Disclaimer: I do not own the Ace Attorney Series or any of it's characters. All elements belong to Capcom.

Notes: Okay, guess this dopey little thing isn't the one shot I thought it was. It'll be pretty sporadic in updates because I don't know where I'm going with it so be patient. To the people who voted on my little poll and especially to AnonymousNavi, this is for you. Picture Nick's mom anyway you like, except that she's probably in her early fifties.

The first episode of the Steel Samurai was over and the second was just starting when Maya heard Nick put the receiver back down on the phone. Nick must have had a lot of explaining to do. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Nick get up from his desk and stagger over to the couch.

"Ergghhh!" He grunted slumping down beside her, just barely avoiding sitting on a bag of chips. "That hurt." He buried his face in his palms and leaned forward. "It's way too early to have put up with that."

"Your mom sounds really nice Nick!" Maya smiled, oddly finding herself more interested in this than what was going on on television.

"Yeah well, glad you think so, 'cause she just invited herself over for a visit next week." Nick whined.

"Oh wow, really!. Ooo-oh, I've always wanted to meet your family Nick, I mean you already know so much about mine, it's only fair!" She said, almost bouncing with excitement. "This is gonna be a lot of fun!"

"Hmm, good, Mom's very interested in meeting you too."

"Hmph!" Maya sniffed, crossing her arms and sticking her nose up, she just remembered she was ticked off with him. "She would've met me ages ago if someone wasn't keeping the fact I'm living with him a secret!" She said in a way so that Nick knew she was miffed. Nick gave a very agitated sigh.

"Yeah Maya; 'Hey mom, how are you doing? I'm good. Guess what, I'm shacked up with a seventeen year old girl now.'" He said with mock enthusiasm. "Yeah, that would have went real well!"

"Why? What's the big deal if I was only seventeen, not like we were doing anything?" Maya questioned.

"Nope." Nick chuckled shaking his head. "You really don't know her."

"Alright fine, you were nervous about the age thing. I can get that, but that doesn't explain why didn't you tell her later? I've been a mature adult now for almost two whole years Nick! Do I embarrass you or something?" Her arms were still crossed. Phoenix grunted and raked his fingers through his bed-head hair.

"My mother jumps to conclusions pretty quickly; do you know what most of my conversation with her just then was about?" Maya just shook her head."I had to convince her that I didn't go and get married behind her back and she doesn't have a house full of grandchildren she didn't know about!" Nick explained, nearly yelling at her in his annoyance. Maya's eyes widened and her face turned red.

"M-married? Gr-grand-grandchildren?" She stammered. Without really thinking, she took hold the remote and turned down the samurai themed racket blaring from the television so she could hear Nick better.

"Yeah." Nick sniffed with a smirk. "Like I said, mom jumps to conclusions. Back in college I made the MISTAKE of letting her know about Iris, she pretty much had our wedding planned out before I let her know we broke up. Never told her why though, didn't want her to be worried about me. Broke mom's heart, she really liked Iris." Maya however was still fixated on what Nick just told her.

"K-K-Kids? Bu-But Nick, we're not even…" She stammered.

"Exactly!" Nick said quickly, turning his head to face her. "And that's why I didn't tell her about you Maya. After her visit's over, I want her leaving here knowing you and me aren't together." He said, raising his finger to let her know he was serious."

"O-okay Nick." Maya replied.

"Good." Nick patted her on the knee and yawned.

"Hughh!" He grunted, tiredly pulling himself up off the couch. "Still only seven-thirty, I-I'm going back to bed for awhile."

"Oh, alright Nick!" Maya chirped, her cheeks still felt a bit flushed, but she could feel her composure coming back. "Aw geez Nick, I forgot happy birthday!" She smiled. Nick, who was now by the stairs, tiredly raised his hand to her in appreciation.

"Thanks Maya. Enjoy your 'Day of Justice' or whatever." He took a step up before stopping and turning back towards her, "Maya!" He called, sounding like he just realised something.

"What Nick?" She asked.

"When my mom gets here no funny business, okay?" He said sternly. Maya simply stuck out her tongue to him.

"Go to bed Nick, you're starting to get on my nerves!" She teased. Nick simply shrugged and shook his head before heading into his room.

"Hmph!" Maya sniffed as she turned the volume back up on the television. "So what's the big deal if Mrs. Wright thinks we're together?" She pouted. "I mean REALLY!" She folded her arms across her chest and sank back into the sofa cushions as an important battle started up on the television. After a few minutes of thinking she got an idea. "Hmmm! So 'no funny business' eh Nick?" She said looking up towards his room. "Heh, heh, can't wait to see the look on your face!"

"Remember what I said Maya!"

"Yeah, yeah whatever Nick, I got it! Sheesh!"

