A/N: I'm so sorry it's taken so long to update this story but life has gotten in the way. I usually won't publish a story unless I have several chapters already in the works. Hopefully I'll be updating this regularly. Thank you so much for the reviews, I hope to send each of you a personal note. I hope you enjoy this chapter…… As always, I do not own but I do borrow Criminal Minds and hopefully I do the characters justice

She reached over and turned off the alarm clock. It was only 5am but she had been tossing and turning all night and her efforts to actually fall asleep had been fruitless. She got out of bed and headed towards the bathroom. She figured that if they all had to meet up for breakfast at 7am she'd get a jump start on the bathroom and be ready and out of the way for the girls. All night she had been thinking about Derek and what had happened. It finally dawned on her at around 2am that she was mad at him for the wrong reasons. She felt horrible. She knew the real reason she was angry was because she couldn't separate her feelings from her responsibility. She realized that it didn't matter who was at the end of the conversation, her job was to get them to safety and do exactly what she had done. She would straighten all this out with him and start with a huge apology just as soon as they met up for breakfast.

At 6am, Derek was at the hotel counter checking out. He had left a note for Rossi explaining that he wouldn't be flying back with them but instead driving Hotch back home. He asked Rossi not to say anything to Hotch about the drive because he knew his boss would object. Instead he told Rossi to tell them all that he would meet up with them back at Quantico. When the team came down for breakfast at 7 the news that Derek wouldn't be joining them disappointed Penelope and both Emily and JJ could see it.

Breakfast was uneventful as nobody really spoke much. When they were finished, they all drove to the office to drop Hotch off and then headed to the airport to catch the plane. Once they had boarded it was Emily that first approached Penelope and touched the subject about Derek.

"Want to share a little?" Emily asked gently.

"Nothing to share really. He's mad and he chose not to join us. I can't really say I blame him." Penelope said dryly.

"He's mad???? What about you?" Emily said.

"Em, I love you and I know that you're reacting to me and not the situation. I was wrong here not Derek." Penelope said.

"How can you say that? He broke protocol Pen! He put himself in danger knowingly! He dragged you into it! DO NOT DEFEND HIM!" Emily said angrily.

Penelope reached over and grabbed Emily's hand and smiled. "Em, his breaking protocol is not an issue for me to handle, that's up to Hotch. Had Derek discussed the situation with Hotch, you and I both know that Derek would have been told to try to disarm it. That's part of his background. He did what he had to do Em; there was no time for any other option. I know hind sight is 20/20 but he had the timing down to a science and he was right. When the bomb went off, had he not taken the ambulance out, you and I wouldn't be having this discussion. Em, he saved you all." Penelope said gently.

Emily lowered her head and hesitated on her reply. She knew Penelope was right but putting her in that position was still wrong in her eyes. "He didn't have to put you through all that! It didn't have to play out that way!" She said stubbornly.

Once again Penelope smiled at Emily and said "Yes he did Em. It's my job. If Hotch had given him orders to do this, it still would have been me to block the satellites and let him know how much time he had. Don't you see? He did what he had to do, but so did I. I can't be mad at him for that! The person I should be upset with is me! If I can't separate my feelings from my job then I have no right being here. Last night I kept asking myself one question and I couldn't answer it! Would I have reacted any differently had the order to move that ambulance come from Hotch? You know what? I couldn't answer that!"

"What if it had been Kevin at the wheel of that ambulance?" Emily said.

Penelope thought about the question and held back any answer. The lack of response was sufficient for Emily. Sometimes silence is worth a thousand words.

Back at the New York Office…..

Derek and Hotch were headed towards the SUV discussing Quantico's request for Derek's transfer…

"My opinion doesn't matter the jobs yours if you want it." Hotch said.

"Hotch, your opinion matters to me." Derek said.

"My life matters to me and I have and always will entrust you with it. Would you do the same for me?" Hotch asked. "You still want to drive?"

Derek looked at Hotch and then back to the SUV and clicked the Alarm in response. As hurt as he was by Hotch's revelation the fact remained that he didn't act as part of a team but instead went solo. As Derek started the SUV and began the drive towards Quantico. He thought about his conversation with Hotch and the fact that Hotch didn't feel he was ready to lead a team. Hotch's opinion of him was important to Derek more important than Gideon's had been. He had to admit that hearing Hotch say those things to him hurt but he also understood where he was coming from. If he had to be honest with himself while he was flattered that he was considered for the NY position he didn't want it. He saw what Hotch went through day to day and there wasn't enough money that would justify the politics of the job. His train of thought was interrupted when he heard Hotch speak.

"Did you talk to her yet?" Hotch asked.

"No I wanted to wait until we got to Quantico; I figured that would give her some time to cool off." Derek said.

"That's probably a good idea." Hotch said.

"Hey, how's Jack doing?" Derek said.

"He's adjusting to all this but he seems to be handling it all well. He'll be with me tomorrow." Hotch said.

"No chance of you two working things out?" Derek asked.

Hotch just shook his head. "What about you? Any chance you'll ever tell Penelope how you feel?" Hotch said.

"Wow, you don't hold back do you? So much for small talk!" Derek said.

"You're evading the question." Hotch said as he looked right at Derek.

"Hotch; she's happy why would I rock the boat?" He replied.

"Who's to say she wouldn't be happier with you? Why are you making that choice for her?" Hotch asked.

"Hotch; she doesn't feel that way about me. She's happy with Kevin. She made her choice and I won't mess with that." Derek said sounding a little irritated.

"She wasn't aware that she had options when she started up with Kevin. Had she known that there were other options than maybe she would have made a different choice. And you keep fooling yourself about how you both feel, eventually you might believe it." Hotch said.

Nothing else was said between them for the next hour. Both of them busy in their own thoughts. It wasn't until they were close to Quantico that Hotch turned to Derek and said "I'll put my recommendation in tomorrow."

Derek surprised by the statement that seemed to have come from left field turned to Hotch and said "I won't be accepting the job Hotch. I trust your judgment on this." Derek responded.

Not another word was spoken about the NY office or the position that was available to him. The rest of the trip consisted of small talk. They were interrupted when Hotch's phone rang. Derek noticed that Hotch hadn't heard it and said "Hotch, your phone is ringing."

Hotch flipped it open and said "Hotchner."

"Where are you guys?" Emily asked.

"We're about 30 minutes away from the office. You all home already?" Hotch asked.

"I just got home and JJ and Penelope already checked in. I'm still waiting for Reid and Rossi to call." Emily said.

"I'll call you when I'm home." Hotch said. With that he closed his phone and avoided Derek's look.

"When are you two planning on finally giving this a shot?" Derek asked.

"What are you talking about?" Hotch asked still avoiding looking at Derek.

"Give it up Hotch, we all see it. What's holding you back?" Derek asked.

"It's not that simple Morgan. She's my subordinate. We both love what we do and one of us would have to give it up. I'd never ask her to do that." Hotch said.

"Like you told me boss man, she has a right to know she has a choice." Derek said with a smirk.

Hotch looked over at him and shook his head. "Words really don't taste good when you're eating your own." Hotch said and smiled.

Derek just smiled and kept driving. Some things were better left alone…. For now.