I don't own anything! Put away your lawyers, please!
Summary:
"When you lose someone, you usually go through the five stages of grief… denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. …I think I may be stuck on the fourth one." He helped her gain back the hope she had long-since lost. IchiRuki; AU
Rating: M (For safety and possible situations)
Genre: Romance/ Hurt/Comfort/Drama
Some quotes are from random books. More are from songs. Others I made up completely.
Inspiration: Inori~ You Raise Me Up by Lena Park, Because of You by Kelly Clarkson, andSaving Zoëby Alyson Noël, plus a lot of other stuff.
Chapter Three:
Myself; Yourself
Watashi Jishin, Jibun Jishin
As the clock began to toll out the hour, vibrating under the soles of my sluggish feet,
I knew I was too late—and I was glad something bloodthirsty waited in the wings.
For in failing at this, I forfeited any desire to live.
-New Moon (Twilight Saga)
I really hated Ms. Ochi right now.
"Okay, class, have your parents sign these permission slips, otherwise, you won't be going on our little trip to Otaru, Hokkaido this weekend, and then you'll be stuck inside this class… alone. With nothing to do except the English packet I'll leave you." She cackled that evil, eccentric laugh of hers.
Half the class fell over in their seats.
I really hated my homeroom teacher. But it wasn't because of her half-assed threats of extra work or her crazily funny ways of teaching. No, it was for forcibly dragging us across Japan to a fucking museum. For three days. I can barely stand these morons during the day. Now I have to share the same room with some of them?
And here's the bad part; it's just my homeroom. So that means no Tatsuki, the one person who would actually sympathize with me. No, I'm gonna be stuck with perky Orihime (Oh, help me, please!), a motion-sick (And possibly homicidal/suicidal) Dawn, Ichigo (I have no idea what he was like), and the rest of my dumbass class.
The only good thing is that I'll miss one of my therapy appointments.
Yay!
I huffed as the permission slips were being passed out.
How lovely. A twelve-hour train ride with everyone who's responsible for my partially-scarred mind.
"Oh my god," Dawn laughed breathlessly, at my side in milliseconds. Orihime was stationed at my right, almost directly after the hazel-eyed girl bounced up to me.
"Are you not psyched about this trip? I am! Hokkaido's awesome. If I don't head back out to Los Angeles after graduation, I'm so living there! Or maybe Tokyo. I've always been a 'big picture' kind of girl, so yeah." And she was off, lost in her own little 'Dawn as a movie star,' or 'Dawn as a rich neurosurgeon' fantasies.
Orihime laughed.
I raised an eyebrow. "She's too much," I said over her speech. Orihime smiled gently. "No, she's just energetic. She has so much energy, she doesn't know where to put it sometimes."
I sighed, smirking up at the auburn haired girl. "Reminds me of somebody else…" We laughed.
"We leave next Friday. So get these in by Wednesday, at the latest." Six days. No problem. Everything was absolutely fine.
Just peachy.
"Have fun," My father mumbled when he finally finished scrawling his name across the paper.
I scowled. "Thanks dad."
Thanks a lot.
With Ichigo;
"Welcome back, Ichigo!" Yuzu giggled at her big brother. Ichigo couldn't help the smile on his face. "Hey, Yuzu,"
"Ichigo, heads up," Karin drawled from her spot at the table when their father jumped from his spot next to the couch, punching an unsuspecting Ichigo in the cheek. "Ah- damn dad!" He screamed, kicking his father in the stomach. Isshin 'oomphed' and fell forward, clutching his abdomen.
"G-great job son," He grunted, on the ground. Ichigo huffed, running a hand through his hair. "So," He started, amused by the sight of his delinquent father on the ground, reeling from his punches' aftermath.
"What's for dinner?"
Saturday
12:23 PM
I ran into Byakuya.
Again. We were in the park. He was taking a walk. I had been having lunch with my friends.
I said a quick hello. He attempted a smile. It was… weird. I could easily tell by looking into his bright blue eyes, he hadn't completely healed. Not yet. It was still… too soon. But he had, somehow, made it through the list, and accepted. He'd made it out, to someplace safer. Someplace happier.
I smiled for him. I was jealous.
But after my sister, he wouldn't move on. Not now. Not ever. He could possibly date, I knew he would, nobody could just walk past him, unfazed by his good looks and chiseled features. And I would always feel a twinge of anger if I saw him with another woman, but he would never marry. Not after Hisana.
She was just that important.
And I knew, deep in my heart, that if the tables were turned, she'd do the same for him.
Because she loved Byakuya.
And neither would want the other to be alone.
But they would wait for each other. That was certain.
Friday, January 8, 2010
"I'm surprised, class! You all actually managed to turn in your permission slips!" Ms. Ochi yelled over the chattering crowd of students. Nobody seemed to hear.
