xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Authors Note

I would like to remind you guys that ratings exist for a reason. So if you are not mature enough to handle this fic please read something else. It's that simple. It's my first fic so cut me some slack, It gets annoying to randomly be reported or something along those lines. I'm not even being that descriptive. It's okay to disagree with my crude sense of humor, and that's fine. And may I remind you again that this is rated M for a reason, especially the following scene it's at a strip club. And for those who support me please enjoy

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx End Authors Note

The stars glistened under the night sky as the moon smiled upon the earth, as a gentle breeze blew across the silent night only to be interrupted by obnoxious neon lights and the screams of drunken men. Across the pink neon sign read " Ichigo's Gentlemen's Club" followed by , " Free Lapdance Tuesdays" and " Wrap your Willy Wednesdays" oh and even worse " Naughty Nun's Sundays" .

What was the world coming to? Light Yagami froze in terror, first of all he didn't like women, gays don't need condoms, and damn he was scared of nuns, especially the ones that hit you with rulers. Ryuk was curious humans had strange sexual fetishes, it intrigued him. Especially on the nun one, as he was used to seeing nuns as cold serious middle aged or elderly women. Why would anyone want to se one naked? Ryuk could be so Naïve sometimes.

" WOOT, WERE HERE!" Matsuda whooped.

" What did I tell you about having too much fun" L replied with a casual facial expression.

Aiber just laughed, and they proceeded to enter. Inside there was a bar, a few tables, a dancing platform with a few poles, and a few cages. There were girls everywhere; one or two were already naked to Lights horror.

" Yo, Light. You think you can handle this?" Ryuk asked.

Light just stood there and gulped. L took a quick glance at Light, it seem his plan had worked. He did not seem interested in women, at all. It would be visible to any idiot passing by, except for the fact that any idiot passing by was to busy staring at that blonde strippers bouncy overly round breasts. Therefore L was the only one that noticed. He would confront him about it later.

So far Aiber and Matsuda seemed to be enjoying themselves, completely forgetting about Demegawa. Well Aiber knew the truth so it really didn't matter; he was getting a free lap dance after all. Matsuda on the other hand was flirting with a blonde stripper in a playboy bunny outfit. Surprisingly she seemed somewhat interested in him.

Light kept staring around, no sign of Demagawa. He sighed, what was going on? Was this some plan L had to test him? Is this about how Kira would behave at a stripclub? Maybe L was just a pervert, I mean it was his idea to come here. No it couldn't be, L seemed to have his usual facial expression and showed no interest in any of the stripers. May be Aiber just wanted an excuse to go to the strip club that had to be it. No, If that was the case, couldn't he have gone by himself. Whatever , to distract himself Light had a little idea.

" So what are you planning to do Light" Ryuk chuckled.

" Waitress I would like a StrawbeRita" Light knew that Ichigo's Gentlemen's Club was famous for these delicious concoctions, so if he couldn't enjoy the women, no problem.

"Light, How many of those do you have in plan of drinking?" Ryuk asked.

Did it matter Light was already feeling a bit tipsy, and once Light started drinking….. damn was it hard to get him to stop. Ryuk knew what Light was like when he got drunk, he always acted like an idiot and then he gets really horny. Humans were just so damn entertaining.

"Yagami-kun, I see you are enjoying yourself " Stated a very interested L

" Uh-huh" Light had this silly lopsided tipsy smile.

" Light, aren't you going to get your free lap dance?"

"NO…. Ways ….. Im too busy enjoying my StrawbeRita, want one ?"

" No thank you Yagami-kun"

Light was incredibly wasted now It was now time for Light to sing the beer song (which the author did not write) Here is a link :

.com/watch?v=rPLutvB_9ZA

Light: What is the malted liquor.
What gets you drunker quicker?
What comes in bottles or in cans?(beer)
Can't get enough of it,(beer)

Now random men in the strip club joined him in song:

How we really love it,(beer)
Makes me think I'm a man,(beer)
I can kiss and hug it,(beer)
But I'd rather chug it,(beer)
Fill my belly up to here,(beer)
I could not refuse a,(beer)
I could really use a,(beer)
Beer, beer, beer.

Light : I can't remember how much I have had,
I drank a twelve pack with my dad, BURP!
Random Guy: That's my son the drunken manly stud,
I'm proud to be his bud,
Light: Here have some pretzels,
Random Guy : No!
I'll call it quits,
Those things give me the Schlitz!

Everyone :Drink with your family,
Drink it with your friends,
Drink till you're fat,
Stomach distends,
Beer is liquid bread it's good for you,
We like to drink till we spew,
EW
Who cares if we get fat,
I'll drink to that,
As we sing once more.

Aiber stared in terror this was extremely humiliating, Ryuk was laughing, L was observing with his usual expression, and Matsuda on the other hand had joined the procession. Well Duh

What is the malted liquor,
What gets you drunker quicker,
What comes in bottles or in cans (beer)
Can't get enough of it,(beer)
How we really love it,(beer)
Makes me think I'm a man,(beer)
I can kiss and hug it,(beer)
But I'd rather chug it,(beer)
Fill my belly up to here,(beer)
Golly I adore it,(beer)
Come on dammit pour it,
Do it for me,
Brew it for me,
Feed it to me,
Speed it to me.(beer)

The most wonderful drink in the world.
Hooray

L decided damn this was humiliating they should leave immediately before Light continued to humiliate himself even more.

" Guys there is absolutely no sign of Demegawa, we should go now" He declared.

"I agree, but we should come here some other time" Aiber decided.

"But… Why? Can't we stay a little longer?" Matsuda protested.

"No" said L and Aiber in unison.

" You guys go ahead and stay I'll take Light home" L stated. "I'll go get us a cab"

Once they were outside Light had to lean on L to keep himself from leaning over, which made L self aware. Light could hardly walk in a straight line he was all over the place. Thank god the cab got there early.

"Light-kun, why did you drink so much? I'm worried about you, you're going to become an alcoholic."

" I couldn't stand it."

"Couldn't stand what?"

" So much….boobies…."

" So does Light-kun not like girls?"

" huh…? No…way…..gurlz are icky…."

"Why did Light-kun not tell me earlier? I mean were friends"

" Light-kun's Daddy is homophobic… hell beat me with a stick"

"Light-kun that is an exaggeration , I am sure Yagami-san deeply cares about you."

Light snuggled up close to L and put his head on his lap, Light could hardly even sit straight.

"Light-kun wake up were at your house"

Sayu was at the door, Mrs. Yagami was a sleep. L had to pay Sayu hush money to make sure she kept it a secret her brother had gotten completely wasted.

Once L got to his hotel room, he was exhausted. He removed his usual attire and put on his blue cotton candy pajamas. He threw himself at the bed and just laid there, maybe tonight he would actually get some good sleep, none of those crazy weird dreams again.