Wanted this to go one way and it went somewhere totally different. While I love the angst I'm also a romantic at heart. Hope you enjoy the finale. Please review.
Lori had smirked.
Andy had come right out with an 'I told you so'.
Stephen had smiled and slapped Kyle on his back.
Nicole had wrapped her arms around them both and kissed them each on the cheek, "I'm so glad you found each other again."
Had they all been waiting for this? At the easy acceptance of their relationship Jessi figured they had.
Christmas back in Seattle had been relaxed and full of big dinners and loud stories. Jessi had fallen asleep more than once on the sofa, Kyle had been gracious enough to carry her up to her room.
They might have been a couple but there were still house rules and one of them had included separate bedrooms. Jessi could admit that she had missed him, and she wouldn't forget the look in his eye when she had told him. Not long ago it would have been Jessi seeking reassurance of what Kyle was feeling.
"He's crazy about you," Nicole had come out to the porch, a cup of hot tea in hand.
"Thanks," Jessi had taken the mug, grateful for the heat. December in the Pacific Northwest was not to be underestimated.
"I still can't believe that it's me he's looking at like that," Jessi heard Nicole's gasp but she only smiled down in her mug. Sharing thoughts had never been her strong suit but Jessi knew Nicole wouldn't judge.
"I mean I pinch myself each morning when he shows up with a coffee and a copy of school paper," the memory brings a smile to Nicole's face and Jessi is glad she shared it.
"So what's the problem," Nicole asked.
Jessi sat back, her spin stiff, "what makes you think there's a problem," Nicole put a hand on her arm and Jessi looked over.
"Because I know you and I know him," Jessi sighed, and of course Nicole would know something was wrong.
"There's nothing wrong," Nicole raised an eyebrow, "really, he's great, I'm happy," Jessi clarified.
"But," Nicole prompted. There was something there, but Jessi hadn't worked her way through it, that's why she had come outside. Everything had started here, at home, this is where they had found each other and this was where she left him behind. Maybe that's where to start.
"I made a big gesture, I left, and Kyle he followed me he fought for me, and" and what? What was it that was making Jessi frown when she should be smiling?
"He looks at me and I feel like he's memorizing everything," which he probably was, "like everything he remembers will carry him through when I leave again. It isn't balanced," Jessi doesn't know if what she is saying makes sense but Nicole nods, understanding what Jessi has only just found words for.
"Are you planning on leaving him," Jessi frowned at the question.
"Of course I'm not. I don't want anyone else, ever," it was probably a foolish thing to say, they were both so young, but Jessi meant it, "there won't be anyone other than Kyle for me."
Jessi waited for Nicole to start in, they were too young, they had their lives ahead of them, Jessi had heard it from her roommate and Foss had more than likely tried to sway Kyle.
The admonishment didn't come, Nicole took her hand and their cold fingers entwined.
"You want balance between you, you trust him again, and you want him to trust in you again," when Nicole put it that way, so simply, so clearly it made such perfect sense.
"When you left in the spring, you were so hurt, so bitter," tears began to well in Nicole's eyes, "I was so worried about you. About both of you, but you found each other."
Jessi was surprised, she had just assumed that Kyle and Amanda was the status quo, "trust is earned, and I would tell anyone else that time and communication is what's needed, but," Nicole smiled and squeezed Jessi's hand, "you and Kyle are all about the big gestures that make all kinds of statements on multiple levels."
Jessi laughed at Nicole's insight which was incredibly accurate, "so I need a big gesture?"
Nicole shrugged, "Or time and communication."
With another laugh Jessi picked up her empty mug, "come on its freezing."
Nicole had certainly given her something to think about. Jessi was certain that time and talking could fix this, Nicole was right, but Jessi wanted to give him something big, something grand. They could talk it out later.
Her thoughts were spinning with ideas; did she want to do something here? Did she want to do something back at school?
"Distracted much," Jessi jumped at the sound of Lori's voice.
"God I'm sorry," Jessi had wandered into Lori's room without knocking.
"You OK," Lori was pulling a shirt over her head and looked at Jessi in the mirror.
