In a Bag
I always liked this jacket. Of course, I never imagined I'd be in the pocket of it, sealed in a plastic bag. But I never imagined a lot of things. I never imagined bonding with a host. I never imagined joining a rebel faction. I certainly never imagined working with a group of "Andalite bandits". I never imagined being alone.
That is strange to think of. This is the first time in my entire life that I have been alone. I was born with hundreds of siblings, and I ever since I have either been in a full pool, surrounded by other Yeerks, or in the head of another living creature, part of a community of two. Andalites may be herd animals, but we are the ultimate societal species.
From what I have seen of solitude, it is not something to be envied. The first time I entered his head, I was struck by just how much loneliness stings. He had felt so bonded to his wife, that her absence left a gaping wound in him. That had been another thing that I had never imagined: being that emotionally attached to another creature. I had formed bonds with other Yeerks, of course, and I cared for many of my siblings. But if they were no longer present, I would still be able to function.
Of course, even as I say this, I must admit that I have come to care for him. I hope that, no matter what happens tonight or in the future, he is able to escape. I know how relieved Aftran was to hear that Karen had successfully gotten away. She had even had other Yeerks in the movement pull strings to have her father offered a job out of the state. It was a wise move in terms of security, a way of covering our trail, but that was not why Aftran had done it. Aftran had come to care for the little one, just as I had come to care for him. Karen's escape had ultimately led to Aftran's detection and capture, but I imagine Aftran thinks it is worth it. I know that I would.
I wonder if, in the future, there will still be room for those like us. If Cassie and her compatriots do in fact win, if the Empire is brought down and Yeerks no longer control involuntary hosts, will there be any voluntary Controllers left? So many of the voluntary Controllers we have now come to us because of weakness and desperation, which is taken advantage of. But will there still be people who want that bond, who want to share control with someone else and take some of the pressure off of themselves? When there is no longer a fight, will he still want me in his head? What will I do if he wants me gone?
Hmm. This solitude does strange things to the mind. It brings up far more questions then I normally take the time to think about. I should focus my thoughts on hoping that Cassie succeeds tonight. If she does not, then thoughts of the future are a moot point, because none of us will live to see it. There is nothing to do but stay in a bag and wait for the best.