Axel liked Florida. It reminded him of his childhood, and however messed up it was, there were a few good memories tossed in there. They weren't in Miami but in Venice, but it didn't matter. He was having a good time. The weather was always warm, even with all of that global warming shit going on. The lowest the temperature got while they were there was like, 50 degrees Fahrenheit. They couldn't go outside to enjoy the weather because of how notorious they were, but Roxas contented himself in sitting the window and telling himself that he was tanning.

The blonde's sixteenth birthday came and went like crazy. Axel, having to order all of his gifts offline and on a very tight budget, couldn't bear the thought that his adorable little Roxas was missing out, so it wasn't too outrageous when he suggested a little birthday sex. Or that he suggested Roxas's birthday last the entire month instead of just one, short day.

One thing that Axel did in fact notice, after a while that is, is that Roxas started asking a ton of questions. 'What did you want to be when you graduated?' 'A pediatric oncologist.' 'Why did you do what Reno asked you?' 'He's my brother. Duh.' 'What would you do if he rolls over on you?'

The questions were never-ending, and Axel found that for a lot of them he didn't have answers. Roxas's most favorite topic seemed to be what would happen if they were ever torn apart by the vengeful claw of the law, and just thinking about it made Axel want to ravish the kid on the spot. When he shared this with Roxas, of course, Roxas's eyes grew wide and he began apologizing profusely for upsetting the redhead.

"Why are you so fascinated with that?" Axel asked him that again and again, and Roxas always gave him the same answer. No matter how angry or sad or just plain monotone Axel tried to make his voice, Roxas never wavered.

"I want to be prepared. Just in case."

--

Roxas was probably imagining things when he told himself that Axel would either grow so withdrawn that he wouldn't talk for Roxas on hours on end; just hold him so tightly it was almost uncomfortable, or be so enraptured with Roxas that the kid didn't have any breathing room. Not that he minded, of course. Axel was the most addictive drug Roxas couldn't found, and he was free and constantly available. His attention was like a high that never ended.

It was terribly confusing at times, though. Roxas could be laying in Axel's arms after loving him for such a long period of time that it was a miracle he was still awake, ask Axel if he really, truly loved him, and Axel would explode almost in anger. He hated it when Roxas asked those questions, said they were ridiculous. Of course, it was more of a confidence builder for Roxas than anything, but it troubled him that it troubled Axel so deeply.

His seventeenth birthday came up on them all too quickly. For the both of them, it seemed like an eternity had passed since Axel had pulled up to a fourteen-year-old Roxas on the side of the road, asking if he needed a ride. Their relationship had taken so many twists and turns and dives and climbs that it had the illusion of being decades old.

Mere days after his birthday, Roxas was curled up against Axel's side on the couch in a position that he had grown so accustomed to, his head resting on Axel's shoulder, breathing lightly. "Axel."

"Yeah?"

"Don't get mad, okay?"

That hit Axel at home, but he just swallowed loudly and nodded. "Okay."

"Do you think…" Roxas closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He had finally grown and filled out, tight abs and muscles forming to compliment his taller stature. "Do you think that if we got separated, I would be able to find you again? Or you would be able to find me?"

"Of course." Axel answered immediately. He hugged Roxas close against him, breathed in the ever-so-familiar scent of his hair. "We belong together. Even if I couldn't find you, I would never stop looking."

Roxas smiled against Axel's neck, kissed him softly. "Yeah. Same here."

"You've been rather morbid of late, love." Axel commented offhandedly some minutes later, arching an eyebrow. "Any reason, or are you just curious as to whether or not I was telling you the truth, all those times I said I loved you?"

Roxas scoffed. "You know that's not it. It's just…" He shrugged, trying to let himself slip into the oblivion of Axel's arms. "I'm getting older, and the fairy tale is starting to end."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means…" Roxas shrugged again, and he could feel tears threatening to spill from his eyes and on Axel's shirt. He had hardly ever cried since Xigbar…left, and he only did when he was afraid for he and Axel, not out of pure fear itself. "It means that the fact that you're wanted by two government agencies is becoming more and more real. I'm just…"

"You're just what?" Axel's words came out sounding far more harsh than he hand intended them, and he noticed far too late exactly how fragile Roxas was when it came to the subject.

Immediately Roxas was pressed against Axel's chest, crying against his neck, Axel trying to get some serious damage control working. "I'm so scared, Axel." He sobbed. "I'm s-so scared."

It seemed to Axel that more and more of their conversations had ended up like this; Roxas crying and crying and crying, and Axel trying to do something about it. He hated it when Roxas cried. It was like watching a puppy whimper in agony. It was the kind of thing that you couldn't bear to witness because it tugged at your heartstrings far too much.

Axel did his best to make Roxas happy. He did his best six months after the blonde's birthday, eight months after…yet he could see that age was beginning to take a toll on his seemingly immortal angel. The very realities that Axel had tried to shield him from were making themselves known, and they were dimming the sparkle that had for so long adorned Roxas's eye.

When they were together, they made love. Roxas, of course, pointed this out to Axel one night. He laid against the redhead, tracing invisible patterns in his chest, idly murmured, "How long ago was it that we stopped fucking?"

