Hey guys! This took me a little longer than I'd said it would but a little thing called life gave me a call and demanded why I hadn't been reporting for duty for the past coupla months...Anywho I finally finished it and this chapter is the actual songfic so please, Enjoy! =D
Jack Starbright felt terrible. Once again she was in one of those moods where she was upset and frustrated beyond even her own comprehension without any way to release it whatsoever. And as usual, the reason behind it was Ian. He was always the reason for these moods of hers.
But this time, he wasn't leaving for a business trip, being ignorant of her affection or even doing something to annoy her. No. He was dead. Ian Rider was gone...forever. Just that thought itself was enough to kill Jack inside. It was just so unrealistic, Ian being dead. He was Ian for crying out loud! The man that came home from business trips beaten and bruised, the one that had defended her from countless attacks over the course of the years. He just couldn't be dead. And yet he was. Killed in a car crash on the way back from a "mission."
Jack still couldn't believe he was an MI6 agent. She always knew there was more to his business trips than he had led on. Still, it came as a bit of a surprise. He was like...the real life James Bond, and he didn't tell anyone. He didn't tell her...he didn't tell her.
Jack had gone through his will, his documents...his posthumous letters. He loved her. He loved her very much and he hadn't told her. Couldn't tell her, couldn't even love her straight all because of his work. He couldn't love her. And that was probably what hurt the most.
Jack let out a strangled cry to the cold emptiness of her room. She drew her legs closer to herself and allowed a new wave of tears flow down her cheeks. Everything was all wrong. Ian had broken his promise. He'd broken the promise, the last words he ever spoke to her and died. Alex had been dragged into join MI6 and she was all alone. It was all just so wrong. She looked up from her knees and spotted, laying at the corner of her bed was the remote to her stereo. Right where she'd thrown it a week or so back...when Ian was still with her...Just that single thought sent her plummeting once again. And without even thinking, she reached for the remote and turned the stereo on.
And the second the first note of the song sounded around her room, a sickening feeling erupted in the pit of Jack's stomach. She suddenly remembered what song it was that she'd last listened to and who was with her when she'd listened to it. It made her so sick, she almost was physically ill on the spot. She threw the remote at the wall with all the strength in her body, shattering it in her frustration. And yet she made no move to stop the song. She just closed her eyes and listened. Listened and thought.
Your fingertips across my skin
Your sweet touch...the feel of your hug, the smell of your Davidoff cologne, those lingering touches from time to time, your support, your comfort, everything about you, I can still remember. As if it was just yesterday I'd last seen and felt you.
The palm trees swaying in the wind, Images
All the vacations, all the memories, all the places I'd ever gone with you. From the kitchen cooking dinner together to the beaches of Australia. All of it.
You sang me Spanish lullabies
All the talks, all the advice, all the comfort and support you'd given me. Your soft, smooth, and perfectly accented voice that I could listen to for hours.
The sweetest sadness in your eyes clever trick
You spoke in the softest tones that almost mesmerized me when you spoke to me. The sweetest sadness in your expression that made me always feel like you knew just what I meant. Feel just like you were speaking with as much love as I was. A rather smart thing to do.
Well I'd never want to see you unhappy
I loved you...and I'd never...ever want to see you unhappy. Part of the reason why I used to slave myself to make everything just perfect for you.
I thought you'd want the same for me
I thought you'd always want me to be happy too. I thought you'd always want me to smile. After all, you did love me too, right? But now here I am, crying, crying for you because you're gone and nothing will ever be the same again. And now, now that I know of your love, you're gone.
Goodbye my almost lover
You got to say goodbye to me...but I never got to say goodbye to you. Cruel much? Well here it is now. Goodbye Ian.
Goodbye my hopeless dream
Goodbye to you. The one man amongst all my boyfriends that I really, truly loved. That I really wanted to go somewhere, to live the rest of my life with. And you weren't even my boyfriend. You were much...much more.
I'm trying not to think about you
You've been dead for only a few days now...and I'm trying so hard not to think about you...
Can't you just let me be?
I'm need to calm down, I think I'll have some wine. Wine, Ian loved wine. It's five o' clock, Ian takes Alex to his karate lessons at five o' clock. I'm hungry, I'll order some pizza. Ian didn't like pizza very much. Something about staying fit. I think I'll watch some HBO, James Bond is on. Ian was James Bond. Alex is home from school. He's a spitting image of Ian. I'll clean the house-no I won't because that would involve going into Ian's room and looking at Ian's things and thinking about Ian.
Every single thought I have leads right back to you.
So long my luckless romance
Goodbye, Ian. My luckless romance...if you could even call what we had a romance
My back is turned on you
I'm done with you. Done thinking about you. It just hurts way too much.
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
I shouldn't be this surprised that I'm dying inside because of you. I should have seen it coming...
Almost lovers always do
You were my almost lover after all. What else should I have expected?
We walked along a crowded street
We used to walk together. You'd always find some kind of professional excuse like "We really need to go grocery shopping" or something like that to go outside. Just you and me.
