Chapter 5

"I'll Come Running"

Everyone was being so merciful it made me sick. Charlie didn't ask any questions, and neither did Renee. I knew my mom was bursting at the seams but Phil and dad were keeping her quiet and out my room. Someone always brought me my meals, and I ate what I could stomach.

I didn't like the silence of the house, or how empty my room felt without Edward holding me. So I slept a lot. Dreaming of the future.

And when I couldn't hide any more, Charlie drew me into a bear hug. He didn't speak, he just held me, and he let me cry all over his uniform.

Renee refused to send back the wedding presents but she did shoo away anyone that came to the door.

Alice was the only one allowed in and she never stayed long. She told me Edward took our honeymoon, to clear his head and make plans.

She assures me nobody is mad.

I hate it.

To keep busy I pour over my admission paperwork. Alice was kind enough to pull some strings to get me into Peninsula College. It was closer, it was cheaper, and I didn't feel like being too far from home.

When Renee left I felt guilty for being relieved.

Charlie gave me space. When he picked Billy up they watched sports and cooked for themselves. I wanted so badly to ask about Jake, but I couldn't breach that subject. I figured that he'd know I called the wedding off. He'd hear that Edward was gone and I was home alone. Maybe he'd come, but as the days dragged by he didn't.

Not even a call. Even Edward, my dear, sweet, angel faced Edward called. He said I would've loved Isle Esme and he hoped to bring me one day. He said he knew I changed schools and chuckled at Alice's hacking skills. He said he was happy, and I believed him. I wanted to be happy too.

Alice took me shopping with my wedding money. I told her it was wrong but she insisted she needed cheering up. Her. No mind to my bleeding, confused and anxious heart.

And the moment I walked out the house I felt the eyes of the world on me. In the mall I swear they stared. There's the idiot that got dumped or dumped Edward Cullen.

Alice tried to keep my spirits up but I was done in when we passed the play area and every small set of eyes turned towards us with curious smiles.

We called it a day and I cried myself to sleep.

The next few days were no better. I finally managed to get the nerve to call Seth. But Leah answered, and I couldn't ask her.

So I waited and waited but every time I called it was Leah or Sue.

Leah finally snapped around my sixth call and called me a stalker and a pervert. I didn't call back.

I resigned myself to ask Billy when he came over again, and I didn't have to wait long. The moment I heard his chair clank over our front door I was running (slipping) down the stairs.

"Where is he?" I blurted out before he cleared the entry way.

"Charlie is grabbing the pizza," Billy said confused. I stamped, actually stamped my foot in frustration. What was I doing? Regressing?

"I'm talking about Jake," Billy looked at me with sad eyes.

I didn't want to hear it but I knew it was coming.

"He's-"

"Gone," I finished glumly. Billy scratched his head.

"He's at the house actually."

Well that answered my question right there. I wasn't about to break down in front of Jacob's dad but he saw the pain anyway.

"Hey, he said to give you this."

I ripped the letter from his hand and ran back up to my room. Billy chuckled and Charlie whistled in confusion but it didn't matter. A letter! Communication!

Bells, I'm sorry I ruined your wedding and I swear at the next one I'll sit in the front row.

It wasn't signed and there wasn't anything more.

"That's it?" I yelled at nothing. But I knew I only had myself to blame. I should've sucked it up earlier and just tried to talk to him. I didn't even realize he was home this whole time.

How come he hadn't heard? Or seen? And why didn't he deliver his stupid letter himself?

I charged down the stairs like a woman possessed.

I didn't want to drive the car Edward bought me, but there was no other choice. Charlie called after me but I was already out the door.

I didn't have a plan although I knew one was good to have.

I just drove, drumming my fingers on the steering wheel with anticipation.

I wondered if I'd see our kids in his eyes again. I wondered if he'd believe me. I wondered if I could go through with it. I didn't know how to feel.

But the moment I parked outside the house, Rachel was at the door, her arms crossed. Do no enter was clearly written across her face.

Paul was out next. Don't pass go, don't collect 200 dollars.

I giggled, I was losing it.

"What's going on here Bella?" Rachel's voice wasn't friendly but it wasn't mean either. Paul's eyes were angry though. I didn't want to know what he picked up from Jacob's head.

"I'm just here to see Jake," I said holding up my hands. Rachel's eyes lit on my hand and she gasped when she noticed the ring was gone.

"What new game is this?" she whispered. Paul growled.