"Um…Roxy, love." Axel said, rather unsure of how to respond. "I hate to break it to you kiddo, but we were fucking just now. In case you didn't get the memo."

"No, we were making love. There's a difference." That stubborn pout found its way onto Roxas's face, and Axel knew that there would be no changing his mind at this point. The only reason to press that matter would be to discover the other's logic.

"And what would that be?"

"Well, for example," Roxas propped himself up on his elbow and let his hand trail down to Axel's hips, teasing. "When I do this, it's sensual. Love making his sensual. Fucking is not. It's rough and harsh and brief."

"As opposed to…?"

"As opposed to gentle and soft and sensual and perfectly enjoyable." Roxas smiled softly. "And in your case, desperate."

Axel frowned. "I don't think I'm being desperate."

"You don't think you are, but you are." Roxas laid back down and settled against Axel's shoulder once more. "When you touch me it's like…" He shrugged. "You take your time. Like you have to commit every moment to memory. You're savoring too much."

"Well excuse me for being in love with you."

"That's not my point, Axel. It's just…you wouldn't have to commit every single detail to memory if you didn't think we're in trouble. But you're feeling the same fear that I am, aren't you?" Roxas's voice was deceptively calm. They hadn't been together long, but they had been together long enough for Axel to be able to detect the strain on the blonde's voice.

"Damn it, Roxas!" He didn't mean to yell, and a little part of him died inside when Roxas recoiled slightly. Axel could only imagine the memories that flew through his mind every time he yelled; the feelings of hurt that were conjured up from their early days together. Wounds that could never heal.

"I'm sorry." He whispered immediately.

Axel sighed. He pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head, curling an arm around Roxas's waist. "Don't be. Just…why do you have to do that?"

Roxas swallowed almost nervously and blinked. "Do what?"

"Why do you have to dissect everything like that? How do you know that I'm not…" Axel hated lying to Roxas. But what he hated even more was scaring Roxas. And he knew that the moment that he admitted his fear, it would only heighten the blonde's. "How do you know I don't drink you in because I love you? I…I love you." I love you. I love you. He said it over and over again in his mind, feeling the truth in his words.

"I know you do, Axel." Roxas whispered. "I'm sorry. I love you, too."

--

You're not doing him any favors. When it was late and Roxas was asleep in Axel's arms, the redhead was left alone with his thoughts. It seemed, however, that his mind was constantly plotting against him. His mind didn't want him to be with Roxas, yet his heart ached for the blonde every second of every day.

You ruined his life. You know that, don't you? If you had never come along, he would be so successful right now. He would be so far. He can still go so far. He can go back to a family that, maybe, will love him one day. He can go back to a boyfriend that loves him and that his parents love. He can go back to a normal life. You know that…right?

--

Roxas blinked his eyes open to sunlight streaming through the open window shades and groped the other side of the bed, only to find the sheets cool and unoccupied. He frowned in confusion and blinked a few more times, saw the indent where Axel's body had lain, and sat up.

"Axel?" He called out, but received no response. The redhead wasn't in the bathroom because Roxas couldn't hear any movement, and he wasn't in the kitchen because there wasn't any movement, and he wasn't in the living room because the TV wasn't making any noise.

"Axel?" His voice was a little more desperate this time as he looked around the room, finally spotting the note that rested on the pillow to his left with Roxas written on the front in beautiful, wavy handwriting.

A pang of fear was struck in Roxas's heart and a nervous knot formed in his stomach before he forced himself to dismiss them. Axel had probably gone to the store to pick something up. He always like to wait last minute to order their stuff online, and he had probably run out of something and absolutely needed it.

However, his hands still shook as he picked up the rather large note that was more like a letter, and he sucked in a sharp breath when he saw how long it was. He forced himself to hold tears back until he had finished it, promising himself that it was nothing. The same florid handwriting met his gaze then, and he began reading it.

Roxas,

First of all, you need to know that I love you. And because I love you, I had to do this. I couldn't possibly let myself keep going on the way we were. Or rather, the way I was. I…what I did was wrong. And I guess this is me trying to fix it.

It's no secret that you're a brilliant kid. I mean, you're smarter than I am, and I made it halfway through college before I got myself involved in this mess. Not that I'm regretting it or anything. The only thing I regret is that I didn't realize how much I loved you sooner. Who knows? We might've been able to catch a flight to Venezuela and could be speaking Spanish in some family-owned market right now. Safe.

I want to make this brief, and have to let you know a few things. First of all, don't try to go outside and find me. I don't know what time it is now, as your read this, but I left at eight. You were sleeping so peacefully…you'll never be able to catch up to me. Even if you knew where I'm going.

Roxas sucked in a harsh breath, and tears started to pool in the corners of his eyes. He glanced over the paper quickly and could see the places where Axel's own tears had smeared the ink, stained the pretty paper. That would've been comforting if Roxas wasn't as upset as he was; knowing that Axel had been sad. Had been crying as he wrote this.

