Thanks to all of the lovely people who read and reviewed the last chapter of "Bend and Not Break". I was glad to see that you all liked it…and so I have another chapter for you! This chapter is going to focus more on the friendships of Luka/Ray and Abby/Ray, as I think that I haven't included them in enough of the previous chapters to show how they are going to help Ray cope with what happened to him.

The lyrics from the beginning of this chapter are "Drown" by Three Days Grace.

Chapter Thirteen – Drown

Good morning day
Sorry you're not here
But all those times before
Were never this unclear
It's hard to walk when you can't even crawl
Once I had this world, but now I've lost it all

It was Ray's first shift since Kerry had agreed to let him work a few shifts a week and Ray would have been lying if he said he wasn't nervous. He wasn't nervous so much about actually working, but more about what his colleagues would think. He had been off a long time, longer than someone would normally take for the death of a loved one, although the though of referring to his father as a loved one made Ray want to be sick. He wasn't ready for all of the questions and just hoped that the day would be busy enough to stop people from asking anything. Ray was going to work on his own for his first shift, Neela having the day off. She had insisted on getting her shifts changed so that her and Ray would be together, but he knew that she had been working hard and told her not to.

Walking through the doors to the ER, Ray saw that it was swamped and smiled to himself. He couldn't believe how much he missed this place, when only a year ago he would have done anything to be working less shifts at County so he could get away to play a gig in a club somewhere. Walking straight to the lounge Ray opened his locker and put his coat in, exchanging it for his crisp white lab coat. Swinging his stethoscope over his neck, Ray heard the door of the lounge open.

"Ray!" Abby said, walking over to him and pulling him into a quick hug. She wasn't normally one for displays of affection in public, but after the phone call that she had received from Neela a few nights before she too had been worried about Ray.

Running a hand over his neck, Ray smiled at Abby as she walked over to the counter and asked,

"Coffee?" holding up two cups.

"Sure" He said with a smile, sitting down on the couch. He, Abby and Neela had slowly become good friends over the course of their year as Interns, and Ray was glad to say that their friendship still remained and only got stronger.

Sitting down beside him when she was done, Abby looked at him with a smile as she asked,

"So, first day back?" taking a drink from her own cup as Ray did the same before answering,

"Yeah…I see I picked a good day to come back too" He said with a soft laugh, indicating to the packed waiting room. Seeing her roll her eyes in frustration and let out a small groan, Ray laughed again as she replied,

"I know…this place is never quiet…except the days that I'm off"

Nodding his head, Ray took another drink of his coffee before saying with a smile,

"Thanks for the coffee, but I guess I should actually do some work now" a grin on his face as he stood and left the lounge, leaving Abby looking after him. He didn't know that when Neela had phoned her the same night that Ray had came back that she had told her everything…how he reacted to her asking him what was wrong. She had told Abby not to mention it to him, knowing that he would be angry that she had told her but also wanting Abby to keep an eye on him.

Setting her own cup in the sink, Abby fixed her lab coat before leaving the lounge and making her way back into the madhouse that was the ER.

"O.K, can you just follow my finger" Ray asked the young woman to do as he assessed her injuries. She was a cheerleader and had fallen off the top of a pyramid in school and had hit her head. Satisfied that she didn't have a concussion after running a few more tests, Ray was stitching the cut that she had on her forehead.

"You'll just need a few stitches but other than that you're fine" Ray said as he began pulling his gloves on as Chuny set up the suture kit for him.

"Oh no, will it scar?" The teenager asked with tears in her eyes. God, Ray sometimes wondered how he had ever dated cheerleaders back in high school! Offering her a small smile he looked at her as he replied,

"No, just a bit of discoloration for a while and then it should fade"

After he had finished the suturing, Ray thanked Chuny and signed the discharge papers for the young girl. Walking over to admit he set the chart back in the rack before picking up another one and reading it.

"Ray"

Ray jumped slightly, turning around to see that it was only Luka, the older man looking at him weirdly, one eyebrow raised slightly, but Ray just smiled at him as he ran a hand over the back of his neck, pretending that his heart hadn't nearly ripped from his chest with shock.

"Need something?" Ray asked politely, hoping to play down his reaction. He didn't know why he was so jumpy or what he expected to happen.

"Yeah, could you help with a hip dislocation in trauma 2?" Luka asked, walking down the hall as Ray nodded his head in reply, setting his chart down and following Luka.

It was a few hours later, the end of his shift and Luka walked into the lounge, surprised to see Abby there. Walking over to her and wrapping his arms around her, he asked,

"Are you not supposed to be home now?"

Shaking her head, she raised her eyes to meet his as she replied with a sigh,

"Nope, Morris swapped shifts with me so I would be on with Ray…although I told him it was so we could go out this weekend" She added with a smirk. Morris was the easiest to manipulate…mostly because the redhead believed anything you would tell him if you could be convincing enough.

Letting her out of his embrace and taking his lab coat off to replace it with his long black winter coat, and looked around the lounge to make sure that they were the only one's there before saying,

"Speaking of Ray, don't you think he's been a little vacant today?"

