Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. But you knew that already.

This is rated M for sexual situations, and some language, I suppose. I shouldn't have to say that this is a yaoi fic, so if it's not your cup of tea, feel free to exit.

God knows I've thrown away those graces...

- Tori Amos, "Blood Roses"

I knew his secret all along. He thought I didn't know these things. They all did. Misa's the idiot, the ditz, the girl who had nothing else going on in her head except Raito. Maybe it's true. Maybe I really was an idiot. But not about that.

At first, it was only a guess. I didn't want to believe that my Raito even so much looked at Ryuuzaki-san in that way. It was gross, ridiculous, and perverted. No, Raito hates Ryuuzaki-san, I thought. There's no way in hell that anything would be going on between them. They were too different...Raito was everything a girl could want, while Ryuuzaki-san...

I can leave it like that. You know what I'm getting at.

If that was true, if Raito hated Ryuuzaki-san, then why did I see that look in his eyes? It was sparkling, alive, and most of all, confused. I thought to myself, "Misa, that's a really dumb thought. Raito's not gay. He loves Misa. He will always love Misa! Not that gross pervert!" But the more I tried convincing myself, the more I saw that look in his eyes.

I would see the dark bruises on Ryuuzaki-san. They insisted it was because they fought. No, I had a thought as to why. Those weren't bruises. Misa's not an idiot. And it's not like Ryuuzaki-san could do that to anyone in his position (and it was funny, because who would do that to him in the first place), chained to my Raito. The thought made me sick.

Chained to my Raito.

Raito and Ryuuzaki-san.

My Raito.

I hated Ryuuzaki-san, probably more than Raito. He was always there and insisted on going nowhere. All of my Raito's time was spent with the pervert. I didn't know why I wanted Ryuuzaki-san to die so much, but I tried to push the thought away. Instead, I kissed him on the cheek (oh, how could anyone resist a kiss from Misa!) and offered to be his friend.

Friends. Maybe that's all they were.

Him and my Raito.

No, I realized later, after they were gone. They never were just friends.

As I stand on this bridge, I fight to remember just why I loved him so much, or even how I met him. The memories have faded so much over this past year. His face is still in my mind, as well as Ryuuzaki-san's. But there's nothing else, only the painful feelings and the outcomes, the knowledge that he was never really mine. They told me that he screamed my name before he died. I don't believe that at all. If there were any name that he would scream, it would have been "Ryuuzaki."

I miss you, Raito-chan.

Would I see any of them again? Or will I see nothing?

I guess it's time. I won't see them again.

They will only see each other.

That's all they ever saw.

A/N: This was a one-shot I wrote as a companion to this fic, though it was set after the fourth chapter and did not include her suicide. Just thought I'd post it for a little bit of Misa insight, since I actually feel bad for her!