IIV. Say Anything (Else)
Beets are disgusting.
To me it's like a persons way of saying, "Hey look, I found this in my bathtub and I thought it was my grandma's liver but it turns out it's a beet. Want it? Coz I sure don't."
This one girl I dated ate beets like a crazy person. She called it her drug.
Her nasty, stinky, smelly, ugly, yucky, drug.
Every time she talked about beets she freaked out about 'em.
Rukia said it was extremely childish of me to develop a hate over a food that has no feelings and that I should get over it and eat one. Face your fears, right?
Not likely for me. They can suck it.
Because I gave her that exact response, she poisoned my taco salad that day by putting nasty, stinky, smelly, ugly, yucky beets in it, disguising them as tomatoes.
Of course being me I attacked her and stuffed her in the fridge. She didn't fit so I called her fat.
She threw all of the contents in our fridge at me. Even the nasty, stinky, smelly, ugly, yucky beets.
We ended up having to go out grocery shopping that same day, and an old granny slapped my butt.
Traumatizing.
"Hey Rukia?" I called to her, sitting on the couch and flipping through channels on the T.V. Yo Gabba Gabba is the next big thing.
"Hmm?" She replied, making her bed and getting ready to take care of thousands of five or four year olds.
"You wanna take a day off for me?" I asked, grinning at her over my shoulder.
Today I wanted her to go to the zoo with me. We haven't gone since it was Karin and Yuzu's seventeenth birthday, and at that time we were all wearing funny looking animal hats.
Rukia walked out of her bedroom and put her hands on her hips. "Now why would I do that? I took one like two weeks ago didn't I?"
She wasn't wearing any pants, but she was wearing an oversized shirt that could qualify as a dress on her, except it was a little too high, and every time she raised her arms it would go just a bit above her thighs, showing her pink and yellow Chappy underwear.
It was embarrassing for me to say the least because, hello, there's something down there (on my hot manly body) that's like "Woah man!", and lately… I just can't take my eyes off of Rukia. I know! It's not right coz she's my best friend that I've known for too long and it isn't my fault!
"Because you miss me and leave me all by myself for little kids that are around the same size as you. 'Sides, last time I was sick, and now I'm not." I stated, eating a lime flavored tortilla chip.
Rukia rolled her eyes. "You don't seem to be that lonely without me Ichigo."
I ate another chip and pouted at her. "Of course I am midget, there's no one around that's as short as you are."
That earned a hit from a mushroom lamp at me. And it hurt.
"Gee, it's nice to know I make you feel like Bao Xishun ." She turned around and went to change.
"So then if you're not gonna take a day off I'll pick you up at one thirty?" Whenever I assumed of doing things with Rukia, there wasn't a possible way she could say no. At least I think there wasn't.
She didn't respond.
"One thirty it is sugar pie."
I came to the daycare kindergarten center at one twenty, making sure I wasn't late and not wanting the stupid little kids to come and attack me, making me wait longer for Rukia.
"Mr. Strawberry!" Cried one little girl, Namori, running to me and hugging my leg as I walked up to the glass door of the kindergarten center. Another little boy came running out after her, and then shortly afterwards a horde of short little people came running out to greet me.
So far, for the past month of Rukia working at the kindergarten place, I've visited about nineteen times. I'm not really sure why the kids here even took a liking to me, but either way they're brats. I have to admit though; sometimes I can't help but enjoy their hugs.
"Hey Namori, where's your midget teacher?" I asked the tiny girl attached to my leg, bending down and practically breaking my back, to look at her.
The little boy that came running after her, Taka, jumped on my arm and hugged it too, shouting Mr. Strawberry in my ear.
"Do you think I'm deaf Ichigo? Or what, do you think I leave my children unsupervised so pedophiles can come and take them?" Asked Rukia, appearing in front of me holding Hayate, the clinger's, hand.
If Rukia were a mom, or worse, the mom of Hayate, Hayate would be a mama's boy. He follows her everywhere like a lost puppy, and he clings to her with his life. Heck, I remember even seeing his mom come one day and try to pry him off Rukia while he was screaming and crying.
