I don't own anything! Put away your lawyers, please!
Summary:
"When you lose someone, you usually go through the five stages of grief… denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. …I think I may be stuck on the fourth one." He helped her gain back the hope she had long-since lost. IchiRuki; AU
Rating: M (For safety and possible situations)
Genre: Romance/ Hurt/Comfort/Drama
Some quotes are from random books. More are from songs. Others I made up completely.
Inspiration: Inori~ You Raise Me Up by Lena Park, Because of You by Kelly Clarkson, andSaving Zoëby Alyson Noël, plus a lot of other stuff.
(A LOT OF DIALOGUE THIS CHAPTER IS FROM THE BOOK, MY SISTER'S KEEPER and by its author, Jodi Picoult. I DON'T OWN THAT, EITHER!!)
Chapter five:
Once Upon my Broken Soul
If you have a sister and she dies,
do you stop saying you have one?
Or are you always a sister, even
though the other half of the equation is gone?
My Sister's Keeper
Rukia: It took me a while to realize I was still asleep, still dreaming.
It was actually sort of a silent relief, seeing as I almost never have dreams anymore. They're usually all nightmares. I kind of didn't want to leave, but knew I had to, eventually. I couldn't really tell where I was, or why I was here. All I could remember was that this was there, and it was good. A special, one-of-a-kind memory.
And I wasn't about to let it go.
(Dream; Rukia is 7, Ichigo is 7, and Hisana is 16)
I may not know what I want. Or who I am, for that matter. Not yet, not really. All I know is that I really do deserve to find out. Why should I be deprived of that privilege?
"Rukia!"
You don't love someone because they're perfect. You love them… you'll always love them in spite of the fact they're not.
"Yeah?! Hisana, Hisana, I'm here!" Sissy's voice was faint. Really, really faint. Like a fly's buzz when it flies away from you, and you get sad because you're all alone again with nobody around but grown-ups. I look around, seeing neither Sissy, Papa, or Mia. Mia was my babysitter, but I didn't really expect to see her.
It was sunset, and I heard a voice that kind of reminded me of mama. Or what I could remember, anyway. "Oh, little one," I looked over my shoulder, smiling a little bit at a nice-looking brown-haired lady. "Hello." I said politely.
She knelt down next to me, looking at me. "Hey, sweetheart, where are your parents?" I never liked being called 'sweetie' or anything like that. "I don't know. Papa left me with Sissy at the park and I saw a butterfly, you know? It was really pretty so I started looking for it and I can't find Sissy now."
"Okay, do you need any help?"
I nodded, and she took my hand. "Honey!" The nice lady called, and I saw a boy around my age run up. I blinked. "My son," She told me, patting the guys' head. "We're going to help her look for her sister, alright?" He nodded, and he smiled at me.
I nodded, too. My smile was small.
Love's like the wind. It's something in your gut that you just know about. You can't see it. You can't hear it. You can't even touch it. But oh, you can sure feel it.
"Sissy! Haha, sis!" I giggled when Hisana bear-hugged me. "Thank you so much," She thanked the nice woman from before. "Um… your name?" The brown-haired lady laughed. "My name's Masaki."
"Oh, okay. Thank you, so much, again. I'm Hisana."
When you're really young, you don't care about anything other than your family, and toys. When you're sort of a kid, but a real teenager, you think every date is love. But something's always there to tell you to fall, or not. And sometimes you listen, sometimes you don't. And then you end up evading or jumping. When you're an almost adult, you know love exists. You just haven't found it yet.
Mrs. Masaki seemed to remember something, and gestured towards the boy.
"And this is my son, Ichigo."
I blinked myself awake. Ichigo was looking at me, the ghost of a smile tugging at his lips. "Hey," He said, "You're finally back from dreamland. You okay?"
"Yeah," I answered immediately. We were back in the bus. The day was nearly over. "Sorry, that was rude." He blinked. "What was?" I giggled a little, "Me, you know, falling asleep on you? I'd be pretty angry if someone did that to me."
"I would, too. But I'm not."
I didn't really understand his reasoning, but I'm sure he didn't understand a hell of a lot of things about me, either. "Oh, crap." He looked at me, an eyebrow raised. "What's the matter?" I looked at him, my eyes tired. "It's raining," I said simply. "I hate rain."
"You've got to be shitting me." He groaned, looking outside. "Ah, man… looks like it's really coming down!" I nodded solemnly, my happy mood almost completely gone. Gray days usually did that to me. Sucked, too, seeing as I used to love rain as a kid.
"Hopefully it'll blow over by tomorrow," Not really. I would've endured this horrible weather if it meant skipping a museum trip. "Hopefully," I agreed halfheartedly.
We didn't talk for the rest of the bus ride.
-------
The next day was uneventful.
