Jayden's Holotape One
I'm on my way to Vault 101 as we speak. This recording add on isn't half bad; Walter and Moira did a great job. They're good friends for trying to help me out of my depression. And once again I have ruined things by raising my weapon.
Ever since Lucas's death tensions have been high in Megaton. Everyone with a weapon is closely watched: Jericho can barely leave his house, Moira's mercenary gets dirty looks, but I'm left alone. The citizens of Megaton trust me, they see me as their hero. Some hero I am.
What have I done for them in the past few months? Nearly drink myself to death, get into a bar fight with Billy, and now this? What kind of hero am I?
When Lucas was murdered I nearly lost it. I would have gone insane if my dad wasn't still out there, waiting for me to find. My mission kept me on track and out of trouble, but now that I know my father's dead... well you could say that my life lost all of its meaning.
Lucas was my best friend. He understood me like no one else out in the Wastelands. Like no one ever will. I think that his death truly hit me when I dragged myself to Megaton, wounded after fighting the Raiders.
My father's death destroyed me, pushed me to the brink of losing myself. I became reckless, attacking whoever and whatever crossed my path. I almost killed Dogmeat during my rampage. The fight with the Raiders was the last straw, after that I knew that I had to pull myself together, and so I returned to Megaton.
Back in the day whenever I was hurt I would go and see Lucas. He, Gob, and Nova were my best friends; the people I turned to in bad times. Nowadays Gob and Nova won't even look at me, let alone talk to me. They're the only ones who know me for who I really am. They're the only ones that can see through my act.
There's no reason to think about it though. No reason to put myself through that guilt again. I've spent too many nights thinking about how things could've been different, about what would have happened if I hadn't gotten into that fight with Lucas. I've spent too much time thinking about what would have happened if I hadn't killed him.