Pouring her cup of coffee down the sink after tasting it, Abby looked at Luka as she said,

"I don't know, it is his first day back…maybe he's just readjusting. He was off for a long time"

Nodding his head, Luka pulled his scarf and gloves on, seeing the rain that was pouring down outside. Closing his locker door he said,

"I don't know but don't you think it was as if he had too many things going on in his head at once…too many eggs in one bucket"

Smirking at his muck up, Abby walked over to Luka and looked at him as she said,

"Basket Luka, its basket"

Sending her a mock glare, Luka kissed her on the cheek before saying,

"O.K, but he hasn't stopped all day, I don't even think he's taken a break yet"

Nodding her head in agreement, Abby herself having only seen Ray not working once and that was when they had been talking in the morning, looked at Luka with a somber face as she said,

"O.K, I'll keep an eye on him and try and talk to him…see how he is"

Smiling, Luka kissed her before making his way out of the ER, knowing it was best to get out fast when your shift had ended in case you got sucked back in for another twelve hours of hard work and bad coffee.

It was another three hours before Abby saw Ray again, standing at the admit desk with another chart in his hands. He had changed into a pair of scrubs throughout the day, obviously by cause of one of his patients, and hadn't seen her coming over. Just as she was about to ask him to go and get coffee, and to make an attempt at talking to see how he was feeling, a trauma pulled up, Pratt calling them both to help,

"Ray, go to the trauma room and set up, Abby, you come with me"

Sighing, Abby jogged out as she thought, so much for talking to Ray.

Helping push the gurney in, a man in his early fifties who had taken a server MI, Abby helped Pratt and Ray transfer him from one gurney to the next, other doctors and nurses in the room getting ready with the equipment.

"Abby start a line, Ray, you tube him, he needs an airway" Pratt called out as he started getting vitals on the patient.

"Ray! Tube him!" Pratt shouted, grabbing Abby's attention. She had been busy working on getting a line inserted into the veins, which was proving tricky, that she hadn't even noticed Ray.

His face was pale and he was just staring down at the man on the gurneys face, as though he had seen a ghost. She could see the quick rise and fall of his chest and the way he was swallowing, obviously trying to steady his own breathing. Looking at him she said in a quiet voice,

"Ray", knowing that something was obviously wrong. His eyes looked up at her for a moment before looking at Pratt. Dropping the tube back onto the gurney, Ray shook his head and said,

"I'm sorry…I…"before leaving the trauma room, leaving an angry Pratt and a concerned Abby.

"Don't…go after he's stable" Pratt said as Abby made to go after Ray. He didn't know what was wrong with Ray but he wasn't going to let a patient die on the table over something trivial.

After the patient was stabilized and going up to surgery Pratt and Abby where left standing in the trauma room.

"What was all that about?" Greg asked as he looked at Abby, referring to what had happened earlier.

"I don't know" Abby said, although she was fairly certain she knew what had happened after thinking about it.

Walking out of the trauma room Abby made her way to the lounge, checking to see if Ray was there. Walking in she saw that it was empty and could hear the sound of the rain as it hit off the window pane, pouring down from the sky. Knowing that there was only one other place that anyone went when they wanted time to themselves she grabbed her coat and pulled it on, getting Ray's from his locker, knowing the combination, the dates of his and Neela's birthdays.

Going up to the roof and pushing the door open, she saw Ray, sitting on the ground with his arms wrapped around his shins. He was soaked by the rain, but obviously didn't care. Walking over to him she sat down beside him and handed him his coat as she said,

"Put this on, you're soaked", her voice filled with concern. She always felt motherly towards him in some ways and hated seeing him like this.

Taking the coat from her Ray pulled it on, although he was still shivering from the cold after sitting up there for so long.

"I'm sorry", he said in a quiet voice, so low she could barely hear him over the sound of the rain as it hit off the roof.

"Don't be…just tell me why you nearly had a full blown panic attack down there", she said as she reached out and put a hand on his knee.

Shrugging his shoulders Ray looked down, feeling tears forming in his eyes as he said,

"He just…he looked just like him, and it was the same thing…I just-" Ray cut off, putting his head in his hand as images of the man on the gurney and his father flashed through his mind.

"Maybe you should go home Ray" Abby said gently, putting her hand around his bicep.

Lifting his head up to look at her, Ray shook his head as he said quickly,

"No, I'm fine…I just needed…she'll say to Weaver that I need more time off, I can't sit in that apartment any longer…just don't, please, don't tell her"

Abby felt her heart break at the sight of tears in Ray's eyes. She had never seen Ray cry before, and now she wasn't sure if it was the rain soaking his face or his tears. Hesitating a moment, Abby looked at him before she said,

"Ray, I can't do that…you know we just want to help you"

Closing his eyes, Ray leaned his head back against the wall as he said in a soft voice,

"You're going to tell Kerry too, aren't you?"

"Yes, she wanted to know how you were coping…you're not coping Ray and we want to help you"

Resting his head on his knees and wrapping his arms around his shins, hating the fact that he wasn't going to be allowed to work again until they had decided he was coping with it. In his own mind he was dealing with it, in his own way…but they couldn't see that. Lifting his head up, Ray was going to get up and go back to work, but stopped when Abby said his name.

She knew that he would be worse if she made him go home when he obviously didn't want to, and that it would also cause more suspicion on the ER, something he really didn't need at the minute. Knowing that they were both off at the same time Abby said,

"Ray, I won't say anything to Neela until after your shifts over, mine ends then too. But I want you to take a break, come and get some coffee with me…you've been working mad all shift"

Nodding his head, Ray bit his lip before looking at Abby and saying,

"Thanks"

Giving him a small smile, Abby pulled him into a hug, feeling him shivering from the cold. Closing her eyes, she ran her hands up and down his back, trying to comfort as best she could.

O.K, I hope that you liked this chapter…and I know there was no Neela in this one but she will be in the next, so don't worry! Please review and let me know what you think.