The Saturdays You Never Spent
Title: The Saturdays You Never Spent (Cha. 3)
Pairing: Jessie St. James/Kurt Hummel, Jessie St. James/Rachel Berry
Summary: Jessie's a decent guy once you get beyond all the crap he says and all the dumb things he does. Even this is sweet, in his own totally F'ed up kind of way.
Rating: T
Warnings/Spoilers: This episode takes place during "Home" and has spoilers for it. The first part happens kind of iffy in the time frame, during the episode, before the first family dinner. The second part happens the day after the episode ends.
Disclaimer: I do not own GLEE, or "Does Anybody Hear Her". I am merely writing to get all of my fan-girl-ness for these two lovely creations.
Author's Note: Here is the third chapter of The Saturdays You Never Spent. I apologize for how long it took me to post this chapter. I had amazing writer's block with this story and then I took a trip, so I was just so far gone it's crazy. But, I'm back with a lovely (and lengthy) chapter. So, you know in GLEE episodes where they have a short flash to something that only the person can see; I have one of those in this chapter. Those moments are centered.
This chapter has a strange formatting for the song because I decided to try something completely new that made Jessie seem like less of a butt-face. Read on and you'll see. I personally like it, but that may just be because it got me to write the second half of this chapter. So, enjoy everyone.
[songs used in this chapter] "Does Anybody Hear Her" by Casting Crows. I did change some pronouns for the sake of this story, but it's the exact same lyrics. Listen to it because it's beautiful and it makes that part of the chapter even better if it's playing.
Chapter Three
Maybe Jessie's come to some sort of conclusion. He must have. Especially since everywhere you turn, he's there. When you sang earlier in the week, he was right there, watching you. Admittedly, so was the entire Glee club, but he's different. Something about him is different since the last time you two spoke.
"Jessie, you're an ass," you said.
"Strong words for a weak guy," he said.
"Of all the things you could've sung-"
"If this is about that night-"
"I don't want to talk about that-"
"We've never had the chance to-"
"And we don't need to-"
"Yes, we do. What happened was-"
"Your fault. You ruined everything. You were the biggest asshole I had ever met in my entire life, and you still are because you're bringing up things that should never be brought up again!"
"You sound jaded."
"Well, how do you think that happened? Whose fault do you think it is for that, Jessie? Whose?"
You sigh, capturing your breath and your dignity. No flashbacks will ruin this. Nothing will ruin this. No one will ruin this. You're going to have the best night tonight. A family dinner with your dad, Finn's mom, and your soon-to-be-roommate, Finn. Sure, you're being a little pushy (okay, downright invasive) but don't the ends justify the means? You'll have Finn in no time.
You unlock the stall door, and reel back when it collides with something solid. Glancing down, you know just what idiot is waiting outside your stall.
"This is creepy, even for you," you say.
"I've got an offer for you," Jessie says.
"I'm not talking to you in the bathroom," you tell him.
"You started the conversation."
"You were standing by the door while I peed."
"Think of me as a guard dog."
"Those things are always hideous."
"Then try really hard to pretend it," he says.
What's wrong with him? Does he not understand that you do not want him around? How hard is it to pick up the very obvious signals?
"You have five seconds to move," you announce. You begin to count down from five.
On five, he smirks, daring you to try it.
On four, he cocks his head to the side in a teasing way.
On three, he actually moves.
On two, you realize it was a step closer.
On one, he's in the stall with you, and you're wondering how that's even possible.
On zero, his breath is on your lips. It's a good thing you don't have to say any more numbers because you're not quite sure your brain can process counting at this point.
It's negative one now; Jessie has you backed against a filthy high school toilet. The thought of being turned on by this is enough to keep all reactions down.
The bathroom door opens, bringing with it a familiar squeaking sound. You rush to close the stall, throwing yourself on top of Jessie in the process. He seems fine with the arrangement; you cover his mouth.
"Kurt?" Finn's voice searches the room, "You in here?"
"Y-yes, just a second, Finn," you say.
"I was thinking we could talk about this whole parent dating thing. I mean, it's weird, right? Not just weird in the 'my mom's got a boyfriend' way, but in the whole 'that boyfriend's got a kid who goes to my school' way. I figure everyone usually talks through these sorts of things, right?"
Jessie rolls his eyes throughout the entire speech. It's cute in its own awkward sincerity kind of way. You smile a bit at the fact that even your thoughts resemble Finn's speech patterns. The two of you really are that compatible.
When you look at Jessie, he's got this fired up look in his eyes, as if just watching the way you react to Finn pisses him off.
(Who is the jealous one now, St. James?)
Then he rolls those suckers again and lets out a yawn. With your hand over his mouth, the sound's muffled and distorted. Your eyes widen when you realize just how that could have sounded to someone out of context. Hell, it sounded like that to you and you know the context.
Now Jessie has a dangerous glint. You try to think of something quick to stop anything he has planned, but the only thing you can think of would break all of your rules. Are you really willing to do this?
"Kurt?"
Yes, yes, you are. Finn is worth it.
