Author's Note:
Hey everybody! I promised I'd update this week, didn't I?
Tomorrow's my eighteenth birthday! I finally feel less naughty for writing about Hidan!
Well…it's supposed to be funny than sexy, but anyways, here's the first lemon of this oneshot series and I hope you guys like it!
Hidan and Kiyomi were on a date of some sort, going out for a late night dinner.
"Have some sake." Hidan urged, holding up a ceramic teacup with the rich liquid inside.
Kiyomi glimpsed at it and shook her head, holding up a palm, "No thanks, Hidan."
"Aw, come on, a drink won't bite." Hidan practically stuffed the cup into her hand.
"No, I don't drink alcohol. You know that." Kiyomi still refused, settling the cup on the table.
"Sweetcheeks, don't be a wimp." Hidan tried again, "You should try some, you'll like it."
"I'm not a wimp, I just don't like the taste nor smell." Kiyomi huffed, pouting.
"I'll put on a shirt if we go out next time." He suggested, "You know you want me to put on that sexy shirt."
She giggled, "You promise you won't attempt nude again?"
"Yes, yes!" Hidan nodded impatiently, "Now drink, woman."
Kiyomi shot him an annoyed look then looked down at the cup, "Fine."
Taking in a deep breath, she held the cup to her lips, her hands shaking uncertainly. The strong odor of the sake made her frown in distaste. She didn't like alcohol. Not one bit.
Her mannerism teacher had told her that a real lady doesn't drink. Proper ladies drank water, juice or tea.
The liquid almost burnt her throat, the spicy feeling making her stomach turn knots. She coughed, patting her upper chest, forcing herself to swallow the whole cup.
Endearing the fiery taste of alcohol, she slammed a fist onto the table, "There, I did it."
"I'm impressed." Hidan smirked, was this called liquid courage?
Soon, her face flushed red and was uneasy on her chair. Dizzy and woozy from the booze!
"Ohh, it's so hot today, isn't it?" Kiyomi hand-fanned herself, undoing the first button of her blouse, exposing the strap of her bra.
Hidan clicked his tongue, grabbing her wrist, "Don't do that, sweetcheeks." He scooted over and buttoned her shirt up again.
"And why should I?" She dabbed her index finger on his nose and laughed, "It is really hot, Hidan!"
"Um, stay here, I'll go pay the bill." Hidan settled her down on the couch, "I'll be right back."
She grinned goofily and waved him goodbye. Hidan hastily slammed a few crimpled dollar bills and coins onto the counter and hurried back to his seat. Kiyomi had already lied completely down on the sofa, half passed out.
"Get up, sweetcheeks." He kicked her lightly on the calve.
"No!" She complained, "I like this big red sofa. Go away or come lie down with me."
Um, she was so out of character at the moment, which made Hidan worry.
"Hmm, why don't we go away together and find somewhere else to lie down?" He cooed carefully, reaching for her hand.
"That sounds amazing." She purred, letting him pick her up and throw her over his shoulder. She hiccupped, "It's such a prettiful view from up here!"
"Sweetcheeks, there's no such words as 'prettiful', it's either 'pretty' or 'beautiful'. You are way too drunk." Hidan applied his vocabulary knowledge he learnt previously from his son.
She let out a burp then quickly giggled, "Oopsies!"
The way back to the house was probably the longest, weirdest journey Hidan had ever been on. She had been singing then hiccupping, laughing then crying and then singing some more. It wasn't that her voice was awful, it was the gibberish she was singing that crept Hidan out. The song sort of went like this, 'I love you, you love me, we are happy family!'. Oh shit. Even by memorizing the lyrics gave Hidan chills. Creepy chills.
Kicking the door open, Hidan set Kiyomi down on the ground, holding her by the waist to prevent her from falling down.
"Himaru-chan!" Kiyomi squealed excitedly as she spotted their son in the living room.
What the carrot-muffin is going on? That icky-pooey smell was just nasty!
Why was Mama acting like a crazy lady? It makes no sense! It's usually Daddy, but he's already used to that. Not Mama!
Seeing his mother throw her arms out, wanting to pull him into a bear hug scared the shit out of him. "Ahh!" Himaru screamed, running away from the door to hide behind the sofa, "Daddy! What is wrong with Mama? She's possessed!"
Kiyomi laughed, tossing her hair back, "Himaru-chan, Mama just had a good time at dinner with Daddy! Maybe I can get laid tonight---"
"That's quite enough now, sweetcheeks." Hidan picked her up again, this time she almost tripped to the floor.
"Let me go, I can walk!" She chirped, "I can sing too, wanna hear?"
"Ahhh, no, no!" Himaru put his hands over his ears. What in the world has gotten into Mama? He usually liked it when she sang lullabies to him, but why did he have a bad feeling today? And Mama stinks! Phooey!
