IV. Fluorescent Adolescent


I hate Cher.

It's her voice.

And plus she's ancient and looks like a high on drugs Madonna.

Rukia and I never got into her music. It's one of the only things we seem to agree on.

Besides, if Rukia actually liked Cher I think I'd kick a bunny.

And then she'd probably kill me.

Speaking of bunnies, Rukia used to have one.

It was in eighth grade though.

She blamed me.

Except it wasn't just her bunny. It was our eighth grade classes. She considered it hers though. She took care of it practically 24/7, she was the one who gave it a name when our teacher first got it, she always cuddled it and she'd never let it go.

When the bunny finally died she punched me in the face. And she meant it for actual pain.

Yeah, that's how much she hated me.

If the teachers let her go any further she would've beaten me up to a pulp. I only got a black eye from the fight with her. She had a bleeding lip from me.

That's right, I wasn't afraid to hit a girl. Even though I knew it was wrong. But she didn't care about it either.

We were only thirteen though, and the strength she had for a girl of her size was impressive.

I didn't hate her as much as she hated me.

The more she said she hated me the less I began to dislike her.

At first I thought she was extremely annoying. She still is, but in a different way.

I admit that it was mean of me to pick on her, but it's not like she was deeply affected by me. Or at least that's what I thought.

Besides, even then I thought of her as a person whose feelings didn't get hurt so easily.

She sure seemed like that.

"Ichigo, by the time I get back home you better have mopped the floor. I refuse to see that jelly stain that's been there forever be there."

Rukia turned back to me at the doorway with a frown. "If that isn't done I'm gonna whoop your ass like Jet Li did to what's his face in The Warlords."

I was slouching on the couch flipping through channels, pretending I didn't hear a word she said.

Before she shut the door she said, "Be back by five."

It was a week after Rukia kicked me in the face. I didn't bother to go out of the apartment until the bruise on my chin, from where she kicked me, was gone.

Today, while Rukia was at work, Renji decided to drop in.

"Hey carrot top, where's Rukia?" He asked, barging in through the door that Rukia forgot to lock.

I flicked him off and responded back. "Work."

Renji sat down on the couch next to me and put his dirty feet on our apartments new, clear glass coffee table, barely staining it with his dirty socks.

"Look man, Rukia's gonna kill me if she finds even a smudge of dirt on that, take your feet off." I told him, sounding like the midget who owns the apartment I live in.

Just recently she bought a new expensive coffee table that was as clear as water and as expensive as a fancy Chanel purse.

Renji took his feet off and grumbled about how tidy and uptight Rukia was.

"What the hell are you doing here Renji?" I asked him discourteously.

He sat in the couch more, becoming more comfortable. "No, no, no my friend. What are you doing here?"

I raised my eyebrow. "Watching TV, what do you think?"

Renji huffed, "Well I thought you'd be out getting laid or somethin'."

I snorted. "If I was gonna be out then why would you be here?"

The couch moved as Renji adjusted his seating position. He bit his lip and looked as if he were going to blush. "Uh…I-I thought Rukia was gonna be here."

Something in my chest twitched and I grew angry.

"Well she's not, so shoo."

I knew Rukia only thought of Renji as a friend, but the way Renji always looked at her made me want to punch him in the penis.

Renji laughed. "I can't hang out with my bud?"

"And do what? Sit and talk about nothing?"

"Isn't that what we do all the time?"

Damn it, I wasn't in the mood for Renji.

It had only been about an hour and fifteen minutes without Rukia and I already missed her. Kinda.

When was it going to be flippin five?

I turned my head to look at the clock. Crap, it was only three forty five.

"So Ichigo, how come you haven't been out lately?" Renji questioned me. His eyes went down to my still slightly, but barely noticeable, bruised chin.

Immediately I covered my chin and scowled. "Frick you lookin' at freaky eyebrow man?"

Renji let out a howl of a laugh. "She hit you didn't she?"

My scowl grew deeper. "She did not!"

If Renji could, he laughed harder. "Aha, I knew it!"

"Shut up you asshole!" I yelled at him, whacking him in the face with a pillow, trying to suffocate him.

With a grin still on his face he breathed in the apartment air. "So what happened? I mean, how'd she hit you?"

I looked away from him, embarrassed. "She kicked me in the chin when I said something to her."

For a second, Renji looked puzzled and a bit jealous of the fact that I lived with Rukia.

"What the heck did you say to her?" Came his inquisitive response.

I frowned at him. "Nothing, ya nosy body."

Renji rolled his eyes, not pushing on the subject. "Whatever you say carrot top."

Getting off the couch, I stood up and flipped the couch over with both arms.

The clock on the wall above the wall said four o two. Damn. Fifty-eight minutes to go.

A bunch of profanities came out from Renji's mouth as he tried to crawl out from under the heavy couch.

I turned my head over to Renji as he emerged out from underneath the couch. "Hey, you want a hamburger?"

Renji looked up and smirked at me. "What the hell, sure, I'm hungry as hell."

McDonalds just recently put back up its seasonal McRib.

So I ordered it even though I didn't want it. Rukia thinks McDonalds it disgusting.

She says that all fast food restaurants are the cause of heart and weight problems.

