Keep it sweet
Keep it slow
Let the future pass
And don't let go

Alanna did not return to her rooms until late that evening, hoping to avoid Jonathan as long as possible. She was still embarrassed that he'd seen her in a dress earlier, learning how to be a proper girl. Just the thought of it made her cheeks warm, and the butterflies start up in her stomach. Stupid butterflies, she thought. Don't they know I'm not going to fall in love? She shut the door to her room silently, not sure if Jonathan had returned yet. Sometimes he was out late at night. Or, if he were in, he might have company. She wouldn't want to disturb him.

The thought of him having company sent her head reeling. She wanted to kick herself. She couldn't think these things about Jonathan. Especially not about Jonathan. Not only was he her knight-master, but he was her best friend, and the Crown Prince. Love and butterflies would only complicate that.

"Alanna?" A soft knock came at the door connecting their rooms. "Are you back?"

"Yes," she said, moving to open it for him. He stood there, in the same breeches and shirt he'd worn earlier. "Sorry I'm late. I lost track of time." Actually, she hadn't. She suspected he could guess as much.

"It's all right." He cocked his mouth in a half-smile. "We missed you at dinner, but I think the others will live."

"I'd imagine they would," she said, leaning against the doorframe. "They manage without me all the time. And you'll have to learn to live with me being gone. I'm leaving as soon as I win my shield."

Jonathan fell silent. "So you're still sure of that?" he asked quietly after a moment. "You're sure you're leaving us?"

Alanna nodded. "I'll have to. Once everyone knows I'm a girl…"

"They'll accept you," he told her firmly. "It'll shock everyone, sure. But we could use a little shock. Besides, consider your friends. You think anyone would dare speak ill of you when you count some of the best new knights in the realm among your allies? Not to mention Uncle Gareth and Sir Myles."

"They still won't want me around," she argued. "I'll be a scandal. I'd rather leave before they send me somewhere awful."

"I'll want you around," he murmured, catching her violet eyes before she could dodge his gaze. He stepped closer.

"Jon, do–" Before she could finished, Jonathan pressed his mouth to hers, kissing her softly. She felt her knees go wobbly and the butterflies start up again. Her head began to spin. All of her senses turned to their kiss. He wrapped his arm around her waist, tugging her closer. She let him, lacking the strength – mental or physical – to pull away. He slowly drew his mouth back and released her. She nearly fell into him.

"Well. Good night, Alanna." She glared at him and stepped out of the way of the closing door. She could learn to hate him. Maybe.

On the other side of the door, he had to pause a moment to catch his breath. Ever since that summer, when he had kissed her, he'd been overcome with the urge to do it again and again. Even when he was kissing Delia of Eldorne, he couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to kiss Alanna like that, how her skin would feel against his, how their bodies would fit together. He knew he shouldn't – she was pretending to be a boy, after all – but he couldn't help it. And seeing her in a dress… he had known for two years that Alan was really Alanna, but knowing it and seeing it were two different things. In a dress, she looked almost… soft. Beautiful. Dressed as a boy, he could almost forget. But when she wore a pretty dress and a wig over her hair…

He suspected he might love her.