Author's note: I know getting drunk is a cliché plot device, but it was necessary in this case. You'll see why later on. I have some surprises in store in the next few chapters that I hope none of you will be able to see coming. I hope you keep reading, and remember, reviews are still both appreciated and encouraged.

/

Surprised by the revelation Cartman was left unable to speak. He stared at Stanley as the news slowly registered. Stan was equally as quiet; continuing to examine the bathroom's tiled floor. The more silence that filled the room, the more awkward the situation was quickly becoming. Unfortunately for Stan and the rest of the world, Cartman eventually managed to find his voice.

"You…like Kahl?"

"Yes" Stan said softly.

"As in 'I'm a fag who won't get into Heaven' like?"

Stan pinched the bridge of his nose. "Of all the people to come out to, why did I pick you?"

"Probably because I'm awesome, but that's not the issue right now. If Kyle just screwed you over then help me get back at him. Even if you can't touch the video we can do something, right?"

Stan released his nose and looked back up into Cartman's face. "Look, even though I hate seeing Kyle and Wendy together like that, Kyle's free to do whatever he wants. He didn't know how I felt about him. And apparently it wouldn't have mattered even if he did. He looked pretty straight in that video," Stan said with a growing frown.

"Stop talking about the Jew's wiener for a second. What about me? Kyle might have been single, but Wendy wasn't. She was with me. I got hurt by that cheating whore. Don't I deserve some kind of retribution here?"

"Revenge doesn't make anything better, Cartman. It's done. They made that goddamn tape together and nothing you do to them can change what already happened. Just dump Wendy and move on if you're so hurt. That's what normal people do."

"You're one to talk about normal people, fag."

Stan's teeth clenched. "Screw this! I'm leaving!"

Stan stomped toward the bathroom door. Instead of being violently pushed out of the way, Cartman wisely decided to step aside so Stan could exit freely. As they crossed paths Cartman looked into his friend's ocean-blue eyes. The recently crying eyes continued telling a story of pain and anger hypocritical to the verbal macho claims that what's done is done and it doesn't matter anymore. Cartman could tell that it definitely still mattered to the both of them.

Although he couldn't run very fast due to his weight problem, Cartman chased after the departing Stan. Having never even taken his shoes off, Stan was making a beeline for the front door. He wanted out of Cartman's anti-gay presence as soon as possible. The teens made it all the way into the living room before Cartman managed to place one of his chubby hands on Stan's shoulder, stopping his progress. Stan immediately slapped Cartman's hand away, but turned around to face him just the same.

"What?" Stan asked irritably.

Cartman held up a single finger, indicating that Stan needed to wait one moment while the fat boy regained his breath. "Please don't go" Cartman managed to huff out.

Stan was caught off-guard by the request. Cartman rarely requested anything; especially the company of others. He was more of a "get the fuck out of my house!" demanding sort of guy. It was even rarer to hear Cartman say the word 'please.' Stan stayed put for the time being.

"You can deny it all you want to Stan, but we both know you're hurting right now."

"I told you already: I'm not helping you Cartman."

"I know. That's fine. I don't need help getting revenge on people."

Stan mentally recalled the events that led up to the demise of Scott Tenorman's parents. He decided to anonymously tip off Kyle and Wendy's families as soon as he was away from Cartman, just in case. Cartman spoke again, snapping Stan back to their present conversation.

"What I do need is a fucking drink. Want to join me?"

Stan shook his head. "Drinking won't help dude."

"It won't hurt either. Helping me or not, you're still hurt from seeing your man-crush in the arms of a girl. A couple of drinks won't make you feel any lower than we…" Cartman caught himself mid-sentence and quickly corrected his statement, "…any lower than you already do."

Stan's previous frown returned to his face. As much as he wanted to hide it, the sorrow within him was too great. It could only lay dormant for so long before inevitably surfacing again. Deep down in his broken heart, Stan knew that Cartman was right. He was hurting, which surely meant that Cartman was too. In fact, Stan deduced that Cartman was probably hurting even worse than he was. Stan had lost a long-time crush to the other team's side, but Cartman lost a girlfriend that was actually his to begin with to the person he considered his worst enemy in life. Growing pity for Cartman filled Stan's sensitive soul. The poor fat bastard just didn't want to drown the pain in booze all by himself. It was a simple enough request even if Cartman wasn't outright requesting it. How could Stan refuse him?

"Just…Just a couple drinks okay? I have to drive home."

"Sure. Thanks, Stan," Cartman said, which was another rarity coming from his mouth.

Cartman and Stan headed into the kitchen. The liquor cabinet was unlocked. Cartman's mother set no boundaries for her spoiled son, allowing him to drink as he pleased. Cartman took the liberty of playing bartender while Stan took a seat at the kitchen table. Already knowing Cartman to be dishonest and underhanded, Stan made sure to eye the fat boy carefully as he poured and distributed the alcohol. Stan wouldn't let his guard down even if he was currently taking pity on the guy. Cartman soon joined Stan at the table. Thankfully, he hadn't pulled a single trick.

