Disclaimer- I do not own Harry Potter.

She was smallish. She had brown eyes. She even had bushy hair. And she was available.

Draco sought her out, chatting her up and soon the girl was a sliding her hand up his chest suggestively. He smirked and lead her out of the bar and apparated to his house.

An hour later with his itch satisfied, he sent the scowling girl on her way. He never let them stay the night. He hadn't let a girl spend the entire night with him since Hermione.

Dammit, he did not want to think about her!

He thought he had left that part of his life, her, behind a long time ago. After the war, he moved to France, started a new life there, a new job and he threw himself into work. And soon he stopped dreaming of her. Sure the first few months were tough. He would wake up in the middle of the night hurting so badly, wanting her so much that he thought he would go insane. But then he would viciously remind himself of her betrayal and that was how he would survive the night.

Soon, the pain dulled away to a vague nostalgic tug. In his mind, those days they had spent together took on a burnished golden hue. Almost too perfect for reality. And over as soon as it started. He tried to remember the good times only, absolutely refusing to let his mind wander to the bad ones. But now and again the pain would grab him by the threat, tear right down to the gut. But he would shake it off. He would go to the nearest bar, pick out a girl that looked similar to her and numb his mind with a few hours of sex.

But dammit, seeing her after all these years had ripped his heart open once again and try as much as he want, he could not numb himself to it anymore.

Returning to England had been a mistake. Each and everything reminded him of the dark past that he had been trying to evade since the end of the war. This very house had become unbearable to him. Because it was in here that Voldemort took up temporary residence. Here that Hermione was tortured by his aunt while he had to stand by doing absolutely nothing.

Cursing loudly, he put on his robes again and started pacing the room. It was going to be one of those nights…

He saw her again the next day, in that same restaurant at lunch time. She was alone, with a book in her hand, pushing food around her plate inattentively.

Draco scowled. Did she have to look so damn lonely?

Today, he dropped down on the chair opposite hers without permission. Startled, she looked up from her book and just stared. Yesterday, he had thought she looked more beautiful than ever before. Now, up close, he could see the slightly pale tinge to her skin, the bags and circles around her eyes and the tell tale frown lines around her mouth that said she didn't smile much. What in the hell was wrong with her?

"Hello, Granger."

He admired how quickly she composed herself because when she spoke, her voice held no trace of the hundred nameless emotions that he could see brimming in her eyes.

"You are back, I see."

He produced a mirthless laughter, "Very observant of you, Granger."

"Is there something you wanted, Malfoy?"

He leaned back and sneered, "Yes, Granger. What I want is answers. And you better have them for me because unless you can come up with some really good ones, I am going to personally make your life hell!" He spat.

Unfazed by his threat, she calmly took a bite of her chicken. "Maybe it already is, Malfoy."

He snorted, "Spare the self pity, Granger! You and I both know that you are not the person that you pretend to be. You maybe the smartest witch and the freaking war hero but you can't hide what you really are from me."

"Pray, tell me, Malfoy, what am I, then?" she asked in that irritatingly quiet voice.

Anger blazed through his blood so that he saw red spots before his eyes. Had he really expected her to come clean just because he had asked her to? He was a bloody idiot.

"You are a murdering bitch, Hermione Granger. You killed our baby!" he clenched out.

She gave him a hard direct stare, her eyes frozen and unreadable, "I don't know what you are talking about, Malfoy. I never had a baby."

***

Hermione winced and braced herself against the raw violence that blazed in his eyes. She knew that they were in a crowded restaurant and there was nothing he could do to her in a place like this. But that did not stop the rush of fear that ran up her spine. She almost wanted him to hit her, to get the whole thing over with by receiving a few well deserved blows.

His hands were balled up into fists, his knuckles white. His voice when he spoke was lethal, "I am not going to hit, you Granger. Merlin knows I want to but I won't. And even if I did, it still won't be as appalling and lowly as what you did."

And with that, he was up, shoving the chair aside and striding out of the restaurant. People gaped after him. They gaped at her. They spoke in low voices. They pointed.

The tears did not come. She wished they would. There had been a time in her life when she had been able to cry at will to release even the smallest amount of pain inside her. But now, her eyes burned, her throat hurt, but there were no tears to be shed. Her aching heart had numbed her towards all emotion. And it wasn't as if she had anything more left in her to shed.

Once, she had been a romantic. She had been a child who had dreamed of a dramatic romance before settling down with the love of her life. Like something out of those romantic novels. But now all that was left in her life was the drama. She had no place for romance in her life. The very idea made her skin crawl.

Once she would have dreamed and wanted Draco to burst back into the restaurant, take her in his arms and kiss her long and hard. Demand to know what was wrong with her. Strip down all her defenses until she had no choice but to bare out her soul to him.

