Thus must it be, when willingly you strive
throughout a long and uncomplaining life,
committed to one goal: to give yourself!
And silently to grow and to bear fruit.
--The Apple Orchard by Rainer Maria Rilke
Where the Wild Apples Grow
Chapter Ten: In Which She Has Her Books Back
At school the next day, things were a little easier. That's not to say it wasn't hard, but it was just a little easier to deal with. I had asked Alice in the car ride over if she could take me to homeroom. She had looked at me quizzically, but she shrugged and agreed.
I didn't go to my locker, though Alice wanted me too. She told me she wanted to decorate it so that it would have some personality, but that was just too weird for me. Besides, I had a backpack.
I sat in the same seat in homeroom. I was the first one there; I didn't want to deal with all the crowds. Or Jessica and Lauren.
I had tried to convince myself that I shouldn't judge by first impressions. It was a wrong thing to do, and I knew Dad wouldn't have liked me to either. But it was hard. Normally, I just went with what my instincts told me about a person. What they said now: They just want you for Alice. If you like them, they'll hurt you.
Disappointment all around.
But I tried to smile anyway when Jessica came up to me immediately and started talking to me. She grew a little less interested in me when I didn't say anything.
Really, I hardly felt like talking anymore. It would be so much nicer if I could just spend the whole day not talking or putting on fake smiles. Just fade into the background…
Of course, that was when Mr. Mead closed the door and announced that a student of his went above and beyond yesterday with the writing assignment.
Guess who?
Yeah. Me.
Everyone stared at me in the awe that came with a teacher's praise. Or disgust. Didn't really matter which emotion – it all ended up with eyes on my face.
I wished Alice's jacket had a hood, so that I could hide my face in it. But since it didn't, all I did was slink down in my seat, blushing furiously. Angela gave me a sympathetic look, which kind of annoyed me.
I didn't need her sympathy.
Okay, I admitted to myself as Mr. Mead passed back the papers from yesterday, that was a little harsh. But still, I didn't want sympathy from anyone but Alice. Alice actually understood –
"You did a wonderful job, Bella." Mr. Mead said as he came by my desk. He patted me on the back and slid the paper over to me. On it was a sticker and a note that read I look forward to reading your essays in English class. Keep up the good work.
I tried to cool down my face with my hands. Really! I hated that I blushed so much.
Mr. Mead proceeded to take attendance, where I tried to cool myself down. I slid my jacket a little down my shoulders, though all I was wearing under it was a tank top. I was also wearing my hair down today, so I pulled some in front of my face so that it would cover me.
---
The next few hours of classes were a bore. We basically went over the rules for the whole hour; the teachers obviously thought we were total dunces. I worked on a drawing of a boy with green eyes. I thought it looked a little like him, but I was really basing it off of memory. I hadn't seen him since lunch yesterday.
I kind of wished I could see him in the hallway between classes, but I knew he wouldn't speak to a lowly freshman like me when he was obviously such a popular senior. Hey, it was high school, and though I had only been here two days, there were obviously some unspoken rules.
Cool seniors don't talk to freshmen. Ever.
Whatever. At least I saw Alice.
Things didn't pick up until lunch time.
After Lauren and Jessica asked me to sit with them again and I politely declined, they left in a small huff. I looked uncertainly at the lunch table where I sat yesterday. Nobody else was there yet, so I wasn't sure if it would be presumptuous of me if I just sat there.
But nobody did anything when I walked over and looked anxiously down at the seat.
"It's not going to bite, Bella." Rosalie's voice said as she came up behind me. She looked casual in a volley-ball t-shirt and jeans and with her long hair back in a ponytail, but she looked intimidating to me.
"What's not going to bite?" I asked.
"The seat. Just sit down." She smiled invitingly as she pulled out her phone.
I sighed and slid my backpack so that it was in my lap. I got out my lunch bag and lay my backpack down on the floor beneath my feet. I leaned it against my knees so that it wouldn't fall.
Rosalie giggled at something on her phone; I glanced over at her quickly, and she was smiling down at the screen with a happy expression on her face. I looked away and took out my lunch. Today it was an orange with apple juice.
I was halfway done with peeling it when Alice and Jasper sat down. Immediately, the atmosphere felt fuller with her here. She smiled at me.
