Interlude Two
"You seem distracted, Miranda," Shepard observed as she through a haymaker at Miranda's head.
Miranda ducked under the blow and delivered an open-handed blow to Shepard's ribs. The commander staggered backwards, thrown off balance.
"If you say so, Shepard," Miranda gave a wide grin; flashing her blood-stained teeth at her opponent.
There was nothing like this, nothing like the thrill of a fight. Blood pumped throughout her body, the pounding rhythmic beat filled her ears and her bones. She flexed her arms in front of her, waiting for Shepard's next move.
The training ring they stood in was spattered with blood. Shepard leapt over a particularly large puddle and then ducked low as she landed. Her foot lashed out and caught Miranda's ankle.
Miranda stumbled backwards, a swear dying on her lips as she was sent reeling.
Arctys.
The message.
The nightmares.
Everything disappeared as she focused on maintaining her balance and keeping her focus. Another foot cut through the air towards her, this one aimed at her ribs. She caught the blow in her hands and turned it aside, her own foot snapped forward and caught Shepard on the bottom of her jaw.
The Commander fell backwards, crashing to the ground with a dull thud. She rolled away as Miranda pressed the attack; stomping down with her right foot as she stepped forward with her left.
Shepard stopped, grabbed he descending foot in her hands and sent Miranda off-balance with a twist of her wrists. The Cerberus operative crashed to the ground next to her, landing on her side. She gasped in pain. Her legs swung around, battering Shepard's prone form with lightning fast blows.
Shepard rolled away again, Miranda chased her. Shepard leapt to her feet, her hands came up to defend herself. Miranda followed her to a standing position, a single closed fist rushing forward for an attack.
"Stop!" Shepard cried out, a smile creeping onto her face, "You've won."
She gave a short, breathy laugh and then clutched a hand to her side, "I think you might have broken a rib with that kick, Miranda."
Miranda didn't respond, only let her hand slowly drop to her side and fall open, relaxed. She was breathing hard; harder than she'd breathed in a long time, Shepard was a tough opponent. But still only human.
"It was a lucky blow," Miranda gasped, rubbing her knuckles. They were split open; blood dripped steadily to the floor.
"Tell that to my bones," Shepard laughed, lifting a towel from a nearby rack and handing it to Miranda.
Miranda wiped the sweat from her brow and nodded, "Thank you, anyway."
"For the sparring session, or the compliment?" Shepard asked, patting herself down with her own towel.
"Both," Miranda replied, "It was a nice distraction."
Shepard nodded, understanding, "You talked to Garrus then, I take it?"
Miranda nodded in response, "Yes, it was helpful. More than I liked to admit. Thank you for that as well."
"Thank Garrus," Shepard smiled.
"Maybe I will," Miranda said quietly.
"Kelly said you were acting strange during yesterday's session," Shepard said, breathing hard, "It's good to see you in better spirits."
"Yes, well," Miranda said, a faint smile appearing on her features, "It feels good too."
"I'm glad to hear it."
The galaxy spun lazily behind them, stars burst and exploded as planets glowed dimly in the warm light of the CIC. Kelly's station was untouched, pristine. The workplace of a neat-freak, or someone with far too much time on their hands, Miranda observed.
"I'd like to talk, Kelly," Miranda said quietly, "Do you have any time available?"
Kelly seemed taken back at first, staring at Miranda with something close to shock.
"I'd like to arrange an appointment," Miranda said again, a bit louder, a bit more forcefully.
"Miranda, all your appointments up until now have been arranged by Commander Shepard," Kelly paused, then rubbed a hand along the back of her neck, "Why would you change that now?"
"Something came up," Miranda sighed, "Yesterday, I mean. I got a message from an old friend; one of few."
"Bad news?" Kelly asked, worry creasing her voice.
"You could say that," Miranda said, glancing uneasily around, "But I think it's important to talk about it, last night, even after I got the news I still managed to sleep well. Without drugs. I think maybe the sessions are working."
"Okay," Kelly said, and this time there was genuine happiness in her voice, "But first, do me a favour."
Miranda cocked a quizzical eyebrow.
"Go talk to Samara," Kelly said, "Ask her about her code and about her regrets."
Miranda snorted derisively, "I highly doubt a Justicar will be too keen on chatting, Kelly."
Kelly smiled as she pushed past Miranda and headed for the elevator, "People will surprise you, Ms. Lawson."
"They haven't yet," Miranda muttered under her breath.
The only light in the observation room was the azure glow of Samara's biotic field. The void yearned before her, barely out of reach behind the reinforced viewing port that took up most of the wall in front of her. The Asari floated a half a foot of the ground, her legs folded over one another in a meditative position. Her hands rested on her knees, palms up and open. Light gathered there; spheres of biotic energy coalesced, then popped in miniature showers of sparks and coalesced again.
The air hummed with power as Miranda stepped inside and let the door slide shut behind her. She waited by the door for a full minute before she dared speak; "Samara?"