But she was a grown woman now. A woman who had learned to live with mind numbing pain. For one moment there, she had feared him. For her own physical safety and not for a second, her emotional one. Because she knew that there was nothing he could do to her feelings. If he thought he could push her to the breaking point, boy was he wrong. Hermione Granger had reached her breaking point ages ago. And she was till living that way.

***

She lay on the grass, stretched out with her son beside her mimicking a similar position. Sunset bathed the sky in gold. The wind whispered in their ears.

"Mommy, I miss daddy. Why did he leave us, mommy?"

She pulled the boy close and replied quietly, "Oh baby, mommy did something that made daddy very angry. That's why he left."

She watched the little face crunch up in thought. Finally he said, "But mommy, I get mad at you sometimes too. And I still love you when I am mad at you. So daddy must love you too even though he's mad at you, right, mommy?"

She didn't know what to say. She kept staring up at the rapidly darkening sky. Her son spoke again, "mommy, do you miss daddy?"

This time, she ruffled his golden head and smiled tenderly, "I would if you didn't remind me so much of him."

"Mommy, why don't you tell daddy about me? I want daddy to love me like you love me

"I will, baby. Soon, I will." she whispered.

***

Hermione woke up drenched in sweat and trembling all over. Thunder rumbled outside indicating the brewing storm. She could still feel the soft little body pressed to hers. She could feel the silky hair in her fingers. She could hear the high pitched childish voice echoing in her ears.

She slid her palm over the bed sheets. She was alone. She was always alone.

***

The Leaky Cauldron was no longer the dull and dusty place it used to be. The new owner had turned a portion of the old bar into a hip night club for the younger generation witches and wizard. People, most of them drunk, danced vigorously to the weird sisters.

He poured himself more firewhiskly, shrugging off a girl who had been clinging to him for the last few minutes. The girls he had picked up the last few days had failed to do anything to ease the restlessness in his mind. She had taken this away from him as well.

Tonight, he was planning on getting drunk as an alternative way to numb his brain. That was when another of his least favorite persons appeared in front of him.

"Malfoy, long time."

Draco did not even pretend to hide his groan. "Potter, what do you want?" he asked exasperated already.

Potter ignored him and ordered oak mature mead. "I heard what happened at the restaurant that day with Hermione. You threatened her, Malfoy. Not a wise thing to do."

Draco found his fists balling automatically. "And how is that any of you business, Potter, I fail to see." He sneered.

"She happens to be my best friend, Malfoy. Or have you forgotten? You dare to hurt her in anyway, there will be hell to pay." Potter said dangerously, his drink standing forgotten.

Since the boy wonder had already riled him up, Draco decided to annoy Potter more, "I don't remember you doing anything when your best friend, the weasel, cheated on your other best friend In school."

He could see Potter turning red and his hand inching towards his pocket where he kept his wand. Draco muttered an oath and swung out his own wand," Don't even thin about it, Potter. You better leave me alone, now!"

"What Ron did to her doesn't even come close to what you did, Malfoy!

"I didn't do a thing to her, Potter! That's the whole point! You are still the pig head you used to be if you can't accept that."

Draco cursed again. What in the hell was he doing even talking to Potter?

"I shouldn't be telling you this. She will kill me for this but Merlin, Malfoy, I can't bear seeing her like this anymore. And you of all people making things more difficult for her. Its time you hear the truth, Malfoy." Said Potter.

"Stop, Potter. There's nothing you can tell me that I don't know already." Draco said hotly, "she aborted my baby. What more do I need to know?"

"You need to know why she did it for starters, dammit!"

"She did it so that she go off running with you and Weasly to save the wizarding world and be a fucking hero!" he yelled, ignoring the people around them who had stopped moving and was staring at the two former enemies openly. "And guess what, she got what she wanted. Period. But she is never going to have my forgiveness."

Draco closed his eyes and swallowed what felt like razor blades in his throat. His chest burned his mouth tasted like ash. Damn Potter for making him relive this again. He had tried for five years to forget Hermione, their relationship and the baby. And now he dared to throw all that again in his face?

"She misscaried, Malfoy! She didn't give the baby up. She miscarried. Merlin knows she feels that she killed it, that it was her fault the baby couldn't survive. She punishes herself everyday because of it!"

Draco staggered. His head swam and the room blurred. Reeling like a drunk he lunged for the table to steady himself. Potter couldn't be right, could he? He knew what he had heard that day five years ago. Hermione had admitted that she had given up the baby.

"She said she never had a baby. That day at the restaurant when I asked her." He said with paralyzed uncertainty. Air, he needed more air.

He watched Potter kick a chair in frustration.

"After, it happened, we thought she was okay. She went with us to find the horcruxes. Then after Voldemort was killed, she changed. It's like she withdrew within herself and blocked out reality. She refuses to speak of the baby. She doesn't want to acknowledge its existence because its just too painful for her. But she is hurting, Malfoy, and you are only one who can help her."

Draco dropped his face in his hands and bit back a groan. Merlin, what had he done?

***

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