Oh gods, oh gods, are you there?
What can I do to get you to look down and give in?
Oh gods, oh gods hear my prayer…
I'm here in the field with my feet on the ground and my fate in the air…
Waiting for life to begin!
It was a new song I was working on for Glee. Since Coach Sylvester kicked me off Cheerios, I needed something to throw all of my energy into. I'd always been that kind of person, who needs to work hard at something in order to avoid losing her mind. It was a distraction from everything that had been going on lately. Still I really liked that song. It was from some play that I'd never seen, and I didn't know what it was about. The song, though. I heard Rachel singing it on her Myspace page one time, like a year ago. I'm pretty sure I left a comment to the effect of "Please go jump off of a cliff."
That wasn't me anymore.
The song stayed with me. I'd never admit it to Santana or Danielle or Macy or whatever other Cheerio was defacing Rachel's Myspace with me back then, but that song got to me. It was joy, there's no other way to describe it. Something about her voice stayed in my mind for all that time- she sounded so happy and excited when she sang it. I remember thinking at the time, "What does Crazypants Berry have to be happy about?"
I still didn't know, but I wanted to feel like that, too.
I was almost six months pregnant, and at my last appointment, the doctors had warned me about possible complications for when I deliver. It didn't matter how many times the doctors told me that, most likely, nothing bad would happen, I was scared shitless. I was a mess, crying all the time. But not in front of people.
But, yeah, I needed a distraction. That was where "Waiting For Life" came in. I sang for a little while longer, but belting was exhausting. Also, I sucked at it.
Plus, I was starting to feel panicky about the possibility of bleeding to death in three months. I called Puck. He wasn't really the most sympathetic person on earth, but he offered to be there for me, whatever I needed. Even if it was somebody to tell me, "Trust me, babe, you're not gonna die."
The phone rang.
"Hello?" The voice at the other end said. It was most definitely not Puck. It sounded like… no, it couldn't be.
"Finn?"
"Oh, hey Quinn" He said, like he talked to me every day.
"Hey. Why are you on Puck's phone?" I asked. I was under the impression that Finn still wanted to run over Puck with an eighteen-wheeler. Guess not.
"We're hanging out. Playin' Halo."
Okay, was I in the Twilight Zone, all of the sudden?
"Anyway" Finn continued, "He left to buy dip. He'll be back in a minute."
"Oh… um, thanks. I'll call back some other time."
"Ok, see ya later."
"I lo- I mean bye."
It was a force of habit, but I almost told Finn I loved him. That wasn't true anymore, was it? I mean I couldn't still love him. It would be unhealthy to love someone who doesn't love you back. I did miss him, though, more than anything. I stopped myself. It hurt too much to think about Finn, no matter how thrilled I was that he was speaking to me (and, apparently, Puck).
A/N: Sorry, it's short. I'm gonna try to post a very Puckleberry-flavored chapter pretty soon. Make sure you leave me a comment to tell me what you think! Also, I suggest that you all go find the video of Lea Michele singing "Waiting for Life". The video inspired this chapter. There's another of her singing "Touch Me" from Spring Awakening in the same show. May I just say "Oh. My. God."