Chapter two.
It took Tim some time to wake up and realize where he was. At first he thought that it was one of those awkward one night stands where you wake up and don't know who your partner is even though you are in their house, but it doesn't take him too long before he realizes where he is. The bed is comfortable and the room contains all the basics, a beautiful oak dresser and a chair. The room isn't decorated, pictures are removed from the wall and a darker spot is left on the wallpaper. He yawns and stretches while inhaling the smell of very strong coffee. He knows that the longer he stays in this bed the harder the conversation is going to be, so he climbs out of bed, collecting his shoes and jacket from the chair. His clothes are rumpled and his hair is sticking up but it has to do for this moment. He is on his way down as she spots a bathroom. He steps in and tries to ignore the feeling that he is invading Gibbs' personal space, but much to his surprise he sees a lot of Tony's products, his hair gel, crazy expensive shaving cream and that weird white herbal toothpaste of his. He takes a gulp of the mouth wash, it tastes not bad and he hopes that it at least masks his morning breath. He holds his hands under the tap and attacks his hair with his wet fingers. It's still far from ideal but at least he looks better now.
He goes down the stairs and with every step he takes the smell of coffee becomes stronger. He feels himself flush as he walks in to the kitchen and he feels worse than after sneaking out after a one night stand, but Gibbs just sits at his table, sipping his coffee and reading the paper. He doesn't look up from the paper as he motions towards the cup next to the coffee machine. He also finds some sugar and milk which he really needs considering the strength of Gibbs coffee. He sits down at the table and after a moment of hesitation he picks up a section of the paper that Gibbs is reading. Gibbs reaches under the table and picks up a bag. He shoves it towards McGee who opens it curiously. "You pick first." Gibbs grunts as he eyes the assortment of filled bagels. He picks on with cream cheese and ham and places the bag in the middle of the table, trying to focus on his paper.
Tim tries to figure out what he is going to say as he stares mindlessly at the paper, his eyes skimming over the letters. He had surprised himself last evening when he had vocalized the thing that he had been thinking for a long time. Abby wasn't going to change just for him, he knew tha,t but he also knew that he had to do something.
He clears his throat and he puts the paper down. "I assume you would like an explanation boss?" he asks and he hates his voice for cracking. "Nah." Gibbs says, but he puts down his paper anyway. Gibbs eyes stare at him, but it isn't the icy stare he hates so much, his eyes are curious and full of interest.
"I love Abby boss." he sighs as he states what they both know. "But she isn't going to fall in love with me again and she isn't going to change. She is always there, hugging me, standing close to me and I know that it is her way of doing things but honestly? It is killing me."
Gibbs' eyes are kind. Something McGee rarely sees and he relishes the moment for a second. "I love working for you more than anything in the world boss, but this is unbearable." He focuses his eyes on a small dent in the table, avoiding Gibbs' eyes for all he's worth.
"Tim." Gibbs starts and McGee is surprised by the use of his first name. His eyes seek out Gibbs' and he sees some compassion, but also a hint of sadness. "You are a damn fine agent and I would hate to see you go. You are the first one I trained that will become director eventually." he says and McGee feels himself flush under all the praise. "I've also seen what Abby does to you and if you think that this is the best solution then I am not the person to stop you." Gibbs picks up his paper again, effectively dismissing McGee who finishes his bagel and mumbles an excuse before he walks out of the door. Unaware of Gibbs' eyes on his back.
Once he is home he takes a long hot shower and changes into some casual jeans and a green t-shirt that says 'I'm with genius.' and an arrow that points up. It had been a present from Tony and he wouldn't wear it in public but he wore it at home because he had been flattered. He walks through his apartment and he wonder what to do. For a second he wishes that Jethro was at his place instead of his parents place but he smacks himself mentally, his small apartment was no place for a German Shepherd to live, and he had seen how much his parents enjoyed having a dog.
He decides to clean his apartment that day and Sunday, tomorrow, he would drive up to his parents, see how Jethro was doing and talk to his parents about the fact that he was going to move.
Tim loves the smell of cleaning. Erasing all the old dirt, leaving behind shiny clean surfaces. Rearranging his books in alphabetical order and washing all his plates, glasses and cutlery one extra time. Many found it obsessive, but it was almost a therapeutic act for McGee and he felt a lot better when he was done that evening. He showered again and wondered if he should play Strike Force Command or read a book. The choice was made for him when Tony appears on his doorstep half an hour later with pizza and a movie.
"Hey Probie." he says as he walks in, kicking his shoes off in the process. "I came to see how you were doing, brought pizza, movie, and I am also planning on hearing everything about your date."
