Hello, everyone! Still with me? In just a few short scenes of mayhem, the Aizen Sosuke: Psychological Therapist Golf Trillogy will end, opening up free space for your suggestions! Hang in there!

As usual, I do not own Bleach or any copyrighted materials within this fic.

P.S. Notice any errors? The spell checker's a little off...

Urahara rose into the air, encircled by a halo of eerie red light. At his side rose his zanpakuto, Benehime, which disappeared in flash of red light. When all of the flashy business was over, Urahara hovered above the golf course with what appeared to be a barrier made out of cero surrounding him.

"Like it?"

Aizen merely smiled, "What is its name?"

"I think I'll let you figure that out for yourself, Aizen."

"I also assume that you will not tell me what it does, correct?"

"Indeed, you are correct."

Aizen paused, massaging his chin as he slowly spoke, "So, the best way to test the depth of the water is with a stick... Momo! Attack!"

"You fool! She'll be destroyed!"

"Aha! You've revealed too much already, Urahara," Aizen gloated as he leapt into the air, "Bankai."

Urahara shuddered as something very large, white, and tastefully made crashed into his barrier, nearly knocking him out of the sky. The Ban-couch fell to the golf course with a dull thump!

"You're fighting me with a couch? Aizen, you insult my intelligence, trying to discern the effects through upholstery. Would you like a hint?"

"Why not?"

"Very good, my former pupil, very good. Renji, would you please quote what I told you when you were... training... with Chad?"

Renji was taken aback, but answered anyways, "He said that his Bankai is not suited for assisting or lending others strength."

"Did he now? Well, that certainly rules out a few things..."

"Indeed," smirked Urahara, "but until the moment I strike, you won't be able to-"

"Tobiume!" cried Momo as she flew in from Urahara's blind spot, releasing a massive fireball that zoomed into the barrier. Urahara's Bankai apparently moved on its own, releasing blood-red tentacles that intercepted the projectile and pursued Momo, only to be blocked by a large snake made out of bones sporting a stylin' afro. The searching tentacles merely whipped around Renji's Bankai, renewing their pursuit of Momo while simultaneously spreading down Zabimaru's shaft. Apparently, Renji was attempting to crush the tentacles with his Bankai's skull as it dove to chase the crimson mass, but it was all for naught. Both Renji and Momo gasped in surprise as the red cero-tentacles struck, exploding in clouds of crimson smoke.

"What an interesting Bankai. Too bad I've found your weak point."

"Impossible. You're bluffing."

"Oh really? Am I bluffing when I theorize that your Bankai takes near-complete control of a living creature? Don't try to lie; I can see the surprise in your eyes, Urahara. I noticed how Renji's phallic Bankai turned on him. Oh yes, I noticed that. While Renji is an idiot, he's not such an idiot that he'd crush himself with his own attack. Therefore, the only reason for that specific dramatic action would probably result in his zanpakuto turning on him. Likewise, the fact that it is no longer attacking him means that you are probably controlling him, too. It was quite clever, I must admit, but it would have been much wiser not to use it on thatparticular Bankai."

Urahara cocked his head and smiled sheepishly, "I guess you weren't bluffing."

"I never bluff, because I'm... Aizen Sos-"

"Oh, shut up! You're human just like everyone else here-"

"Actually, we're Shinigami, remember? Would you like to talk about your power complex?"

"My what?"

"Your power complex. I'm surprised I didn't see it until you released your Bankai-"

Urahara shook his head dissappointedly, "I'm afraid you have me confused with Hyori."

"I'm never confused, because I'm...-"

"Way of Binding number twenty-two! Cry from the North, Song from the East, Voice from the South and Whisper from the West! Go forth and conquer all that lies between! Binding Space!" Urahara stretched out his right arm and pointed at the evil therapist. A small object that resembled a spider web zoomed towards Aizen's face, but he merely shunpoed out of the way.

"More evidence of your power complex," the Captain of the Eighth Division smirked, "That kido does nothing but silence the target. Frankly, it has no use in a one-on-one battle, and I don't have any allies to converse with if you decide to sick my lieutenant and my former pupil on me."

Urahara smiled and sat down inside the barrier, "You got me. How about this? You diagnose my... power complex, and I'll leave and release Momo and Renji. Naturally, however, this means that I will return at an undetermined point in time in order to exact my revenge. Agreed?"

"Will you take Renji with you? He can be quite annoying."

"I thought he was Captain Kuchiki's lieutenant."

"Does it really matter?"

"Well," Urahara mused, "I guess not. After all, an assistant is an assistant..."

