Warning contains bashing
Episode 3 Nobody loves fairies
Aldara: Hi well I think we will be on for a while because Alucard has killed the director. So now I will be the director.
*Audience Claps*
Alucard: He deserved it.
Aldara: Why! Never mind I don't want to know. Sense Edward is too injured to do anything we will have Bella vs. Seras for a while.
Fan Boys: YEAHHHH! LET'S HAVE SOME GIRL ACTION! WOOOOOOOOOOO!
Aldara: Calm down you perverts!
Alucard: Don't worry my he/she Master said that he will have nightmares for a while. So that's good but its because of his retarded fan girls love that he came back.
Aldara: Wow that's amazing .Now time for some questions.
Alucard: I will read them.
Aldara: Alright then hurry up you attention whore.
Alucard: This is by hellsingfan101. You Sir sparkles alot, how come you haven't been arrested? I assumed it was illegal to break and entering? Not to mention watch people sleep. Now , same question as "The Layman"
Aldara: Well Alucard answer the question.
Alucard: I don't break and enter I just visit those houses. So I'm not breaking any laws. When everybody is sleep I like to invade their dreams and give them nightmares. Even if I don't know the people that live in that house it's not like they can do a damn thing about it.
Aldara: Yeah sure that's not breaking any laws. That's perfectly logical. *Rolls eyes*
Edward: I was only doing it for love. No matter what my love for Bella will overcome any laws.
Alucard: You just s-
Aldara: SHUTUP! GO TO THE NEXT QEUSTION!
Alucard: Fine you don't have to be so bitchy. This is by Akako Hama. I do have a question for the Sparkling gay fairy boy over there. Did you know that drinking animal blood does NOT make you a vegan? You are still eating blood, if you really want to be a vegetarian, drink tomato juice.
Edward: I have been looking for a less monstrous diet. I hate killing animals. I will try the tomato juice. But I never knew that drinking animal blood still doesn't make me a vegan.
Alucard: How the HELL is drinking animal blood monstrous? That's just fucking ridiculous. You said you are a vampire so you HAVE to drink blood. What kind of vampire drinks fucking tomato juice?
Aldara: Stop cursing there's little ears hearing your foul mouth.
*drinks tomato juice*
Edward: Yum it tastes delicious. I should have tried this a while back all others foods and drinks are just gross.
*Alucard glares*
Aldara: OKAAAAYY. Next question please.
Alucard: This question is by mslcat. How do you make blood cookies?
Aldara: MUHAHAHAHAHA sorry but that is a secret between just me and Walter.
Alucard: Trust me I've tried to figure out the secret. Her mental STRONGEST barriers come up when she makes them so nobody will know the great everlasting taste of the blood cookies. The sad thing is that she only makes them two times a year.
Aldara: If you atleast try not to kill Edward I'll make them for you.
Alucard: I love your cookies but lets not get ridiculous.
Aldara: Whatever. Okay everybody put your hands together for the cute, crazy, curvy, double d, blonde, innocent, strong-
Alucard: HURRY UP!
Aldara: Sorry. Seras Victoria!
Seras: Hello! Im here to kickass and pull that bitches hair out.
Alucard: And Aldara thinks she is innocent.
Aldara: Now here comes the clumsy, dumb, no personality, bad luck bringing-
Edward: We get it okay just hurry up!
Bella: Hi. Im like here to fight for the love of me and Edward.
Seras: We are not even trying to break you up.
Bella: Like yeah you are.
Seras: How?
Bella: Because you're like inviting me here to do stuff.
Alucard: Is she mentally damaged.
Edward: No. She has a great vibrant mind that I cannot even read it's beautiful.
Aldara: Yeaaaahhhhh sure. Keep telling yourself that.
Alucard: Her mind is so empty that's why he can't read that girls damned godforsaken mind.
Aldara: Well sense I am doing this for fan boys and girls Alucard has made up the challenges.
Alucard: Alright! Police Girl and Ms. No-personality get ready.
Aldara: This is gonna be one sexy episode.
Alucard: Hey you two!
Seras: Yes!
Bella: Huhh!
Sploosh
Seras: MASTER WHY DID YOU SPLASH WATER ON US!
Bella: Like yeah why?
Alucard: Because you have to be wet for this challenge.
Edward: Wow they look nice all wet.
Aldara: I guess all when it comes to chicks getting splashed by water all guys think the same way.
Alucard: Okay lets go onto the field.
On the field
Alucard: You two have to dodge these silver daggers. The daggers will fire at you randomly so be ready.