He doesn't stop moving while he is talking and when is done talking, he is standing in McGee's kitchen, slicing the pizzas and grabbing a pair of plates. "Seriously, how could you not tell me that you had a date with Nancy, I had to hear it from Rob, the night janitor!" he exclaims as he flops down on the couch. "Oh gee," Tim snarks "Could it be because I like the idea of a personal life?"
He pops the dvd in his dvd player and flops next to Tony on the couch, he settles back after he grabs a slice of pizza. It is Men in Black and even though he knows this movie inside out he doesn't complain. Halfway through the movie Tony presses the pause button and moves to face Tim.
"You look like crap." he says. "Not, I had an accident crap, but more something personal crap." Tim is about to opens his mouth, but he realizes that Tony would see right through any lame excuses so he closes it again. "Yeah." he says before returning his attention to the tv-screen, his mind willing to start the movie again.
Tony on the other hand, has different plans and doesn't move. "You know that I care about you right?" he asks and looks surprisingly vulnerable. "I might give you a lot of crap, but at the end of the day you are my best friend." and his eyes, it are the eyes that get Tim. Tony's green eyes show hurt, hurt about the fact that he doesn't trust Tony enough to share his problems. Tim can't help himself and he tells Tony everything, how he has been in love with Abby since forever and how he had been at Gibbs' last night.
Tony lets himself fall back and for a moment the creak of the soft black leather is the only thing that breaks the heavy silence. "Wow Probie." he says. "Re-assigned as in cybercrimes or agent afloat?" Tim chuckles, "Me, on a big boat?" he says with a hint of a smile in his eyes. "I'm going to talk to Vance tomorrow, but I prefer getting out of DC."
Tony stays silent for a few seconds before turning to the tv and pressing play again. Tim isn't stupid and doesn't force any more conversation. He knows that Tony doesn't take change as well as he pretends he does and suddenly he is happy that he told him. Neither of them talk during the rest of the movie and Tony silently packs his stuff and leaves. "I am sorry." Tim offers. "Yeah buddy, so am I." is the response he gets. It makes him feel worse than he cares to admit.
When he steps in the office Monday morning technically nothing has change, but if he is honest it feels like everything has. The walls seem a sharper shade of orange and people all talk to him. He went straight up to Vance's office, he knew that he was a favorite and could come in right away.
"Morning Agent McGee, anything I can do for you today?" Vance asked with a smile on his face, a sight that his teammates rarely got to see. "I want to request a transfer." he said matter-of-factly. "A personal situation has been getting in the way of my job and I want to be able to perform at the top of my abilities." It was painfully obvious that he had memorized those words but Vance didn't comment on that. "Are you sure?" he asked and when he nodded he asked something else, something that made Tim smirk. "Does Gibbs know? Because I am not telling him." "He already knows." McGee answers.
Vance sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Okay, I will have to look around and find a place that will suit you and your abilities. Do you have any preferences?" he asked. "Anything as long as it isn't agent afloat." he answers truthfully. That moment Vance's phone rings and it is obviously important and McGee understands that he is silently dismissed.
There are no active cases for the rest of the day and everyone uses their time to catch up on some paperwork. McGee watches his phone very closely but it doesn't ring. He is slightly disappointed when he goes home that evening.
When he comes in the next morning there is a note on his desk, 'come by', it says and it is signed by Vance. He runs up the stairs, not realizing that he is still wearing his jacket. He knocks on the door and when Vance answers he stumbles in, coming over like an over eager puppy.
"Agent McGee" Vance greets him while he motions for him to sit down in the chair opposite the conference table. "I did some research after our conversation yesterday and I have two offers for you." he says. "The first position is the one of team leader in San Diego, you won't be leading the MCRT but you will lead your own investigative team." He hands one file over to Tim. "The other position" he says as he lifts the second file he has been holding "is the one of location leader of the Camp Lejeune field office." Vance hands him the other file and stands up. "If it had been up to me I would have send you to Camp Lejeune" he said. "But Gibbs told me that you love field work and he said that I had to give you a choice, so here you go. You have until the end of the week to decide." Vance walks over to his desk and starts his computer. McGee, who is too stunned to move, eyes the closed files suspiciously. "That's it, Agent McGee." Vance says and he somehow manages to walk to his own desk where he sits for several more minutes before realizing that Gibbs is talking to him.
A dead Captain requires his attention and he stuffs the files in his desk. They have to wait until later.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Their case turns out to be a suicide and when they close the case 36 hours later McGee is ready to drop. He only remembers the files because he accidentally opens the wrong drawer as he tries to get his gun. He stuffs them in his backpack as he drives home. He undresses as quickly as possible before falling asleep so fast that he doesn't get the change to crawl under the sheets.
