Disclaimer- I do not own Harry Potter.
Hermione tried to resist, holding her face away and whispering threatningly, "Don't touch me, Malfoy, don't you dare touch me." He responded by dragging his mouth over her cheeks, his breath whispering over her skin.
"Yell at me later, Hermione." He said and claimed her lips once more.
She should push him away. She really should. But oh the glorious numbness that took over her senses as soon as Draco's lips touched hers. There was no pleasure in this kiss, neither tenderness nor heat. It aroused no erotic feelings. But it did rob her brain of thoughts and her heart of feeling so that the only thing she was aware of was the taste of lips under her own and the friction of tongues. Her entire being seemed to concentrate on that mouth that was giving her so much relief from her constant pain. And it was so wonderful. She never wanted this kiss to end. She wanted to remain in this haven forever. She found herself responding feverishly, craving more of what he was doing to her.
Somehow, Draco transferred her from her seat to his lap so that she was stradling his thighs and grabbing on to fistful of his hair. His hands found their way around her waist, trapping her to his hard chest. And the kiss went on, long and deep, the tangle of tongues and the nipping of lips. His hand ventured under her robe, under her top to meet bare skin. His hands were so warm. This warmth seemed to be reach to the very cold in her heart.
Without breaking the kiss, Draco pushed the robe down form her body. His hand now shifted to her stomach. Red warning signaled in her brain now. But before she could make a movement, Draco pulled his lips away, drew her thin t shirt up to expose her stomach. Hermione gasped as Draco looked down and traced the silver lines that were stretch marks. As if knowing that she was about to push him away, Draco took her lips once again and she was unable to stop him.
She pressed her body closer to his, seeking more of his warmth. His hands roamed over her back, her hair.
Her nerves were taut, her body tensed. She moaned into his mouth wanting more, needing him to earse her pain forever. Just when she was about to plead with him, he gently pulled her face away and whispered hoarsely, "I know what you are doing, Hermione. I know what you want right now. But trust me, the pain comes back even worse than before. You can't escape it like this."
And just like that, the small world where she had found so much peace, came crashing down on her as she scrambled off him to put as much distance between them as possible. Shame consumed her. Anger gripped her. What had she been thinking, letting Draco Malfoy kiss her, and kissing him back like that? How dare he imply that he knew anything about her? There was no way he could undertsnd why she had let him kiss her for so long.
"Don't presume that you know anything about me or my life, Malfoy." She said in a barely controlled voice.
Draco stood up as well. "Oh yeah? Do you know how many girls I have been with to numb my brain with lousy, meaningless sex?" Hermione took a step back and each time he stepped forward until she was trapped against the wall and Draco put his hand on either side of her, "Do you know how many miserable nights I have spent trying to forget you but pretending that those bloody whores in my bed were you anyway."
Heart racing, Hermione closed her eyes, trying not to let his words have any effect on her. "I don't care, Malfoy.. and you...you can't just come back into my life like this after five years and expect anything from me. I am not the person I was all those years ago."
"I did not come here to pick up the pieces with you, hermione. I came to hear the truth. From you. You owe me, dammit!"
"I don't owe you anything, Draco! I don't want anything to do with you! You cut yourself off from my life five years ago and I want things to stay that way. I don't need you in my life, Draco Malfoy!" She said, echoing his words of so long ago.
Chest heaving from yelling, Hermione watched him stare at her without saying another word. Finally he turned away, picking up his robe and turning the knob of the front gate. Without looking back, he asked quetly, "When did you become me, Hermione?"
Before she could form an answer, Draco Malfoy had left her apartment.
***
She was drowning. And she didn't even know it yet. She was drowning in the sea of loss , grief and unhappiness that she had created for herself.
Draco knew what she was doing. Hermione was living in a world where she hafd convinced herself that she never had a baby growing inside her. The loss of a baby was definitely more pronounced and real than a fetus. She refused to accept such a loss and so she had shut herself away from it. But her subconscious mind would not let her escape the loss. He had seen first hand the dream. In her subconscience, the baby was still alive and growing up like any normal kid and that had to be hurting her, to have her loss thrown her way like that. In the real world, she was hurting twice more.
Draco pulled a frustrated hand through his hair as he absently walked along the streets of Diagon Alley at lunch time two days after after that encounter with Hermione. Couldn't the damn woman see what she was doing to herself, that it would be better to accept and acknowledge her loss in order to move forward? Or could it be that she wanted to be stuck in this perpetual painful state to feed the guilt of her subconcious mind?
The first thing, Draco decided, was to get her to tell him the absolute truth. He would use every one of his Slytherin traits, every downright lowly technique his father had ever taught him, to do what he needed to, to achieve what he wanted and without letting anything get in his way.
Purposefully, he guided his legs towards the restaurant outside which Hermione had lunch everyday. As expected, he found her toying with her food with a book in her hand.
Today, he did not make the mistake of dropping down on her uninvited.
"Hi." He said. Hermione did not look up at once though he could see that she had recognized his voice. She let out a long sigh first and then glanced up at him.
"Hello, Malfoy. Still stalking me, I see."
Draco grimaced and took the seat opposite hers. "Don't try to be sarcastic, Hermione. It was never your style."
He watched her lean forward, staring at him thoughtfully. Folding her fingers under her chin, she said, "Giving a bloody shit to anyone other than yourself was never your style either, Malfoy."