"Just thinking," Lori rolled her eyes in the reflection at Jessi's answer.
"Anytime you and Kyle are 'just thinking' something crazy happens," Jessi blushed but didn't deny it. Lori was good with schemes and plans, had helped out more than once, so the story spilled out in a rush of words.
Those tense weeks on campus and Jessi's begrudging acceptance of his presence. Jessi had shared some of it with Lori, they shared texts like breaths, but some things could only be fully vetted in person.
"Wow," Lori sat back against the headboard, "you guys don't pull any punches in the angst department do you."
Jessi shrugged, "it's not always so dark and gloomy between us. Things have, had, been great," and they had.
"But now you've gone and overanalyzed everything and want to tip the scales back," Lori deadpanned.
Jessi picked at a loose thread on the comforter, "I just don't want him to be so surprised when he calls me and I answer, or he reaches for my hand and I take it."
Lori snorted, "Yeah, I get that. You know when Declan and I reconnected we went through something similar," Jessi looked up smiling, Lori and Declan had been the talk of the Tragers during Thanksgiving.
"He would keep looking, you know staring, and when I would ask him about it he would just smile and say he liked that he could look at me and not hide it," Lori looked down, smiling at her hands.
"It was humbling, so I get it. I felt bad too, so I grabbed him by the ear and sat him down and told him I wanted him, more than anything and to quit it," how very Lori.
Jessi laughed, "Did it work?"
Lori shrugged, "I still catch him every once in a while, but it feels nice, there isn't that edge to it."
That was it exactly there was an edge to Kyle that Jessi didn't like, "so a big gesture is what I want," Jessi decided.
Lori smiled, "those are what I'm good at."
Declan was called and told to keep Kyle out of the house for the night. There was girl talk to be had and Lori was not risking 'superboy hearing' interfering in their scheming. Andy brought a white board and the ideas commenced through the night.
"This shouldn't be that hard," Jessi dropped to the floor; the white board was full of ideas. Some for Seattle, some for school, but none of them felt right.
"Half of these won't even work because of my roommate," Jessi picked up the box of Twinkies and pulled one out.
Andy rolled onto her stomach and took the box after Jessi offered it, "you should just move in together and then you could make all the grand gestures you wanted without interruption."
Jessi heard the words, heard Lori laugh and interject with something smart and inappropriate involving showers.
"That's it," Jessi scrambled to her feet, "you're a genius Andy."
"Wait, what," Lori asked.
Jessi was reaching for her laptop and turning it on. Typing quickly she filled in the Google search bar with her inquiry and turned the monitor around when the results popped up.
"I'm going to ask Kyle to move in with me," Jessi beamed, the idea already fully forming in her head. Lori and Andy both gaped up at her from the floor.
"It's perfect, between classes and training it just makes sense," Jessi was actually excited, "we've both done the dorm thing and now"-
Lori interrupted, "you two can be yourselves and not hide anything."
"It's perfect," Andy agreed.
They each opened a laptop and began cruising apartment rentals, "this one," Andy turned her monitor towards the room.
"Renovated loft, city views, secluded, short walk from campus," Lori summarized, "looks perfect to me."
Jessi took the computer and scanned the details and looked over the photos, "it's perfect."
Now that she had a plan, an idea, Jessi spent the next two days getting everything ready. Andy and Lori ran interference, keeping Kyle away when she was making phone calls, or distracting the house in its entirety when Jessi had to send emails and deposit checks.
"You're up to something," Kyle had cornered her after dinner.
Jessi had looked up into those blue eyes and tried to convey as much innocence as possible, "maybe, but you aren't going to get it out of me."
Kyle smirked, his hands going to her waist, "are you sure about that," his lips pressed to her neck and Jessi sucked in a deep breath, "I can be very persuasive."
Distance, Jessi needed clarity and hidden in the cupboard under the stairs wasn't the place for either. Slipping from his hold had been hard, they had been sustaining themselves on stolen kisses and sneaky grope, but she wanted him; ached for him.
