Chapter Three

"Everything Changes"

"I know you're seeing this," Alice looked so lost. She continued to switch back between two watery visions. Vampire Bella. Mom Bella. Back in forth so much it made his head dizzy.

But something else was moving in him. Crushing pain he had in abundance and panic was starting to make its debut as well. However, a ridiculous, giddy amount of joy was rearing its head.

"Bella with children?" he hadn't allowed himself to entertain that forbidden idea. Of course he couldn't give her any and she hadn't ever mentioned wanting them either.

But it was the most beautiful image he'd ever seen.

"Get back!" someone shouted.

"Jake," I reached forward to touch him, only God knows why, and his teeth snapped at me. I snatched my hand back before I lost it.

Paws pounded the ground to get to us in time.

It would only take a second more. But Jake was already backing up. His eyes, his wolf eyes were sad. And I knew enough of Jacob was in there that I was perfectly safe.

So I threw my arms around him. His whole wolf body stiffened and I think I heard Sam curse. There was a growl, a pop.

"Step back Bella," Sam's voice was all authority and power. "Jacob, go home," he was growling and then Jacob was growling but I was nuzzling his fur and I don't think I ever imagined he'd be so soft.

"Stop that Jake," I whispered into him. "You'd never hurt me," and he did stop. And he whined, so I smiled.

"Bella," that was Seth. I must be causing quite a stir at my own wedding. I almost chuckled. I stepped back, but I didn't step far.

"He won't hurt me," and I don't think anyone missed the pride in my voice. Seth stepped pass me and there were pants in his hands. Mortified I made a big deal to stay turned until another pop declared Jake was himself again.

"God Bells, I'm sorry. No matter how mad I get I should never….." and he must've trailed off because as soon as his pants zipped I had turned back around. I intended to hug him for not ripping my head off but at that moment his eyes were the eyes of my Jacob, the Jacob that put me back together. The Jacob I left healing in bed, his heart breaking in his chest as I walked away from him forever.

For the first time since then I felt the brunt of his love pull me under. I felt my love for him rise in my chest to keep me afloat and I knew again it wasn't just friendship. It never could be. Jake was more. He'd always been more. Loving him was as natural as rain.

I couldn't move. Something flashed, like lightening. An image I had tried desperately to forget. One that drove away dreams of an abandoned, broken girl in the woods. It blazed, the picture, the picture of two black haired children running into the forest.

And, it was there playing in his eyes. A boy and a girl. I stared into Jake because that's where they'd been hiding. Laughing, playing, smiling and breathing. And it felt like someone had knocked the wind out of my chest.

"I was, uh, sent by Charlie to find you," Seth started. But Charlie, and the wedding were far from my mind.

My Jacob heart was beating, but it wasn't on its own rhythm anymore. It was stronger. Harder. More determined than ever. And I swear I could feel the beginning of my heart fusing back together.

And I wanted to cry again, and maybe laugh. But nothing in the world could break me away from Jake's eyes, and the vision lying there. I was amazed when it changed, when I caught up with the kids, my kids, our kids. I swung them around and I could almost hear their laughter. I knew I'd love them with every little part of me. I'd love them so much, there wouldn't be room for scars.

The part of me that cried for Jacob that one night shimmered and blazed. And there was Charlie in his eyes bouncing my babies. And Rene burning a birthday cake. There we were walking on the beach with the sun bathing us all, and I was glowing and pregnant and thoroughly, all consumingly loved. And it was right there.

"Bells?" his voice was pleading and I couldn't understand. Didn't he see? Could he see his father playing blocks with our son?

I didn't know I was crying until it blurred my sight. Blurred a Christmas morning with so much family around nobody knew what belonged to whom.

Jake was staring at me like I had a knife to his chest. Was he breathing? It didn't look like it, but I couldn't see anymore anyway, I was crying too hard and my children were just blurry balls of color and love.

Someone spoke Edward's name and what was left of the vision wisped into smoke. I cried out from the loss, and Jake caught me as I stumbled forward.

"Incoming Cullens," I heard someone say.

"I got it," Seth responded. I was shaking. Why was I shaking? And I realized my arms were cradling my midsection. Cradling the empty stomach that would never bare the moment I became immortal.

I fisted Jake's collar but he wouldn't look at me again. I wanted to scream, I just had to know they were still there in his eyes.

How had I lasted so long without him?

"I can't do it," I choked leaning into him. I was all cried out, all my strength was gone. I had failed. I was lost. What was happening?

I just knew my whole heart was beating.

"I know," he shushed me and started rocking me like I was an infant, "I'm going, it's ok," the rocking made the pain stronger. If he'd just look at me I'd be aright.

"I'll leave before we all fall apart," he whispers, attempting to loosen my hold but my fist clenched unbearably tight. I wanted to say if he let go I'd fall apart anyway but my mouth wouldn't move.