But when he wakes up the next morning he feels good, he feels refreshed and when he stumbles in to his kitchen he sees his back pack on the kitchen table with the files falling out. He makes his breakfast and decides to read the files while eating his breakfast. Both of the files contain the basics of the job, and the more he reads the harder it becomes to decide. Office leader sounds great, responsibilities and he would love to use his brain in that way but on the other side, he loves fieldwork. It is the thing that made him work so hard and he loves his place on Gibbs team. Suddenly he realizes that he is about to give it all up. His team, which is basically his family, his apartment and the fact that he lives close to his parents.
He closes his eyes and rests his head on the table, how did he end up in such a mess?
-
He was distracted the entire day and Gibbs seemed to know, he let him play with that new date system while he tried to forget that he had to tell Vance the next day where he wanted to go. It wasn't a surprise to anyone that he ended up in Gibbs' basement again that night. He talked with Gibbs about his options and the man gave him his honest opinion and not even McGee had heard Gibbs talk so much. But when he left that evening he felt confident about his choice and that was one less burden.
He took some extra time the next morning to prepare himself for the day. First he went up to Vance's office. "San Diego." he said simply while handing the other file back. Tim could tell from his face that it wasn't Vance's favorite option but it was his choice so he had to do with it.
"Good" Vance said, "Next week will be your last week at this office, after that you have a week off to find a new place to life and move. The Monday after that you have a meeting with the office leader which will be followed by your first day in your new position." Tim turned around but hesitated at the door. "Thank you director." he said "for believing in me." and with that he closed the door behind him.
Down in the squad room again he told Ziva, Tony and Gibbs about his promotion and even though he knew they were happy for him he saw the sadness in their eyes.
After that conversation he went to the lab. He didn't want Abby to find out from anyone else and he figured that he owed her at least that much.
"Hey Abs." he said as he turned her music down. "There is something I need to tell you and I want you to sit down." Stunned by his force she sunk down in her chair, afraid of the conversation to come. "I will lead my own team in two weeks..." he told her, deciding that he wasn't going to beat about the bush "... in San Diego." Her face froze and her breath hitched in her throat.
"No Timmy!" she cried as she wrapped herself around him, silently sobbing. Focused on her own grief she didn't ask him why he was going and he was grateful for that. He held her until her eyes were red and her mascara on her cheeks. "I will be around for one more week." he assured her with a kiss on the cheek before walking out of the lab, a place that once used to be his safe heaven.
He stepped into the elevator to go down to Autopsy but he slammed the emergency switch as soon as the cart started moving. He sank down in the corner, his arms around his knees as he held himself, seeing Abby so heartbroken had almost broken his own heart. For a second there he had wondered if that was really the right decision but deep in his heart he knew. Gathering up strength he stood up again and continued his journey to the lowest levels of the building.
Telling the medical examiner wouldn't be easy. Tim had told the man more secrets over a cup of tea than he had with any other co-worker. The man was easy to talk to and a good friend, not someone he was willing to lose. So over one of his last cups of tea with Ducky he told his old friend that he was about to move to the other side of the country. It didn't come as surprise that Ducky already suspected something. He was a lot more observant than you would expect from a person that talked so much. He had no idea how to end the conversation that the man kept going so after 3 cups of tea he said his goodbye and left.
When he came back in the squad room he realized that there had been a lot of scuttlebutt. People came up to him to congratulate him with his promotion. He happily accepted every single one of them but he kept finding it strange that he still wasn't really happy.
The next week was not really busy work wise and that was a good thing. McGee was busy informing his friends, packing up his stuff and arranging temporarily storage. He booked himself a few weeks in a motel and he was utterly spent by the time Friday came around.
A surprise goodbye party in Autopsy that afternoon was not really a surprise but still appreciated. His eyes wandered over the crowd of people and he wondered once again why exactly he was going to leave, but when he saw Abby he remembered again. She had brought a date and the boy clearly adored her. He couldn't be older than 30 and Tim could barely repress the urge to kick him out of the room.
People came up to him, saying heartfelt goodbyes, wishing him goodbye and some gave him a house warming present for his new house. At the end of the day he was standing in Autopsy with only his best friends left. He wanted to tell them that he didn't want to leave, that he felt he was going to die there all alone but instead he told everyone personally how much he was going to miss them. Tony's eyes where suspiciously wet when they hugged and Ziva's emotionless face was proof enough for Tim.
"I like to think that you made me the man I am today." Tim said as he shook Gibbs hand, unable to repress a chuckle when Tony yelled: "Don't blame him!"
