A/N: Sorry this took me so long. I actually only finished it about an hour ago. And right now, it's about four am. So, what you read may or not make sense. I'm not entirely sure... But this has seriously been the only time I have found time to write. And I really, really wanted to update and give you guys something :] It turned out to be my longest chapter so far though, so that's something at least. I'd also like to say a special thanks to protego-totalum88 for giving me some reasurance with some ideas and making me feel like what I have in store for this fic won't be total crap.

Reviews would make me smile. And I've been painfully busy, and sick. So, smiling would be nice.

Meredith had carried out the rest of the previous afternoon with an aim for achieving that of normalcy, for both Katie and her own sake. It had proven to be a difficult task, but she had done it. She had done it. She had made it through unpacking the groceries, she'd managed to get Katie in the bath, get her fed and then get her to bed, all the whilst trying to absorb herself in the light conversation that her daughter created about various topics. Did she think Unicorns existed? How many days till Halloween? Thanksgiving? Christmas? Could they go ice-skating the coming weekend? She had done her best to listen, to answer. To tell her that if she believed there were Unicorns, then so did she. That counting down the days to the Holidays would only make them seem further away then they really were. And that she would think about it and if time allowed, and if she was a really good girl, then maybe they could go ice-skating.

Derek didn't know. How the hell could he possibly know just like that? Just by seeing her. He couldn't. It was impossible. He couldn't know. The look that had appeared on his face, said otherwise though. He so knew and Meredith didn't have a freaking clue about what to do. Tell. Don't tell. Run. They could always run. Just pack up and leave. Except that wouldn't really work, where would they go? And on top of that, that was just crazy. Now she was thinking crazy. Great. Really, really great. She was stressing out, weighing the pros and cons of either going into work tomorrow and facing Derek or standing out in the rain in an attempt to get pneumonia. Maybe he didn't know, she found herself repeating again. She just had to calm down. Calm down and save the stressing till she knew for sure. Save the sick days till she knew for sure.

Once the even rhythm of Katie's rising and falling chest made it clear she had fallen to sleep, Meredith carefully maneuvered herself off her daughter's bed and out of the room, careful not to wake her. She walked down the hallway, the cool floorboards sending an unwelcome shiver up her spine. And then she cried. She had barely made it into her bedroom and she cried. And not just a single, lonesome tear. She really cried. Bawled her eyes out, cried. She sunk to the floor, wedging herself in the gap between her bed and the wall. She pressed her back against the side of the mattress and pulled her legs close to her chest. Tears fell from her eyes uncontrollably, staining her rosy cheeks. She couldn't breath. Right now, she felt like she couldn't breath. She felt like all the oxygen in the room had been sucked out. Sucked out to feed the growing list of complications that she was sure were to arise. She gulped for air. Anything. And she shook. She literally trembled with fear. The fear of tomorrow. The fear of what Derek might know. She was scared. She was so freaking scared, it was painful. Scared, fearful of the unknown. Of what might happen tomorrow and in the days that would follow.

"Mommy?"

And she had air.

Meredith quickly released her legs, turned and looked over her bed and to her daughter's silhouette that stood in the door frame between her room and the hallway. She quickly wiped her tears from her eyes, embarrassed, ashamed that her daughter had seen her like this. Had seen her so weak. Her daughter's tiny legs ran across the floorboards and she sat down in a heap next to Meredith. She wrapped her arms around her mom and Meredith breathed. She could breathe. Katie gave her the oxygen she needed to breathe. Katie was her everything and as long as she had her, things would be alright. Wouldn't they?

"Why are you sad, Mommy?" Her voice held such innocence, such sincerity despite having no knowledge on the topic.

"I'm fine," Meredith managed, choking back tears.

Her answer mustn't have satisfied Katie as Meredith felt her tighten her embrace and whisper words of comfort quietly into the air. It's okay, Mommy. Stop crying. It's okay.

"I'll be good. I promise."

Her words made Meredith's heart feel as though it might literally break. She thought she was crying because of her? She thought she was crying because of her.

"Katie, you're perfect. I'm not sad because of you..." Meredith told her honestly, pulling from her grip and looking her daughter in the eyes. "It isn't your fault I'm crying." How could she explain why she was crying to a four year old? She couldn't.

"Then why are you sad?" Katie asked, tilting her head to the side. Her crystal blue eyes still sparkling despite the dim light of the room.

Meredith took a deep breath. "Grown up things. I'm better now though. I'm better now that you're here." Meredith took a hold of her tiny hand and smiled at the warmth her soft skin provided.

"Do you need me to sleep with you tonight?" Katie asked because it was what her mother always asked her when she was upset over something and by morning, everything was always better.

"I... I would like that very much."

