Ok. Seriously here - 100 hits and one, lonely review? Please! I'm begging you here! REVIEWS = LOVE!

The following night, Ian reviewed his plan. Only a few more steps until his scheme was complete - but he needed to work quickly. Skipper was making plans to leave the HQ for a short time to get the official dismissal and promotion forms filled at top headquarters. Ian realized that only one element was missing - the one he's been waiting for, planning for:

Getting Kowalski to 'confess'.

Skipper noticed this too. In sheer desperation, he clung to the fact that Kowalski himself had never actually mentioned Marlene - consciously, at least.

Meanwhile, Rico and Private were beside themselves. Kowalski hardly talked to them anymore, mainly because there was nothing to talk about since Kowalski wasn't allowed to know about the missions anymore. And Skipper hardly talked at ALL. All Rico and Private knew was that one night, Kowalski'd found a strange necklace and the next day, Skipper came back from aerial recon in a shambles.

It actually scared them a little - Private especially. He tried to befriend Rodney, but Rodney was… well, to put it bluntly, an idiot. If Private slipped and used one of his cute British terms like "the telly" or "old chum" Rodney simply wouldn't know what he was talking about. It wasn't entirely his fault, though - he'd spoken Italian for most of his life and had only started to perfect his English. As for Rico, well, he spent a lot of time with his doll and organizing the weapons. He also spent quite a bit of time preparing himself for the oncoming promotion. In truth, though, he really didn't want to be a lieutenant or second-in-command - that had always been Kowalski's job. Still, what could Rico do? In their world, the captain's word was law.

At the same time, Amy was at war with herself. Things around her new home were getting really serious, she wasn't blind. She knew, in her heart, that this was all Ian's doing. Any shred of love - or even hope of love - was gone. When she saw Ian, she no longer saw the dashing, smooth-talking Italian who'd comforted her when she came to Venice's aquarium from Antarctica - she only saw a monster. In a way, she was glad of this - it meant she'd finally come to her senses.

But, still, Amy couldn't tell what she knew. She very well knew how angry the others would be, and there was nowhere for her and Rodney to go - not to mention what Ian would do to her if she blabbed.

Anyway, that night, Skipper asked Private where Kowalski was.

"I dunno, Skippah." Private said brightly, ecstatic that Skipper was talking to him again. "I think he went for a walk. Why?"

"Wanted to ask him something. Thanks, Private."

Ian heard this, and boldly walked up to Skipper. He was this far now, he couldn't afford for even the smallest detail in his plan to go wrong.

"What's going on, sir?" he asked politely.

"I'm going to ask him straight-out about Marlene - put this to rest, one way or another." he replied once they were out of the HQ - and out of earshot.

Ian sighed. "Skipper, do you really think that, even if it was the truth, he would confess?"

"What do you mean - of course he would!" Skipper said angrily.

"All I'm saying is that you're not his commanding officer anymore - he's not required to tell you anything, especially not something that's already his secret."

"Well then, what am I supposed to do?!" Skipper yelled, throwing up his flippers.

"Calm down, Skipper, calm down." Ian said soothingly. "Look, here's what we could do - I'll talk to him about it, and you hide somewhere close by and listen in. Does that sound quite all right?"

"Yeah… it does." Skipper agreed. He took a deep breath. "Let's get this over with."

…

They found Kowalski beside the Reptile House, close to the dolphin habitat. Skipper took a hiding place behind a trash can and whispered, "Go, before he sees us!"

"Yes, sir." Ian smiled deviously after he turned away from Skipper.

"Kowalski!" he called out.

Kowalski turned towards the voice and was more than surprised to see who it came from.

"Ian? What are you doing here?" he asked a little incredulously.

"Oh, nothing… just wanted to ask - I hear you and Signorina Marlene are getting on quite well…"

He lowered his voice, so Skipper could not hear:

"… but not as well as Signorina Doris, eh?" Ian nudged Kowalski in a somewhat suggestive way.

If Kowalski wasn't shocked before, he certainly was now. (Keep in mind that Skipper can now hear everything they say)

"You know about us? It was supposed to be a secret!" he gasped.

"So, it's true, then?" Ian said.

Kowalski thought of the pretty dolphin in the exhibit just feet away. He smiled and sighed.

"Yes… I'faith, I think she loves me."(1) he said proudly.

"And you?" Ian urged. "How do you feel about her?"

Kowalski grinned sheepishly. "I can't stop thinking about her."

"KOWALSKI!" yelled a shrill, female voice. Kowalski, Ian, and a still-hidden Skipper turned. It was Doris in her pool. She was holding the necklace in her flipper and looked extremely angry.

"Doris, dear, what's wrong?" Kowalski said, walking towards her.

She threw the necklace at him. For someone without opposable thumbs or military training like the penguins, she had remarkably good aim - the strawberry hit him square between the eyes.

"You thought I wouldn't notice, right?! You thought I wouldn't see that stupid brown hair stuck in the stupid fake jewels? Ha!" Doris yelled. She stuck her snout up at him and dove back into the water.

"What?" Kowalski picked up the necklace. Sure enough, there was a small, chocolate-brown hair caught on one of the faux-emerald 'leaves'.

Skipper was seething.

By heaven, that should be my necklace! (2) he thought angrily. Skipper turned his back on the scene and ran back to the HQ to smash something - probably some of Kowalski's chemistry sets.

Kowalski himself was stumped. "I don't know where the hair came from, it just showed up one night!"

Ian lost his cool for just a moment and frantically looked behind him. He breathed a deep sigh of relief when he no longer saw Skipper hiding behind the trash can.

"You'd better go talk to her." Ian said. Kowalski nodded, and ran to the pool and dove in, not bothering to use the ladder this time.

…

That evening, with Kowalski deeply puzzled over what demolished three of his best beakers and many test tubes (Skipper had threatened bodily harm to the others if they told), Marlene came to visit as she always did.

"Hey, Skipper." she said, cautiously walking up to her sullen boyfriend. "I wanted to talk to you about yesterday. I feel really bad -"

"Oh, you do, do you?" Skipper snapped.

Marlene could practically feel her already-frayed nerves prick with annoyance. "Yes, I do. If you would just tell me what's going on -"

"You know very well what's going on, you little minx!" he yelled, getting to his feet.

"No, I don't, and don't you dare call me names!"

Every eye in the HQ was on them, but they didn't care. They both yelled at each other at the same time, and not a word was understood. Kowalski, Private, and Rico all looked back and forth at each other, trying to figure out how to stop them. Rico prepared to choke up some firecrackers to get their attention.

But the firecrackers were quite unnecessary. Something inside of Skipper snapped, and he slapped Marlene across the face. Marlene, with the force of his flipper and out of sheer surprise, fell to the floor.

There was a stunned silence, except for Skipper's whisper, already choking with regret at what he'd just done:

"Just go."

Marlene, holding her right cheek, got to her feet and ran out, eyes stinging with more than one kind of pain.

(1) Act IV, Scene I, 114

(2) Act IV, Scene I, 159 (again, the actual line is handkerchief, not necklace)

By the way - thanks again to Monsy for being my beta. Isn't she the best??? Her POM Tribute just keeps cracking me up. Go check it out if you haven't already!