Title: Bend and Not Break
Author: DockRock06
Rating: M
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.
Spoilers: Season 12's 'If not now'
Content Warning: Adult themes i.e. Rape.
Summery: What if Ray wasn't really as fine as he is letting on? Will his friends be able to help him in time?
A/N In this chapter I am having the storyline with Eugene from season 11, the 14 year old boy who was being raped by his mother's boyfriend. It is not exactly like it happened in the show, but I want to say that I don't own that storyline, and I am just adjusting it to fit with my story.
Chapter Five: Open Our Hearts
See the truth all around,
Ohh, our faith can be broken,
Yeah, our hands can be bound,
Ohh, but open our hearts,
And fill up the emptiness,
With nothing to stop us,
Is it not worth the risk?
Yeah, is it not worth the risk?
The Calling 'Our Lives'
It was Ray's first day back since his stabbing and Ray couldn't deny that he wasn't feeling slightly nervous. He knew that people would be asking him how he was after his father's death and his funeral, which Ray had obviously not attended, and he didn't know what he was going to say to them.
Running a hand through his hair, Ray got out of bed, careful not to wake Neela who didn't need to be up for another few hours as her shift was only a half shift and started later in the afternoon. Looking at her lying in their bed peacefully, Ray couldn't help but feel grateful for having someone like Neela in his life. Someone who was there for him no matter what and didn't judge him when he did something wrong. It was nice having someone who actually believed in him for once and he was going to do whatever it took to make sure that she was happy.
Ray made his way to the bathroom, immediately turning the hot water on full blast as he shifted from foot to foot, trying to keep them off the cool tiles. Stripping off when he saw and felt the warm steam coming from the shower, Ray jumped in quickly and let the warm blast flow over his body before rubbing the suds all over his body and hair, knowing that it would be a bad idea to be late his first day back after a very long time off, no matter what reason it was.
Stepping out Ray dried off and wrapped the towel around his waist and made his way back to the bedroom to get dressed. Quietly opening the door, Ray shed the towel and pulled on a pair of boxers and socks as he hunted the room for a clean pair of jeans and top. He stopped however when he heard the faint sound of giggling and turned to see Neela staring at him, a huge smile on her face.
'What are you laughing at' Ray said in a mock serious tone as he walked over and sat on the bed beside Neela, pulling the comforter over himself to try and stay warm, the bedroom no warmer than the bathroom in the early hours of a Chicago morning.
'You, trying to find clean clothes. Any normal person would look in a closet; but you look on the floor!' Neela said as she took his hand in her own, rubbing her thumb backwards and forwards over his wrist, feeling his life pulsing beneath.
'Yeah, well, I never claimed to be normal' Ray said with a grin as he stood up and went to the closest, pulling out a pair of dark denim jeans and a black sweater, knowing that the E.R would defiantly be too cold for one of his t-shirts. Pulling his clothes on quickly Ray walked over and kissed Neela on the cheek before going to the kitchen and grabbing his bag and coat.
Walking down the stairs of the EL Ray burrowed farther into his coat, pulling his scarf tighter around his neck with his gloved hands to try and keep some warmth in his body. Stopping at the roach coach Ray got a coffee and made the dreaded journey to the front doors of the ER. Walking in Ray noticed that the waiting room was packed and cursed under his breath, so much for an easy first day back.
Seeing Luka at the admit desk, Ray nodded his head to him as he made his way to the doctors lounge to take off his parka coat and replace it with the pristine white lab coat with his name stitched on the front.
Pulling his lab coat on Ray turned his head when he heard the sound of the door to the lounge opening, and was surprised when he saw that it was Luka.
'Hi Luka' Ray said as he picked his cup of coffee back up off the table which he had set it on when he was taking his coat off, and cradled it in his hands to try and warm them up.
'Good Morning Ray' said the older doctor, eyeing the younger one suspicious, perhaps trying to see if he was O.K.
As Ray made his way to leave the lounge his stopped when he felt Lukas hand on his arm, halting his motions, and turned to look at Luka with a grin as he said,
'Something you need?'
Letting go of his arm, Luka nodded his head and motioned for Ray to sit on the sofa, as he sat on the coffee table in front of him.
'I just want to make sure you're alright. That you're not rushing back here' Luka said as he held Rays gaze, wanting to make sure he didn't miss any signs that Ray wasn't fine.
Shaking his head 'No' Ray replied as casually as he could,
'What, no I'm fine' and his trademark smile was in place, hiding how he felt inside. No, but I can't tell you that.
Nodding his head, and obviously accepting the answer Luka smiled back at Ray and patted him on the leg before standing and saying,
'Well, I'll not keep you back then'
Standing and following Luka out the door Ray made his way over to the admit desk and began to look through the charts sitting in the rack. Lifting a few charts Ray made his way to his first patient, hoping that today was going to be easy.
After finishing all of his charts and discharging all of his patients, a rather pleased Ray made his way over to the admit desk. Seeing Morris Ray hoped that he wouldn't start asking questions like he usually did, but found that he was unlucky when the Chief Resident saddled over to him and clasped him on the shoulder.