I'm not surprised. Who'd want to spend an entire day with the janitor? I rolled my eyes. Sighed. Looked around. It was true. Everyone was here, aside from a couple absences. Orihime and Dawn walked up to me. "Hey," Orihime let loose a fake smile, taking her spot at my left. Dawn did the same at my right.
"Hey," I echoed, attempting a smile. No surprise, I failed. Dawn gave out a small smile, and my heart stopped. Something was wrong. They wouldn't be so… quiet. Reserved, even. My mouth was dry when I asked the question that had been pounded into my skull for who knows how long.
"Is Momo…?"
"No!" My two friends shouted in unison. "She's not," Dawn said with a reassuring grin. But it wasn't really all too reassuring. "Nothing happened," Orihime clicked in, and I let loose a sigh of relief. Momo Hinamori had always been a little depressed. It worsened every time she came back.
So we asked these questions all the time.
"She's fine, as far as we know," As far as you know. She went back to rehab just before winter break. How could you know?
"No, it's just… I don't know. This year seems so much more different. Like we're supposed to finally grow up, leave the past behind." Dawn murmured breathlessly, and I smiled to myself. Orihime sighed.
"I wish I could."
--------------
Okay, so, yeah. I'd finally been able to not hate Ms. Ochi as much. It just boiled down to the natural, teacher-student loathing. Maybe we'd be able to get back to her polite-yet-sorry stares at me, like she was still sorry about Hisana, and my 'stop-looking-at-me-like-that-I'm-fine-you-know' glares.
But now, it's back to hate.
All because of who she paired me up with on the train ride. I'd have to sit next to him, for each and every trip. Whether it be by bus, plane, boat, or train, he'd be with me, for three days.
Ichigo Kurosaki.
I hadn't talked to him since the cemetery, save for the time I said 'sorry' when I bumped into him in my rush to leave the classroom. The first five minutes in the bus were one thing. We both tried to start a conversation time after time, and, time after time, we failed, trailing off in the awkwardness.
It wasn't until we got to the station, and got on the train that we really began a conversation. Or, somewhat of one, anyway.
"So…" Ichigo started, his voice quizzical.
I looked to Orihime and Dawn, who were, coincidentally, paired together, and even more coincidentally, sitting across the aisle from us. Orihime was busy looking out the window at the vast ocean, so she didn't see my silent cry for help.
Dawn, however, saw, and all she did was shrug. I saw the gears in her head turn for a split second, and then, the light bulb went off. 'Talk about your weekend!' was what she mouthed with a goofy grin.
I deadpanned. 'Thanks,' I mouthed back, sarcastically, 'Thanks a lot, D.'
Ichigo continued. "So… uh, some view, huh?" He motioned to the window. I raised an eyebrow, looking past him. The beautifully blue ocean glistened in the noon sunlight. I smiled gently. "Sure is. You like the ocean?"
"Sometimes," He sighed. "It depends on who I'm with."
"Yeah. Hisana and I used to always go to the beach."
He looked over at me, shocked that I would talk about her so casually. He probably thought, like everyone else, the mere mention of my sister would have me break down, near-tears and in hysterics. Hell, people thought the simple words 'disappearance' or 'dead' or 'crashing' made me cry.
Sure, sometimes I thought about her when they came up. Sometimes I wished people would shut up. But no. I'd cried myself out a while ago.
I grinned. He sputtered. "Um… yeah. I heard a lot about your sister. She was a really good person, huh?"
I smiled, having a flashback. "Yeah, she really was… ah, can we move away from this topic? It's kind of… you know, personal." He nodded. We seemed to both know it wasn't because it was personal, but because it was too morbid a subject.
"So… we've known each other for a while, but we've never really got to talking. Uh, so… what's your favorite color?"
What's my favorite color? I mentally repeated, an eyebrow raised. He must've really had nothing to say. So, I laughed quietly and replied, "Purple. A really dark purple." He blinked. "Oh, okay."
I rolled my eyes. Asked him something. "My turn. Um… what's your family like?" A pretty straight-forward question.
"Psh." He scoffed. "Crazy dad, emotionless sister, and another sister who can cook." I laughed softly. He didn't need to tell me about his mother. I remembered everything from that first night.
"And yours?"
"Meh." I shrugged. "My dad's on happy pills. I think you know the rest." My voice was soft, almost regretful.
He nodded to himself. "I'm sorry," He whispered.
I bit my lip, nodding to myself.
The only good thing I can think about this trip is that I got Orihime as one of my roommates.
Our pessimistic friend Dawn, however, was sharing a room with a cheerleader named Sakura, who just so happened to be our Queen Bee in middle school and a pep rally girl named Kikyo. I couldn't wait to see how that turned out.