You release your hand. Before Jessie can even open his mouth to moan again, you cover his lips with your own. He knows what this is – a cover up, something to keep him quiet so he doesn't ruin everything for you. He uses that to his advantage. His tongue invades your space in no time, wrangling yours down like a cowboy in a rodeo.
(Huh?)
You're making less sense with the way he's kissing you. It doesn't even really occur to you that Jessie has you submitting. His hands find their way to your hips, and he's moving you closer to him. He scrapes his teeth against your bottom lip, adding something new and exciting into the mix. One hand drifts and-
Ow!
The resonating sound of the slap to your ass is louder than the whirring of Finn's brain as he pieces things together. It doesn't help that Jessie uses your shock to give himself a line.
"Yes, Kurt, I love it rough!"
You never knew he had the ability to alter his voice. You've never been more thankful for an ability you didn't know existed until now. At the very least, no one knows you're in here with Jessie St. James. At the very worst, Finn now believes you're in here having sex with some guy from school.
(Well, that's gonna make dinner awkward.)
"Holy shit, you're not alone in there, are you? You could've told me that. That is sick, man. Wh-wait, why am I even-I- I'll see you later, Kurt."
Finn's sneakers squeak again in their rush out of the room.
You look back to Jessie, a fire ablaze within your orbs - and it has nothing to do with that kiss.
"I hate you," you hiss, "You are insufferable. I have to go to dinner with him and our parents tonight."
"Now you'll have something good to talk about," Jessie says.
It's your turn to slap, and his arm suffers the blow.
"This is not a joke!"
"Fine, I've got a way to get out of this," he says, you wait for him to continue, "Go out with me tonight."
(What. The. Fuck?)
"Are you serious right now?" you ask.
He nods.
"Are you fucking serious right now?" you ask.
Again, he nods.
The strength you exert in forcing your way out of the stall should go on record. The speed you have in racing to your car beats the fastest mile time on campus. The jolt your heart does when you replay him asking you out shall never be mentioned again.
^Jessie St. James^Kurt Hummel^Rachel Berry
You thought it was bad when your entire class refused to sign your cast as a kid. You thought it was bad when Puck called you the F-word when you tried giving him CPR in seventh grade. (In my defense, he almost drowned and I was certified.) But nothing tops the rejection you're feeling right now.
Even a bone crushed Mercedes hug can't fix this pain, and she has been trying for ten minutes.
"Kurt, I can't help you if you don't tell me what's going on," she says. She already knows some of it. Word gets around Glee pretty easily. Everyone knows about Carol and Burt, the parental match that will bring the most flamboyant gay in all of Lima in familial alliance with the number one jock on campus. People know parts of what happened at dinner, and all of the residual conversations and stuff with Finn and the Dad Couch. No one knows that Finn is just as easy with parents as with everyone else. No one knows that Finn conspired with you to try and break them up. No one knows that Finn is ruining all of your plans with his disgusting attachment to your father.
You suppose, if anyone has to know, then it'd be Mercedes.
"I saw my dad and Finn last night," you say.
"What were they doing?"
"Bonding."
"How'd that feel?"
(Like some cute, little kid shanked me in the chest, then pulled out my vocal chords; all the while, the Cheerios recited Eclipse to Jessie and Rachel who were having crazy sex on my locker.)
"Not too good," you say.
"Want me to stay with you?" she asks.
(Yes.)
"No," you try to ignore the look of pain that crosses her face. She's always been just a little bit in love with you. You wonder if it'll ever go away.
"Okay."
"I'm just going to stay and play a bit. Clear my head. You go on, and I'll skype you tonight when I'm in a much more sociable mood," you say. You throw in a weak smile for good measure, and she nods.
"Call me if you need me, okay?"
With that, she pushes your bangs aside. It's one of the few gestures that makes the both of you feel like someone else is there. Your weak smile feels a little more real.
"I will."
And she leaves.
You sit yourself down in the seat at the piano. When did life get so complicated? What happened to the easy jokes of a few weeks ago? How could things go so quickly from tampon jokes to hours alone in the music room, sulking and wishing you knew more than just 'Mary Had a Little Lamb' on piano?
He clears his throat from the doorway. Somehow, his personality shines even in the way he releases phlegm.
"Go away," you say.
"No."
Your tears act up just at the right moments, don't they? Because you're feeling them, and he's there, and Jessie St. James is honestly the last person you want to see you crying right now.
But then, he's right in front of you. So close you're surprised his thumb isn't on your cheek wiping away the broken dreams that had yet to fall.
You breathe him in. His scent enters your nostrils and floods your veins. You want to say your blood pumps harder to expel him from your system; you know better than to lie to yourself.
"Why are you here?" you ask.
"I could ask you the same thing," he says.
"I'm the one without a secret agenda, so I believe the question is better aimed at you, sir."
"Easy on the long sentences. They'll get you crying again."
"I wasn't crying!" you insist. He chuckles in that infuriating way of his.
"Yes, you were. I don't get why Mercedes could just leave you when you're like this," he says.
