Chapter 4
"Oh, Sweet Nuthin"
I stared at myself in the bathroom. My wedding dress remained pristine, my hair was perfect and not a strand dared step out of place. My face was calm now as I felt the full force of my decision, and I wiped the ruined makeup off until just me stared back.
I was hiding. Edward was just a few steps away.
As I took off my dress I felt as if I was pulling off a part of me. White silk crumpled to my tiny bathroom floor and it looked so out of place there. I pulled on the jeans and top I grabbed, forcing myself to watch, to hurt. To burn as Edward surely now must be burning.
He said Alice had already made the call. My confused parents were on the way home. Billy had to come because Charlie was his ride.
I wondered if Jake knew what I did.
I took a breath and forced myself to exit. Edward was where I left him, smiling.
"I can't wait to see you pregnant," he said lifting that smile to me. It was perfectly sincere and I felt revolted.
"That's not funny," he leaned back.
"It wasn't a joke." His eyes studied me. A long silence filled the growing space between us. He stood up, "I'm going back to talk to Carlisle. He's concerned," Edward's eyes followed me as I paced.
"Will you leave again?" I asked because I had to. He flinched.
"Do you want me to?"
I felt so damn guilty, "I don't."
"Then no." he was so calm it was crazy. Why didn't he scream or accuse or do something rational?
"If you do go I'd totally understand," I mumbled. He laughed lightly.
"We're staying," and with a kiss to my forehead he was out of my door. Renee was in my room minutes later. She took one look at me and cried herself.
"It's off?" she asked wiping her running mascara.
I only manage a nod. All of a sudden she's ok, and her face is contorted in anger.
"He did it again!" and she whipped out her cell with a snarl.
"Mom," I was too weary to fight, "I did it." She looked at me with comically wide eyes. I didn't want to laugh.
"But Bella, baby," Charlie burst through the front door scaring us both.
"Bella!" he hollered. Renee rushed out and waved him up.
He took one look at me and sagged against the door, and then he did exactly what Renee did, get pissed.
"I'll kill him!"
I almost rolled my eyes.
"Charlie," Renee started, he looked at her as if she were an alien.
"Why am I the only one yelling?" he demanded from her.
"Bella called it off," she whispered loudly. I didn't need vampire hearing to catch it. I lied down before I fell down.
"What!"
I let myself fall into the hole in my heart. I thought of Edward, I thought of what I just did, what I just threw away. I waited for that ache to begin, the one that faded when I brought Edward home safely from Italy. But it didn't.
It was strange. I was whole.
But I didn't allow myself to think any more of Jake, or his eyes in my daughter. And I didn't think of sunshine, or at least I didn't try to. It came effortlessly, holding back the sadness and shining hope through.
Why should I be almost happy when Edward must be hurting so bad? Perfect love shouldn't have been so easy to let go. I had let go. For dreams. For visions. For empty promises. So what Alice saw what I saw, she couldn't see Jake, and she didn't know what his decision would be. I had hurt him too much. I deserved to be alone.
I wanted to be sad, I wished the familiar blackness would take me but my eyes in my son wouldn't let me. I was hopeful, and it made me sick.
A cool hand woke me up from my fitful sleep. I wasn't sure when I had gone, but Billy's voice floated up from downstairs so I couldn't have slept long. I look up into the honey eyes of Alice, who should be my sister right now.
I cry against her alabaster chest as she hums softly.
"If it was the other way around you'd do the same," Alice's cool hand touched my cheek.
"What are you talking about?" my voice sounded broken to my own ears.
She pushed me gently back on the bed. She looked at me a moment and then glanced off far in time somewhere.
"Still there. I think I know you well enough, Isabella to know you protect the things you love, even if it means damaging yourself along the way," she touched my cheek again. Alice had never before been so gentle or so still.
"I know it's crazy," I started but she smiled and it was genuine.
"You already love them, I know," I feel miserable but Alice is moving on.
"Everything is shifting, and changing," her eyes squinted into the future. "but I think," she said focusing in on something, "everything will be ok." Satisfied she tucks me in.
She answers my questions softly. Guests were told that something came up. Nobody was upset although everybody was confused. Edward is home, and Esme is heartbroken. I want to cry for Esme, for disappointing her, for hurting her family but there is no more room sadness. She tells me that the pack cleared out and not even a tiny argument occurred between werewolves and vampires.
When silence falls between us she starts to sing wordlessly. It takes a moment to realize it's one of Edward's compositions.
I had ruined everything I spent the last couple of months fighting for. But somehow Alice's soft humming lures me back to sleep.
I dreamed of my children dancing in the sun.
I cut Jake's part. Sorry, I know how painful that is, seriously, it's painful for me too. But he's off doing Jake things. His heart is hurting you know so let's give him a moment to get it together. He's kinda macho, he doesn't like us to see him cry.
And I'm sorry it's so short. Just be warned, I can't write epic lengthened chapters. Any longer than this and they start to really really suck. And I also got totally sidetracked by another story I'm posting up. So many ideas, so little time. At least the short length allows me to update daily, so hey count your blessings! And if it isn't too much, check out my new story.
Anywho, thanks a zillion to everybody that reviewed! Each one makes me grin like a moron. I'm starting to scare my dog.
Special thanks to Anarchist278, mzmanda, and xONaLeYox because, really guys, you're going to review every chapter? ^_^ That's awesome, and seriously, I need the support! You guys make me so dag on happy!