Leah awoke to a loud banging sound. It dug its way through her eardrums as it began to press at the headache that was now throbbing through her skull. Slowly, as she became fully conscious, she could feel it was followed by a growing wave of nausea that reached down into her stomach and pulled its way up into her throat.
She was not in the mood for this.
She figured her best bet was to roll over and go back to sleep but the incessant banging was grating at her nerves. A sharp, scraping noise raked over her bones and she knew she had to at least open one eye. Through the piercing light she saw Embry with an arm full of clothes on coat hangers, stuffing them forcefully into his old suitcase. She sat up, pulling the headache up with her, and regretted the sudden movement at the flood of nausea that accompanied it.
It was officially the worst hangover she had ever experienced. She opened her mouth to speak and it was dry. She moved her tongue around in the hopes of producing some saliva before her cracked voice sputtered its way out.
"Bre, baby, whatever you're doing, does it have to be now? I'm trying to get some sleep here."
Brushing a hand through her matted hair, she dropped it and gave up. She wasn't going to bother looking presentable in the state she was in; she'd be going straight back to sleep soon enough.
"Fuck off Leah."
She froze. It took her second to figure out if she had heard him right or if her pounding head was twisting things. Embry had never sworn at her before. Compared to her he barely ever swore at all.
"What?"
"You heard me. Just go back to sleep. Don't let me interrupt."
She struggled to swing her legs off the bed when she looked down at her naked body. Her stomach was covered in bruises of multiple shapes and sizes. There were marks that extended down her torso, covering both her thighs and up along her arms. As she looked at them she began to feel the pain that sat below each magenta, yellow and purple bruise. The dull ache below her scattered wounds was second only to the intensity of the migraine that impaired her other senses.
Her head was too sore to concentrate on more then one thing at a time so she chose to focus on Embry first and her mysterious battle wounds second. She grabbed at a sheet to wrap around her body when, through squinted eyes, she saw him walk towards her. He hesitated as he turned around to walk away. He gave in and returned, falling to his knees at her feet. It was then that she saw the betrayal deep in his red, swollen eyes.
"How could you Leah? How could you do this to me?" He was sobbing as his forehead was pressed against her knees. She was confused; she scanned her memory for a recent fight, something she had done to warrant the agony in his voice, but she was coming up empty.
"Baby what? Do what? I'm sorry, whatever I did, just tell me."
He grabbed hold of her wrists as he looked up and down her arms in disgust.
"This Leah, this is what you did. Was it worth it? Was he worth it? A drunken fuck with an ex...I thought if you were going to cheat on me with anyone it would be with Jacob, but Sam? Of all the people in the world Leah. Did you really need it that bad that you would take him over me?"
His words were so full of hate that she was overcome with shame, like a child being scolded by their favourite parent. He had never spoken to her like this before, let alone accuse her of something as impossible as he was claiming. She tried desperately to search her memory for any traces of what he was talking about. The last thing she remembered they had all been in her living room, there was a basketball game, Embry left, Jake too, and then…..nothing
"Sam? Em, I haven't seen Sam since..."
Since the night he was withBella she thought. Embry's eyes narrowed as he wiped away the tears that were forming with the sleeves of his jumper. He stood up and walked back over to the already full suitcase he was packing.
"I walked in on you both Leah, I can't believe that you'd waste your breath trying to lie about it."
He was kicking the suitcase down as he attempted to do the zip up on the side.
"Embry there is no way I would have slept with Sam...I don't even remember him being here last night."
His eyes flashed towards her briefly.
"The empty bottle of whiskey in the kitchen probably helped with that. Not that you needed an excuse. You wanted your revenge on Emily and now you got it. I hope it was worth it because I don't hate myself enough to try and make this work."
He grabbed hold of the suitcase handle as he lifted it to walk out the door. She wanted to get up and stop him but she wasn't in control of her body enough to move without buckling over in pain.
"Em, please, you saw wrong. You know I would NEVER cheat on you. You know that."
"Well Seth and Jake were there to witness your finest hour so if you're going with 'your eyes were playing tricks on you' then you can try and pull that shit with them."
She felt the bile stinging at the back of her throat now. He spoke with such conviction she couldn't doubt that he was telling the truth. It was a thought that filled her with terror.
"What exactly did you see?" She asked. Her voice was slow to hide the hysteria that was building inside.
"What do you think Leah? I saw him ploughing into you and I left, Seth was close behind. Jake pulled him off. You passed out. End of story."
