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Chapter 2

Jackie shifted slightly in her bed, her face passive and angelic as her mother watched from a crack in the door. It made Jackie's mother almost sad, thinking of all the times that angelic face had been covered in tears. She knew that her daughter had gone through so much, and just from the circumstance of her genetic being.

The birth had been easy enough; unlike what was expected, little Jackie had little trouble being born. From labor to crowning, it had only taken three hours; Jackie had come out before she had known it. She was born nine pounds, two ounces with a crown of dark hair; she had named her Jackie on the spot. After testing was done, she was nursing little Jackie when the doctor told her the news--Jackie was chromosome XXY.

It was a rarity, since she was physically female, but the doctor warned that near puberty, Jackie may experience male growth changes, rather than female, and advised that Jackie begin taking low doses of hormones made just for this situation immediately. The doctor was given a jubilee of harsh words, mostly pertaining to how Jackie was perfect the way she was, and that she would help her through whatever ordeal that may come.

And now, looking back on it, she wished she had listened to the doctor. Growing up, Jackie always used to ask her "Mommy, am I a boy or a girl?" And to take up on what she told the doctor, she told Jackie the truth; that she was a little bit of both, and she explained to Jackie in little words about her chromosomes and how she was a little bit of boy but was born a girl. Jackie seemed to understand, and that was that.

But that wasnt that, not at all.

It slowly grew worse; Jackie began to refuse to wear dresses, and instead opted for the boy's clothes. She began playing with the other boys, and after awhile, Jackie actually seemed to forget that she was a girl. It was further believed to be so when at the age of twelve, her voice began to crack, much like the other boys at school. But things seemed to crash and burn because of a teacher, who was giving a lecture about boys and girls growing up, and asked for the boys to go to a different room for a different movie. Jackie had gotten up with them, and the teacher said, "Jackie, you need to stay and watch the girl's movie. You're a girl."

Jackie had retorted with, "No, I'm a boy." The teacher corrected Jackie, and a shouting match had summoned the principal, who had called her mother in, and she had to tell them about Jackie's unique genetic makeup, and that Jackie was just being what she felt. The principal then told Jackie and her mother that since Jackie was physically a girl, then she had to start acting like it, since the next year in secondary school, after-gym showers were mandatory. Jackie's mother had tightened her jaw and said that they couldnt change what Jackie was.

Things only got worse for Jackie. At thirteen, she began getting woman-like mood swings, but much more violent than normal. She got in trouble a lot at school for being fine for one minute, then something small, like getting a C on a paper, made her blow up and do or say something violent that had the school security called on her. One time, she had to change schools because her teacher refused to call children by nicknames and since at that point, Jackie preferred the name "Jack", the teacher continually called her either Jackie or 'young lady', and Jackie finally shot up out of her seat and threw her books at the teacher one by one until one of them struck her shoulder. By the time her mother had gotten up to the school, Jackie was reduced to a sobbing mess, crying about how she wanted to go home.

It didnt get any better at fourteen; at that time, female hormones took over and Jackie began to grow breasts. Jackie had began freaking out when that happened, and her mental state of being only got worse. She began to get more violent, and in trouble with the police. Every time her mother had to come pick her up, Jackie was in tears, screaming about how something called "black" was making her do those things. Her mother held her as she cried nearly every night, pleading with her mother to believe her. And of course, she did. She truly did.

But even with her mother's support, Jackie only got worse. Even with the daily ritual of taping her breasts down, she pulled at her lengthening hair in frustration at her failing attempts of looking like a boy. Her voice gained the ability to have natural girl's and boy's tones, depending on whether or not "black" was taking over. It also didnt help that while her breasts were growing, her muscles also began to grow, and she shot up in height. Her oddly put-together appearance made her the target of ridicule at school, and she wasnt safe from either gender, for they would call her a jubilee of names that would send her crying out of the school and back home to her mother's arms, crying about how she just wanted to feel "right". And her mother would cry along with her.

Just a year later, Jackie was left alone while her mother went out for something to do with work. Jackie said she was feeling ill, so she was staying home from school. It was very late by the time her mother came home, calling if Jackie was feeling up for some dinner. She heard no answer, so she went to Jackie's room to see if she was asleep, but Jackie wasnt in there. She absently noticed that the bathroom light was on and the door was cracked, so she gently knocked, thinking that Jackie was in the bath. "Sweetie, are you hungry?" All she heard was a slight shifting and a soft sound, so she opened the door.

In the bathroom was the worst thing she had ever seen. There was blood everywhere; splattered on the sink, the side of the tub, the mirror, and especially the floor. And on the floor was a shirtless Jackie who had blood pouring from her chest, and she immediately saw why. Jackie's breasts were gone, and there were slabs of skin in the sink and a straight razor in Jackie's hand.

Upon seeing her mother, Jackie slowly looked up, her eyes dark behind her hair, which had been hacked short with the same razor, it seemed; a twisted, insanely joyful smile on her face.

"...I did it, Momma," she slurred out, her voice low and masculine as her chest heaved in the effort to function without blood. "...I did it...I'm a boy...and a girl...!" She leaned her head back and laughed. "...A boy on top...girl on bottom...!" Her laughter deepened and became more frantic as her mother fumbled for her cell phone and called the ambulance to come immediately.

Jackie had nearly died of blood loss, but they managed to save her in time. After her condition was under control, the doctor came to her mother with the plans for replacing Jackie's breasts. Immediately, her mother refused, saying that it was exactly what Jackie wanted--the nearly dying part excluded or course. After the fact, she had rushed into her daughter's room and sat by her side for the entire duration of the visit.

The hospitalization completely cut the final straw of Jackie's school absences, so her mother completely took her out, knowing that things would be better at home, with her. Indeed, they were. Jackie seemed happier since the incident, and even when she was supposed to be recuperating, she had her mother rest while she cleaned up the dried blood in the bathroom herself.

That wasnt to say that things were perfect. The "black" that Jackie often talked about seemed to make itself known, and whenever it did, Jackie referred to herself as a "himself". But even this "Black Jackie" was pleasant to be around. "He" refused to let "his" mother do a thing in the house, and even headed out into the city--as Jackie was now 16 and legal to work in some places--to find a job.

But "Black Jackie" wasnt permanent. Sometimes, both of them would wake up and Jackie would speak in her feminine voice, and her hair would be pulled back neatly. "Black" was put into the back of her mind. But at random times during the day, Jackie's voice would lower in octave and her entire posture and state of being would switch to "Black's". But she didnt dwell on it. She knew that "Black" was Jackie's reinvention of herself to be compatible with the masculine XY chromosome--ie, "Black Jack" was the male side, and Jackie was the female side. Over time, Jackie's mother learned to identify just by looking at Jackie whether or not to address her child Jack or Jackie, 'him' or 'her', 'he' or 'she'. And as long as Jackie was happy, she was happy...

She smiled at the sleeping form of her child and shut the door gently, not making a sound, and turned to walk about the apartment and pick up anything she could; which was very little because as soon as Jackie came home, she cleaned the apartment before showering and heading off to bed. But she went about anyway, and saw the coat still on the coat rack. She took it in her arms and held it for a moment, stroking her fingers over the purple material almost reminiscently, and saw the smears of blood dried into it.

She stared at the bloodstains, not a single emotion passing across her face, then headed for the laundry room to put the stain remover on it for what she thought to be the hundredth time.

...That month.

This was just a filler...--hits head on desk-- Back to the storyline next chapter!