could be the ones to strike the final blow especially with them being Grey Wardens now. He had never intended for anyone other then him to be one to sacrifice himself in exchanged for the Archdemon's life. That's the way he wanted to do it once to save his love but now he was doing because he hoped it would allow him to be his love, forever and always.
"Alistair." Someone said his name pulling him from his thought. "Huh?" He said confused as he looked around Vena and Ayndr were too busy eating to say anything. So where had the voice come from? He looked around scanning the tree line around them thinking maybe it had come from someone in the Kocari Wilds, when his eyes fell on it. It was his love, standing not two feet from him. He had forgotten how eerily quiet she could be when she walked, just like Leliana. He usually did not realize she was walking toward him until he turned to see she was right next to him like at that moment. How could she be there like nothing happened? He blinked expecting her to be some figment of his imagination, but she was still standing there time and time again. In fact, she was giving him a rather irritated look like the one that usually came when he took too long to say his feelings and began to babble. Alistair couldn't resist the urge to smile at the memories. He saw her smile too before she signaled him to follow her. Before he even got a chance to respond, she took off into the Wilds where she came.
Alistair rose instinctively to his feet and began to follow her. Only he didn't get too far as Vena stopped him when she asked, "Alistair, where are you going?" He turned back towards her, Ayndr, and Eirdre in confusion. He had forgotten they were still there for a moment being so caught up in seeing his love. "I-I need to check something." He said quickly not even sticking around to explain before he took off after his love. This left the other three party members exchanging confused and worried looks among themselves. First, he was staring off into the space like he seen an unseen spirit and now he takes off without explaining anything. What was going on in his head?
Alistair did not know and did not really care that they were beginning to question his sanity. He was just focused on finding his love. She was always so quick and nimble that he had a hard time keeping up with her. Luckily, just when she got out of his range, she would stop waiting until he spotted her before beginning to run again. Alistair soon realized she was leading him through the Wilds and back towards Ostagar. He didn't know why and he was not about to question what may have been his last chance to see his love again in person. Ostagar's obstacle coarse of hidden and unhidden objects proved too difficult to manage as he continue to follow her the best he could, but her roguish ways had made her easily slip further and further away from him. "Wait, love, wait!" He tried to yell but his voice was little more then a hoarse whisper. His lung felt as though they were are fire, bringing back memories of the pain felt through his Joining. She didn't hear him as she kept going. His foot caught on half-buried cage and set him tumbling down. It knocked the rest of the wind out of him. "Please wait!" He repeated to himself as he got enough presence to get to his hands and knees. He looked only to see nothing ahead of him but the fog. He had lost her now. She was gone again. His mind flashed back to moment in Ostagar they had, ten years and a month ago.
"Please wait! I think...I think I want to stay here for a little while more if no one objects?" Alistair spoke up suddenly causing the rest of the party: Wynne, Eirdre, and his love, to turn and face him. He been so quiet since the funeral they had for King Cailin. They all had gathered something was troubling him. His love nodded to Wynne and Eirdre telling them in her own silent way to go on ahead of them which they did before she turned back toward Alistair. "Now, what has been bothering you, love?" She asked with concern. Alistair took her hand leading her back towards the bridge where they both sat down. His love knowing him well enough to just sit quietly, giving him all the time he needed to gather up his thoughts and speak what he had been feeling for a long time.
"Do realize how many people this Blight, this place has taken away from me? It all started with Duncan, my Grey Warden friends, and His Majesty-No, not His Majesty, my brother. They just join the list of those already dead in my life with my real mother and father. I seem to eventually lose everyone that comes into my life. Do you know what that is like? I have no one left to turn to any more." Alistair stated as he slumped his shoulders under the weight of all the repressed sadness. "It is not like you only one who have ever lost someone, Alistair." His fellow warden fired back looking away mournfully. He sighed seeing her reaction. She was his love, his world, how could he not take her feelings in consideration as he spoke? "I'm sorry, my love. I did not mean it like that. I know you've lost a lot too." He said softly as he ran his hand down the side of her face before pushing her hair out of her face back behind her pointed ear.