She was suddenly hit with an overwhelming dizzy spell. She remembered the same feeling the night before as a flashback of Sam sitting on her couch startled her. He had been there after all. She remembered blue. Her dress? Scanning the floor she couldn't see any sign of it but she felt like it had some significance, and in the living room, not the bedroom. She remembered a searing pain, a headache, much like the one she had now. She could barely think about alcohol now let alone drink it. She'd never let herself drink that much when she was feeling so sick. It didn't add up.
A revolting thought crossed her mind that sent a chill through her blood.
"Did I say anything to you?"
"What? No. You were caught up in the moment Leah, and then you passed out when Jake ripped Sam off of you."
"Was I conscious at all?"
"I TOLD YOU, YOU PASSED OUT. I'm not having this conversation with you. You know what? I know you don't care enough about me to give a shit but Seth? You've really hurt him. He can't even be around you right now. And Jake? If Sam presses charges he's fucked."
She could hear Embry speaking but his words weren't getting through. The realisation began to fill her from her core as it pulled and twisted its way through her body. She didn't have a hangover, she knew her body better than that. This, this was a new type of pain. The bruises on her hips were deep. She felt them below her flesh, stretching down to her organs. She would never let Sam be that rough with her. She would never letSam touch her at all.
And then it was as if she had known it the whole time, as if a voice inside her had been screaming out and only now she chose to acknowledge it.
She had been raped.
"….DID YOU EVEN HEAR A WORD I SAID LEAH? Jesus, why do I bother?"
Embry stormed out the door. She knew it was a bad thing, that she should try to make him stay, but she was in shock and mind had started breaking down. She could feel Sam on her skin, moving inside of her. He was a parasite making his way through her body, ready to rip through her flesh and expose himself for the vile, disgusting creature he was.
He covered her, every pore, every hair, like a film of filth and loathing. She needed to wash it off, to scrub the film of sex and hate that he left on her skin. She would scour herself until she was red raw if need be. She got to her feet as the head rush was too much. Doubling over, she threw up on the floor, falling into the fetal position as she choked out all that she could. She collapsed onto her side and let the pain from her head fight with the pain that ached throughout her body.
She looked down at her exposed limbs and read the map of his violence that covered her. Each mark conjured a visual that she couldn't stop. The large, burning graze on her right thigh came with the image of him dragging her along the carpet. The small deep burgundy marks on her breast had teeth marks around the edges and she saw Sam's head biting and sucking his way around her chest. Then there were the bruises that sat on her hips and stretched around her back. She couldn't help but see him thrusting brutally into her. The pushing and the tearing and the forcefulness as his hands directed her unresponsive hips into him.
She lunged forward as her body threw up once again. She was trying to expel the disgust she felt within herself but it was a useless endeavour. She had allowed it to happen, regardless of the drugging. She allowed him into her home and therefore to put her in this position. She had let him abuse her body this way. It was just as much her fault as it was his.
She was screaming now. She could hear it as her throat burned with each new breath. Tears streamed down her face and fell onto the arms she was holding herself up with. She could see them but not feel the small drops of liquid. It was as if she was watching from the outside, had it not been for the repulsive flesh that trapped and housed her. She wanted to tear it from her bones, to strip it off and start anew. This body was useless to her; she wanted nothing more to do with it.
She heard a noise from another room and terror filled what was left of her. She pulled her body into the far corner of the bedroom, dragging herself along the floor with her fingernails. The door opened and she saw Sam standing there, watching her, as a flashback of muffled, abusive words filled her ears. Her breath began to suffocate her, rising in her throat and blocking her airway. She was panicking, inhaling quickly, greedily, as each breath became harder to take in. He was here to finish what he started, before Jake and Embry had interrupted him. He was here to finish her.
"LEAH!" He cried "LEAH! GOD, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO…LOOK AT ME LEE. I…"
The voice confused her. It wasn't the one she was expecting. She couldn't bring herself to lift her head towards him and she knew that would enrage him further but her fear was in control now and there was no reasoning with it. Her chest was heavy as she felt he pain in every short gulp of air. He grabbed her hand and she screamed hysterically. She thrashed her arms violently, hoping to hurt him in someway, but she knew she wasn't strong enough to fight him off.
"No. Sam. No. Please..."She begged.