I let out a laugh and picked up the two kids hugging me. "Are you calling me a pedophile Rukia?"
"Didn't know you were planning on taking them Ichigo." A small happy smile was set on Rukia's lips, but was somewhat hidden from trying to be smug.
Another little twirp climbed up on my back and wrapped their arms around my neck, choking me.
"Ichigo how come you weren't here yesterday?" Came the question from Marinny…or was that the other twin? Twins make my brain hurt.
I was actually hanging with Renji, Keigo and a girl friend of Keigo's yesterday. We went to a pub while Rukia was working. It was fun, but not as much fun as it would be if I were here yesterday with Rukia and all the munchkins.
Rukia looked at me expectantly with an eyebrow raised up. Just like all the other little kids here, she didn't know either.
I towered over them and acted serious, my arms flexing. "I was busy fighting the evil gang members of the Yakuza. Their dragon named Phillip tried to kill me so I let out my zanpaktou and killed him in less than five seconds!"
The little kids surrounding me looked up at me with astonished faces and a few "No way!"'s.
"What the fu—" Rukia almost said, after my heroic story. Her face read that she thought I was retarded or that I need group therapy to let out my strong emotions for swords and dragons.
Hinamori, a new friend of Rukia's who worked at the daycare kindergarten center as well, walked in holding Yukino and Midori's hands. Both of the little girls' faces lit up when they saw me and I smirked.
Yep, it's true, all kind of ladies love me.
"Rukia are you going somewhere with Ichigo today?" Hinamori asked, walking toward her.
For some unknown reason to me, Rukia blushed at what Hinamori said. "Uhh yeah. Ichigo is taking me to the zoo." Once she said that all of the tiny munchkins looked up at her and I with happy faces.
"Can we come?" Were the questions of the tiny voices surrounding me.
I looked down at them and then at Rukia. She seemed surprised and sorry for saying zoo out loud, her shoulders hunched up a bit.
Hinamori cut in before we could answer. "How 'bout we all go on Friday? Sound good?"
Rukia and I finally left the kindergarten place. It took around ten minutes just to say goodbye to all the kids. Hayate even refused to let go of Rukia, so I had to peel him off and grab Rukia, running for the car.
I imagined them all chasing after the car, Hayate with a bat in hand, and shuddered.
"Ready for the zoo?" I asked Rukia, turning my head to face her as she put her seat belt on.
She smirked and shook her head.
The first animals we saw were zebras, lions, and cheetahs.
Rukia's favorite zoo animal is the flamingo. She says it's because they stand out more than the peacock or than any other animal does. And the color of them just makes her grin from ear to ear.
My favorite zoo animal is the llama. Their cool, sophisticated personalities inspire me.
-
Each animal we saw we gave it a name. Every time Rukia and I go to the zoo we do that. I can't remember when it started, but it sure as hell is fun.
There was Henry the Penguin, Libby the Wolf, Veronica the Lioness, Larry the Llama, Mr. Butt Face the Monkey, Doo Diddley the Turtle, Jackson the Zebra, Conner the Hammer shark, and the list goes on forever.
I bought Rukia a pineapple mango smoothie and a stuffed animal flamingo an hour after we were there. She named the flamingo I gave her Mr. Strawberry.
No, this most certainly was not a date…right?
We went through the Avery House after that as well, I couldn't stand it though. All the tiny birds chirping and squeaking around irked me. Sure all the birds were really nice looking, but if I were an insane bird killer, I think I'd shoot them all. It wouldn't be like how Al Paccino shoots people; it'd be like with a machine gun and I'd be wearing some slick aviators.
Rukia actually got one bird to sit on her hand. I told her I'd laugh my ass off if it crapped on her hand. For probably the fourth time today, she hit me.
"What's next?" She asked excitedly, as we stood in the middle of a plaza, waiting for me to pick an area on the map for where to go.