"I know, my love, I know." She said looking up at him with a sideways glance, "I haven't lost as much as you but I can imagine what you're going through. You know my...my mother was taken away too. It was long before I really knew her, killed by some human guards. You know ever since then I'm not very good with dealing with death. You, on the other hand, are doing much then I would do if I was in your place. I guess that's because you're stronger then I." "That's because I have you and you make me stronger, love." He answered with a smile, making her smile as well. Suddenly the smile slid from his face as haunting question entered his mind. "You won't ever leave me like the others, right? Not if there anything you can do about it?" He asked worriedly. "Of course not!" She insisted with complete self-assurance. "That's not enough. I need to hear you say the words...Please, just humor me." He added noting the confusion written on her face. She turned towards him, placing her hand on his cheek as she locked her eyes with his. She repeated the words he wanted to say, "I will not leave you, Alistair, not now, not ever, and not if there anything I can do to stop it." Alistair could see the fire of determination in her eyes as she said those words. She meant it, every single word. As he leaned forward his lips connecting hers in a long gentle kiss, he believed her and he knew she be his forever, no matter how crazy it seemed.
That memory was one of the most painful for Alistair. She had made him a promise and he had believed she would keep it. Now he was alone again in Ostagar and there was no one there to comfort him. "You promised me, love. You promised me." He repeated to himself as unable to control the tears he felt welling his eyes as he stood in snow still on his hands and knees. He felt the tears run down his cheeks and watched as they fell on to the freshly snow below him. All he could hear was eerie hush that fell over Ostagar and his own sobbing. Just then he was sure that he could feel his love return to him even though he couldn't hear her approach. She stopped right in front of him and from Alistair low vantage point he could only see her boots to let him know he was not going completely crazy.
"Alistair, I didn't leave you." She stated in the matter-of-fact voice that he always found so difficult to argue with. "Yes, you did. You're not real. You are dead. You're dead." Alistair managed to choke out in between his sobs, hurting even more admitting those words out loud. With the long pause between her saying anything, he knew her well enough still to know she was pouting at his response. She always did whenever he said something she disproved of. "Alistair, look at me." She commanded to which Alistair shook his head. He couldn't bear to see her face not now and not this way. If there was anything his love was she was hard-headed. Once she got an idea in her head there was little anyone could do to change it. "I said look at me, Alistair." She demanded, gently nudging his chin up with her fingers as she knelt down to his level making him sit back. "I haven't left you. I'm still here with you, just like I promised, my love." She answered in a softer tone, wiping away his falling tears. He closed his eyes for a second relishing in the feeling of her touch again against his skin. He had begun to forget how gentle she could be when she was alone with him.
"How?" Alistair asked the only question that came to him mind as he opened his eyes looking back into the eyes of the one he missed greatly. "Let's just say, it has to do with the promise. It is the reason I wanted to talk to you away from the other Wardens. They are starting to think you're going crazy, you that know, love?" She asked with smile ready to pull her hand away when he placed his hand over hers. He wasn't ready to let her go just yet. "They do? But I'm not going crazy, am I? I can feel you with me all the time especially like right now. How can they not see you like I can or hear you?" He said and he watched as she sighed heavily. She pulled her hand free from his hold before turning away as she spoke, "It has to do deal I made to keep you alive and still stay with you. They were certain...conditions. One of them being that you would be the only one who could ever see or hear me. We are more connected now then you realized." Alistair was confused, and growing more and more by the second.
"What are you talking about, my love? What deal and with who?" He questioned her trying to get a straight answer, but she refused to even catch his eye. Ever since he had known her, she was always straight to the point and held nothing back. If she was holding something back now, it could not have been good. He turned her face towards him and amidst of overwhelming sadness that filled her eyes, he could see an emotion she showed rarely, fear. She actually feared him and what she was about to tell him. "What did you do?" He asked and a moment later, he wished he chosen his words better seeing the fear in her intensify. "Alistair, you have to believe me, if I thought it would turn out this way, I never would have done it. If I had known it would return-" Her voice broke as she was now on the verge of tears. Alistair wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her towards him. He didn't care about the cold from the snow that was beginning to seep its way into his armor or fact that this whole scenario would have seem crazy if it was happening to anyone else but him. All he cared about was the woman he loved was in front of him crying and she needed him. It was all that matter to him at this moment.