Second, I'm going to call the police and tell them where you are at 11:30 EST, in the morning of course. I suggest you look at the clock. Roxas glanced at the bedside table, and the little green numbers told him that it was 11:45.

If it's not too late after, you're going to have some time to salvage all of the memories that we made together. The memories…the memories that I worked so hard to preserve. That I will work hard to preserve. I left a ton of my clothes in the closet for you…did you know that scent is the most memory-triggering of all of our five senses?

I doubt they'll let you take stuff like the x-box and you're iPod immediately and stuff…they'll want them for evidence. But you're a big boy now, so you can hide my clothes under your shirt or in your duffle bag. Just don't let them search it. They'll respect you, because by the time they get there you'll be traumatized. Just for a different reason than they think.

Rox…you need to know…I love you so much. I love you more than anything on this Earth. Even now, as I'm writing this, I have doubts. I want to crawl back in bed and take you up in my arms and tell you that everything's going to be okay. But I can't…I can't do that…

At that point in the letter, Axel's handwriting had grown messy. Roxas imagined him writing, imagined the tears that spilled down his cheeks, imagined his hand shaking with the sadness that he would refuse to show, even though there was no one there to see.

I want you to live. I don't want you to be miserable thinking about what was or what could've been. Because you know what? I'm going to find you. I promise that you will see me again. I don't know how long it's going to be, but if you can wait…I will come to you.

If you tell the police everything, I'll understand. I'd understand if you took them to all of the places I took you, if you don't want to keep any of my things…if you curse my name. If you never want to see me again. That would make sense, and I would respect any decision that you might make in the future. But you need to know that I'm doing this because it's what I think is right. Maybe not now, maybe not in a year…but I'm sure that this is what's right. It hurts so much…so it has to be right.

I love you, Roxas. I love you so, so much. I can't say that enough. You probably don't remember…it was too early this morning, but the last think you said to me before I left is, 'I love you too, Axel.' And I can't tell you how much that means to me. I love you.

I WILL see you again, my love.

Axel

--

After he recovered himself, Roxas stumbled over to the closet and began stuffing Axel's shirts into his duffle bag. He grabbed one off of the hanger and looked at it for a moment, remembered Axel wearing it, remembered the way that it deliciously hugged his muscular chest. It was the shirt the redhead wore when he was trying to be sexy, trying to seduce Roxas into doing something that the blonde otherwise wouldn't go for.

He brought it up to his nose and could smell his lover's familiar scent on it, could smell all of the days that Axel used this shirt to persuade him to do something which usually involved some sort of really embarrassing sex game. He breathed it in deep and treasured the precious memories before stuffing it in his bag.

Other items that belonged to Axel were thrown in there as well; his favorite coffee mug, his favorite DVD to watch, the leash that Demyx had left behind (Roxas hesitated on this one, but that was memory of Axel he would not forget), Axel's favorite this and favorite that…and, lastly, the one picture that Roxas had of his lover. His love.

He had snapped it with the iPod that Axel got him for his sixteenth birthday. The redhead didn't realize that the new Nano had a camera, and Roxas was sure that he never would've gotten it had Axel known. But one night while he was sleeping, Roxas reached over and buried his face in Axel's hair and snapped the picture. It was the perfect scrapbook picture; Axel's resting serenely against Roxas's shoulder, Roxas's affectionate smile just barely showing as he breathed Axel in.

After he had gathered everything that would fit in his bag he climbed back on the bed, buried his face in Axel's pillow. It smelled of the deliciously familiar cinnamon shampoo, along with Axel's unique scent that was a mixture of both him and Roxas.

He could've laid for minutes, it could've been hours. However long it was, it wasn't long enough. Because too soon there were FBI agents bursting in through the door, searching each room, several of them invading the space where Roxas was remembering. Just…remembering. Wishing. Missing. Craving.

Some woman walked up to him and touched his shoulder gently, and Roxas raised his head and directed his red-rimmed gaze toward her. She smiled gently, and the blonde felt like hitting her in the face. How on Earth could she smile? Didn't she have any idea how hurt he was?

"Roxas? Roxas DuPont?"

Roxas blinked and half considered telling her No, my name is Roxas. Roxas Russo. I belong to Axel. But after a moment he just nodded numbly, blinked a few times. "Yeah."

"My name is Claudia." She said sweetly. "You're safe now. Everything's going to be okay."

He watched her for a few moments before he smiled but without a trace of happiness or politeness in his expression. "No. It's not."

A/N: This? Yeah, this is me CRYING! No joke, people. I had to be in a room. Alone. It was so terrible! I was all like...D'8 I'm so sad! I'm all like, 'I dun wanna write this sad shit!' And everyone else was all like, 'Then don't!' but I have to! It has to happen this way so that the epiclogue can be epic! D8 I hate this stupid plot! I wish I had changed it when I had the chance. DX
On a happier note...
We are ONE chapter close to the epiclogue! 8D Unfortunately for you guise, I have midterms coming up this week and next week. So you might have to wait a few days for chapters. ^^; Sorries. HOWEVER! From this point on, it's only going to get better! Kinda! ;D

DON'T STOP READING NOW!

~Sara