Hello there! This is 2Bfrank bringing you my third story of Aizen Sosuke: Psychological Therapist. Once again, thanks for all the favorites. You guys are the best! Credit goes to Innosynce for the concept.
Next up is Renji.
It was an ordinary day in Soul Society when Renji Abarai marched down the corridors of Sosuke Aizen's complex. The birds twittered (no, not with iPhones) and the hell butterflies fluttered, but Renji just ignored them as he walked on by with a spring in his step, much to caught up in his own elation to notice. He came to a short set of stairs and began to whistle as he nearly skipped up them. He then twirled flamboyantly into the therapist's office with a hearty, "Hey Aizen! Are you ready?"
Outlined against the sun that spilled through the window overlooking his garden, Psychological Therapist Aizen Sosuke, was merely a silhouette.
Except for his glasses. Those flashed ominously enough to sober up the red-headed lieutenant very, very quickly.
"Abarai Renji. Nice to see that you're right on time."
Renji stopped at the doorway, afraid to enter further, "Thank you, Captain Aizen, so polite of you to see me."
"Your politeness is appreciated, Renjii. You look well."
"Thank you." Renji began to step into the dimly lit room when Aizen spoke again.
"You skip even better."
Renji immediately stopped mid-step and looked at Aizen who, if that way he was cocking his head was any indication, was probably smiling.
"How did you know... captain?"
"Lucky guess. It's not like I was watching you or anything. I haven't moved from this spot since breakfast."
"What have you been doing all this time?"
"Drugs."
Renji was taken aback: Aizen was known to be an easygoing, if somewhat creepy captain, but...
"I'm only kidding. I was signing documents! Now, what is your problem?"
It was an ordinary day in Soul Society when Byakuya Kuchiki stalked down the corridors of Sosuke Aizen's complex. The birds suddenly vanished and the hell butterflies whithered up and died, but Byakuya just ignored them as he walked on by with completely silent steps, much to caught up in his own troubles to notice. He came to a short set of stairs and walked up them, muttering curses about the size of Aizen's "barracks" and the complete lack of any "refined" art, like drawings...
He entered the poorly lit office to see...
Renji.
With his shirt off.
And Aizen.
Examining him like a work of art.
Byakuya resisted the urge to flash step away very, very quickly.
Did I say next up is Renji? Sorry.
Next up is Byakuya.
"Sosuke. What are you doing to my lieutenant?"
"Examining him like a work of art.," Aizen answered without looking up, "How do you do, Byakuya?"
"I have feelings of inadequacy that I came to express my concern about. What is Renji here for?"
"I also have feelings of inadequacy, sir," the pineapple-headed lieutenant answered with an idiotic grin.
"What kind?" Byakuya's eyebrow raised slightly in annoyance.
"Zabimaru keeps calling me a fag."
"Interesting," muttered Aizen, "the monkey side, or the snake?"
"Bo- wait! How do you know what my spirit looks like?"
"That's not important. Now, put your clothes back on." He walked over to his desk and snapped. All the windows in Aizen's office flew open with a blinding blast of sunlight, causing Renji to throw his hands over his face and Byakuya to do nothing.
"My eyes! My eyes! My eyes- ow!"
"Shape up. Is this how you represent your squad, Renji?"
"You didn't have to punch me in the face..."
"Cannonically, I never punch. Your senses are obviously lying to you."
Aizen rubbed his chin evilly (if that is even possible...) and smirked, "You two fight like a married couple don't you?"
"What?"
"Yes, yes. That is good. If I get through both of you right now, I can go play some golf!"
"What's golf?" asked Renji.
"A good walk spoiled, but that's not important right now. What is important is that we change the title to read-"
Next up are Renji and Byakuya.
"So," Aizen began, "who's first?"
Renji's arm shot up. "I'll go-"
"Naturally, I will go first."
"But sir, you didn't raise your hand."
"I didn't have to. This is what's known as a difference in rank."
"For that awesome burn, Byakuya, you've earned the right to be first. Now tell me, what is your problem?"
Byakuya paused, collecting himself.
All was calm.
He would not get emotional. Emotion was a river and he was a dam. The dam held strong. The dam would always hold strong. There was no other choice. There had never been another choice.
The sun was shining, the birds singing. A lone cherry blossom sailed through an open window and came to rest at Byakuya's feet.
He would be strong.
He began in measured tones, "My feelings of inadequacy stem from-"
Aizen cut him off, "I'm terribly sorry captain, but I don't believe that standing so stiff is right for this sort of therapy. If you would be so kind, would you kindly lay on that couch behind you?"
"The white one?"
"You can see that?- I mean, no. The other one."
"That looks like a commoner's therapy bench."
"As it is." There was a slightly mocking tone in Aizen's voice resembling that of their fellow captain, Gin...
Byakuya winced, but he would be strong. Emotion was a river and he was the dam. He gingerly reclined on the bench, feeling the rough cloth upholstery pull at the silk of his captain's uniform.
"Is there any time limit?"
"Tee-time is in an hour."
"What?"
"Never mind, just take as much time as you want."
"Much appreciated."
A cool breeze flowed into the room, focusing Byakuya's thoughts to that day, that hour, that minute, that very moment, when Rukia had looked into her brother's eyes and said "I want to become a-"
"So Aizen, how much are you going to charge for this sort of thing?" asked Renji.
The extremely anal captain opened his eyes and shot a death glare that clearly said "Shut UP!" But because actions speak louder than words and his captain hardly ever shouted, Renji merely responded with a casual, if hushed, "Sorry..."