"I told her to go."
"And I'm glad."
"Mercedes is my best friend," you tell him.
"I know that."
"I want her around. I love having her around."
"I know that too."
"Then why do you want her gone?" you ask.
"Because it means I get to be here, with you, alone."
This is not happening. He is not trying to put the moves on you while you're crying. Is he really that much of an ass?
"Oh God."
He laughs again, adding, "I'm not trying to seduce you. I learned from my last approach that it wasn't the best idea."
"Really? You caught all that?" you mock.
"Yes, and I got a lot more."
He gives you this look, like he's begging for permission. It's completely ridiculous because he's Jessie St. James and he never begs for anything. He never wants anything enough to beg, never needs anything enough.
(Except….)
You try again. "Please, go."
"Just let me sing you a song first," he says, "One song, Kurt. I'm asking for four minutes and twenty-three seconds of your time."
Very specific. He knows what he's doing. He always knows what he's doing.
"Fine."
He lifts from his knees to his feet. After locating the CD player, he pops in a CD and looks back to you.
"Now, you're going to have to read between the lines on this one, but I have no doubt that you will be able to," he says.
You wonder for a second how easy life would be if someone could just tell you everything that you're supposed to get out of things. Why does everyone expect you to be a fucking genius? You're sixteen. When you can walk into APUSH and answer the questions without wetting yourself, then people can expect more of you. Right now, they should just find something better to do with their time.
Then the music starts playing, and you have no time to rant.
For once, a song plays that you don't know. You feel like that only adds to the moment. You don't have to worry about singing along, just listening, just feeling as Jessie sings to you and only you.
He is running
A hundred miles an hour
In the wrong direction [Translation: You're chasing after the wrong person, Kurt.]
He is trying
But the canyon's ever widening
In the depths of his cold heart [Translation: You're trying to piece together your life, but you only break more each and every time you do.]
So he sets out on another
Misadventure just to find
He's another two years older and
He's three more steps behind [Translation: It may seem like we're doing this whole thing over again, and maybe we are, but you aren't in that same place as before. And not in the good way. You've backtracked and I don't know how to fix that for you.]
Does anybody hear Kurt? [Answer: No.]
Can anybody see? [No one is there for you.]
Oh, does anybody even know he's going down today? [You need help.]
Under the shadow of our steeple [You're in this safe haven]
With all the lost and lonely people [With all the other rejects]
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me? [And you're the only one still trying to find that place that everyone else seems to have found.]
Does anybody hear Kurt? [And nobody notices.]
Can anybody see? [But me. So, I'm watching, okay? I'm here.]
He is yearning
For shelter and affection
That he never found at home [And there you go again, trying to create that perfect home where they'll love you.]
He is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day [You're still that guy you were in eighth grade, still looking out for someone who will chase all the bad guys away.]
And in walks his prince charming [I used to be that someone.]
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason and [You let me in to everything that was you.]
He gives himself away [And I ruined everything.]
Does anybody hear Kurt? [But I'm here now.]
Can anybody see?
Oh, does anybody even know he's going down today? [I know what you're going through. No else does]
Under the shadow of our steeple [Not in this backward hick town]
With all the lost and lonely people [Not with these closed-minded imbeciles.]
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me? [And what we had was amazing. It was what we needed.]
Does anybody hear Kurt [Hear me. Believe me. I'm ready for you.]
Can anybody see? [I'm waiting for you to just see me now.]
With judgment looms under every steeple
With lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past his scarlet letter [Everyone looks at you and thinks they know you. You're gay; what else is there?]
And we've never even met Kurt [They don't have the slightest idea who you are.]
With judgment looms under every steeple [And Finn? And your dad?]
With lofty glances from lofty people [They act like they get it, like they're okay with it.]
Can't see past his scarlet letter [You're still the pink elephant to them.]
And we've never even met Kurt [And maybe it'll change if they see you for you.]
Never even met Kurt [Because when I saw you, for who you are, I changed.]
Does anybody hear Kurt? [So I'm here now.]
Can anybody see? [I don't care who knows.]
Oh, does anybody even know he's going down today? [Tell Rachel, I don't care.]
Under the shadow of our steeple [Because in this place]
With all the lost and lonely people [With all of the Lima Losers]
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me? [All that matters is finding where we want to be.]
Does anybody hear Kurt [I hear you.]
Can anybody see? [I see you.]
Does anybody hear Kurt [I know you.]
Can anybody see? [I miss you.]
Does anybody even know he's going down today? [And we can take this at whatever pace you want us to.]
Under the shadow of our steeple [We can sneak around at night]
With all the lost and lonely people [Or go for walks in the park]
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me? [We could even go to music stores and look through old CDs.]
Does anybody hear Kurt? [I'm not kidding]
Can anybody see? [I'm really trying here.]
He is running
A hundred miles an hour
In the wrong direction [Translation: And now the right person is chasing after you.]
With the music over, he begs you, one last time with his eyes. Then, he turns away, allowing the words to wash over you.
Author's Note: Thank you for reading. Please review.