So when we finally got back on Monday, I didn't really feel like I spent the last three days with Orihime, Dawn, Desiree, and Ichigo, Ichigo, Ichigo.
Okay, so maybe Ichigo.
"Hi, dad." I said, not exactly caring if he said hi or not.
"Hey, honey." I blinked twice, and looked at him. He was smiling a small smile at me. "Are you drunk?" I asked. He had been pretty… I don't know, emotionless because of the anti-depressants. He nodded. "Why would you say that, Rukia?"
"N-no reason." I shrugged mentally. He must've stopped or something. Well, that's one step back into normality.
Too bad 'normal' never existed.
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Entry 19
I don't know how, but somewhere between all the laughs, jokes, walks, phone-calls, parties, and me sneaking out through Rukia's bedroom window, I fell in love with Byakuya.
Seriously! I didn't even think it was possible. For me- by the way. I've just never pictured myself with ANYONE before. And truthfully, I don't think he had, either.
So, yeah… Rukia's a smart girl. She's only nine, and just the other day she asked… Okay, who is he? like she knew everything about my personal life. Or maybe she's just not as heavy a sleeper as I always assumed. Huh. I don't know.
So… Yoruichi, Soi Fon, (I don't think I'd ever talked about them. Weird) and Asuna grilled me about the 'new guy' the other day. I'm starting to wonder if Rukia tipped them off or something. The little… oh, I can't even badmouth her. She's just too innocent. If she tries it again in about three years, though, I can kill her.
So, they asked me, and when I told them about Byakuya, Soi was all, 'seriously?!' and Asuna was all, 'no way! He's too hot!' and Yoru was all, 'oh my gosh. I would've thought you'd go for someone a little older.' And because of that, I told her, 'I'm not like you.' 'Cause it's true. I'm not a cougar or anything, but I don't like older men, either.
They've got to be my age.
Like Byakuya.
-Hisana
December 9, 2001
Dear Diary…
Don't think it's some big step, just because I put 'dear' and 'diary' in the same sentence. I think I'm actually… you know, healing, or whatever. I'm not so morbid anymore. Well, that's what Orihime says. And Dawn thinks I'm doing better at not blaming myself for everything. And Tatsuki thinks I'm doing better at reconsidering my feelings.
Bullshit.
I don't really feel like writing anymore… if at all. So I'm just gonna keep the entries short.
Au revoir. Rukia.
December 31, 2009
10:52PM
"How was your Christmas?" Orihime asked me that night. Every senior at Kakura High was at that New Year's party, I being one of them for once. I shrugged nonchalantly. "S'okay. Got the house to myself for a little bit."
"Did your dad go out to a 'work thing' again?" Tatsuki asked at my right. I nodded. "Mmhm."
"That sucks," Dawn sympathized, sipping something. "Are you drinking?" Tatsuki asked incredulously. Dawn nodded solemnly. "Rangiku made me," She defended, "It's only a teensy weensy bit of vodka; don't go all medieval on me!"
I laughed, Rangiku Matsumoto was supposed to have graduated a year ago, she got held back for apparently failing English. Hey, she isn't the only one.
"Rangiku's crazy," Orihime said bluntly, "but in a good way, you know? She's… um, what's the word?"
"Befuddled?"
"Flummoxed?"
"Mentally depressed?"
"N-no! Um… she's… maybe… oh! Right, she's eccentric. Yeah, that's the word." Dawn scoffed, "Whatever she is, she sure loves this stuff. I'm kind of disappointed. You'd think she'd go for something a little bit… like, meh, I don't know. Saké."
"No, that's me," I said with a soft laugh.
"It is," Orihime agreed. Dawn sighed happily. "I got to go, kay? Happy new year!" She grinned, tossing some confetti in the air from one of the nearby tables. She sauntered off, humming the tune of Jingle Bell Rock under her breath.
I just stared straight ahead, dreading the New Year silently.
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Entry 29
You know that little voice in your head telling you to buy shoes long before you even consider going to the mall? Your conscience? Yeah, that.
I've noticed a pattern in my high school, and I think it's weird. Like, half the people believe it does exist, and you should listen to it. The other half thinks it's a load of crap, Yoruichi and Soi Fon included. People like Asuna and me, though; we don't know what to think, exactly. There's a chance it could exist, and there's a chance we're goin' crazy.
I really hope that's not the case.
-Hisana
December 29, 2001
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December 31, 2009
11:40 PM
I don't really know how I managed to wander away from my friends, and wind up hiding from Kurosaki in the bathroom. Of course, I'd have to emerge sometime, people would wonder. I didn't even know why I was hiding, anyway. He was just another person.
Sure. My conscience spoke sarcastically, and I pushed the annoying voice away.