"Take her," he says and he sounds defeated.

"Ok," Seth answers and he sounds unsure. But even as Seth's hands tug, I hold on tighter, any tighter and I'd bust a blood vessel. I shake my head, and I keep doing it even as Seth argues that I've been out too long. He's mad at Jake I hear. He says something about his timing.

Seth's hands are more urgent and Jacob is pushing but I'm pulling and pulling. If he'd just meet my eyes.

"Honey I'm flattered but you're killing me here," he glanced down, chocolate eyes so full of emotion I felt sure I'd drown. His eyes were the eyes of our daughter, I realized, because my son's eyes were completely mine.

I let go.

Seth sets me down and starts walking me forward. Each step feels like a death march. Jake is watching me, I'm watching him. Seth is the only thing that keeps me upright and moving. There's a soft smile on Jake's face, something resigned. And then pop, he's a wolf and he's running full speed west.

And the darkness of the forest gave way to the cheery light of the house.

"What do you mean more time? We're already ten minutes behind?" Rosalie complained to Alice. That was all? I felt faint. Had my life ended and began again in ten measly minutes.

They turned to me at the same time and Rosalie's mouth falls open. Alice flinches and I can't imagine what tromping through the woods had done to my dress.

"Alice I'm sorry," I choked out. She looks so sad, "about the dress," I looked down and I am totally surprised it was still pristine. How could that be? I touched my hair, still perfect. But I knew my face had to be a wreak with the makeup all but gone and more than likely I was blotchy and puffed up around the eyes.

"Edward is waiting for you," Alice said slowly, I nodded trying to stand up straight. Right. The wedding.

"You'll have to fix my face first," I tried to laugh but it sounded hollow.

Alice's eyes flickered, "He's at your house," Rosalie growled and I must have looked a little shocked myself.

"Why?" I didn't think I had to ask. Maybe he changed his mind about marrying me after my display with Jake.

"Your future-"she was quiet for a moment, "I said I'd take you to him. Don't worry about the guests, Emmett's entertaining them right now."

I nod and the next thing I know I'm staring at my own house. Alice was quiet the whole ride there, even though I'm pretty sure I begged her nonstop to tell me what was going on.

She stayed put while I shuffled up to my room.

He was sitting on my bed, in his hands the bracelet Jacob gave me.

When his eyes met mine and it happens all over again. I'm wearing my bracelet as I rock my daughter to sleep. I have to tear my eyes away. It was just too cruel.

Edward drank me in, from head to toe. Maybe it was an inspection but my body was whole. And he sighs, and it's such a sweet sound.

He begins to speak softly of his lost humanity. He spoke about his soul, his future. He talked about daydreaming of me with laugh lines. It was so surreal and absurd. We were supposed to get married and here we were miles away. And he was looking at me, in my dress, before the ceremony.

It all seemed so silly now.

"Bella," his velvet voice brought my attention back, "I won't pretend I won't always want you," and then he smiled his crooked smile and I felt something in me cry, "but I'm relieved you don't want me." I was at his feet in an instant.

"How could you say that? I'm in a wedding dress!" he was still smiling, though he was now gazing pass me, out the door.

"Your future has changed. I've watched it. Alice sees children," my eyes widen, "Bella you made up your mind." He touched my cheek gently. I tried to conjure up a future with Edward but brown eyed babies just got in the way. I tried to imagine myself getting married but the groom was no longer there. As an act of desperation I tried to imagine the honeymoon I had been looking forward to, but all I could see was me glowing in the sun, a pregnant belly looking as natural and right on me as my engagement ring used to.

Edward chuckled, "You already made up your mind," he said again.

"No, I love you. I need you. I agreed, it's just-" my mind wandered and Edward looked at me patiently.

"You see the children too?" he finished. I nod, angry, sad, and hurt.

"You want them?" I clench my fist and nod again, curt and tight which didn't do my desire justice. I craved those images so bad it stole my breath away. For the first time since I met him, I knew I had a choice. The choice Jacob insisted was always there. And here was Edward, he was right there before me and all of a sudden, forever wasn't enough.

His face was a calm mask. He was hurting underneath it I knew. For a sick moment I wondered if I could have it all, have them both. And I realized they loved me enough to try something so depraved.

Alice had seen like I had seen. I had a choice between brief, breathtaking sunshine and endless twilight and I chose the sun.

Edward had to hate me.

I was a monster.

First off, I just want to see that you guys are the lime in my coconut. Your support is oxygen! I have the next few chapters already lined up so luckily I won't take forever to update. I would love to reply to every review but I feel that would be a little suffocating...I mean if it isn't let me know, because the urge to gush back is strong! But special thanks to xONaLeYOx! I love hearing what you guys think! Mwah!