"So, how was your day so far?" I could hear the hidden meaning: any emotional breakdowns?
"S'okay." I replied nonchalantly.
"That's good. My day was just great." She smiled knowingly at Jasper. He smirked back.
I didn't even want to know what was going on there.
I lightly cleared my throat and finished unpeeling my orange. I put the peelings in my lunch bag and then proceeded to fold it to distract me from the looks Alice and Jasper were sharing. I split the orange in half, taking off the white stuff before I ate it.
I chewed silently through a few slices.
"Em will be here soon." Rosalie announced.
"I was beginning to wonder where he was." Alice said.
"He's with Edward - working on that dumbass project." She muttered to herself.
I felt my curiosity spike. Edward? Project? Could it have something to do with welding? That was apparently Emmett's forte. So maybe they were doing something Emmett was comfortable with…
I poked the juice box open with the straw, thinking, wondering. Would Edward come down to lunch to eat with us? It would be nice to see him, though it was sure to be a little awkward…
Damn it! Why couldn't I control my own emotions? I would. I didn't have to hurt. I just had to be in control.
I took a small sip of my juice box and finished my orange. I started fiddling with my lunch bag, ripping it in some places. I put the white stuff from the orange inside the bag. I felt my mind grow a little numb.
It felt nice.
But then a few minutes later Edward and Emmett sat down. They smelled like cold air. I think I could smell the leftover cigarette smoke coming from Edward, but maybe that was just my imagination.
I tried to ignore the rush of blood that went through my body when Edward smiled at me in greeting and sat down across from me.
"It's about time you guys got here." Rosalie complained.
I could feel the heat of his legs from under the table. Before I knew what I was doing, I slid my foot over across the tile so that it would lightly touch his foot. Blood rushed through me again…
I took a deep sip from my juice box.
"You alright there, Bella?" Alice asked worriedly as she took a bite from her salad.
"I'm fine."
"Alright…" She looked uneasily away from me and went back to talking to Jasper; I think it was something about volleyball tryouts next week.
"Babe, we were working on –" Emmett tried to explain, putting his hand in her hair.
"Yeah, the sculpture, I know." She swatted his hand away. He fisted his hand in her hair anyway. She smiled and playfully slapped his leg.
I glanced up from my lunch bag, and Edward rolled his eyes at them to me. I bit my lip and smiled nervously, not sure if he could feel the light touch of my sneaker on his…hmmm…his shoe didn't feel like a sneaker. More like a boot.
Edward wore boots. Another interesting thing about this already interesting guy.
Especially his eyes. His eyes were gorgeous.
I shook my head disapprovingly at my thoughts. I moved my foot back; the warmth from his leg was gone now. I swallowed heavily.
"Dude, you are so whipped." Jasper commented, staring pointedly at where Emmett's hand was.
"Shut up. And not in front of the kid." He not-so-subtly nodded his head at me.
I blushed. "It's okay." I said, shrugging. "I heard that stuff from my old friends all the time."
Everyone raised their eyebrows at me, surprised. I supposed it was because I had never voluntarily offered up information about my past before I moved here. Or it could be because I was talking. I wasn't sure which.
"You had friends?" Edward asked; his eyebrow quirked adorably.
His eyebrow quirked adorably? Really Bella?
"Yeah. A couple."
"Do you miss them?" Alice asked.
"I guess. We weren't really close." I was starting to grow uncomfortable with the subject, mostly because it came too close to home. I remembered the phone calls, the offers to go out...after it happened.
I felt the tears welling up.
No. No. Control, Bella. Control the tears. You don't have to hurt.
I swallowed the tears and looked up from my lap. Well, it wouldn't hurt if I had a little private moment throwing my stuff away. I got up abruptly, grabbing my stuff and went over to the trash can to throw it away.
I glanced back over my shoulder, trying to gauge everyone's reaction. There wasn't one, really; they were laughing. I wasn't sure if it was about me, but suddenly I felt left out. Well, not really left out, more like I didn't really belong at their table. That table was for five best friends. Not for five best friends and one of the best friend's freshman cousin.
But still, there was only about ten minutes left of lunch. I could survive until then, I supposed.
I walked slowly back to the table, taking deep breaths. Forget about Lucy. Forget about Ness. Forget about Leah. They don't matter anymore. You're here and they're back in Arizona.