You took my hand and danced with me, Images
Actually I remember once, you saved me from a man that'd attacked us in the middle of a busy street. You explained it as "I deal with a lot of money and people that aren't as civilized as you and I." and I believed it. You then took my hand and walked very close to me all the way home. Something about if there was anyone else looking to harm you, they'd leave you alone, knowing you were with someone that could possibly call for help. Small and insignificant maybe, but still a memory I will never forget.
And when you left you kissed my lips
Actually you kissed my forehead and then disappeared...
You told me you would never ever forget these images, No
You promised you'd be back. You promised you'd stay home with me...you promised...
Well I'd never want to see you unhappy
I'd give and do everything in my power to keep you happy and smiling.
I thought you'd want the same for me
You made me believe you felt the same. But look at me now, Ian. You've done this to me.
Goodbye my almost lover
You're making me say goodbye to you. Do you know how much that hurts me?
Goodbye my hopeless dream
Knowing that you felt the same way for me, knowing that we could have gone somewhere. Knowing that my dreams could have come true?
I'm trying not to think about you
I'm trying so hard to lessen the pain. Not think about the things that could have been
Can't you just let me be?
But your memory simply refuses to leave me alone
So long my luckless romance
I keep thinking about how you're gone. I keep thinking of the goodbye I never told you...the "I love you" I never told you.
My back is turned on you
But no more thinking about that now...right?
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Because ti's my fault. I should have seen this coming
Almost lovers always do
Almost lovers do tend to end things badly
I cannot go to the ocean
You've ruined everything. I can't go anywhere without it reminding me of you. I can't go to that grocery place near the beach without remembering you saving me from that man
I cannot try the streets at night
I can't go out for a walk in the quiet night without remembering how you somehow used to find me on my previous nightly excursions and talk me out of whatever depression I was in
I cannot wake up in the morning
And I most definitely can never...ever wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
Without my first thought being "Ian's gone."
So you're gone and I'm haunted
Now you're dead, so you probably haven't got much time to stress over me. But me, I'm still alive and breathing(recently though I've had to sit down and check, just to make sure) and completely capable of drowning myself in your memory.
And I bet you are just fine
And you're probably in heaven. You had your quirks but you deserve to go to heaven. You were an amazing guy and you're probably just way too busy up there to remember me.
Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?
Am I really that easy to forget?
Goodbye my almost lover
Bye, Ian. I'll never see you again.
Goodbye my hopeless dream
I'll never dream about you again.
I'm trying not to think about you
And I'm trying so hard to stop thinking about you, because I've got a life to live and your nephew to take care of
Why can't you just let me be?
But how am I supposed to take care of your poor underage nephew without thinking of you every single time I look into those eyes?
So long my luckless romance
Bye Ian. I have no time to waste thinking about what we could have been anymore.
My back is turned on you
I'm trying to turn my back on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Because this isn't your fault. It's mine. I should have seen all this coming from the very first moment I really looked into your eyes and noticed how handsome you were. I should have known you were going to leave me like this.
Almost lovers always do
Because you, Ian were my almost lover. And almost lovers always do.
Jack took a shuddering breath as the song ended. She lifted her face from her knees and suddenly realized from the dampness of it, that she'd been crying. She scrubbed her face with the heel of her hand, taking a deep breath. And for some odd reason, with the deep breath, she felt as though a weight had been taken off her shoulders. She suddenly felt very light.
Huh, guess Ian was right, crying your heart out does make you feel better she shrugged to herself. And then realized what she'd just done. She'd thought impulsively about Ian...without bursting into tears! Well that was certainly a good sign. Jack turned her head to look at her bedside table where framed pictures stood of her trip to the Pink Sands Beach in the Bahamas with Ian and Alex. The first was of Ian, who was wearing a body tight surf suit and herself(she was wearing a tank top and kapris.) Ian had an arm gently around her shoulder and they were both smiling broadly. The second picture was supposed to be just of herself, but at the last second, Alex and Ian had decided to lean into the shot a Rider on either side of Jack. That one always made her smile, even now. And the last was of the three of them together in a nice posed family photo of sorts. There were three copies of this picture, one in each bedroom of the house.
Jack looked at each picture before picking up the one of herself and Ian. She stared at it hard for a long time before putting it back and picking up the one of all three of them. She held the frame close. Yes, that was much better.
Because up until this point she'd been thinking about just herself and Ian. Ignoring that Alex was still there, and in need of care. Alex was probably feeling the same as her and she was blocking him out by sitting in her room alone. They needed to work together, pull through it together.
She pulled the frame back from her chest and smiled at it, specifically at Ian's smiling image.
And most of all they had to learn to make Ian's memory a good one. She set the frame back onto her bedside table and got off her bed. She began walking towards the door, aiming to go find Alex and actually talk to him for the first time since Ian's death. But before she could step out the door, she turned back for one last glance at the picture of Ian smiling at her. She smiled back and went on her way, thoughts of him on her mind.
Thoughts of Ian Rider, Jackie Starbright's Almost Lover.
Alright, well I hope that came out alright =] Hope it wasn't too oc and I hope the ending made somewhat sense =]
On a different note, for my Quondam Iterum or Savin' Me readers, don't kill me, I know I'm in no place to start a new story but I've been working really hard to get new chapters for those up, so hopefull they'll be done soon =]
Review! =] Love ya guys! =]