Hello again! Sorry if my last chapter was somewhat lackluster, it's sort of hard to keep these coming at a reasonable rate with all the school activities going on. Howver, as a writer, I will do my best not to slight my readers! Enjoy the shocking conclusion to Renji: the Chapter! And remember, I do not own Bleach or any other copyrighted material within this fanfic.

Next up is Renji (for realz!)

It was a marvelous day on the Soul Society Captains' Course as Aizen Sosuke led his former pupil, Renji and his lieutenant, Momo, onto the golf course. The sun shined softly and a cavalcade of fluffy white clouds dotted the sky, giving a picturesque look to the rolling green hills of Soul Society's only golf course specifically open to captains only.

"It's so quiet here, said Renji as he looked around the course.

"Yes," explained Aizen as he unpacked the golf bag that Renji had so graciously carried, "golf is a foreign sport played by people in the far-off lands called western civilization. Naturally, it is quite inferior to any sport we have here, so the course was built, paid for, and can be used by anyone, so long as a captain accompanies them. However, it is quite relaxing, provided that nobody is playing to win, of course."

"But doesn't that go against your philosophy?"

"What philosophy?"

"'In order for one to achive victory, there must be purpose in his swing.'"

"Ah, yes. In that case, no, it does not violate my philosophy-"

"But-"

"Renji, please! You and I and Momo are more than Captain and pupils, yes? I was under the belief that we were friends." Aizen smiled at his sappy speech, but soon regreted it after he found his lieutenant's arms crushing his waist with a surprisingly strong bear-hug.

"Oh, Captain Aizen! What a wonderful thing to say!"

"Why, thank you Momo- ah-ah-owch! Now, if you would, would you please allow me to begin?" Momo stepped away curtly.

"Renji, do you know why I brought you here?"

"To play a game, sir?"

"No. I came here to play a game. I brought you here to perform therapy."

"How?"

"With my zanpakuto, of course."

"Your zanpakuto?"

"Kyōka Suigetsu's special ability allows me to put patients under a... mild hypnosis for theraputic purposes. With this ability, you will feel more relaxed, more open with your feelings, and become one more victim in my evil plot."

"What was that last one?"

".... More likely to live a full and healthy life afterwards. So how about it?"

"I'm game!"

"Excellent pun, Renji! Momo! Please get my balls ready while I perform therapy!"

"Yes, Captain Aizen!"

"And now," said Aizen, drawing his zanpakuto slowly, "if I could get the attention of everyone on the course, I will now release my zanpakuto." Every head naturally turned to see this spectacular event. All the golfers within view held their breath as... nothing happened. "False alarm, everyone, I'm not releasing my zanpakuto."

"But Aizen-"

"Don't worry, Renji," Aizen muttered under his breath, "All you had to do was watch me draw it out. Now, don't freak out when you suddenly find yourself lying down in my office."

"What?" Renji began to flail around.

"I said, don't freak out. This is to minimize destractions and invoke a relaxed state. Understand?"

"Yes."

"Good. We will now begin. Are you ready?"

"Yep."

"Excellent. Now, what is your problem?"

"Well, I've been having problems with my zanpakuto, you see, it's sort of an asshole."

"Go on..."

"Well, usually and asshole, but now it's moreso than usual."

"How so?"

"Well, it... it... it calls me a fag."

"That's horrible!"

"Yeah, and the worst part is-"

"Good job, Captain Aizen!"

"Silence, please! I'm performing a very delicate state of hypnosis."

"Momo?"

"Yes, Renji?"

"I thought that this was all in my head."

"No, Renji. I've merely blocked your ability to see the golf course and sense your true body position; every other sense is perfectly intact."

"Ah, I see."

"Now, where were we? Ah, yes! What is the worst part?"

"The worst part is... it's very... how should I say this... convincing."

There was a sound like the tip of a pencil snapping.

"Are you taking notes?"

"No, I've merely punched through my scorecard out of shere shock."

"Sorry."

"It's not you; my lieutenant just scored a hole in one."

"Good job, Momo."

"Thanks, Renji."

"Now-" began Aizen, only to be interrupted once more.

"I have a question," said Renji, "If I'm laying down, does that mean that I'm on the grass?"

"No. You're still standing up. In fact, your body is following me as we speak. Try not to think too hard about it. Now where were we?"

"Zabimaru calling me gay."

"I see. What does your spirit appear as?"

"Well, it's a baboon... with a snake for a tail."

"How fitting." There was the slightest hint of a chuckle from Aizen's disembodied voice.

"What do you mean?"

