A/N: Just thought I would quickly make it clear that I have no idea about how basically any medical procedures go down, especially neurosurgeries, so if I mention something that doesn't seem quite right, just please go along with it. The procedure mentioned in this chapter I just found using google and didn't really even understand what it was. I only mentioned the name of it but if it's something totally strange, please pretend like it makes some sense. Anyway, give me your thoughts on this chapter in general, I LOVE feedback. :]
Meredith sighed, thinking of how excited Katie had been as she drove her to kindergarten earlier that morning. She usually loved seeing her daughter's face light up in excitement and listen to her chatter away about the things that filled the four year olds mind, like she had this morning. But this time, it had only made her ache. The simple task of driving her daughter to school shouldn't be such a novelty. It shouldn't be something that happened so rarely that it made her daughter as excited as she would be if they were going to Disneyland. As much as she tried to plan her work schedule around her daughter, Meredith still felt like she was missing out on the little things that to children, mean the most. And she hated knowing that.
Meredith had grown up, her mother absent and her father only a figure of the few memories that she had managed to hold on to. Katie didn't deserve that. She deserved everything but that. To Meredith, she was her perfect little girl who deserved everything that Meredith was able to give her. She deserved a mother who she could rely on to be there when she needed it. She needed someone who she could confide in when she felt like the world's pressure was resting on her shoulders alone. Katie needed her mom and Meredith was determined to make sure that Katie got the childhood, the upbringing, the mother that Meredith had been deprived of in the past.
Placing her things in her locker, she jumped. Pulled from her thoughts by the vibration against her hip. She looked at her pager and sighed. It was Derek. Doctor Shepherd. She had managed to avoid him yesterday but she knew she wouldn't be able to do that forever. She was going to have to face him at some point and now seemed as good a time as any.
She made her way from the resident locker room, down the busy hallway, past the nurses station and to the consult room Doctor Shepherd had paged her to. He was outside waiting and when he saw Meredith making her way towards him he smiled. One of those breathtakingly perfect smiles of his that were becoming all to familiar in Meredith's opinion.
"Good morning, Doctor Grey," he greeted as she approached him, her hands deep in her pockets.
"Morning," Meredith replied attempting a smile. "You paged?"
"I did. I've got a ventriculostomy in an hour and I was wondering if you wanted to join me?"
Meredith was stuck. She could say yes and end up spending hours in surgery with him. She knew they wouldn't even talk all that much, but even being in the same room as the man, knowing she was keeping something that was so important to her, that could possibly be as important to him, seemed far too stressful. But the board was quiet and Doctor Shepherd was the best. If she wanted to be the best, then she would need to learn from the best.
"Ah, um... Actually, I have a lot of paperwork I should be catching up on," Meredith ended up saying, deciding that avoiding Derek would be her best option. There would be plenty of other surgeries that she'd be forced to scrub in with Doctor Shepherd on and so she wasn't going to voluntarily do so. Not just yet at least. "Thanks though," she said before she went to turn around.
She felt Derek's hand on her shoulder and with the instant contact, she froze before turning back around to face him.
"Why do I get the feeling you're avoiding me?" Derek dropped his hand from her.
Had she been that obvious? Of course she had. She had been attempting to hide from the man since she had first saw him in the Chief's office.
"I'm not avoiding you... I have paperwork that needs my attention. I've fallen way behind. Seriously behind. So far behind that I'm actually opting to go do the paperwork instead of scrubbing into a surgery with you," she started rambling. "Which is completely unlike me because I love surgery. Really love it. Which if you knew me, you would know... but you don't. Know me that is. But-"
"Meredith." Derek thankfully cut her off.
Meredith silently cursed at herself. Stupid rambling. Stupid man that had her rambling.
"It's OK. If you have things you need to do, then that's fine."
"I do, I have other things I need to do," she lied.
"I just thought you'd want to scrub in. Show me what you could do," Derek smirked.
"Thanks anyway." And with that she turned and started her retreat back down the hallway.
She did want to scrub in. She did want to show the Head of Neuro that she was fully capable of becoming a great neurosurgeon. That she was a great surgeon. Because he didn't know. He didn't know the extent of her talents and as the head of the department, she wanted to make it clear that when she finished her residency she would become one of the best. She knew she could and with the guaranteed attention that Doctor Shepherd was sure to bring to Seattle Grace's Neuro department, it only made her believe it even more when she thought about the opportunities and rare cases that would come their way.