"Let's get fucked up," Cartman declared.

/

Stan awoke a few hours later. He opened his eyes to sights that were familiar; yet strange. He could tell immediately that he wasn't at home. The next thing he noticed was the sunlight illuminating the room's closed curtain. That meant it was daytime. Stan's head throbbed a bit, but it was no worse than his previous hangovers which were few and far between. A door opened. The creaking of the wood forced Stan to clutch his head and close his eyes.

"Good morning, Stan!" a bathrobe-clad Cartman said cheerfully. "I made some breakfast."

"Ugh. I don't want to eat."

Cartman set the food tray on his bedroom's dresser. "Looks like someone can't hold their liquor very well."

Stan's eyes opened. His brain finally joined his body in waking up, allowing him to realize who he was talking with. Memories came flooding back to Stan's mind. That's right; he was at Cartman's house. He'd gone there, gotten drunk, and apparently fallen asleep.

"Cartman? Shit, did I stay here all night?"

"Yep. You passed out right in my bed."

"In your bed?" Stan blinked. He looked from side to side. He was lying on a mattress. "I'm sorry dude. Where'd you sleep?"

Cartman grinned. "Right beside you of course."

"….What?"

"Don't tell me you don't remember."

Stan's eyebrows rose with concern. "Don't remember what?"

Cartman took hold of the blanket covering Stan's body. He pulled it away, exposing Stan's nude form to the world. Stan gasped. He felt his chest tighten and he briefly lost the ability to breathe. A heart attack would feel pretty good right about now. Unfortunately the shock was only temporary. The reality was what appeared to be permanent. Stan's right hand moved to cover his genitals while his left clutched at his panicking, rapidly beating heart.

"Cartman where are my clothes? What happened?" Stan demanded to know.

Cartman winked at his nude friend. "We happened. Your clothes were passionately ripped off and thrown on the floor next to mine."

A bout of nausea crept up Stan's stomach, and it wasn't due to the hangover.

"You mean…" Stan paused to force back his urge to vomit. "…You mean we had sex? Together?"

"Like rabbits," Cartman remembered fondly. "But I don't think we should be boyfriends now or anything. I don't really like guys, and frankly I think I can do better than you. But it was awesome revenge sex, buddy." Cartman patted Stanley on his shirtless back for a job well done.

"Revenge sex?" Stan exclaimed, still in shock. He moved to the floor, deciding to very quickly put on his clothing.

Unlike Stan, Cartman began casually snacking on a breakfast muffin, seemingly unaffected by the whole experience. "Oh, and don't worry about being too drunk to remember anything. If you really want to see what we did I bet Wendy or Kyle will probably let you watch the video with one of them."

Stan froze in the middle of zipping up his jeans. Horrified, he looked back at Cartman, his voice monotonous. "You didn't."

Cartman smirked. "I did."

"…No. God dammit Cartman! No! No, no, no!"

Cartman blinked, still casual about the whole experience. "Yes dude. I'm seriously."

Stan shoved Cartman off of his feet, his fat body hitting hard against the dresser's countertop. Cartman called out in pain, his robe becoming stained by various breakfast foods. He stood back up, glaring at Stan. His cheerful morning-after mood was now dead. His tone growing serious, he wagged a finger in Stan's direction.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you Stan. I've already sent an electronic copy of the video we made to Wendy and Kyle. If my calculations are correct they won't watch it until after school. They actually pay attention in class so they won't be checking their e-mails before then. I attached the same protection on our video that they put on theirs so they can't do anything with the footage, but I still have a copy of it. Touch me again like that and I show the world how much you love the cock. Understand?"

Stan growled. His hands balled up into fists. He desired to end Cartman's life then and there. Fat ass certainly couldn't show the world any videos if he were dead with Stan's fingerprints on his pudgy throat. Unfortunately, Cartman's threat reminded Stan that today was a school day. A school day Stan was apparently late for. Since Cartman timed his e-mail so well it was likely that he waited to send it until classes had already begun. Otherwise Wendy and Kyle may have checked their e-mails before school. Stan also knew that if he didn't come home the previous night and didn't turn up at school the next day that his parents would worry about him. Randy Marsh worried was usually a nightmare scenario. It led to very bad, very stupid things happening. Reluctantly, Stan gave up. He finished dressing and stormed for the bedroom's exit. Without looking back at Cartman as he spoke, Stan said what he hoped would be hurtful parting words to the fat one.

"You know what? I'm glad Wendy cheated on your fat ass with Kyle! YOU SUCK, CARTMAN!"

"You swallow! I should know!" Cartman replied.

Thanks to Cartman, things had just gotten a whole lot worse.

To Be Continued