C'mon, the other voice in my head, which I liked much better encouraged, you're Rukia Kuchiki. The hot-blooded, hot-tempered, doesn't take-this-type-of-shit girl! You're gonna let some idiot strawberry intimidate you? "No," I answered out loud, and walked swiftly to the girls' room exit, my hand lingering on the door handle for a mere second before I yanked it open, and strode outside.
"Hey," Ichigo drawled lazily, spotting me from his position at the refreshment table.
"How's it going?"
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Ichigo: She hates me, was one of my first thoughts when our eyes locked the first time and she practically ran to the restroom. I don't know why; what did I do wrong, exactly? Girls are really weird. Or maybe it's just the ones I've come in contact with. I don't know.
Dawn said it was because Rukia liked me, which is just even more confusing. If she liked me, why would she run? My mind's spinning. That vodka that's making Keigo and Mizuiro spin around like monkeys doesn't sound half bad, right now. But I digress.
"Hey," I said again, "Are you okay?" I was actually concerned by her frozen, gaping like a fish look, and would've rather liked her to turn on her heel and walk right back into the women's restrooms. I offered a small smile, and she broke a nervous grin.
"Hey." She responded tersely. "Um… so… how's life?"
"Okay, I guess." Wow, awkward. She looked over my shoulder, grimacing. "Damn. I've always wondered what she'd look like drunk," I looked in the same direction, and sighed. Tatsuki danced around in circles, two bottles of unopened beer in her hands, whooping while Dawn and Orihime struggled to stop her.
"Me, too."
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Rukia: Really, really, totally strange. On the trip he was kind of aloof, but still pretty sweet. Before that, he was a little mean and coldhearted. And now, he's… he's… normal, dare I say it. He's making conversation normally, a semi-scowl on his face.
Personality disorder? I wondered, and quickly shook the thought away.
"What time is it?" I asked suddenly, and he blinked. "Uh," He looked at the clock, but before he could open his mouth to answer, the countdown began.
"9!"
"8!"
By the time the shout of "7!" rang, we were on the balcony, where Orihime, Dawn, Tatsuki and I were just an hour before. I don't know why we were here. Or why we were alone. But I couldn't really stop myself from liking it.
"6!"
"5"
I like you! I really, really, do! My mind and heart begged me to scream, but I couldn't. Too fast. It… everything, was all too fast. Too heart-wrenchingly, beautifully, fast. That's what Hisana thought, I reminded myself, and she got to live the fairytale, if only for a little while.
My eyes clouded over with my daydreams.
"3!"
"2!"
"Would you stop saying Hisana existed?"
"1!"
"Of course not. We're sisters. Two halves of a whole, and just because one's gone, doesn't mean the other never existed."
"0!"
"Happy new year!"
Ichigo actually grinned, staring intently at the fireworks, the sparks of flowers that seemingly 'bloomed' in the sky coming in an array of blues, purples, oranges, pinks, reds, and white.
I smiled, too.
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Orihime: It was in that moment, that split second, as I blocked out my close friends and companions, I closed off the happy shouts and laughs of my classmates, and just locked on Ichigo and Rukia, standing there, not talking, seemingly unfazed by the rest of us.
Jealousy poured into my heart, and I nearly choked on the pain. I could feel my Chem. 2 lab partner, Ayumi, put a comforting hand on my shoulder, "Are you okay?"
No, my mind seethed, how can you not see them? How could he not see how I loved him? "I'm perfectly fine, Ayumi. Come on," I was suddenly torn between staying and breaking my own heart, or leaving and forgetting all about it. Or maybe I wanted to stay because there was some glimmer of hope that told me they were only friends, and that's all they'd ever be.
I only knew that was a lie.
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Dawn: Too bad Tatsuki's too drunk to notice, but Ich and Ru are really hitting it off! I'm really happy for them, and it took Rukia long enough. I swear, I was leaping with joy when Ochi said that she and Kurosaki would be partners!
Orihime, though… I might be kind of slow, sure, but it's plain as day to see that she likes Ichigo. And I love 'Hime like a sister, don't get me wrong, but I've known Kurosaki long enough to see there's no romantic chemistry between them whatsoever.
She's all happy and likes to talk about her feelings, while Ichi's kinda aloof, you know? Plus, he can be a real jackass sometimes. He needs someone like Rukia to straighten him and his sappy moods out every once in a while. I've heard opposites attract, just not total opposites, like those two.
They've got to be balanced, right? Like Ichi and Ruki. Day and night, moon and sun, black and white, salt and pepper, Rocky and Bullwinkle. Orihime and Ichigo are like… the sun and the stars, they both shine, they're both practically the same, but so different, too. And not in a romantic sort of way.
"I wish I had someone to drool after…" I mused, staring at my friends, the two who I would get together before his birthday. Hell, maybe her birthday, if I play my cards right!
That's my new year's resolution.
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Rukia: No matter how much you try to forget the bitter memory of someone who has left this world, you can't help but remember that you're still in it. You're breathing, you're alive, and they're not. You feel strangely guilty, and you don't know why.