She stopped in her tracks and turned back around. Doctor Shepherd was still standing there and she quickly walked back.
"I changed my mind. The paperwork can wait. Surgeries at ten, right?" she asked quickly.
"Ten. OR three." he answered happily.
"OK, great." Meredith replied nodding.
"I'd be pushing it if I asked you to dinner, wouldn't I?"
He just wasn't going to give up, was he?
"Doctor Shepherd, you're being inappropriate!"
"You're right, sorry. Surgery and a date! What was I thinking!?" he replied back, obviously teasing her.
"You're like my boss," she started. "You are my boss!"
"I'm your sister, I'm your -"
"I'll see you in OR three, Doctor Shepherd," Meredith cut him off, a small smile tugging at her lips as she once again turned and walked away.
Derek watched the blonde who he had become surprisingly infatuated with since seeing her the day earlier, hurry down the hallway, moving past the doctors and nurses that scattered the hospital corridors. He wasn't sure what is was about her that made him so insistent on the idea that she go out with him. She wasn't interested in him. Well, if she was she certainly wasn't showing it. But he wasn't ready to give up, not yet at least.
Meredith pushed the shopping cart down the cereal aisle, checking the items that she had already found off the list that she had mentally created for herself. She had gotten out of surgery a few hours earlier and surprisingly enough, it hadn't been all that bad. The surgery had gone smoothly and once they had closed up, they'd had a brief conversation. Nothing personal, simply about the successful surgery that they had just performed together. Since then though, Meredith hadn't seen Derek. She had other patients to check on and so did he and before Meredith knew it she was leaving the hospital and heading home.
"Mommy, I don't like the cereal we have at home," Katie stated matter of factly, her eyes browsing the shelves in front of her.
"You liked it last week," Meredith answered, remembering how her daughter had decided she was going to eat only the fruity cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
"But I don't like it anymore. Please, can we get something different this time," her daughter begged.
"Let's finish off what we have at home before we buy something new, okay?"
It had happened all too many times, they'd end up with so many different boxes of cereal that they didn't have any space in the cupboard to put them in. It seemed every week Katie changed her mind about what it was she liked and disliked.
"But I really don't like it..." Katie answered. "It gets stuck in my tooths and then I can't get it out!"
Meredith looked over at her daughter who was walking beside her and saw Katie looking up at her, her big, blue eyes silently pleading.
"Please Mommy..." Katie asked once again.
"Fine," Meredith gave in, unable to resist her daughter as she stuck out her bottom lip. "But this time we actually have to finish the box before you go changing your mind again."
"Yay!" Katie smiled and stopped, carefully looking over the cereal boxes that were displayed on the shelf in front of her.
"Choose carefully, I mean it about finishing it this time," Meredith tried to sound stern. She knew her daughter had most likely inherited the whole mind changing, indecisive thing from her though and so she always found herself being a bit lenient when it came to things like this.
She was almost certain her daughter wasn't listening to her as she had hurried off a few meters ahead. Meredith watched as she picked up a box and began to follow the maze that was plastered on the cardboard with her finger, completely in her own little world.
"Meredith!"
At the sound of her name she turned around to the familiar voice and stood there, speechless and wide eyed.
"Derek! I mean Doctor Shepherd," she managed to exclaim.
"So this is what you blew me off for? Grocery shopping," he shook his head.
Seeing Derek outside the hospital and in plain clothes made him look even more attractive, if that was even possible. He was just so, so... What the hell was she thinking? Her daughter was only a few meters away. The daughter who Derek Shepherd had no idea existed even though he had definitely played his part in creating her. And all she could think about was how good the man looked.
"See, fate clearly wants you to go out with me," he said smiling.
"Coincidence..." Meredith muttered, trying to figure out an escape route.
"Mommy, can we get this one?" Katie walked up to the two paying no attention to the man who was standing opposite her mother. "You can play the maze on the back when you eat," her daughter explained with much enthusiasm.
Meredith could feel Derek's eyes dart from her to her daughter and then back to her again.
"Ah, sure," Meredith answered quickly.
"Mommy?" Derek asked, a confused smile evident on his face.
"This is Katie. Katie, this is Doctor Shepherd," Meredith forced herself to say. She couldn't tell him now, this was not the right time. No where near the right time.
"You can call me Derek," he answered as the little girl hid behind her mother's legs and only poked her head out to look at him.