When he was finally done he didn't even bother to hide his tears anymore. He picked up the box with his gifts and belongings from the table at the door and walked over to the elevator. When he turned around and saw his friends standing there he realized that everyone's worst fear had just become truth once more. One person of their little family was ripped away from them and the worst part was that he deliberately made that choice. He prayed that someday they would be able to forgive him for that.
-
When he cleaned out his apartment he felt stupid. He had rented the apartment while thinking about the future, it was a big green neighborhood and the apartment had 3 bedrooms. If he was honest he could picture himself sitting on the couch, playing with his children while Abby would sit next to him. Silly, he knew, and now he was paying a high price for that.
He knew that in San Diego he would get another big apartment, his new position paid him a bit more and he didn´t ever want to be as cramped anymore as he had been in Silver Springs.
His arrival in his new hometown was horrible. He felt lonely walking through the airport´s arrival hall with no one there to pick him up. He gathered his bag and ordered a taxi to his motel. He checks in and it feels like he is on the other side of the world instead of the other side of the country. The weather is sunny and everything looks great, his room is not that crappy and the assortment of fresh fruit on the small table looks great, but it doesn´t do anything to hide the feeling that he just done the most stupid thing in the world.
Tim sits down on his bed and let the tears fall free. He cries for what feels like hours but in the end it does make him feel better and finally he feels good enough to get up again. He takes his shoes off and enjoys the feeling of carpet on his feet. He sees the sun setting behind the houses and realizes that tomorrow is the first day of the rest of his life. He has an appointment with a broker in the morning and she is going to help him find an apartment. McGee wonders for a few seconds if he should check his email but he decides against it. He takes a quick shower and sits back on his bed after turning the television on; zapping through the channels without really seeing what is on. He decides on the sci fi channel and watches peoples fighting aliens. It´s ridiculous and fake but it´s a distraction and that is what he needs.
He falls asleep during some big alien battle and he finds just enough muscle strength to turn the television off when he wakes up briefly in his sleep. The next morning he wakes up refreshed and happy to go on with his life for a few seconds before everything comes rushing back to him and the first few seconds he has trouble breathing. He dresses himself and makes his way over to the small restaurant, heading for some breakfast. He ignores the other people in the restaurant because he isn´t in the mood for small talk.
He takes a taxi to a car rental company and hires the cheapest car they have. Buying his own car is low on his list of priorities and a rental will do for the time being. The weather is nice and he drives trough the suburbs, trying to avoid mothers who were bringing their children to school. His appointment is with Elly and he has decided to meet her at the first apartment. The first building is a renovated building, probably a hundred years old. It is separated in two apartments and the apartment on the ground and first level is up for rent. It has a small garden he notices, and lots of parking space. Elly comes running in a few minutes later in her casual but yet fit for work suit. Brown cotton with a dark pink top, the clothes match her brown curling hair and bright smile. Short introductions are made and then they step inside. The apartment is nice but there is too much steel and little walls and he feels as if he is in a house of the future so he is pretty sure that this house isn´t what he is looking for.
They visit three more houses the rest of that hour and none of them meets his requirements. Elly is ever so patient but gently points out that he is renting and not buying, it doesn´t make a difference. He has to live there and he isn´t planning on moving again anytime soon.
The fifth apartment isn't anywhere near the first four, it is on the other side of town, an older side, McGee realizes. There are dozens of small streets filled with little shops and people all seemed to know each other. They park their cars in a parking garage and after a 5 minute walk they are in the center of the old town. They end up in front of a big green door and Elly opens the door with one of her keys. The first room is the central hall, it is big enough to contain a few people but with the tilled walls and floor nothing special.
They go up the stairs and stop at the first door on the right. '4' a tacky golden number says and Elly opens the door. They stand in what currently appears to be a utility room. It seems small and cramped and he doesn't waste any time as he quickly opens the door to the next room. He finds himself standing in a large kitchen that appears to be very light. The cabinets are painted in a light friendly yellow to match the brighter yellow countertops. Everything is finished off with white and some chrome details. One side of the room contains a small dinner table with two chairs, behind the table was a small breakfast bar, the room felt pleasant and he could see himself eating his dinosaur cereal at the breakfast bar.
On his right was a small arch that led to another bright room. As he looked to the left he saw that almost the entire wall was covered with windows which looked out on some sort of marketplace. It had some grass, flowers and benches and one big tree in the middle. The room itself was spacious and contained one more door than the door to the kitchen. He opened the door and stepped in to a small hallway that contained 3 more doors. One led to a small but comfortable bathroom, a big bedroom and a smaller bedroom. He looks around but he knows that his decision is already made.
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