Derek sat behind the desk in his new office. He sat in the new chair and stared at the walls that still seemed new to him, the only familiarity being his medical school diploma, which he had hung on the wall adjacent to his desk. Even the way he felt sitting at his desk seemed different. It seemed so strange. This was it, his new life. He was in a city that was still new to him, working in a new hospital and working around people who were different. Different and new. Different. It was what he had wanted, wasn't it? He had wanted something, anything... everything to be different. It had seemed so desirable. It had appeared to him like that one, special prize you worked so hard for, yet you always missed out on winning. Only he had been able to grasp it. He'd take a chance and here he was. He had managed to attain the new life. The different life. Somewhere where nobody knew him. Now though, the shiny, gold trophy was already starting to dull.

Maybe change was overrated. Initially, when he had fled New York that had been what he had wanted. Change. It didn't seem so desirable now. Things were fine as they were right now though, weren't they? They were. They were. He was willing to sit there for the next hour and consistently repeat that till it sounded even half believable. Only he couldn't. He couldn't believe that things were fine. He couldn't believe things were fine, when everything in his new, different life was holding more surprises then he had prepared himself for.

Meredith walked from room three twenty-one after just assessing a newly admitted patient's condition. She fidgeted with the stethoscope that hung around her neck, her fingers playing with the neck of the common piece of medical equipment. She walked to the nurses station and pulled her pen from her pocket. Clicking the pen, she was ready to add some additional information to one of her patient's charts.

"Doctor Grey."

She turned sharply to face the one person who she had been planning on avoiding today. That had been her plan, avoidance. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, when she had come up with it whilst brushing her teeth at five thirty in the morning. Now though, not so much.

"Doctor Shepherd." The words came out in a heavy breath as she released the incredibly large amount of air she had apparently inhaled on a subconscious level moments earlier.

"I was hoping to talk to you sometime today," he stated simply.

Meredith's eyes darted from Derek, to the chart she had resting on the bench beside her, searching. Searching for an excuse. Surgery!

"I'm actually about to go into surgery. Really, really soon. Like now," Meredith said with a nod as she clutched the chart close to her chest.

"I checked the board. Didn't see anything up there that would have any interest to you," Derek answered sharply.

"Well, I'm interested in a lot of things you don't know about. And I am scrubbing in." Her avoidance plan had been shot and was now slowly, slowly, painfully bleeding out.

"Meredith, please?" Something in his voice changed and Meredith gave in.

Her original plan of avoidance had just officially died.

"Could you meet me in my office in a half hour?" Derek asked.

Meredith nodded and then he walked away. He walked away, this time leaving her standing to watch as he merged into the ongoing traffic of the hospital corridors.

Meredith picked at her fries. She wasn't hungry. She was supposed to be meeting Derek in ten minutes and ten minutes right now, felt like ten days. Ten years. She was nervous. Panicking. Panicking with nerves.

"Why do you look like that?" Cristina asked bluntly.

"Like what?" Meredith looked at her best friend and wondered how she had managed to keep the identity of her daughter's father from her, even if he had only shown up a few days earlier.

"Like you're about to throw up the entire contents of your stomach."

She felt like that, she really did. "I'm not about to throw up," Meredith argued back weakly. Cristina had suggested that they should go outside, have a quick bite to eat almost after immediately after she had agreed to meet Derek and though, Meredith hadn't been hungry, she had agreed, hoping that it would allow her some space to clear her mind.

"You've been looking all weird for a week. All worried and... weird," Cristina explained, her arms folded as she lent back in her chair.

"I don't look weird." What was the point of even trying to have her believe it anyway? Meredith was sure she most likely did in fact look weird. She felt weird. Her life, right now, was weird.

"You do and you have ever since Doctor Shepherd came here. All weird and-"

"I'm fine!" Meredith interrupted. She so couldn't deal with this right now.

Cristina narrowed her eyes. "Oh, what did you do?"

"I didn't do anything!" Meredith stood up.

"You so did," Cristina shook her head.

"I... I have to go now," Meredith said before turning on her heal and walking back inside the hospital.

The door to Derek's office was open, Meredith could see as soon as she stepped off the elevator. She took a deep breath and continued walking. Continued walking even though she felt like she couldn't go any closer. And then she knocked on his door. Derek's eyes shot up from the papers they had been scanning and met hers.

"Meredith." His voice gave no clues to what he was feeling. What he was going to say to her. No indications what so ever. He motioned for her to enter and she did, shutting the door behind her and then hesitantly taking a seat opposite his.

They both sat there, neither of them saying a thing. Meredith avoided eye contact and found herself staring at her hands, whilst Derek just sat there. He just sat there and tried to figure out what he was going to say.

He had planned it already. What he was going to say. What he was going to ask. About Katie. About... He couldn't remember any of his original ideas. Nothing. He had no words. Right now, looking at Meredith, noticing how worried she looked, he was speechless. He hadn't meant to make her feel like this, he just wanted to talk. And to be honest, he was freaking out quite a bit right now, too. A lot actually. He couldn't push the thoughts of 'what if' from his head.

