Authors Note: Yes I know it's quite sad that i haven't updated in months but with school and everything its been hard. Plus I had like 7 chapter all ready to post and our electricity went off and now they are ALL GONE! I hate when that happens..... Okay so anyways I know if your like me the author says to go on youtube and look up the song there playing and you don't. So i understand if you don't look up this song but for future chapters i will tell you if its absolutely necessary for you to look up the song. Please comply with me if I do happen to put it for a song. oh and this one you don't need to look up :D Oh ya! and special thanks to everyone who reviewed!! I need them so i have the spirt to write :)))
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the rights to this song. They Belong to Stephenie Meyer and Plain White T's
This Chapter is Dedicated to my BFF Jill for complimenting my work and having to the heart to read it all :D thanks BB
On the screen it popped up where I was currently looking. It was scrolled down to the comments and the first one on the page read,
LPM! LPM! WOW you guys are AWESOME!! please continue posting you guys really sing the truth--luv hurts, LPM 4ever!!
I could basically see the gears in his head working together trying to figure out what LPM could possibly mean. I moved the little arrow of the mouse over to the side of the screen bringing it up till i reached the top. There was a small box where you could plainly see me in the band in freeze-frame from where I paused it earlier. I was in the middle holding my awesome signature black and red guitar with a little trade mark bartskull (Google magic my friends) on the side. To my left Jacob was holding a kinda burgundy colored bass that was almost the same tone as his fur in wolf form. Then, on my right Seth had a classic black and white fender guitar and he had a bright smile on his face as always. In the back you could see Paul holding his drumsticks in a way that showed he was trying to get himself situated before we started. All our instruments were plugged into moderately big amps excluding Paul's kick-ass drum set. There was a black microphone stand in front of me and i had a bleak kind of look on my face. out of them all i think Seth one the best enthusiastic smile by far. Jacob had a trying-his-best-to-look-happy smile but didn't really succeed before the camera started rolling. And Paul looked like he even wasn't paying attention to anyone beside his drums. I clicked the little play button before Edward could ask any questions and the video began playing.
It's a big bad world
Were doing what we can
Sometimes we fall on our face
Before we even learn to stand
Quil managed to edit this video just perfectly (note the sarcasm) so it cut to a clip of me falling square on my face on a sidewalk somewhere in La Push. My voice is not that creepy wannabe nasally voice, the manly voice, or that preppy girly voice. It just sounded like those normal bands lead singer's voice on the radio-- a good voice and potential but never gonna be a top-selling artist. I took a quick glance upward at Edwards face. His eyes held his judgment. The showed a piece of sympathy for my fall and a amount of hurt to see the emptiness and despair in my eyes. But deep down it looked like I almost saw a tinge of, (could it be?) awe, maybe? Could he really enjoy my train-wreck singing and tragic guitar playing?
But we get back up
Shake off all the dust
And take it step by step
On screen I gave a small slightly softhearted smile. I then realized I wasn't embarrassed about my voice or my terrible song. I really have no fear or emotion on the subject of my musical history nor having Edward hear it. Why I hid this chunk of my life from him I may never know.
I can fill the whole floor to the ceiling
With all the dead wrong choices I've made
And even though we try to learn
From each others mistakes
We'll do it again (doing it again)
Seth and Jake began doing a nice harmony for a background. Seth was kinda leaning over to my side to get his voice heard in the mic and Jacob singing into the only other microphone we had on the "stage". And it was getting us to sound as close to professional as we'll ever be...
We'll do it again my friend (doing it again)
We'll do it again and again
Till we eventually can change
The way it's always been
The mood on the screen changed drastically as I began to sing the next part still keeping up my broken face and guitar.
It's a big bad dream
Following your heart
Sometimes the one you
Need's the one that tears you apart
So you say goodbye
Kiss her one more time
And cry the whole way home
I kept my face monotone on-screen and present. The only hint of emotion that blew my cover is that on screen my eyes got that slightly reddened look and my eyes held tears that threatened to fall but i refused to let go. Despite my strong reluctance I stole a glance at Edwards face. I saw that torn broken look he gets when he see's something that brings him sadness such as talking about "the dark ages" as I like to call them.
I can fill up the driest river
With all the tears falling off of my face
And even though we try to learn
From each others mistakes
We'll do it again (doing it again)
We'll do it again my friend (doing it again)
We'll do it again and again
Till we eventually can change
The way it's always been
On screen I rolled my eyes exasperatedly at the repetitiveness of this song.
We'll do it again and again
Till we eventually can change
The way it's always been
Just running 'round in circles
Tripping over every hurdle
Were just trying to do the best that we can
My face lightened and I could entirely see the effort put behind it. I'm sure everyone around me couldn't nearly see what little things that were seemingly "normal" took out of me.