The pain wasn't worth it; she couldn't keep fighting much longer, nor did she want too. She was starting to give up. Two strong, rough arms lifted her off the ground to carry her away to her end. She prayed if she did die, her mother and brother would not find out how it happened. She hoped someone would be there to tell them another story, a plausible one so they wouldn't have to over think her last moments.
"She died peacefully; she was gone before she felt any pain"
Maybe he would bury her body in an unmarked grave somewhere and they would think she had run off. Maybe he would make it look like a car accident, like Jakes mom. Anything other then what was actually happening.
She was wheezing now as her aching lungs cried in pain for the oxygen they craved. She wasn't in control of herself, she was barely able to force down the increasingly short bursts she was managing now. It wouldn't be too much longer before her body just gave up, shut down. She hoped her dad wouldn't be ashamed to welcome her into the afterlife. She hoped he wasn't watching her right now, disappointed she would allow herself to fall into a situation like this.
And then a wave hit her. It was the coldest wave the ocean had ever greeted her with. It crashed against her skin and forced her lungs to open up in shock as she greedily swallowed down a deep breath. She tried to swim, to escape, but her arms were being held down by something. Her eyes flashed open to see Sam holding her tightly, drowning her.
But it wasn't Sam.
Slowly, through her frenzied breaths, she was able to see she was in Jacobs arms. The white behind him was also familiar. Tiles. Her bathroom tiles. Her eyes shot open once more as he moved her head directly under the shower. He was crouched down with a look of panic in his eyes as he cradled her in the cold water. Her breathing slowly returned to normal but her strength was gone. Her teeth were chattering as the cold from her skin made its way through to her core.
She was done. She couldn't fight it anymore. Slowly, she let herself slip into unconsciousness, secure in Jacobs arms.
As Leah came too she wondered why her lungs felt as if she had smoked twelve packets of cigarettes. They were heavy and she could only manage the shallowest of breaths. Her body ached with the sort of pain that it was too young to know. Every joint, every muscle, felt like that of an arthritis sufferer, not a nineteen year old.
Then she remembered.
She had been drugged. She had been raped. Embry had left her. Seth too. She had broken down, fallen apart, and Jake had saved her.
Jake.
She felt something wrapped around her body. A muscular arm was under her neck and another one held her close to a large, warm body. She lifted her head and opened her eyes to see Jake breathing a sigh of relief. His expression made him look aged. He was worn down, filled with worry as his eyes were tired and bloodshot.
"Thank you God." He said. "...or Satan, or whoever else I pleaded with to save her life. Thank you."
"Jake?" She started. Her voice was harsh and her throat stripped bare. He looked so sad as he held onto her that she felt his pain in her bones.
"Don't strain yourself, Lee."
She cleared her throat.
"What…what happened?"
She remembered her panic attack and him pulling her through it. She had been in the shower in his arms, naked and drenched in freezing cold water. But she was warm now. Her hair was dry so she had been asleep for a while and he had dressed her in one of Seth's big, oversized football sweaters.
"Don't worry about it now. You just get the rest you need. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."
"Jake...I need to know what happened."
He looked down at her, hesitant to begin. She begged him with her eyes and he gave in.
"Where do you want me to start?"
"I think." Her voice caught in her throat "from last night."
"If you're sure..."
She nodded her head.
"Seth invited me back to your place. Embry had had it in for me through the whole game and the kid was hoping we'd sort ourselves out over a drink and a few hands of poker. When we got in though, the place was a mess. The sofa cushions were all over the floor and a blue dress lay torn open on the ground. We heard Sam from the living room. Embry stormed over here and the two of you were on this very bed…"
She couldn't help it. A whimper escaped her throat revealing the tears she was trying to hide. His face filled with concern again as stroked her hair.
"I'm sorry; I can stop if you want."
"No, no…I need to hear it."
He thought for a second, choosing his words carefully.
"Embry entered first. I couldn't see his face but when he saw you two he fell apart. Then Seth, gah... the poor kid. He was a mess. I, ah, I didn't handle it too well either."
He looked down at the hand that sat on her shoulder. His knuckles were split and healing.
"Jake! What happened to your hand?"
"Sam's face kept getting in the way."
She wanted to enjoy the thought of Sam being beaten to a bloodied pulp more but she couldn't feel anything but self-loathing and embarrassment. Jake continued his story as she sat expressionless, forcing herself to absorb his words.
"After we sent his battered ass home you were passed out. Embry spent the night at my place, Seth packed up to stay with Sue. I actually came over here to have a go at you, you know? I was going to lay into you about what you did, and then I found you on the ground."