"No game," why was I nervous? "I just want to talk that's all. Billy said he was home and I figured since I hadn't heard from him-"

"You're supposed to be a married woman, why would you hear from him?" Paul's voice was cold and hard. It was funny, Jake was taller and bigger than Paul, but Paul scared the hell out of me.

"Yeah well, its complicated," I managed trying not to look upset or guilty. Paul nodded, he had taken in the ringless finger too.

"He's not here," Rachel finally said uncrossing her arms. She didn't look like she hated me anymore, but her eyes were now pleading.

"I'm not here to hurt him," I started. Paul held up a hand.

"Everything about you hurts him. I should know, I have to hurt with him," he stared me down. Rachel had a slim hand on his giant arm, and something told me she was actually holding him back.

"You should just go." I nodded, but I had no intention of going.

Jacob fought for me for so long, I could now fight for him.

"I should, but I'm not," Paul shook and Rachel rubbed him and cooed at him gently. Instantly he was calm, instantly he was ok. He looked down at her for a second, and all his hardness melted into love and warmth. When he turned back to me he was all business and steel again.

"You have caused unspeakable damage here, and I'm sick of cleaning up after it. Jacob will heal, even if he doesn't think he can."

Rachel looked at me and I must have looked hurt because she stepped in front of Paul, "Bella," her voice was gentle. "Jacob went for a run."

"Which he has to do three times a day to get his head off of you." Paul interjected quickly.

"But you can wait for him if you'd like."

"The hell-" she waved Paul off.

"Please be kind, if you're here to scold him about the wedding then leave, he's already said he's sorry." I looked between them.

"I called off the wedding," Rachel nodded.

"You ruined your dress we heard."

I smiled a pained smile, "Is that what they told everyone?"

They both nodded.

"My dress was fine." I shook my head at such a ludicrous idea.

"Then why….." Rachel's face twisted up.

"What is wrong with you!" she screeched. I flinched, I wasn't expecting that.

"Do you not realize what you're doing? This isn't lifetime! This isn't the bachelorette! You don't get to play with people's hearts Isabella. You leave Jacob for your leech, crushing him, you sneak down here to see him giving him hope that there's a chance, and then you cancel your wedding after you assured Jake that he'd never be your choice. You kissed him! You kissed him and then chose another guy!" Rachel was fuming and I felt like I would double up in pain.

But this made sense. Her anger made perfect sense. I would take that any day over the smooth, calm acceptance of the Cullens. This was how people were supposed to react when you hurt somebody they loved, no matter what your reason was.

"I'm sorry," I managed but Rachel was still seething.

"He was a zombie Bella! He wouldn't eat, he wouldn't drink. When he disappeared all those months he had broken down and let the wolf take over. He had essentially checked out. That's how bad it hurt."

The story sounded too familiar. And it was my doing.

Paul was hugging Rachel tightly now. She was screaming in his chest, and he was glaring at me.

"When one suffers we all suffer," I nod to say I understood but despite it all I still couldn't go. I took a step forward, to apologize or fight back, I don't know but suddenly a too warm hand was on my arm.

"That's enough, everybody," and I looked Seth in the eyes. He'd grown taller. He looked older. It made my heart break he was growing up just as fast as Jake was.

"Bella has felt the kind of pain she inflicted. Give her a break."

"How dare you!" Rachel lashed. "She should've given Jake a break!"

"Yeah well," Seth sounded so tired, "Jake didn't want one. He did it to himself. I'm not saying she's innocent, but she's not the only one who's guilty." He took my arm and led me back to my car.

"No Seth," I looked into his sad eyes, "I have to see him, and I haven't talked to him in forever." He opened my car door and slid in on the other side.

"I know," he called from the inside, "I'm taking you to him."

Before I could climb in Leah Clearwater was right in my face. And it looked like too had something to say.

My dear, sweet reviewers, I wish I could send you chocolates and flowers but the best I can do is work out the next chapter. The fact that you guys like this, it just blows my mind. Constructive criticism is more than welcome. I feel the story lacking something and I haven't quite figured out what. Maybe I should just get a beta. **shrug** Oh, and if you don't mind me gushing over your reviews, let me know and I'll start responding. I've just received some really weird review responses in the past and I don't want to do that to anyone else. ^_^

Sorry there's no Jake, AGAIN. But when he comes back I'll let you inside his head, ok? He hasn't been home in a while so he requested a bit of space. Besides, when he pops back into the picture there will be no getting rid of him. Thanks for reading.