"The baboon, a type of monkey, can be noted for its sexual prowess while the snake, well we don't have to go that far..."

"How is this fitting?"

"I understand that you and Miss Rukia Kuchiki are quite close, yes?"

"We're friends," said Renji flatly, "close friends, but nothing more."

"Of course, of course. Now, I have a question myself. Have you achieved Bankai yet?"

"I don't feel comfortable saying this with Momo around."

"Why?"

"I don't know, it's just the principle of the situation."

"Oh, don't worry. She is currently stone deaf." Some distance away, Renji could hear Hinamori screaming at the top of her lungs to her captain that she was suddenly deaf. Aizen merely responded with a polite, if inappropriate, "If you can't hear me, Hinamori, then you are probably deaf," prompting Momo to say that she couldn't read lips. "Ignore her. Have you achieved Bankai yet, Renji?"

"Well..."

"Hesitance is condemmning."

"You're supposed to be non-objective as a therapist."

"My apologies. You have the option of whether to answer or not."

"Thank you. I do have a Bankai."

"Excellent. What form does it take?"

"It takes... ah... erm-"

"Really, Renji? Your zanpakuto is an ape with a Freudian appendage and you're having trouble with-"

"It's a humongous snake skeleton with a giant red afro."

"Whoa. I was not expecting that. Fore!" there was a slight pause, after which, by the sound of it, Aizen apparently conducted a victory dance before getting back to Renji. "So, you have a literal... boner for a Bankai?"

"Could you please be a little more delicate about it? My self-respect is at stake, you know."

"Don't worry. All this shows is that your personality is that of a- well- a sex-crazed maniac."

"What."

"Kidding, kidding. I'm merley lightening the mood to help you relax, Renji. So tell me more; what can your Bankai do?"

"It can basically split apart without damage to itself and extend indefinitely and..."

"What else?"

"Nothing."

"You're oddly tense, even for this conversation. What else?"

"Nothing."

"Now, now, Renji. It's of the utmost importance that we're straight with each other, no pun intended. Tell me, please."

Renji sighed, bracing himself for the shame that would surely come, "It's the... baboon bone cannon. It shoots a ball of energy out of its mouth."

Renji could have sworn that the therapist was doing his best not to burst out laughing, "Now that wasn't so bad, was it?"

"No, but..."

"Renji! Pull yourself together! We have to finish before Hinamori wanders into Captain Kenpachi's swinging range."

"I thought she was blind, not deaf."

"You were miming with your hands. I had to ensure client confidentiality."

"So... you're not very good at using your zanpakuto's ability, are you?"

"No, not at all, Renji..." murmured Aizen before changing the subject, "Who have you used your Bankai against?"

"Well, there's Byakuya, Chad, Sayzel, and... that's it, really."

"Sayzel is a woman?"

"An Espada."

"A woman?"

Renji was silent.

"Renji."

"No."

Aizen merely sighed and scribbled on the score pad. "Has any woman gone up against your Bankai?"

"Heh, heh, 'gone up against'."

"Focus, Renji."

"Sorry, sir, no."

"How unfortunate." Aizen snapped his fingers, releasing both Renji and Momo from their illusions. Momo shook her head as her vision came back to her... and screamed as the wind from Zakarai Kenpachi's swing sent her sliding violently back to rest at Aizen's feet.

Renji helped Momo up and brushed the dirt off her kimono before asking, "So, what have you found?"

"Nothing yet. It's a completely ambiguous case. Come back in a week."

"A week? How am I supposed to pay-"

CRASH!

A very large wave of what looked like a hollow's cero struck the green where Aizen had been standing a mere second ago. Aizen flash stepped back as the dust cloud expanded. While Momo and Renji shielded their eyes from the scouring dust, the captain used that moment as an opportunity to look exceedingly dramatic.

"Uraharah, you arrive," Aizen addressed the dust cloud, "but I feel inclined to ask, why?"

Urahara stepped out of the dust, his sunglasses gilmmering evilly in the sunlight, "I guess I just got tired of seeing you screw around with my invention."

"I see."

"I also guess that you're not going to hand it over so easily, now are you?"

"You are correct."

"Well, you know what this means." Uraharah drew his zanpakuto with a flourish and spun it around his wrist before calling out, "Bankai!"

I know a question that everyone should have and it doesn't involve golf: how the heck did Momo's kimono get fixed last chapter? Who knows?

Will Renji finish his therapy? Will Urahara prevail over Aizen? Will your characters get picked?! Find out in the thrilling conclusion to the Aizen Sosuke: Psychological Therapist Golf Trilogy!