"Meredith," he said again, this time his voice far softer.

Meredith looked up and forced a quick smile. This was killing her. She didn't know what to say. What was she supposed to say in a situation like this? She had never, never thought she would ever be forced into this position. She had never even thought she would ever see Derek again. But here he was. Stupid Head of Neuro at Seattle Grace. At her hospital, in her city. In her life.

"I wanted to ask you something..." his voice trailed off.

And here it comes... Meredith slowly nodded, unable to make actual words come from her lips.

Derek took a breath and slowly exhaled.

"Katie. You have a daughter..." he started.

Meredith once again averted any eye contact.

"She's your daughter and she's... How old is she?" he eventually managed to ask.

"How old is she?" Meredith's voice was quiet. She knew when she answered him properly, he would know for sure.

"How old is she?" Derek asked again, this time more firmly.

Meredith felt the familiar sensation of tears sting the back of her eyes and she closed her eyes shut.

"She's almost four and a half." Her words came out as almost a whisper. She didn't bother to open her eyes.

Derek put his elbows on the desk and rested his head in his hands. His head felt like it weighed one hundred pounds alone and he needed something to support it.

"Oh my god, Meredith," he mumbled into his hands, unable to meet her eyes with his. She didn't even need to say it, he already knew.

"I am so sorry," Meredith said quickly. "So sorry..."

Derek didn't say anything. He didn't even look at her. He couldn't look at her. This was just... just... unbelievable.

"I was going to tell you..." the words left her mouth quietly, slowly, like the tear that slid down her cheek in union.

"When Meredith?" he quickly pushed himself up and stood there. "When the fuck were you going to tell me?"

Meredith bit down on her lower lip, until she tasted blood. "I... I..."

"Were you really going to tell me, Meredith? Or were you just going to wait and see if I figured it out on my own?" his voice raised louder and he buried his head in his hands, half facing Meredith.

This was not supposed to be happening, Derek thought. None of this was supposed to be happening. He wasn't supposed to see Meredith ever again and he wasn't supposed to find out... He couldn't even process it right now.

"Or better yet, were you just going to wait another ten, fifteen years and have her tell me?" he accused, running his hands through his hair as he paced to the other side of the room.

"I think... I think, I'll just leave," Meredith stood up from the chair and wiped her now wet cheeks. She couldn't let anyone see her like this. She needed for no one to see her like this. Meredith took a few steps towards the door, intent on making her escape out of this room.

"No, wait," she heard Derek say, his suddenly voice much softer than how it had been only moments before.

Meredith's hand was touching the door handle and she was oh, so tempted to leave...

"Meredith..."

She dropped her hand and turned. She looked at him and only now noticed how tired he looked. His eyes were red, bloodshot and he had obvious dark rings under his eyes. He had clearly spent the whole night awake, worrying. She had at least managed to get some sleep. This was as hard on him as it was her. Maybe harder, she didn't know. She really didn't know what he was feeling right now.

"I didn't mean to yell at you like that," he apologized looking at her, falling once again into his seat. His head falling once again into his palms.

"Okay..." Meredith answered, unsure of what she should do right now. Take a seat again? Leave?

"It's just... Katie, I'm her Dad?" he breathed heavily.

"You don't have to be," Meredith found herself answering quickly.

"But biologically, I am?"

She only realized now he was asking her. He was asking her the question he had been pondering on. He still needed the actual conformation that what he suspected was true.

Meredith didn't move. She just stood there, for what felt like far too long. And then she slowly nodded her head. "Yes," she whispered.

Neither of them said anything. Derek looked around the room. Everything was new. This wasn't his life, was it? He would wake up tomorrow and everything would be normal, right? No. He knew it wouldn't happen. This... Well, this. It was his life.

"Don't worry though," Meredith said quickly.

Don't worry? 'Worry' was a fucking understatement.

"I mean, Katie doesn't know. And she doesn't have to. I won't tell her and you don't have to do anything. I don't expect anything and you can pretend I didn't even say anything. That's fine. It's up to you. I don't know what you want to do. If you don't want to look at me ever again, that's okay too. I'm not really sure how that would work exactly, but if you-" Her rambled freak-out was cut short.

"I just need to think." He looked at her and she nodded. He really needed to think. He needed to think and right now, he couldn't. Not properly. He was supposed to be working right now. They both were and this was... not working.

Meredith quickly turned and left his office, avoiding the glares of anyone who might notice the silent tears she was unable to hold back.

Talking to him now? So not a good idea.

A/N: Well, I hope that wasn't total three am, no sleep, pointless, gibberish crap. Let me know if it is. Or isn't.