Walking the skies has its advantages, you know. Getting reunited with lost friends and family is always nice, there's plenty of prey, and you get to see a lot more than you can as an earthly warrior.
It's really not so bad, when it comes down to it.
I even had the distinct "honor" of having more than one vigil held for me. I find it kind of bittersweet, though, watching those still living act in remembrance of me. I guess it's nice to know that I'm missed, but – it's hard for me to realize that I can't comfort them at all.
My Clan, my family, my friends – they all mourned for me, as is custom. But they should realize that no cat is lost forever. Though I no longer live with the Clans, I can walk with them all the same. They might not realize it, but I do. A watchful eye looking over my friends and Clanmates, that's what I am now. And there's one cat in particular that I'm certain that I will watch over for a lifetime, until the day comes that he will walk with me again.
He has to be the most awkward cat in existence, but in the past moons I have grown to find him inexplicably charming. Most cats just see the coarse and unkempt fur, the stubborn prickliness, the blunt gruffness – but I can see past that. It's a shame that more cats don't. He's a very guarded individual, to be quite honest, and that can be very frustrating. I understand that, and I understand other cats being annoyed with him. But, really, if you just take the time to get to know him – and I mean really know him – you'll quickly realize that there's more to him than that.
I mean, sure he's got his flaws. He's got a quick temper, for one, and he lacks patience. Always three steps ahead of himself, he is, and that gets him into trouble – a lot of trouble. I really wish he'd just slow down sometime. Really.
Bu, if you're willing to ignore all of that, he's got some good qualities too. He's confident, quick-witted, skillful, and, if you look closely, he's got a good heart too. Trust me, I would know. He would sacrifice himself in a heartbeat if it meant he could save a friend. I'm glad he hasn't had to yet; as much as I'd like to talk to him, I don't want to see him here too soon.
What's that? You think I'm showing too much concern over a cat from a rival Clan?
Well, first of all, up here, there are no rival Clans. I know we all struggle against one another and fight when we're down there on the earth, but here we are one.
Second, he is still living, that much is true. He is still very much loyal to his Clan over the others. But he is also loyal to the forest, and that spans more than just one Clan. He has been, and remains, loyal to me. And for that, I stay loyal to him.
I love Crowpaw. Do you judge me for it?
My loss was a harsh lesson for him. He loved me, but could do nothing to save me. It was my destiny to help the Tribe, to save them from Sharptooth. It was then also my destiny to die in the way I did. Nothing Crowpaw did or could have done would have changed that.
He blames himself for my death, I'm sure of it, but I really wish he wouldn't. It hurts me to see him mourn for so long. He's a strong cat; it doesn't suit him to be hunched over bitterly, isolating himself from every cat – even more than he used to. I tried my best to get him to relax, to realize he doesn't need to prove himself ten times over to every cat in the forest. I like to think that he'd made some progress during the journey. And if things had been different….
But that's another matter entirely. Things aren't different. We're still from different Clans. He's living, I'm not. It wasn't meant to be. I understand that. Somehow, though, I still don't think he does.
Look, right now, down there. See him?
He's got the whole of the Clans around him, counting on him to lead them to some new home. He's a hero already in some of their eyes. But look at him, sitting apart from everyone else – can you see the distant look in his eyes, even from here? I know what's on his mind. I wish I could do something to help, but he's closed his heart off to everyone – even StarClan. I can't contact him. He thinks he's alone but I hope that, in time, he'll realize that he's not. If he takes the time to look and to listen, he may find that he's not as alone as he thinks.
I don't know what Crowpaw will find in his future; the ancestors have not chosen to share that with me. But one day he may see a glimmer of star shine in his wake or hear the sound of quiet pawsteps following him. And he will know that he is not alone. He is never alone.
I will walk with him. I will watch over him.
Always.
A/N: Feathertail x Crowpaw was one of my favorite pairings from the moment I first read Moonrise. Feathertail, a la Silverstream, choosing to form a relationship with a cat from another Clan – who saw that coming? /sarcasm
But, really. We never really got to see where Feathertail and Crowpaw's affection for one another might have lead. I find that rather sad. Feathertail obviously cared about the prickly WindClan apprentice, and Crowpaw returned that affection – albeit in his own distinct way. Would the pair of them have transcended Clan boundaries to be together, or would they simply have had to put aside their relationship for the good of both of their Clans? Only time would tell, and that was time they never had.
It is, as Feathertail says, possible that they will be together again. There are no boundaries in StarClan, after all. Of course, will their relationship still be the same, even after what Crowfeather has done in recent books?
I'd like to think there's something still there. But, again, only time will tell.
Read it? Please review. I love the criticism. And while you're there, perhaps you could share a thought about what might be in the future of these two?