'So Ray, first day back. How you feeling?' Morris asked with the weird little smile which he always seemed to have plastered on his face.
'Fine. Just discharged all of my patients and I'm looking for another' Ray said as he rifled through the charts, hoping to find another 'slam dunk' case.
'Well, is that so? Because I happen to have a chart here that I think you would be great with. A fourteen year old boy with sickle cell, all he needs is some medication and a discharge and he should be good to go' Morris said as he pointed in the direction of the waiting room to a thin boy sitting on his own in the corner.
Nodding his head and taking the chart from Morris Ray made his way over to triage.
Walking up behind Morris Abby gave him a rather painful slap on the back of the head, glaring at him as she said,
'You're twisted Morris. You know it's his first day back and you stick him with Eugene…who you know will never go home. You really are pathetic'
Rubbing the back of his head Morris turned and watched a retreating Abby as he thought; what the hells up with her? She and Barnett got something going on behind Lukas back!
'I can't walk on it man' said Eugene as he pointed his finger to his foot.
Ray turned and asked Haleh to get a wheelchair for Eugene and bring him to sutures just as a trauma was pulled into the triage area, and he quickly excused himself and asked a nurse to bring Eugene to sutures for when he was done as he made his way over to the gurney to help.
Pushing the gurney into Trauma 1 along with Luka, Abby and Chuny, Ray helped transfer the patient from one bed to another and began to assess the injuries.
'Crackles on the right side' Ray announced as he listened to the chest.
As Ray was about to perform a cut down, he heard his name being called and looked up to see that it was Haleh calling him, and looking over his shoulder he saw that Eugene was walking around the room, even though he had just told Ray that he couldn't.
'Excuse me' Ray said as he stripped off his gloves and gown, walking through the joining door and saying,
'Where you going man, I thought you couldn't walk?' a sarcastic and annoyed tone in his voice.
'I needed to use the bathroom. What did you expect me to do?' Replied Eugene, although not very convincingly as he sat back down on the edge of the bed.
'Well you could stop playing me for a start' replied Ray as he lifted a band aid and cotton ball from the tray beside the bed.
'The medicine made it better' lied Eugene as he looked anywhere but at Ray.
'Well, you got your fix so now you can stop wasting my time' Ray snapped as he pulled the I.V tubing from Eugene's arm and stuck the band aid over the puncture hole.
'What no, it'll get worse I know it will.' Begged Eugene.
Pulling his prescription pad from his lab coat pocket, Ray scribbled down some medication and thrust it into Eugene's hand.
'Cant I just stay here?' Eugene pleaded once again with the young doctor.
Running his hand over his face Ray pretended to think for a moment, saying,
'Ahh…no!' before walking back towards the door, receiving a 'Well done' and a pat on the back from Haleh.
Walking back into the trauma room, Ray pulled on another gown and pair of gloved and made his way over to the side of the bed to stand beside Abby.
'Sorry, that kid' Ray said, indicating his head towards sutures.
'Eugene' Abby said as she continued working.
'Yeah, how did you know?' Asked a confused Ray. Had Abby seen him earlier?
Glancing up to Ray momentarily Abby said,
'He's a bit of a frequent flyer. Morris is such a dick for giving him to you, he knows!'
Shaking his head in disbelief Ray helped unhook the machines as the surgeons moved the bed out to the elevator, leaving only him and Abby in the room. As he made his way to leave Ray was stopped by Abby's hand on his arm, much like Luka's earlier, and he turned to look at her.
'So, how are you?' Abby asked in a quiet voice as she stared into his eyes, as if she was trying to look right into his soul, which was actually making Ray feel a little uncomfortable.
'Fine' Ray said with a small smile, hoping that he sounded convincing, because he sure as hell didn't feel it.
'That's good' Abby said with a wide smile and patted Ray on the arm before leaving the trauma room.
It was the end of Rays shift and he was glad to finally be going home, after the first trauma there had been three more and he was exhausted. All he wanted to do was go home and crash on the sofa until Neela came home.
Walking across the road Ray yelled for a taxi, and let out an exasperated sigh as none stopped. Shaking his head he went to walk on but suddenly something, or rather someone caught his eye. It can't be
Walking over to the front of the closed store, Ray realized that it was Eugene standing in front of the store.
'Hey man, what are you doing here? You should be at home' Ray stated as he walked over and stood beside him.
'I'm not going home' Eugene replied, not taking his eyes off the gadgets in the window in front of him.
Pushing his hand into the pocket of his coat Ray pulled out a few bills and held his hand out to Eugene while saying,
'You need a taxi fare?'
Eugene shook his head and said in an agitated voice,
'I'm not going home, he'll be there!'
Ray remembered how Eugene had told him that his mother was at work and that her boyfriend was at home, but wouldn't be able to pick him up. Guessing that he was the man who Eugene was referring to Ray asked,
'You two don't get along?' and he couldn't push down the sickening feeling that he knew all too well where this conversation was heading.