I wish I could talk to Hisana now, so I can know what it's like to be in like with someone. I'm not her… I can't call me and Ichigo's sudden 'almost-friendship' love. Not yet. If anything, it's one-sided. Or I could just be momentarily crazy. Maybe.
How would you describe not being able to look into the mirror without picturing him right next to you? Hoping, wishing, that he'd call and ask you out? God, now I'm becoming a crushing schoolgirl! Just great.
But that's not the point.
I'm walking, thinking, on my way to Orihime's for a 'girl's night'. God knows I haven't been to one since I was eleven. Tatsuki was, presumably, already there. Dawn walked, surprisingly silent, next to me.
She had this weird look on her face… something I couldn't even comprehend. All I knew is that it was probably something that was embarrassing or humiliating or something like that.
I shuddered, recalling a certain game of spin the bottle involving a friend from middle school, and her ex boyfriend Takeshi.
It hadn't been pretty.
When we got to Orihime's, I couldn't help but notice the half-glare, half-hello look she gave me. Her smile remained the same warm, happy grin, though, so I thought nothing of it. "Hey guys!" Tatsuki appeared from Orihime's bedroom. "You're late, you dorks," She laughed, waving.
"I know I'm a dork, Arisawa. And I'm proud of it, you know." Dawn grinned playfully.
I smiled. "Don't count me in. I can't afford to be a dork until after college. Then I can slack off and play dumb," Dawn and I followed Orihime and Tatsuki to Orihime's bedroom. "Where's your brother?" Dawn asked, and I could tell she dreaded the answer. She never did like Sora.
"On a date with Midori," Orihime answered, absentmindedly picking at her pastel pink bed sheets. My eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "Who's Midori?" I asked. Tatsuki chuckled, "Oh yeah, you haven't met her, have you? Midori's Sora's new girlfriend."
"Oh." I said stupidly.
I saw Dawn, out of the corner of my eye, bite her lower lip and jerk her head towards the living room. She was looking at Tatsuki. I could feel something in the back of my mind telling me to say something, ask something, but I decided against it.
I saw Tatsuki give a curt, nearly unnoticeable nod, and she walked towards Orihime's living room. The Inoue was still fingering her bedspread, humming a soft tune, blissfully unaware of Tatsuki and Dawn's little meeting.
What's that about?
Dawn: I don't really know why I'm asking Tatsuki's permission to play matchmaker for Ichi and Ruki. Maybe it's because she's one of Ichigo's best friends. Or maybe because she's like Orihime's own personal bodyguard. I don't know.
"What do ya want?" She asked impatiently.
Same old Tatsuki, I huffed. "I… I wanted to see if it was okay…" I really didn't know how to phrase it. She raised an eyebrow, running a hand through her dark, spiky locks. "Okay for what, D?" I shrugged, "I wanted to see if it was okay if I played matchmaker for Rukia."
"Of course!" She said immediately, smiling. "Why'd you even need to ask me? God knows she needs a guy. So who's the lucky man?"
"That's what I wanted to ask. The guy… the guy's Ichigo."
There was a long, uncomfortable pause.
"Ichigo… Ichigo K-Kurosaki?" Her voice was almost deadly, she obviously knew about Orihime's crush. She laughed, whistling a tune. She almost acted… relieved. "So you've noticed too…"
Okay, did not expect that.
I blinked. "Huh?" She sighed, "Well, you've got to be blind not to notice Orihime's… infatuation, let's call it, with Ichigo." I've actually noticed how she's acted around him before, and I'd say its borderline obsession. "And I don't think it's really… okay."
I think unhealthy is the word, Arisawa. I wanted to say, but bit back the words. If I did anything to question either Tatsuki's reason or Orihime's better judgment, I'd be in for a world of hurt. Tatsuki and I were friends, of course. Best friends, almost.
But that didn't mean she wouldn't hesitate to break my arm.
"You don't?" I asked, silently wondering what was going on.
"No… it's just… I saw the way they looked at each other. Ich and Ru, I mean. It's as plain as day to see that they love each other, even if they don't notice it yet themselves."
I grinned. "So, is that a yes?"
"Do what you want," Tatsuki sighed, "Just make sure they don't get burned. You can get pretty passionate about your work, you know."
I was too busy daydreaming to hear. "I know," I leaned up against the wall, grinning like the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland. I probably looked pretty creepy, but I didn't care.
I really didn't.
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Okay! So, Dawn's planning to play matchmaker. Any guesses to how that'll turn out with Orihime and maybe even Tatsuki later on? Hmm?
You likey? Then reviews pleazzzzzzzzzzz................................
OK, I gotz a new trailer for dis story (nice, huh?) and I'll put up a new link for it later, so check out my profile page soon! Now, again.........
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-TMU