Author's Note:

Hey hey hey! Thanks to all of you who reviewed, you all make me happy;

And in return, I hope these oneshots can make you happy too : )

This is yet another quite short one, but anyways…enjoy!

Hearing his father and Godfather's bickering and footsteps getting close to the house, Himaru excitedly huddled behind the door, ready to jump out to surprise them.

Oh, oh, oh! He had baked a batch of cookies and cupcakes just for them today!

They haven't visited for over three weeks now, which is like, forever!

Hidan ruthlessly kicked the door open, causing the boy to scream out in pain as he got knocked to the ground.

"Damn it, Hidan! You just nailed the kid!" Kakuzu growled, kneeling down to check on his godson.

The boy rolled around in pain and groaned, "Ow! It hurts so much, I think I'm going to die! Ahh! It burns!" He then sniffled and wailed, adding to the dramatic effect.

"Hmph, don't buy his crap, 'Kuzu! He can't get hurt!" Hidan huffed.

Daddy was right: his forehead felt like it was burning at first, but the magic in his blood then made his boo-boo go away!

Himaru put a little hand around his Godfather's wrist, "God…daddy 'Kuzu! I—I'm okay. I baked some treats for you and daddy and wanted to surprise you…"

Kakuzu shot Hidan a death glare as he lifted the child up to his feet. Hidan laughed awkwardly and scratched his neck, "Erm, sorry, kid."

"Hmph!" Himaru stomped his little feet, "You have to make it up to me!" He put his hands on his hips, staring at his father intimidatingly.

Hidan rolled his eyes, "Whatever."

"Now listen up," Himaru commanded, "You go eat a cookie and Goddaddy gets a cupcake. And no! Don't curse at Goddaddy! He gets a cupcake because he helped me up!"

"Why do I have to listen to you little brat?" Hidan asked. He was pissed off!

"Because!" Himaru stomped his foot, "If you two don't listen to me today, I will tell Mama everything! And yes, I mean EVERYTHING."

"---fine!" Hidan rolled his eyes again, taking a bite from the cookie.

"I'm in charge today!" Himaru hollered, climbing onto the sofa, "Now you two bastards have to listen to me!"

Kakuzu choked on his blueberry cupcake. Oh man…

"Are you two finished yet?" Himaru asked, tapping his foot on the floor impatiently.

Hidan brushed off the crumbles around his lips with the back of his hand, "Yeah."

"Good. Now take me to that brothel you took me last time." Himaru demanded.

"What's a brothel?" Hidan raised an eyebrow.

Himaru shook his head in disbelief, "Yeah, I figured Daddy's too stupid to understand that word. It means 'whorehouse'."

"Ohh…but hey, no!" Hidan exclaimed.

Kakuzu growled lowly, "Why there, kid?"

"Because I said so!" The boy whined like a spoiled brat, hugging his uncle's thigh like a koala, "And carry me!"

Kakuzu shot Hidan another death glare. What in the world did he do to deserve this?!

Sighing, he bent down and let the child climb onto his back and he stood up once he felt the child's arms around his shoulder.

"Now, let's set sail!" Himaru piped, pointing forward.

"Okay, you two both have super-duper important shinobi missions today." Himaru began, once they arrived to the front door of the brothel, "Let's start with you, Goddaddy!"

"Why?" Kakuzu's tone had a hint of horror and whininess.

"Because yours is easier to get done with." Himaru nodded his head and whispered Kakuzu's 'mission' into his ear. The tall, tanned man's eyes widened as he heard the boy's words.

"I'm not going to do that." Kakuzu concisely refused.

"Well, if you don't, I'll cry. Right here, right now." Himaru threatened.

Kakuzu smirked, "And I can drop you to the ground. Right here, right now."

"And I won't even have a boo-boo," Himaru cackled, "Now get on with it, pimp!"

Kakuzu couldn't believe that he could not win an argument with a seven year old. He let the kid down from his back and sighed, "Fine."

"Daddy and I will be waiting here," Himaru grinned, folding his arms across his chest, "Make me proud!"

Kakuzu dragged his legs into the brothel by pushing past the curtains. He stepped into the lobby and cleared his throat. This was for sure going to be the most humiliating thing he has ever done in his whole life.

He spotted a whore waving at him and strutting over, "Kakuzu-danna! Welcome!"

Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, he held up a palm.

Oh god.

Here goes...