Turning to look at Ray over his shoulder, Eugene said in a quiet voice,
'No…he does stuff'
The admission was enough to make Ray feel warm, his throat feeling as though it was closing up. But after taking a few deep breathes, knowing that he had to help this kid, Ray said,
'Why don't you come back into the hospital. I'll take care of it. You'll be fine' Ray knew that he was saying the words which many had said to him over the past few weeks, words which he always thought weren't true. But he was determined to help Eugene like people hadn't helped him when he was young. He only wished that he had gotten the courage to tell someone when it had started to him, like Eugene just did.
Putting his arm around his shoulder, Ray guided the two of them back across the road and into the hospital. As soon as Pratt had spotted Ray, and the kid with him, he had shot Ray an agitated look.
'What's going on?' Pratt questioned, not masking the anger in his voice.
Motioning Chuny over Ray asked her to take Eugene into curtain three, and turning to Pratt in said in a quiet voice,
'He was raped' and just before he turned to go and see how Eugene was, he didn't miss the look of guilt and sympathy that crossed over Pratt's face, dissolving away all of the anger which he had initially felt.
Waling into the dimly lit room, Ray pulled the stool over beside the bed and sat down.
'Listen, I wish you had of told me' and with that statement Ray received a glare from Eugene, but couldn't blame him. He then corrected himself, saying, 'Or that I'd asked'
Eugene just shrugged his shoulders, not really knowing what else to do or say to the young doctor.
The room was filled with an awkward silence, neither knowing what to say or do. The silence was broken however by Eugene, his voice cutting through it as he said,
'Why do you think they do it?' And although it was only an innocent question, Eugene not knowing how Ray too had thought that very same thing, Ray couldn't stop the shaking in his hands.
'I guess they…they just don't care. There bad people' Ray said as way of an explanation, not wanting to think about it too much.
'I phoned you're mother and she's going to be here soon'
Ray noticed the dropping of Eugene's eyes, knowing that he had probably been up most of the night before and had spent all day in the hospital and was most likely exhausted.
'You tired?' Ray questioned, receiving a nod to confirm his thoughts.
'Well I'll stay here until your mom gets here and then Dr. Kovac is going to look after you' Ray stopped, and then added, 'It's going to be O.K'
It had been a few minutes since Eugene had fallen asleep and Ray felt his own eyes growing heavier. He would have left only Eugene's mother still hadn't arrived and he would feel bad leaving him alone after he had promised to stay with him.
Resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands, Ray felt his own eyes closing against his own efforts to keep them open. Hearing everything beginning to get quieter around him, the sounds of the machines drifting away, Ray was tempted to let the urge take over him, but that was all snapped way when he felt a had on his back, jerking him back to awareness.
Turning his head to see who it was Ray was surprised to see that it was Neela, smiling at him, a sad look in her eyes.
'I treated him like crap today. I didn't even ask him why he didn't want to go home' Ray said quietly, not wanting to wake up Eugene.
Pulling a stool over to sit beside her boyfriend, Neela lifted Rays hand in her own and gave it a reassuring squeeze as she said,
'You did what you did because you thought he was after a fix. Everybody has done that to him over the past months. But you're the only one who got him in here now. Who found out why' She raised her hand to his face, rubbing her thumb over his cheekbone as he looked at her with said eyes.
Hearing the sound of the door opening, both residents looked round to see that it was Luka who had came in.
'Hey, I got this now Ray, why don't you two go home' Luka said as he lifted the chart from the end of the bed and began writing on it.
'I was thinking maybe I could help' Ray said as Neela left to go and get her coat.
Setting the chart back down and walking over to Ray, the older doctor put his had on his shoulder and said in a gentle tone,
'I think it might be a bit much Ray.' And he didn't miss the flash of shame that crossed Ray's eyes before he turned his head away.
'It's not that I don't think you can handle it. I just think you need to go home, you look beat. You've had a pretty hectic first day back' Luka said with a smile.
Nodding his head in agreement Ray faced Luka again and said,
'Yeah…well I'll see you tomorrow then. Goodnight'
'Yeah, goodnight'
Walking out of the room, Ray walked over to Neela and took her hand in his. They both said goodnight to the rest of the doctors and nurses at the admit before making there way back out into the cold night, hoping to get home to the warmth of their apartment soon.
Neela and Ray were both sitting on the couch, snuggled up against each other with a blanket over their knees and watching a cheesy film on the T.V.
Ray wasn't really paying much attention to the film, his mind filled with thoughts about Eugene and his own father. He looked over at Neela and realized just how lucky he was to have found her.
Leaning over he placed a gentle kiss on her cheek, pulling back and smiling at the surprised look on her face.
'What was that for…not that I don't like it' Neela asked with a laugh.
'For being you' Ray said with a sparkle in his eyes, the love for Neela clearly showing through, the same sparkle looking back at him.
A/N Well I hope that you liked this chapter, and please tell me what you think!