"Weeee!" Kiyomi plopped down on the armchair and kicked her legs into the air.
"Daddy, please stop this!" Himaru wailed, tugging on his father's sleeve.
"Okay, chillax!" Hidan patted his son on the head, "I'll take of your mom. Now go to your room, lock the door and go to sleep."
Himaru nodded, his face dead-serious, "Aye! And 'chillax' isn't a word, it's 'chill' and 'relax', you dumby!"
Hidan didn't have time to retort back at his son since he had to carry Kiyomi to the bathroom because she seemed like she was going to puke. He held onto her arm as they entered the bathroom and she collapsed to the floor.
"Okay, okay." Hidan cooed, pulling back Kiyomi's hair for her as she threw up into the toilet. She coughed and groaned, her hands unsteadily flushing the toilet.
"Sorry." She apologized, her eyes weren't able to focus on him.
"There." He wiped her mouth with a towel and tossed it into the garbage can. Then he guided her to the sink, where he filled a cup with water and instructed her to rinse her mouth. And thanks to Jashin-sama, she didn't swallow it down or squirt it all over the place. Wiping her lips this time with the back of his hand, she shot him a smirk and nuzzled against his chest, "You are so kind."
He pulled her dress over her head and tucked an oversize t-shirt over her and gave her a spank, "You'll do me a big favor if you be a good girl and go to sleep." Hidan patted her head, guiding her to the bed.
She staggered along the way, finally tripped on the edge of the bed post, making her land on the duvet. She cackled and climbed into the blankets and grumbled, "I want to take a shower, I smell bad."
"We'll do that tomorrow, you're too drunk," Hidan lied her down, "Now sleep, sweetcheeks."
"Sleep with me. Me, me, me!" She chanted, her tone sounded just like her son.
What the fuck?
Hidan groaned, running his fingers through his hair, "Ugh, fine." As his usual before-bed routine, he turned off the lights and stripped down all his clothes until he was fully naked then put on a white sleep shirt she had bought for him.
He didn't notice a pair of chocolate brown eyes flickering in the dark, gazing at his body in an almost…hungry fashion.
Like an innocent lamb entering the wolf's territory, he huddled under the blankets, closing his eyes. What made them snap open was feeling a pair of hands touching him.
"You're so sexy, you know that?" Kiyomi purred, running her hand up and down Hidan's bare thigh. Hidan felt his favorite organ erect. Oh Jashin-sama, what has he gotten himself into?
"Yes, I already know that." Hidan tried slapping her hands away. They were getting very close to his crotch area and he didn't want to do it tonight. Just by carrying her home was a major exhaustion.
"Stop fighting me, tiger!" Kiyomi growled, straddling him, "Roar," She bent down to kiss him, her tongue entwining with his.
"Stop," Hidan mumbled, but his protest was muffled by her aggressive kiss.
Her hands were busy ripping his shirt off. Yes. Ripping, literally.
The tearing of the fabric and the sound buttons flying made Hidan let out a small yelp.
Whoa, whoa, whoa---was this what he was like in bed to her most of the time? This was…terrifying!
"Sweetcheeks," He pleaded, trying to grab her wrists. She was grinding herself shamelessly against his erect shaft. Damn his buddy below wasn't cooperating.
"Fuck you!" She slapped him across the cheek.
Clutching his red cheek, Hidan was getting very afraid. He gulped nervously, "What?"
"I want to fuck you." She growled, clawing his bare chest.
"No!" Hidan whispered, shaking his head in disbelief.
"Yes." She smiled triumphantly, shamelessly pulling down her own panties and sitting on him. She let out a satisfied moan as she felt his hot member slide into her and began riding him like he had once taught her before.
Hidan bit his tongue, trying to hold himself back. This was not enjoyable in any certain way! His stupid cock was enjoying it, but not him! His mind was screaming out for help. But he certainly couldn't have Himaru walk in and see this outrageous scene, right?
Ahhh! Sacrifices must always be made. And this time it's him.
She rode out her own orgasm on top of him then collapsed beside him, instantly falling asleep. With an arm stubbornly across his abdomen, light snores came from her.
With trembling hands, Hidan picked it off of him and placed it gently aside.
What the fuck just happened?!
Did he seriously just get raped by his sweet, tender lover?
Hidan has learnt a lesson.
When someone says they don't drink sake, believe them.
He will never let Sweetcheeks near any liquid with alcohol again.
He had been scarred for life.
This is why you shouldn't drink booze.
A/N:
I was originally going to name this chapter 'Date Rape' because it rhymed, but that's very inappropriate. Too inappropriate, even for this story!
Um…I hope you guys liked it?
Reviews would be really nice :)