Giants and Strangers

by Rob Morris

SEPTEMBER, 2003

Studying non-Hellmouth vampire species, Giles learned of the ultra-sized, batlike Gyaos. Learning that they were the natural enemy of a giant turtle named Gamera, he then turned to the Scoobies' native expert on daikaiju--or 'giant strange creatures'.

"Just ask me. I know my Ghidrah from my Ghidorah."

Xander was as good as his word, which annoyed Giles to no end. As Rupert was for the occult, so Harris was for these creatures and their legendary attacks on Japan.

"...nah, we refer to that reporter in Tokyo as Stephen Martin, so as to avoid the obvious pointless jokes..."

"...Biollante and Legion may seem similar, but when you study the expansion pattern..."

"...well, the going theory is that each Gojira attack results in the death of the current one, leaving the then-infant to attack in retaliation against man's..."

"NO! The Ghidorah that attacked in prehistory has no connection to that lame-o in 1991. I mean, a lousy maser company could have torn through those wing membranes..."

This reversal of fortune, with Xander the seasoned expert awash in information and himself the batted-about novitate, finally wore on Giles last nerve. He attempted to regain his footing.

"Makes one wonder why no demon or such has attempted to use these monsters to attack we poor weak humans."

Xander pulled out a folder.

"Doctoral Thesis, Miki Saegusa, late of G-Force Japan. *Any attempt to control the daikaiju is inherently a foolish one. Their shift from an impulsive existence to near-sentience is both geometric and seismic in nature. An effort to ensnare the soul of Gojira will chiefly remind one why the Anglicizing of his name is Godzilla---with emphasis on the first syllable.* See what I mean, Giles?"

After hours of such talk, Giles thought he had his haughty teacher right where he wanted him.

"I have something you overlooked."

Xander walked over.

"Yeah?"

Giles grinned.

"Indeed. It seems that you failed to note that no less a vampire than Buffy's former paramour fought against Godzilla--and lived to tell the tale. Amazing that he pulled off such a feat."

Xander stared at the trading card, disbelieving.

"Giles?"

"Yes, Xander?"

Xander shook his head.

"This says Angilas, not Angelus."

Giles gulped, and this time glanced at the photo, as well as the name on the card. The 50-meter plus creature sported a spiked back and canine snout.

"Well, it's understandable. They're both so broody-looking..."