"So you'll take him?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Excellent."

"Wow, that was easy."

"You had me at hello."

"I never said hello," protested Urahara.

"Irrelevant. Now," Aizen began, "tell me your tale of woe."

Urahara removed his hat nervously and scratched his head.

"I've never talked to anyone about this."

"That's fine. You may drop your aloof persona."

"But... you're my enemy! You're plotting to take over the world!"

"Several planes of existence, actually, but that's beside the point. Here, on this fabulously soothing golfing green, we can just glare at each other like fellow rivals and talk it out." Aizen spread his arms out dramatically. Urahara was unimpressed.

"It's a trick."

"I haven't figured out how to reach you in there," explained Aizen.

"You're lying."

"If I was lying, we'd still be fighting."

"I thought we still were."

"Your crazy-preparedness appears to have made you... crazy," Aizen smirked.

"True, but it just doesn't feel... normal."

"I don't think that's a problem for you, Mr. Hat-and-Clogs."

"Also true. Ah, well. Since I can't attack directly and you can't reach me, either, let's talk."

"Good choice," praised Aizen. "Now, when can you remember first influencing another's life for your own gain?"

"Well..." the outcast began awkwardly, "Would you believe immediately after I fled Soul Society?"

"What?"

"Yeah. I was so vengeful, I began plotting the moment I landed in the human world. Wacky, huh? Anyways, I introduced Isshin Kurosaki to his wife and-"

"You'rethe reason Ichigo exists?"

"Pretty cool, huh?" Urahara's barrier touched down on the grass, but did not vanish.

"I'll say! Tell me more. What other pursuits have you been up to?"

Urahara rubbed his stubble-encrusted chin in mock reminiscence, "Weeelllll... It's been a while, after all."

"That it has."

"I could tell you about how I've taught the Vizards how to unleash their Ressurections, which I never taught them how to control-"

"What?" Aizen gasped.

"Or I could tell you about how Isshin, Yoruichi and I trained with the Royal Guard just to learn their techniques, which cannot be stopped by anyone in Soul Society-"

"Incredible!"

"I could even tell you about how Ichigo's a Vizard, too. He's pretty powerful by himself, Ive got to admit, but with a hollow? It's-"

"Insane," breathed Aizen.

"Exactly! But do you want to know what's reallywrong with me, Aizen? Do you want to know my deepest, darkest secrets?"

"Indeed," said Aizen, his face aglow in expectation of the wonders he might hear.

"Everything I told you," said the outcast, reaching into his pockets, "was a lie. But do you know what's worse?"

"You're not taking Renji with you?"

"No," stated Urahara simply, "I've rigged the entire golf course with bombs on the off chance that you might take up golf." Aizen could now see a small, black remote in his opponent's hand with one prominently displayed button. Urahara's thumb was on the button. Urahara pressed the button.

"Boom."

Boom

Boom

Boom

Aizen sat bolt upright in his bed, his face covered in an uncharacteristically cold sweat. Someone was knocking on the door.

Boom

Boom

Boom

Climbing out of bed, the therapist composed himself as best as he could, calming his nerves by breathing deeply and finding his glasses although he saw perfectly without them. He slid open the door, letting in the sunshine, his visitor, and an escape from his nightmare.

"Hello there- Gin? I wasn't expecting you here so early."

Gin's smile never faltered an iota. He merely cocked his head and slurred, "Captain Aizen, I was wonderin'; wha' day is it tha' we take the Hogyok-mmph!" His eyebrows raised as Aizen clamped one hand over his mouth and dragged him into the dimly lit office.

"Not outside Gin, not outside." Tut-tutted Aizen as he sat Gin down on the Ban-Couch. "We attack next Tuesday."

"Oh, I see." Gin twittered. He then reclined on the Ban-Couch for a while before speaking up again, "So, if t'day isn' when we take over, an' somethin's t'day, wha' day is it?"

Aizen clasped his head dissappointedly before muttering, "Gin. Today is... Valentine's Day. Love is a scary, scary thing. You're a scary, scary guy. Go spread your scary love all across Soul Society." The silence was palpable.

Gin had a strangely blank look on his face. The strangely blank look then spread into a sinister smile that threatened to break the laws of reality and spread right off of his face. He got up slowly and shuffled towards the door, his hand apparently on his sword...

"Thank ya' Captain Aizen. Valentine's Day is my fav-rit day, after all..."

Bland? OOC? Please comment so that I can improve. But you gotta admit, Gin is a craaaaaazy guy! Keep sending your requests! I mean to cover most of the characters eventually!