Seras: Alright I won't lose to that bitch.
Bella: I'm gonna do this for Edward because we are in love.
Alucard: Uhhhh… okay on your mark get set go!
SWOOSH SWOOSH SWOOSH
Aldara: Alucard if they are dodging daggers why do they have to be wet?
Alucard: Because umm… it will uhhhhh…
Aldara: Because you're a pervert.
Alucard: YEAH! Wait I mean no.
Aldara: Sheesh try to at least control yourself. I haven't heard from Edward.
Edward: *fainted*
Aldara: Gosh what is wrong with them.
SWOOP
Alucard: Alright seems that Ms. No-Personality has gotten a dagger in the stomach so Seras wins.
Seras: HAHAHAHAHAHA! IN YOUR FACE!
Aldara: How come your not burning? Oh wait I remember you're a fairy.
Bella: Fairies are cool.
Alucard: Is that why you're going out with one?
Bella: I don't get it.
Seras: Of course you don't.
Aldara: Okay settle down young ones it's time for the next challenge. Alucard please explain.
Alucard: Okay then the next challenge is-
Fan boys: SWIMSUIT MODELING!
Aldara: CALM DOWNN!
Alucard: Awww please.
Aldara: No the answer will forever be no.
Alucard: You take the fun out of this show.
Aldara: Whatever just hurry up.
Alucard: Who ever chugs down the most human blood wins.
Bella: But I don't drink human blood.
Seras: *sighs*
Aldara: Why must she be so blind?
Alucard: Fuck it. I don't care anymore Seras wins.
Aldara: But what about the last challenge.
Alucard: I don't care anymore.
Seras: Come on Master we can't just quit.
Aldara: Yeah me and Seras will let you pick anything.
Alucard: Anything.
Aldara: Yeah so are you gonna take the deal or not.
Alucard: Okay the show is back.
*Audience Claps and Cheers*
Aldara: Yaaayyyy!
Alucard: The last challenge is the best one ever to me. Okay Seras you have to blood wrestle with the dumb girl. BUT! In red bikinis and red stilettos.
Aldara: Damn that's just too much what about the children.
Alucard: So there gonna learn about hot chicks wrestling sooner or later.
Seras: What is blood wrestling?
Bella: Yeah what is it?
Alucard: You two wrestle but in a rubber pool filled with blood.
Fanboys: FINALLY!
Alucard: Okay girls go change and then comeback.
15 minutes later
Aldara: Why me? This was supposed to be a comedy show not a porno. That was my dream to have a Hellsing comedy show.
Alucard: Well listen I have dreams too and this one is gonna come true weather you like or not.
Seras: Master can we please just get this over with.
Bella: Yeah it's chilly in here.
Alucard: Okay go into the pool.
*They both go into the pool*
Alucard: GO! Rip each others hair out!
Bella: She punched me in the face!
Seras: Here is a ¾ Nelson!
Bella: OOOUUUUCCCHHHH!
SPLAH SPLASH SPLASH
Aldara: Great how am I supposed to bring a blood covered shirt to the laundry mat.
Alucard: You can take your shirt off now.
Aldara: SHUTUP!
Seras: THE BACK BREAKER!
Bella: NOOOOOOOO!
SPLAH SPLASH SPLASH
Aldara: Note to self. Never let Seras watch WWE RAW again.
Seras: HERES THE DRILL!
Bella: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
SPLOOSH
Alucard: That was beautiful.
Aldara: OMG! Is she dead!
Seras: No but she will be knocked out for a very long time.
Aldara: *Shakes Head*
Alucard: Well now she might get some sense in her head.
Aldara: I quit.
Alucard: Don't worry everybody we will be back.
Seras: I hope so.
Alucard: Send us any questions and we will answer them. Chow!
After the Show
Seras: I really feel bad for Aldara.
Alucard: Yeah me to well just a little bit.
Seras: We should tell her that we are sorry.
Alucard: Lets not go to extreme measures.
Seras: Master your mean.
Alucard: No I'm not.
Seras: We will just send her a zombie head shaped chocolate.
Alucard: Yeah that always cheers her up.
1 hour later
Aldara: YAAAYY ZOMBIE SHAPED CHOCOLATE!
Alucard: It was all my idea Seras was so mean telling me that she didn't want to say sorry. She can be so evil.
Aldara: Thanks Alucard!
*hugs*
Alucard: Anytime.
Seras: Master your such an attention whore.
Stay tuned for whatever happens next...