His eyes welled up as he paused for a second. He moved her head downwards so she couldn't see his face but his voice broke as he spoke, revealing his sadness.
"God, Leah, I've never been more scared in my life. You acted as if I was evil incarnate. Your eyes were rolling back in your head and you were struggling to breathe as you thrashed around in my arms. I was scared you'd swallow your own tongue. It was the single most horrifying experience I've ever witnessed."
She felt guilty for causing him such pain. All she could do was add that guilt to the myriad of other emotions that were currently tearing her apart.
"You really need to talk to Seth Lee; the kid looks up to you so much and you've crushed him."
She lowered her head into Jakes chest as she tried to hide the tears that wouldn't stop.
"Why'd you do it Lee? Sam, of all people. I mean…why?"
And then it burst forth, her tears started and wouldn't stop. She was choking back sob after sob as Jake tried to lull her back to calm.
"I'm sorry! I should just shut my big mouth. I'm not judging you, I'm just confused. I know you were drunk but still…"
"I wasn't drunk Jake."
"But then, why would you do it?"
Her cry was guttural now as she tried to close her mouth and muffle the sound. Instead it erupted and sputtered out in short chokes.
"I..I...It wasn't...consensual."
The shame that filled her meant she couldn't bring herself to meet his eyes but she felt the tension harden through his entire body.
"Leah, there was an empty bottle of whiskey in the trash. Sam is crazy, yeah, but he's not a…he wouldn't do that."
She got angry now. He could hear the pain in her voice and yet he still doubted her.
"Well he did Jake. He did do that."
"You need to be careful with what you say here. That's a heavy accusation to make."
She couldn't believe that he sat, with her in his arms, and still questioned her after what she had been through. She wanted to hurt him as she spat back her reply.
"He drugged and he...he raped me and I'm sure your Bella had something to do with it."
Jake instantly became defensive as he pulled away from her and she swore her heart moved with him. As angry as she was she was terrified of losing the protection his arms offered her.
"Now youreallyneed to be careful with what you say next."
She sat up on her knees as she looked him in the eye.
"I don't want to do this now Jake. I don't even want to live with myself let alone deal with your shit too. I don't care if you don't believe me but just know that I am on the verge of either complexly breaking down or walking into that kitchen, picking up the largest knife I have and ending Sam Uley's life."
Her hands were shaking uncontrollably as she tried to wipe at the tears that continued to spill forth. He wrapped his fingers around her wrist as she flinched and withdrew at his touch. He looked hurt as she dropped her eyes.
"Leah, look at me." He begged.
Her eyes remained fixed on his shirt as he placed a hand on her cheek. At first she flinched again but she let him this time.
"Are you sure Leah?"
His voice was steady with an edge of pity to it.
"Yes Jake."
He spoke slowly, concentrating on each word. His lips barely moved as his teeth remained locked together.
"I'm going to fucking kill him. I'm going to go over to the hospital and I'm going to finish beating the shit out of him. I'm going to rip apart his dead corpse so violently that his ghost feels it and then I'm going to burry the remains limb my limb so he will never be allowed into the afterlife"
She panicked for a moment.
"No, please, don't. I need to figure this all out Jake. I need to work through it before I do anything."
"Why? He doesn't deserve anything but castration. If you're thinking of anything else don't waste your time."
"Jake, I'm serious. I need to figure this out. There are things you don't know that I need to tell you first. You're all I have at the moment and I need to know if you're really here for me or not."
"Of course I am Lee." He answered, offended at her statement.
"No Jake, I'm asking you honestly. Bella is involved, I know it. I need to know that I can trust you enough to confide in you. I need to know you won't break and fall into her arms at the first lie she tells you or the first tear she sheds."
He pulled her face up to meet with his and she could see he was trying to hide the internal struggle that burned below his eyes.
"Leah, if you were raped and Bella had something to do with it, then she will pay as well."
"Jake, I won't be able to handle it if you're just saying this to humour me."
He looked down her body and she could see that he was remembering the marks that sat below the sweatshirt that covered her.
"I swear on my life Leah Clearwater, I will help you get vengeance on all parties involved, whatever it takes."
Through the darkness a sliver of light finally appeared. She knew she had Jacob; he was true to his word. For now though, all she wanted was her friend. His warm embrace and loving eyes. She curled into him as they lay awake. Each thinking of different things.
One of loss.
One of revenge.