I turned to her with an amused smile. "Home." She blinked. "My feet hurt."
Rukia snatched the map out of my hands with an angry look and scanned the map, her eyes widening each time she saw a place she liked.
"I say we go to" The word to came out drawled. "…the carousel!" She sounded like Yuzu when we got her an easy bake oven.
"That's not a place with animals Rukia, and either I'm going home with or without you, now c'mon let's go to the car." I said, turning and pretending to go to the parking lot.
Rukia grabbed my hand and pulled me towards her forcefully. "No!" She said stubbornly. "We're going to the carousel now!"
I sighed and ended up walking to the carousel with Rukia, holding her hand and swinging it back and forth.
-
The carousel was filled with a bunch of people riding on plastic animals. (duh, it's a friggin carousel, where else do lazy kids go?)
Rukia picked the prettiest horse she could find and hopped on it delightedly. "Don't break it." I said to her as she hugged it.
I smirked at her as I got on the tiny, too small for me, yellow pony next to hers.
"Ichigo?" She asked me, smiling and ignoring my last comment. "Thanks for taking me to the zoo."
She seemed to smile a lot today.
I raised my eyebrow at her. "I didn't just take you, you know. I'm here too aren't I?"
For a moment Rukia seemed to be in space and then she blinked. "Yeah…thanks anyway though."
We were silent, just staring at each other.
"Princess Magical Bubbles Anne Marie Crumpet is bigger than your stupid little pony." She said, looking down at me with a triumphant smile.
I pushed her off her Princess Magical Bubbles Anne Marie Crumpet.
On Friday we took all of the kids in Rukia's kindergarten class to the zoo.
It felt like John and Kate plus eight, except it was plus twenty-two. Minus cameras.
Or no, it was Ichigo and Rukia plus twenty-two. And Hinamori.
You know those people you see at the zoo? Who have all those kids and they've got this train of them, and all the little kids are holding this colorful rope that has hand grippers attached, and some of the kids even have leashes, and most of the time it's always a female at the head of the colorful rope full of children?
Well, that was us.
Rukia and Hinamori kept telling the little brats to hold onto the rope so they wouldn't get lost, and I was pushing a stroller with Hinamori's friend's baby.
Practically every ten minutes we had to stop for a little kid who had a problem, and then almost every twenty minutes there was a potty break that even after the potty break somebody still had to pee.
Hinamori was telling me how worried she was of losing one of the little munchkins. I told her that she shouldn't worry because if one of them got lost they'd have to deal with a spanking from me. Rukia hit me in the back of the head with the map for saying that.
The trouble with lunch was that the kids kept feeding the pigeons that were landing on the table in the outside eating area. Some of them even started climbing up on the statues. I swear it was like a monkey house. And don't get me started on what those twins who I can't seem to remember their names did. Does anyone think that it's alright to be tackled by little kids you don't even know? Or worse, to start talking about koalas, My Little Pony, and Barbie; The Island Princess with them?
Hayate even made the mistake of calling Rukia 'Mama' too.
Well, I can't say it was a mistake because he probably meant it, but to me it was a mistake.
Rukia blushed and hugged him, saying how cute and adorable all the rugrats were. Is she blind on what he plans to do to her someday?
Once Hayate turns old enough to buy porn he's gonna earn a punch in the nose from me.
I miss the zoo. I haven't been there in ever. :)
So that's completely unfair and I've decided that I'm just gonna play zoo tycoon or some crap like that. Woohoo.
My finals are over! Now…now…holy hell now I still have school. Narguheelpineapplegina. Oh yeah! I just got a new Killers shirt! I look pretty friggin rad in it man. I'm such a silly willy emotional problemo person who is so gonna join pizza club! Hell yes.
Anyway, I actually kind of liked this chapter. I thought it was kinda cute.
Okay, so I'm sure people are tired of me talking (typing) or somethin', but uh…tell me what you think?
Sorry if it was too short. Hope you guys liked it anyway!
Reviews?
I'll sing and dance to the oompa loompa song. I mean it.
:))))