Derek instantly noticed her eyes. Big and blue and staring right at him. Meredith hadn't mentioned a daughter but then again he hadn't really given her the time, with him being so persistent in his attempt to get her to date him, she hadn't exactly had the chance. Her angelic features where what he noticed next. They were like Meredith's. She was a spitting image of what Derek imaged Meredith to have looked like at that age, other than the full head of dark curls that flowed loosely past her shoulders. He assumed this was a trait inherited by her father, who ever that was.
"Hi Doctor Derek," she greeted quietly.
"Doctor Shepherd works with me at the hospital, Princess," Meredith explained.
Katie nodded and moved from her hiding place behind her mothers legs and into the open. Derek looked at her and smiled, trying to figure out how old the girl could be. Four or five he guessed. He didn't think she would be any older than that. When he had slept with Meredith all those years ago, there had been no signs of a baby living in her house. There had been no way she would have had a daughter back then when they had both ended up having a night full of loud, drunken sex in her living room. She hadn't had a daughter then. But she had a daughter now.
"We should go..." Meredith said quietly taking the cereal box from her daughter's hand, putting it in the cart and taking a hold of her hand. She squeezed her daughter's hand tightly and looked at Derek.
An obvious look of confusion had set in and his eyes were now set on Katie. Set on the daughter that Meredith had not wanted to tell him about. Not now at least.
"I'll see you tomorrow, Doctor Shepherd." And with that Meredith quickly made her way down the cereal aisle and to the check out, pulling her daughter along with her.
Derek stood there, unable to move as a thought settled in. Katie couldn't be... No, she just couldn't. He wasn't even going to think it. It was crazy. He was thinking crazy, this was just crazy. Meredith would have told him if Katie was... He couldn't wrap his head around the idea. And he didn't need to, because it wasn't true, he kept telling himself that. It couldn't be true.
"Mommy, we didn't get any milk," Katie whined, her small legs tired from the walking they had done around the supermarket.
"We'll get some tomorrow," Meredith answered, completely not caring about whether or not they had milk. She had bigger concerns on her mind.
"I need milk on my cereal!" Katie's voice had grown louder and a tantrum was not something Meredith wanted to deal with right now. She couldn't deal with it right now. But going back into the supermarket where she had left Derek was also something she was unwilling to do. "I want to do my maze!" Katie wasn't spoiled and she wasn't one to throw tantrums regularly. However, she was tired and with a tired four year old, you learnt to expect anything.
"We can have toast," she explained, setting her daughter up in the booster seat she had in the back seat of her car. "Or pancakes," she changed her mind, knowing that pancakes would sound much more appealing to her daughter who was now about to burst into tears over cereal.
"Pancakes?" her daughter asked quietly, blinking back the tears that were about to fall.
The small girl smiled as Meredith clicked her seat belt tight.
"I love pancakes," she said happily.
Meredith sighed, thankful that she wasn't going to have to deal with her daughter crying all the way home.
"I know you do," Meredith answered sitting in the front seat and putting the keys into the ignition.
Katie sat happily in the back as her mother turned on the radio, an attempt to distract herself from the worries that were filling her head. There was no use though, there was no escaping this and she knew it. Maybe, Derek wouldn't realize that Katie was ultimately the product of their one-night stand. Maybe the thought wouldn't even cross his mind. But what if it did? She had planned to tell him at some point, she had already decided that. She hadn't set a date for it or anything, but she had been determined to tell him eventually. Right now though, he was basically a stranger to her. He was probably a good guy, she knew that. He was witty and charming and painfully dreamy. But still, she didn't know him. And she didn't want him to know about her daughter if it was only going to end up hurting them both.
He probably wouldn't even want anything to do with her if she told him, she continually reminded herself. He probably wouldn't want to see Meredith or her daughter again and she was willing to accept that. But what the hell was going to happen if the rare chance of him wanting to be apart of her Katie's life became a reality. What was Meredith going to do then? She was her mother and it had just been the two of them since Katie had been born and she was afraid to even let herself think about that changing. Meredith had convinced herself that wouldn't become an issue though. There was no use stressing about something that wouldn't even happen.
The issue she had to worry about now, was actually telling him in the first place.
A/N: So, what do you think? The next update may take me a little longer to get up here as I have a particularly busy schedule the coming weeks. Sorry about that! But reviews, comments and feedback definitely motivate me to write quicker! Thanks to everyone who reads this and I hope I still have your interest :]