Alistair was expecting her to fight him after all that fear she held towards him but she didn't. She let him pull her onto his lap. He felt her shift her weight so she could leaned her head against his chest. "I'm sorry, my love, I am just so sorry and not just to you but all of Ferelden. This is all my fault." She said in between her tears. Alistair hated seeing her like this. "Eili...Eilianis." He said her name nudging up her chin when she refused to look at him again. It had been so long since he had actually used her name, it felt odd. He always referred to her as his love or his fellow warden. It somehow made him feel closer to her when he didn't use her name as if she was in town somewhere or out fighting darkspawn and would return to him soon. He had no idea that she was still with him in a closer way than he realized and with a secret she was deathly afraid of telling him.
"Eilianis, tell me what deal did you make and with who?" He asked again, cupping her chin in his hand so she couldn't look away. Although he hated forcing her to tell him, he needed answers from her and he needed them now. He had an awful feeling building in his stomach like when the darkspawn were approaching him. It all do with he had the slightest inkling that he knew exactly who she had made a deal with and a second later he watched her lips speak the words he was dreading, "The Archdemon, I made a deal with the Archdemon." The whole world around him seem to drawn in their breath with him. He couldn't believe it. Eilianis, his love, had made a deal with that vile thing that once threaten to take away everyone they love, the very thing that they had fought so hard to get to with all their friends. So many emotions ran through his head at once: sadness, pity, anger, and even felt some disgust towards her. How could she do that to him and Ferelden? "She did it for you, Alistair. She made you a promise." His thoughts reminded and the world around him seemed to come back to life.
Alistair looked back at Eilianis. Her sobs had turned into a violent shuttering that shook her body with every other tear in his silence. She had done this for him. She was scared and frighten about losing him to the Archdemon. She would have if she had not made the deal to save him from dying. How could he be angry at her for that? No matter what she did, she was still his love and always would be. He held her as close to him as possible, not wanting to let go even after he was sure she was all right. He didn't know how long they sat there. He was just happy to be there holding on to his love when suddenly she pulled away from him, looking startled.
"What is it, Eilianis? What's wrong?" He asked as tried unsuccessfully keep her with him. "Nothing, Alistair, it's just time for me to go..." She stated breaking free and getting to her feet before adding, "Now, that you know the whole truth you what you have to do now right?" "Hope to find another Grey Warden recruit to be the leader of this monumental task?" He joked with a wide grin and she did her best trying to hide a smile as well, but he had caught the sides of mouth curve upwards. "Be serious, Alistair. You know you have to build an army and gather all of our friends back together to face the Archdemon. I suggest you start with Oghren, you at least know where he is." She dolled out the facts just like Alistair remembered her doing time and time again on their journey before they killed the Archdemon the first time. He missed those days standing around her with the odd cast of characters that they just happen to call their friends and companions. Would they even join him again? He was sure that Eilianis was the only thing holding them all together. She did it with only a determined gleam in her eye and innate ability to make a difficult choice when it came down to it. He never had that in him.
"You'll be fine, love. I have complete confidence in you." Alistair heard his love say as if reading his thoughts. She smiled at him in her old way that still had the power made his heart beat race every time he saw it. He missed that the most about her. She had a knack for knowing just the thing to say or do that would make him feel better. He would have loved it more then anything to stay in that moment forever. It ended as he watched her turned away from him ready to walk off. "Wait, Eilianis!" He called after her making her stop. "Yeesss?"She responded turning back towards him. Alistair had to laugh as she extended the word like he use to do. "Amin mela lle, Eilianis." He said in Elvish with a smile. "I love you too, my dear Alistair." She answered back smiling too. He saw her turn and begin to walk away. Before he could do anything else, everything around him faded to black.