That interruption dealt with, Byakuya settled down once more and composed himself. The breeze, the sun, the solid floor beneath him, the scent of cedar, all helped him focus, all helped him remember...
"It all began when Rukia wanted to be promoted to a lieu-"
WHOOSH! A small, fast-moving object zoomed over his nose, missing him by inches. There was a small impact as his eyes flickered open once more. Much to his surprise, he saw Aizen bent over a large rod with a round end. As he watched in amazement, Aizen cocked his arms back and swung, launching the ball at near supersonic speeds out the window and into the koi pond a hundred meters away.
"Um, Aizen," mentioned Renji as he pointed out the door, "you said that the hole was in the rock garden."
"Ah yes," said the be-speckled captain, taking a sip of sake, "that's why you never drink and drive. Golf and alcohol don't mix, naturally."
Byakuya coughed loudly, drawing the therapist's attention.
"Oh don't worry, I'm still listening."
"Intently?"
"Quite."
Byakuya merely raised an eyebrow before focusing once more.
"You might want to hurry it up," said Aizen, "you have about thirty minutes left."
Fuming, Byakuya began to relate his tale of woe once more.
"One day,Rukia asked me if she could be promoted to a lieutenant. Naturally, I was quite conflicted about this turn of events because I want to protect her, so I said 'no.' The next thing I was aware of, she ran off yelling about how I didn't understand her! All I want is to be able to '"know her better" do you understand?"
"Incest is a crime," Aizen inquired helpfully.
"Shut up! All I want is to understand where she's coming from."
"Um, Captain," stammered Renji, "she comes from her-"
"I'm docking you a week's pay."
Renji was naturally taken aback, "What-?"
"That was the most crude, vulgar display of male sexuality that I have ever heard concerning my sister."
"But-"
"No 'buts!' You of all people should know my anguish over this turn of events, Renji. It may be true that I do not show enough emotion. In fact, I try not to show emotion at all. But to tell you the truth, to tell you of the fundamental ideals that lead me and anchor my soul to the path I walk would make that overactive 'mini-zambimaru' of yours curl up and-"
CRASH! The sound of broken glass filled the office.
"Senbonzakura!" Byakuya didn't even bother to open his eyes: he merely released and directed the stream of minature blades towards the source of the noise that dared to interrupt his monologue.
Aizen's voice rang out, "Byakuya! No!" There was a sound similar to a hammer hitting soft wood, along with a girlish sort of scream.
Byakuya's eyes flew open to asses the carnage. Luckily, for his already sky-high insurance premium, there was relatively little.
"I'm- I'm s-sorry, C-captain Byakuya..." stammered Momo Hinamori, looking very surprised, "Would you like some tea?" Byakuya realized that this was a ridiculous thing to say at the moment, mostly because the broken porcelain tea set and the tea that had been inside lay in front of Momo, who was pinned to the wall by the thousands of tiny swords impaling her kimono. Byakuya stared for a minute before blankly sealing his sword, causing Momo to fall off the wall and into a heap on the floor. He apologized with an awkward "I am also terribly sorry, Hinamori Momo...." The silence, the same silence that he had embraced whenever he was signing documents, now suffocated him. Somebody had to talk. Somebody had to break the silence.
He gently picked up Momo and put her on her feet, then walked over to Aizen and removed the scarf from around his shoulders.
"That tea set must surely have cost a great amount of money," he began, "this scarf is equal in value to several large houses. Please, take it."
He held the scarf out to the be-speckled therapist, waiting for him to take it. Aizen merely cocked his head quizzically. They stood there for about a minute, Aizen with his head cocked and Byakuya with his arm outstretched.
"Why do you not accept my gift?"
"Oh, no reason. It's just that... one lock of my hair can fetch several of those scarves." He pulled off his glasses for full effect, maximizing Captain Kuchiki's view of his epic strand of hair.
Byakuya said nothing. Slowly, his hand crawled back to his neck, looped the scarf back on, and came to rest at his side. He stared blankly for another awkward minute until nodding absently and turning away. On the way out, he apologized once more to a still shaken Momo with a half-hearted "I will reimburse you for your kimono," before shuffling out of sight.
Everyone was silent. They stared at the doorway for a tense moment, waiting for Byakuya to return in a dignified yet self- righteous rage.
He didn't.
"Well," shrugged Aizen, "he was certainly easy to annoy. Too easy, possibly."
"Hey Aizen," began Renji with a ridiculous smile on his face, "maybe we should invite him for a game of golf as an apology!"
Aizen chuckled as he pulled a gargantuan golf bag out of a closet and handed it to Momo, "Don't be ridiculous, Renji! Why, he's so stiff that he'd probably snap in two the first time he drives."
"Whatever."
And with that, Aizen, Renji, and a very topheavy Momo went off to play eighteen holes of golf in the human world. Naturally, this soon changed to Aizen, Renji, and a very relieved Momo, who received an offer from Renji to take the golf bag.
"Hey Aizen, what about my therapy?"
"What indeed?"
"Well, when are we going to have it?"
"Is it essential?"
"My social security is at stake."
"You mean self security, correct?"
"Yeah."
"Well, we could schedule it for the next chapter..."
"Umm, chapter?"
"Yes, Renji, 'chapter.'"
"What chapter?"
"The chapter."
"I never was any good at kido..."
Hey guys! Sorry for Renji's OOC-ness! As you probably guessed, next chapter is Renji, but you're welcome to leave suggestions regardless! Hope you enjoyed it!