"Touché."
Now her eyes took on a haunted look. "You know what I don't get, Malfoy?"
He shook his head, internally knowing exactly what was coming and cringing mentally because of it.
"You left me, Malfoy." Came the anticipated words, "Why are you trying to crawl back into my life? Why are you suddenly pretending that you know all about me? What do you stand to gain by it?"
Draco did his best to ignore the pang in his heart, to keep the hurt away fromm his voice. "You are the smart one, Granger," he said in a hollow voice, "why don't you figure it out for yourself?"
"Hmmn, let me think. Well I do believe that, like old times, you still get a kick out of bugging the hell out of me and thats why you are doing all these?"
"Is that all that you brilliant brain can come up with? Its quite pitiful, Granger." Draco replied lightly even thiugh her every word stung like bitch.
"You are still a pathetic little ferret, Malfoy! How many more times do I have to tell you to stay the hell away from my life?" She spat. The return of the blazing anger in her eyes was oddly satisfying to Draco. Anything was better than her icy coolness. And this egged him on even more. He leaned closer to her and dropped his voice to a whisper, a prominant contrast to her yells.
"You didn't seem to think I was so pathetic when you were kissing me like I was the only living man on earth the other day, Granger." This was exactly the point he wanted to play upon, exactly where he had wanted to get her in the first place.
Hermione didn't so much as blink. A slight sneer curled her lips. " I am not surprised you brought this up, Malfoy. I wouldn't put it past you to try any possible underhanded method to get to me. Too bad that I just don't really give a damn to any of your perverted remarks."
"Is that true?" Boldly, he reached out to trace the underside of her wrist where he could feel her pulse speed up almost instantly. He watched delicate goosbumps form on her arm and heard her sudden intake of breath. " No one can do this to you, Hermione." Drcao smiled. "I remember you telling me once that we can never have with anyone else what we had with each other. Thats still true, see?"
Hermione stared at the finger that was lightly drawilg circled over the skin of her wrist. In the next second, she jerked he hand away. "We are over, Draco. You are once again way too late." With that, she pushed her chair back and stomped away.
Draco only grinned as he stretched back and watched her go. It was better late than never, he thought.
***
Hermione started pacing in her room.
She had been a celibate for too long. Surely that was the reason Draco's touch affected her so much. Draco's words meant nothing to her, she convinced herself. He had just been presuming too much as usual.
But of course once she formed a theory, she just had to test it out to check its validity. And she had found just the perfect candidate for it. She would show Draco Malfoy that she was till in touch with her inner woman.
As if on que, the door bell rang and entered Ron Weasly.
"Hermione! I came as soon as I got your owl. Are you okay? Is there a problem?" He asked, appraising his friend carefully.
"Sit down, Ron." She said cooly even though she could feel her stomach churning. She was doing the right thing wasn't she? "Are you currently dating anyone, Ron?"
"What? What brought that on, Hermione?"
'You didn't answer my question, Ron."
"Well, I blew my last date by getting too exicted over the upcoming Chudley Canon game. The girl wasn't much of a quidditch fan, see..."
As Ron rambled on about his disastrous date, Hermione, who was sitting beside Ron on the couch, leaned forward and kissed him.
When Ron did not move back, she held on to his lips. And she waited.
She waited for the feeling of numbness to settle in. She waited for the fire to chase away the ice. She waited for the sensations. She waited. She waited even when Ron took control and tugged her lips into his mouth. Even when he crushed her body to his.
Ron pulled away slowly and Hermione hung her head in shame. This wasn't what she had expected. She could feel his blue gaze on her, silently waiting for some kind of an explanation.
"I am sorry, Ron"
He nodded. "This is about Draco, isn't it?" he asked quietly.
She didn't say anything. Ron cursed.
"He has you riled up once again, that bloody ferret! Hermione, you know better than to let him get to you after all that he has done!"
There was no pointing in denying it. "I was gettling along just fine with my life, Ron, before he came back." Hermione said in a shaky voice. "Why did he have to come and ruin everything again?"
Ron put his arm around her in the brotherly fashion that she was used to. He seemed to have already forggotten of the embaressing situation that had occured a few seconds ago. Softly, he said, "Hermione, you haven't been fine for more than five years. You have been living like a recluse after the war. Harry and I have told you so many times over the years that you have to move on but you never listen to us."
Hermione stiffened. There was that old topic again.
"At least Draco has been able to get to you. With us, you have been nothing but a wall." Ron continued. "If he can bring you out of this shell you are living in, I am even ready to forget what a jerk he was and be grateful to him for the rest of my life."
Hermione shook her head. "I can't believe you are saying this, Ron"
"Hermione, today you did to me exactly the same thing that you did back in Hogwarts. You chose me as the rebound guy. Back then, I knew within a week that it was Draco you loved, not me. Why do you think I staged that whole act with Lavender?"
"Ron!"
"Let me get this out, Hermione. I accepted Draco back then because you loved him and I am ready to do the same now because he is the only person who can give your life back to you."
Hermione sighed. She just did not have the energy to think about all Ron had said at the moment. So instead, she said, "Have diiner with me. I will make us something."
***
A/N- I am so sorry that I am not being able to reply to any reviews. Something is wrong with my account and I have to access my account by logging in as annoymous. But I do read all your comments and I can't tell you how much I appreciate them. Thank you guys so much.