He blinked open his jade eyes and snarled loudly, "Where my money at, bitch?! "

The prostitute jumped in terror with a shriek, then collapsed to the floor, wailing at his feet, "I---I'm so sorry, Kakuzu-sama! I didn't know what I was doing, I just…I'm sorry! Please don't kill me, please!"

"What?" Kakuzu raised an eyebrow in confusion, "What are you doing?" He kicked her off.

The woman scrambled away then back in a short moment, "I…I swear I only took this much, I'm so sorry, please forgive me!" She stuffed a handful of cash into Kakuzu's pockets. After that, she ran away.

"What the fuck?" Kakuzu muttered to himself. So this woman had stolen his money? How did he not notice? He had been counting his cash accurately all the time! Damn these skanky bitches!

He exited the whorehouse and saw a triumphant smile on Himaru's face, "So, how was it, pimp'o'daddy?"

The tall shinobi shrugged, "It was not too bad." This kid was something.

"Now Daddy, it's your turn," Himaru pushed his father into the lobby, "Don't let us down! Ranting is your forte, go kick some butt!"

"Hey, I warned you, don't touch my ass, that's sexual harassment! And since you're my son, that's incest!" Hidan mumbled before he stumbled into the brothel.

"Goddaddy," Himaru tugged on Kakuzu's wrist.

"Hm?" The shinobi grunted.

"What's an 'incest'?" The boy asked, innocently.

"You know what brothel means but not incest?" Kakuzu said, sarcastically.

"Hmph, you're a meanie for not telling me!" Himaru stuck his tongue out at his godfather.

"Hey, get Sayoko here!" Hidan hollered, impatiently.

The whore with heavy make-up walked over seductively to him, "Long time no see, Hidan-danna! Didn't bring your bastard kid here, did you?" She snaked an arm around his waist.

"Hey!" Hidan slapped her hand away, "Don't touch me, unless I tell you to, bitch!"

"Jeez, sorry," She backed away, "So what do ya' want today?"

"Absolutely nothin'!" Hidan snapped, "I just wanted to tell you, that I will never be coming here ever again! Don't you call my son a bastard child, he's got a mom and father for crying out loud. And what, do you think I'm a womanizer, and that I like women feeling me up? No, I don't, skank-face!"

He then spotted an older woman serving tea to customers and gesturing towards him to quiet down. "You don't want me to make a scene here, y'old hag? Well tell ya what, your tea sucks! I wonder what the fuck you put into it, because it tastes worse than crap!"

The middle-aged woman hurried away with a sob.

"Whoa, whoa," Sayoko laughed, "Take it easy, man."

'This was so much fun', Hidan thought. Some of the ranting were lies, but yelling at people randomly and accusing them for stupid stuff was actually interesting!

"Oh, do you think I am easy? I don't think so!" Hidan snarled, "I'm not going to sleep with you because you're damned dirty and a total slut! You think I like it when your fucking gross weave brushes against my skin? For Jashin-sama's sake, no!"

Sayoko consciously put a hand over her side ponytail, "I'm sorry that it's your bad day..."

"No it's not, it's never been so fucking great!" Hidan shoved the woman to the floor, "You're gonna get STDs and die! Not me, 'cause I just can't! Suck on that!"

Sayoko burst out in humiliated tears, getting up and ran away. Hidan smugly grinned.

Damn that felt good.

"How was that, Daddy?" Himaru asked, his voice eager.

"Fucking awesome." Hidan nodded, ruffling his son's hair, "Whorehouses suck!"

"That's right!" Himaru clapped his hands, "Goddaddy, please carry me home!"

Kakuzu sighed and agreed. The kid did get him a few hundred dollars back.

"Hey sweetcheeks." Hidan strode over to pull her in for a quick kiss.

Kiyomi giggled at his affectionate gesture, "How was your day? Any fun?"

Hidan shot Himaru a knowing look and smirked, "Sure we did."

Himaru squeezed Kakuzu's hand and looked up to him, smiling proudly.

Kakuzu didn't know why, but he had a gut feeling that the kid had planned to get hit by that door.

Then he remembered what Himaru always said, 'Daddy always kicks open doors to make a kick-butt entrance!'

Yes, that seven year old albino was a cunning little fellow.

A/N:

Hehe, lemons are coming up soon, I just have a few pieces to polish up.

I know a lot of people don't like pregnant stories or stories with kids in them,

but I appreciate all you readers and wish that you can find that sense of humor I want to share!

Reviews would be fantastic! (I might update a new chapter next week!)