It's a big bad life
All that we can do
Is try to make it right
Tomorrow something new
So if a big rain cloud
Follows you around
Don't let it get you down
We'll do it again (doing it again)
We'll do it again my friend (doing it again)
We'll do it again and again
Till we eventually can change
The way it's always been
(Oh) we'll do it again (doing it again)
We'll do it again my friend (doing it again)
We'll do it again and again
Till we eventually can change
The way it's always been (doing it again)
We do it again and again
Till we eventually can change
The way it's always been
The last chords hung in the air as the camera cut to black. I curled up on Edwards lap so I could face him.
"Let me explain" I said deciding I should start. He nodded.
"Okay as you can probably guess that video was made when you were gone" I swallowed back my pathetic sob and I heard his audible intake of breath. "Well," I said "I should probably start in the beginning" I took a deep breath and began "About a couple days after I found out Jake was a wolf" I gave quick side glance at him to gauge his reaction still expecting him to growl at the mention at my wolf friend. Lately, if anything he is almost sad for Jake especially since he's been back. Me and him have talked and we are still friends but we haven't see each other after his homecoming. It's not like neither of us don't want to, but just with my wedding around the corner and him being a wolf and having responsibilities the closest we can get is by the phone and I miss him terribly.... "we both found we had some crazy idea we wanted to be a band with Paul, and Seth. Actually it was a little more different then that but its besides the point" I could feel the faintest hint of blush rise to my cheeks that no human could see. He smirked at my rambling. "so we stayed up late one night and we were loony enough to produce the name La Push Mafia for a band name." I laughed at the memory.
"But basically it never went any farther than that. Nothing really important or exciting. I mean, yeah we played at a couple places. But they are tiny, microscopic even compared to the gig's my cousin and I used to get and even smaller that the ones he gets now...."
"Okay, well....that was a mouthful but not nearly as complicated as I expected." He said. "Wait...what do you mean you and your cousin. As far as I've been informed I was unaware you even had a cousin."
I took yet another deep breath (I seem to be doing that a lot.) "Well my cousin Brendan and I were raised like brother and sister when we were little because my mom and her sister, my aunt, were very close." I smiled at the memories of countless play dates leading to my mom and aunt going inside and busting out the tequila ranting about how much they didn't need husbands to raise the kids. They were alike in the way their relationships just didn't work out and were left to raise their only child alone. "When we were around twelve we had a band with me and his two friends that continued until we were like 15. I found out in the beginning of this year he and them made big this year and actually going on a world tour with the same name we made all that time ago, Panic at the Disco." I laughed at his bemused expression " Yeah I know, I have never had great luck with band names but, their famous now and basically everyone knows the name so it doesn't sound as odd and random as you think."
"Alright then." he said still a bit dazed probably from the on stuck of information. I set my head in crook of his neck and relaxed into his embrace. His arms the were hung loosely around my waist tightened their grip and hugged me. I looked up at his eyes lost in the impossible depths.
"I love you." He whispered.
"I love you more." I said playfully. For once he didn't try to argue and he place a sweet and loving kiss upon my lips. I was quick but full of enough love that it made my heart swell and I wasn't complaining.
"I hate to ruin the moment," I said "but I would like to say that the song was written basically in inspiration of you. Not the most loving one I've written but still at least it was about you-- well actually if I were you I probably wouldn't be very happy...so.....I don't know..." I trailed off trying to remember my key reason for saying that.
"So your saying theirs more?" he asked raising and eyebrow.
"Mayybee..." I stretched.
"Will I ever be blessed with the giving of reading one or even possibly hearing one?"
"Well, apparently there's something wrong here." I accused, as I avoided giving him a straight answer. "You are alone all night and you haven't even gone through my stuff? Well," I grinned "just maybe not thoroughly enough to see my binder with sheets, and sheets of paper with worthless songs about my sad, teenage girl, bubbly love songs about one person and I think you can guess who." I said while eying him trying to get my message across of who it was.
He laughed "Well I guess I will have to work on that, wont I?" I nodded smiling like and idiot for no reason "Of course." he said "You of all people would actually want someone to snoop around in your room." he sighed shaking his head in disbelief.
"Not necessarily." I clarified "I just think it would have made this whole ordeal a lot easier if you discovered some of the mysteries that lurk within, what is called my room, earlier."
"Also it would have been easier if you just told me." he retorted.
It took me a moment to conjure up a response for that. "In truth," I said "I have no idea why I didn't tell you earlier. Maybe it was because their is a bigger story behind it that nobody really knows but myself" I stared blankly ahead of me for a moment trying not to relive images of things I had wished to forget. I then noticed my mistake. "I should not have said that." I mumbled, internally cursing at myself to be captured in the strange mood that surrounds me whenever I'm with Edward and forces me say things unthinkingly and too openly.
"Wha-" Edward began but was cut off by me saying, "Save it. I have a feeling you will find out soon enough." It was true. I also think Edward may not be the only one who will be in on my dark secrets...