Right. I slid back into my seat. Nobody really noticed; they were talking about volleyball.
Oh yeah. Alice wrote me about how she was on the volleyball team in one of her e-mails over the summer.
"I mean, of course we'll make the team Rose. Coach Clapp loves us. Not to mention we were co-captains last year." Alice comforted.
"Well, duh. I already knew that. I think you're the one who needs convincing. You always think you're not going to make something even though you know it's perfect for you. Jesus." Rosalie snapped back.
"Hag." Alice said. I looked at her with wide eyes. She smiled teasingly at me.
"Pixie." Rosalie stated.
Alice's eyes darkened. "You know I hate it when people call me that."
"Hey, Jasper started it."
Alice's eyes flashed and she turned back to him. Jasper looked nervous. "She's right. You did start that." She slapped his arm. He winced and rubbed his arm.
"I said I was sorry about that, Al."
"Whipped." Edward commented, throwing Jasper's earlier words back at him.
He was quick-witted.
Jasper glared at him, rubbing his arm. "Shut up, Edward. Just because you aren't getting laid –"
My eyes turned upon Alice, stunned. She was having sex? With Jasper?
Alice merely shook her head at me, rolling her eyes. He's not, she mouthed.
"Oh-hhhooo." Emmett laughed. "Seems you're the one who's not getting laid, Jasper."
"Dick."
"Remember the kid." Emmett countered.
I was still staring at the table, out of my mind with embarrassment at what I heard, when the lunch bell rang, signaling the end of lunch.
Thank goodness.
----
The end of the day. Aunt Esme was there to pick us up. I was the first one there.
"Eager to go home, are we?" She chuckled.
I nodded. "Definitely."
She was still laughing when Alice opened the front door to the car.
"Mom, can I go hang out with everyone after school?"
"Sure."
"Hey, do you wanna come, Bella?" She asked.
"No. Thank you though." I smiled politely at her.
She shrugged. "Alright. I'll be home in time for dinner."
"Be safe, sweetie." Aunt Esme kissed her cheek.
"I won't. Later." Alice shut the door, waving good-bye at us. The car was silent for a moment.
"Do you want to come sit up here, Bella?"
In answer, I opened the door and went to go sit up front. She smiled at me and started the car. I buckled in and tightened the strap. She pulled out of the parking lot and turned on the radio.
Folk music started to play.
I looked at her in confusion and then back at the radio. Really? Folk music?
She chuckled. "Alice hates it when I listen to this, so I usually listen to it when she's not around."
I raised my eyebrows at her, nodding, and turned to look out the window. Hills, trees, blue sky…Pennsylvania was so full of life compared to Arizona. Everything was dead there.
The irony was not lost on me.
Aunt Esme abruptly turned the music off. "Bella, there's a surprise at home."
I turned to look at her.
"Your stuff's here."
I smiled happily. All my books…
She giggled and it made me smile again.
"Excited?"
I nodded.
"Yeah, me too. I wasn't sure if you wanted Alice there though…she loves setting up everything. I thought it would be nice if you could set up your own bedroom."
I nodded again.
"It came while you were at school, so all the boxes are in and everything. We'll have to do some rearranging with the furniture, put up pictures…"
As Aunt Esme babbled on, I let myself be lulled by the sound of her voice. She was finished by the time we got back to the house.
"Oh, and Bella?"
I looked at her questioningly.
"Your mom's a bit upset…so be good around her, okay?" That was all she said, but I felt my stomach drop worriedly.
"What happened?"
She looked at me sadly. "One of your dad's pictures dropped. The one of the fish. The glass frame broke, and…"
I swallowed my tears, ignoring the pang I felt.
"Well, she was very upset in any case. So…just be good." She smiled and patted her hair.
We both got out of the car and went into the house. I was surprised at what I saw; there were so many boxes, and the place was a mess. It looked so different from when I left this morning.
"Is my stuff in my room?" I asked quietly.
"Yup. You can go ahead and unpack – unless you have homework first."
"No, I don't have any homework. It's the second day of school."
"Oh, well, go ahead. Call me up if you need any help."
I nodded at her, and walked upstairs, my backpack thudding against me the whole way.
Yay! Fast update! :)
So, Bella has her stuff back.
And don't worry -- Bella and Edward will start talking more soon!
Thanks for reading!
Review, pretty please?