That's why whenever I go out with her we only go to a smoothie place and an actual restaurant.

I don't mind though. She always goes on ranting on about people she doesn't like or how terrible or great her day is.

Renji and I sat in a booth and opened our hamburgers. Renji ordered a Big N Tasty.

"So Ichigo, when are you gonna get a job? I mean yeah women pay you for whatever the hell you do to them and your dad pays you for helping out around the clinic, but when are you gonna get an actual job?" Sloppily, Renji took a bite out of his burger. "Besides, are you gonna let Rukia suffer from paying the bills by herself even though you practically live with her? Jeez you big ass mooch."

I took a bite out of my McRib and said nothing. I swear, the scowl on my face felt like it was deepening and staying permanently on my face for the day. The onions in my McRib made me scowl even more. "You make it sound like I'm a gigolo Renji."

"What are you talking about? You are. See Ichigo, now if I lived with Rukia I'd always help her with the bills and find myself a nice job." Renji looked as though he were imagining himself living with Rukia.

The bastard.

"Well you don't Renji, I do, so shut up and eat…and change the subject."

"Ichigo!" Came the feminine voice of Inoue Orihime, skipping toward me happily.

I turned my head to her and blinked. "Uh, hey Inoue."

"Hi! What are you doing here?" She asked while a smile was set on her lips.

"Just eating lunch with Renji. You?" Dang it, the only time I could talk to Inoue was when I was with Rukia. It made it less awkward.

Orihime smiled at me. "Well I work here now!" She said cheerfully.

I think I almost choked on my McRib. Considering the fact that she couldn't cook at all, possibly even worse than me, I was terrified. Please dear god, let her have cleaning duty.

"Great." I croaked.

She clapped her hands together and smiled more. "I know isn't it? Now I can make all the burgers I want and I won't get fired!"

There goes my McRib.

Renji tried to force a smile as he put the rest of his burger away unnoticeably.

"Orihime quit talking to people and get to work!" Said a large man at the counter, his face turning red from anger.

Inoue stood up right. "Gotta go!" She shouted to us and marched back to her duties with a bright smile.

"She's awfully cheerful." Renji said, watching her as she left with a raised eyebrow.

I've known Inoue since eighth grade and Rukia's known her since seventh. Inoue didn't hate me but she was best friends with Rukia and Tatsuki. Tatsuki was quite a bitch too.

I nodded and looked down to check my wristwatch. It said four forty-nine.

Immediately I sucked in a breath and grinned.

"Look Renji I gotta go somewhere. Later." I got up from my seat and walked toward the door.

"Finally gonna go see a woman?" He questioned me with a smirk, still sitting in the booth.

A laugh escaped my throat. "Sure, what the hell why not." If you consider Rukia one, I mused with a slight smile on my face.

Eagerly, I jumped in my car and it roared to life.

McDonalds was only about fifteen minutes away from the apartment, so either way she'd be there, waiting for me.

By the time I got back Rukia was home, making herself an omelet. She's one of those people who like to have breakfast for dinner.

"Making breakfast for me?" I asked her as I walked in and shut the door to the apartment.

Rukia turned her head to me and smiled. "Take your shoes off and I'll consider it."

Obediently I did so and walked to her side.

She was wearing her favorite Chappy the Rabbit slippers that made it seem like she had cute fuzzy bunnies for feet.

"Hey sugar midget muffin." I said, grinning down at her.

It took all I had not to laugh at her exasperated expression when she turned her face to me. "I am not a sugar midget muffin, mister!" She yelled, threatening to hit me with the spatula in her hand.

I took the spatula out of her hand and ate the tiny already piece of cooked egg on it, making her growl at me.

Rukia ended up grabbing it back and hitting me in the cheek with it. "What did I tell you about the jelly stain?" This came out more as a jumble of words that tried to sound mean and fierce but ended up sounding flustered and a little shaky.

"Huh?" Was my dumb response.

She hit me again and pointed to the spot on the floor that I was supposed to clean up.

"What did I tell you about that before I left?" Yet again she sounded like an angry mom punishing her child for accidentally dropping a glass cup on the floor turning into a million pieces.

I grinned and said, "I'm not cleaning it up."

And then she beat me up like Jet Li, except she had fuzzy lavender Chappy the Rabbit slippers on and a spatula in hand.

I can't seem to remember what movie Jet Li was in where he had a dog collar on….yeah it's not coming to mind. Maybe it was some other actor.

Anyways, hopefully this wasn't as bad as I thought it was. Gosh I'm so negative. Great. I still like it for some reason. And yesterday I had a McRib. I can't say it was disgusting, but it had way too many onions on it. Bleh.

Okay so, yes, I'm almost positively the next chapter will be much more exciting…ish…or I mean it'll actually have a point instead of it being randomly written, it's also kind of sad though. But hey, maybe people will like it, who knows?

I'm still not sure what to do about Renji, Orihime and everybody else. There'll be more of them sooner of later.

I think.

Reviews for the goldfish named Jerry the Peach Juice Drinker and me!! Oh and for the guy who sings Never Gonna Give You Up…. I think his name is Rick Astley…

Either way I love him. But he might be gay… woohoo.

:DDDD

(Yay!)