"Yes, Miranda?" The Asari's voice was like cool spring-water, simultaneously relaxing and chilling.
"I was wondering if I could talk to you," Miranda said quietly, stepping gingerly across the carpeted floor. She glanced around at the tapestries and exotic cloths Samara had hung from the ceiling and immediately felt humbled. This place, this sanctuary, was not to be disturbed lightly, something told her.
"Of course you can," Samara said quietly, her voice was like that of someone in a trance; focused and direct, but not harsh.
"I had questions about your code," Miranda paused before continuing, "And if you ever regret the choices you've made in following it."
"The code?" Samara turned her head around to face the human woman, her eyes were blue orbs, glowing with the arcane power of an Asari Justicar, "My code is now Shepard's to decide. Any questions you have on that subject should probably be directed to her."
"I meant before, when you operated alone," Miranda explained, fidgeting nervously with the hem of her shirt. There was something wrong with this, something sacrilegious in her actions.
" 'Operated'? Such a delicate word," Samara rolled it around on her tongue, savouring the sound of it, "Why do you humans always give too many meanings to so many words. I killed. Many times. It was unpleasant. There was very little surgical about it."
"Well," Miranda coughed to clear her throat, "I'm glad you're being forward at least."
"I am sorry," Samara said quietly, "I am still getting use to the company of others, even now. Especially now, in fact. I had companions before, but they never stayed longer than a few days. We have been together for months."
Miranda nodded slowly, "I see."
"As for your questions," Samara continued, her eyes slowly fading back into their normal colour, "Yes. I have regrets. Many regrets."
"You have, what, misgivings?" Miranda asked, disbelieving.
"Is that so shocking?" Samara gently fell to the floor, "Do you think me incapable of emotion? Or of understanding the gravity of my actions? To take a life is a great thing, a tremendous thing. A necessary thing. But I have yet to find a situation where it is a good thing."
"It's just..."
"Yes?"
"The way you talk of your code..."
"The code is no more mine than any other Justicar's," Samara stood gently, soundlessly, "Do you think I took the oath because I liked the terms of the pact between us? Or because I agreed with its ideologies? No. The code is a purpose; a terrible, horrific purpose. But I dedicate myself to it because I must. Because I can. Because there are few others who would."
"But the people you kill," Miranda threw her hand wide, gesturing weakly towards the void, "Thugs, murderers, rapists. All of them guilty."
"Of some crimes, yes. But lives are not shaped by single actions, or even multitudes of them. By killing these people I have taken everything they were and everything they could possibly be," Samara stretched her limbs out and turned to stand before Miranda; face to face, "If I can kill these people, could someone else not reform them? Is redemption not preferable to death? How do I know the Red Sand smuggler I kill in one system could not have cured an incurable disease if educated in another? These are the questions that plague my many sleepless nights."
"I'm sorry."
"The void is so vast and the people in it so small," A single tear slipped down Samara's cheek, she stepped aside and pressed her hand to the viewing port, "I asked Mordin to perform a study many days ago; to evaluate the people out there and decide which were worth saving and which were not. I had heard he had done similar studies on the Krogan. But the sample size was too large, too unpredictable to be accounted for."
Miranda set a hand on Samara's shoulder.
"I would hope this has helped you," Samara said, gently brushing aside Miranda's hand.
"It has," Miranda nodded, then swallowed audibly.
"May I ask what brought you here?"
"I learnt of a survivor of a mission I undertook a long time ago," Miranda replied, her hand hanging in the air.
"This survivor, were they an unjust being?"
"Very much so," Miranda nodded again, "I've been having nightmares. Night terrors, dealing with killings I made then, this visit to you was the suggestion of Kelly Chambers."
"Ah, I see, so this would be a therapeutic visit, then?" Samara inquired, her eyes narrowing.
"Of sorts," Miranda replied, "I learnt of the survivor only a little while after the nightmares began."
"An odd coincidence."
"Yes," Miranda agreed.
"Do you intend to hunt down this person and correct your earlier failing?" Samara asked, turning her head to lock eyes with Miranda.
"I do, when I find them."
"Inform when you do," Samara said, her eyes drifting back out to gaze at the void, "I'd like to come along, if you would permit me."
Miranda paused for a second, unsure how to respond, "I'd appreciate that."
Samara simply nodded in response; her lips curving into a small, tragic smile, "Good luck, Ms. Lawson."
"How was she?" Kelly asked, propping her chin up with her hand, staring deep into Miranda's eyes.
"Impressive," Miranda responded, "She's very intelligent, for someone so devout."
"You think faith doesn't allow for wisdom, Miranda?"
"Generally? Yes."
Kelly shrugged and scribbled a note on her data-pad, "Very well."
"So what would you like me to talk about?" Miranda said, ignoring the action.
"Whatever you like. What interests you."
"How about the end of Operation Forseti, then?" Miranda said quietly, looking away.
"If you want," Kelly nodded.
"Alright then," Miranda said, leaning forward, "I'll tell you what happened. I'll tell you how I killed Karnak."