Wager
A trial today, everyday. The foundation was shaken, but it did not break.
Every day,
Speculating if she knows how delicate my heart lays in her hands
It is a small thing, lonely, lost
A rock that sits in my chest;
Held by her it grows and grows,
With her love and light it warms and glows
And I am comforted again
I dream of Bella in my house. Her soul lights each room and casts a uplifting incandescence that casts out the gloom. Focused on her, her beauty, her heart, how can I speak, how can I write but in words of poetry?
Every night,
Gambling against the everlasting darkness that has been my life without her
I will not lose, I cannot lose
As long as she will love me, have me
Held by her I rise and flow
By her love and light I sigh and know
That she is with me still
It could all leave me, so fleetingly, if she were harmed or lost. The idea of her pain tears at me now and threatens every brick I've placed so carefully to the structure of our lives together. The dog has no idea of rage or terror, or what my own horrific viciousness would mean if she is ever, ever hurt again. I endure his presence only by her will.
I dream of Bella in our house, in our home, in our bed. I dream of Bella happy, requited, without care or worry to ever cross her brow.
Every heartbeat
Risking between light and shadow in a careful wager between love and loss
My life, my light, my heart
Frail as she is, she holds me more fragile still
Together we are of stronger stuff
Held by her we affirm and hold
Through her love and light she shows
That we are one, together
I do not know how to fill her days with enough humanity to last forever. I do not know how to keep her safe and let her live, make mistakes, learn, grow, fall, rise… Oh trust, a simple word; an impossible execution.
Bella, my heart, my love. I want to believe you are mine, I believe you are mine. Tell me you are mine.
As the day approaches, the night pulls in around her. Perhaps she doesn't see it, perhaps the cold hasn't touched her yet. Still, I hear it; I see it. So full of love and heat, I worry fort the dying of the light.