Orihime and I shared a room with one of Orihime's old friends, her name was Desiree. She came from England to Japan when she was about four, so she barely had an English accent.
"Hime!" She squealed. "Oh my gosh, I can't believe we got the same room!" She looked over to me, her grin not once faltering. Her eyes shone with happiness. "You must be Rukia Kuchiki. My name's Desiree, Desiree Sinclair."
"Nice to meet you… Desiree." Her name was pretty, I had to admit. All American names or something along the lines of American names sounded nice to me.
I learned, very quickly, that Desiree's father lived in London and she lived with her little brother Landon and her mother Renee. She was, like Orihime, a rich girl who lived up on Arashi Street. She was outspoken and nice, and loved to talk.
If she weren't so kind, I might have just hit her.
I also didn't have to worry about privacy. I could tell, right off the bat, that she wasn't the kind of girl who would get into other's personal space. So maybe I could read Hisana's diary in peace. I didn't have to worry about Orihime.
She, like Dawn and Tatsuki, knew enough already. If necessary, she'd keep Desiree out of the way. They're avid shoppers, we're right by a Hokkaido shopping district… I think you get the picture.
So that's where I find myself now. In our hotel room, all alone. Orihime had dragged Desiree to the countless clothing stores across the town, looking for something that would 'make her eyes pop!'.
And we all knew how finicky of a shopper Orihime Inoue was.
So, here I was. Reading.
I was able to go to Asuna's party. Awesome, huh?
Asuna and Khota were stoned before the first hour, and were making out in the corner before everyone else got the hint and started to empty her vodka bottles and break out the cocaine.
Sometimes I wonder why I chose her, Asuna Otsuki, as my best friend. It's… weird, to say the least. We're total opposites. Maybe that's why we're such good friends.
I didn't want to, as, always, drink myself to an early grave. I was spending the entire day with my father and Rukia tomorrow. And even though my little sis wouldn't mind, dad certainly would. He could smell a hangover a mile away.
So I just sat in the corner, sipping some beer. I didn't even drink all of it. I threw the half-empty bottle away when everyone was busy with somebody else. I made my way to Asuna's den (Her parents were out of town) and saw someone who made my heart stop beating (Well, almost. I needed something cliché in this thing.).
Byakuya Kuchiki.
I made my way to the couch. The TV was off. He was just sitting there. I smiled gently. "Hi, stranger." I had said. He had smiled back at me, his eyes dancing. "Hey yourself." He patted the spot next to him, his eyes questioning. "Why thank you," I grinned, sitting.
For a while, we just sat, saying nothing.
My stomach felt funny, like butterflies, but more intense. I wonder… is that what love feels like?
We both knew she was too young to think that so suddenly. But she had some sort of sixth sense about these things; she must've, how could they have fallen into a relationship so quickly?
I jerked my head up when I heard a knock at the door. Don't tell me they forgot their room keys. Oh, well. They seemed scatterbrained enough. I sighed, getting up and making for the door.
"Did someone forget their room key… Ichigo?" I blinked at the orange-head, standing at my hotel room door. "Come here," He said, the slightest hint of a smile on his face. My breath caught in my throat. "Hey, stranger," I copied my sister's words in the playfully happy way she would've said them.
"Hey, yourself. Now come on," Was he reading Hisa's diary, too? He grabbed my wrist lightly, leading me away from the room. I grinned. "Where are we going?" I asked him, pausing to lock the door and put the key in my pocket.
He just smiled, leading me to a flight of stairs by my hand. I felt a pang of worry in my stomach. I barely knew Kurosaki, and he was leading me away from my friends, from teachers, hotel staff, my safe hotel room, and quite possibly a witness.
But that worry dissipated as soon as it came when we stepped into sunlight… pure, happy sunlight. I gaped at the scene in front of me. The ocean. The wonderfully beautiful, vast, ocean. "Oh my gosh," I grinned, "Ichigo, how'd you…"
He shrugged. "Just kind of… I don't know, stumbled."
"Stumbled," I asked, incredulous. "You don't just stumble onto something so totally beautiful!" I laughed, looking at the view. "It's gorgeous." It felt like the first time I'd been free since the week before the crash, when Hisana took me out for some 'sisterly bonding'.
I swallowed down my oncoming sob.
"Thought you'd like it," He sighed, standing next to me. I looked over at him, and his gaze drifted towards me. Our eyes locked. I felt a blush creeping up on me, but didn't realize until a full minute had passed. I looked down.
"Hold…" I thought he started to say, but he quickly silenced himself. All the while, one line from my sister's diary rang through my head.
My stomach felt funny, like butterflies, but more intense. I wonder… is that what love feels like?
Maybe, sis. Just maybe…
I was oblivious to the fact that he never let go of my hand.
I promised you more IchiRuki!! How's it? Please review and tell me if you liked it or not!
-TMU