This little back and forth with Maya before he left to pick his mother up at the train station certainly didn't fill Phoenix with confidence that this visit was going to go the way he hoped. The fact that she'd been sporting that impish smile of hers when she was in her 'Alright Nick, time for you to get hurt' mindset was not helping. Phoenix nervously fumbled with the doorknob; his hands were too sweaty to get a hold of it properly. His mom had a habit of criticising every aspect of his life, especially the women in it. And he knew he was in for at least three days of it. Why can't he ever catch a break?

"Alright mom, here we are!" He said, trying to sound excited.

"Hmph!" Mom sniffed taking a step inside. "We would have been here earlier if you'd just go and get your driver's license Phoenix. Honestly a man your age having to take the bus. It's just like when you were small and you couldn't ride a bike until you were thirteen!" Phoenix rolled his eyes as he lugged her three fully packed suitcases across the threshold.

"Y-yes mom!" He grunted laying down the bags and closing the door. "Well this is it! My apartment/office." He said proudly with his arms spread out.

"Hmph, little shabby don't you think?" Mom said, taking a look around the place. "Not what I was expecting at all for my big famous lawyer son." She absentmindedly lay her purse on the couch and ran her finger across the mantle over the television. "Yep, just as I thought, this place is covered in dust; and look…" She said pointing at the disorganised mess that was his desk. "…how in the world do you get any work done here in this mess? What does that girl of yours do here all day?"

See?

"Mom, Maya's my legal assistant not my maid." Phoenix sighed.

"Hmm, well if she's your girlfriend and she's living with you, the least she could do is clean up a bit." Mom stated; she was annoyed with Maya already and she still hadn't even met her; of course no one will probably ever be able to live up to Dollie.

"Mom, I've already told you a thousand times, Maya is not my girlfriend, we don't even like each other like that!" He asserted, dragging his fingers through his hair in utter exasperation. He had a feeling that before this visit is over; he'll have done that enough times to have gone bald.

"Where is she anyway?" Mom asked, scanning the office. "I'm absolutely dying to meet her." She smiled.

"Hmm, good question, I just sorta figured she'd be there on the couch when we got here, weird." Phoenix replied thoughtfully. "Maya!" He called; no answer. "Guess she's not here." He sighed, that really didn't set well with him, she was planning something; he could feel it. Mom picked up a framed picture that was resting on the end table by the couch.

"Ph-Phoenix, i-is this her?" She stammered. Phoenix looked over her shoulder down at the picture; it was his favorite photo of Mia, she had that subdued, nearly sublime smile on her face that was so characteristic of her. Her arms folded beneath her impressive bust, blissfully unaware her breasts were being pushed together slightly. Pretty much Mia in a nutshell.

"N-No, i-it's not…" A quick glare from his mother cut him off.

"Phoenix!" She gasped. "Didn't I teach you anything. God, you should have more connon sense than that! When you're living with a girl, you shouldn't have these kinds of pictures just lying around! And you shouldn't ever frame them!"

"'These kinds of pictures' Mom, what are you..?" He started before realising what she was getting at. "Oh God mom no!" He took the picture from her hands and gently lay it back on the end table. "That's Mia, Mia Fey, Maya's sister, you know, my mentor, the one I told you about, the one that trained me to be a lawyer!" He groaned, raking his fingers through his hair (Again! He knew he had a date with baldness coming up!)

"Oh, yes, yes, I remember now." Phoenix grunted before leading her up the stairs toward his room.

"Here's my room mom, you'll be sleeping in here, I'm going to take the couch." He said as he held the door open for her. Mom took a look inside.

"You really should make up your bed every morning Phoenix." She chastised.

"Yes mom!" He deadpanned.

"If you're going to sleep on the couch, what about Maya?" She asked. Phoenix was waiting for this; he quickly turned his head towards her and grinned.

"Oh mother dear, don't be silly." He started, trying not to laugh. "Maya's going to be sleeping in her room, like always!" With great excitement, he stepped down the hall and opened the door the Maya's room. Surely, mom seeing Maya had her own room would at least help convince his mother she wasn't his girlfriend. "You see mom, see Maya's room! Do you see it? See her clothes?" He said pointing inside. "See all her Steel Samurai junk, and her video games and her DVDs and all the other garbage she hoards?" Mom took a look inside.

"Oh." She said. "Quite nice Phoenix, she certainly takes better care of her room than you do yours." She smiled. Alright, not exactly the reaction he was expecting. He didn't have much time to think about it though because just then he heard the door open and the sound of Maya's voice cut through the air.

"Ni-iick sweetie, your babydoll's ho-ome! Come on and give me a ki-iss!" She called.

"Wh-what?" Phoenix stammered.

"That Maya?" Mom asked, a wide-eyed Phoenix could only nod, his mouth agape.

"Good!" Mom trotted down the stairs but froze; now her eyes were wide. Phoenix didn't have to wait long to find out why as he nearly died when he saw her.

"Oh God Maya, what are doing?"