"Behave Kyle," Jessi stepped into the hall, the tension between his eyes tugged at her heart, "you'll be very happy you did when we get back."
Her hint had done the trick, Kyle had backed off, had accepted that there was something up but that she would come clean soon enough. In his position Jessi would have hounded him until he coughed up the information.
New Year's came and the celebrated outside, bundled up they went as a group downtown and froze as they counted down the seconds. Jessi's first midnight kiss was as memorable as she had only imagined it could be.
On their way back to the car, if they had only lingered another few minutes the ugly scene might have been avoided, but Andy had been craving hot chocolate.
"Kyle," that voice was like nails on a chalkboard. Jessi tensed instantly, the warmth of Kyle's kiss vanished from her lips.
"Amanda," Kyle turned but did not let go of Jessi's arm, which she found remarkable. Lori had stepped close taking her other arm. Jessi had given her a smile that might have been slightly terrifying given Lori's wince.
"I'm so glad I ran into you," only you, not you guys, Jessi grit her teeth. Then there was a tug on her arm, Amanda had thrown her arms around Kyle's neck, Jessi might have let her jaw drop.
How clueless was this girl?
Lori stepped in before Jessi could properly lose her temper, "Amanda God hi, how are you," Andy had helped forcibly removing Amanda from Kyle and taking her arm.
"How's school, I love your hair, did I tell you Josh tried to get me to streak my hair yellow," Jessi watched Andy tug Amanda towards their cars, leaving Jessi with Kyle.
A silent and gaping Kyle, Jessi's heart flipped over, as it did every time she heard the name Amanda. Old doubts surfaced, despite the grand gesture that was days away, this was Kyle and he had always wanted Amanda.
Jessi tugged on his jacket, "you want to go catch up with them," 'with her' was implied.
Kyle looked down, frowning, "no, God no, it's just-"
"It's Amanda and she's the great love of your life," Jessi pulled her arm from his, she had been trying to keep it cool, but it was Amanda.
"Jessi that's not it," Kyle reached for her, but Jessi automatically took a step back, the pain in Kyle's reaction sucked her breath away, "Jessi," his plea was low and laced with pain.
"I get it, she just sucks you in," Jessi didn't understand, not at all. Not what he was feeling, not what she was feeling in her own head or heart, "it wasn't supposed to be like this?"
Crossing her arms Jessi looked down at her boots, curling her toes within them, "do you want her back?"
Kyle cursed and Jessi winced, but the words were still spilling from her stupid mouth, "I mean if she were to walk back over here and just throw herself in your arms, again, would you take her back?" Jessi didn't want to know the answer, hated that she even had to ask it.
"I can't believe you have to ask that," Kyle stepped forward and cupped her cheeks, "I can't believe that after everything you have to ask me that."
Yes, it was stupid, but, "it's Amanda, your Amanda."
Kyle rolled his eyes, "but you're Jessi, my Jessi," she sucked in a breath, her eyes filling with tears.
"I'm sorry," she recanted, "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."
Leaning forward Jessi pressed her lips against his, willing him to respond, she couldn't lose him. Kyle didn't hesitate, his lips moved against hers and Jessi felt his heart beat double and hers raced to catch up with his.
Despite the kiss there was tension in the house after New Years'. Jessi knew it was her fault, knew that her insecurity in the face of her had hurt him and she wanted to fix it; fix him.
Lori had assured her that the big gesture would a long way towards that.
They left two days later, despite the cloud hanging over them; Jessi was glad that he held her hand as the plane took off.
Back on the still empty campus Jessi had put the final touches on the plan; texting Kyle to meet her, her thumb didn't hesitate when she sent him the address.
Standing on the front steps of the building, Jessi had gotten the extra set of keys made that morning, she watched each cab approach her thoughts racing. What if he didn't come? What if he didn't like it? What if he came and liked it but didn't want to live with her?
Jessi took a deep breath as a cab pulled up to the curb. Kyle stepped out and looked up at her, she knew she was grinning down at him stupidly, but she was so nervous, so excited it couldn't be helped.
"You came," Jessi reached up for a quick kiss.
Kyle pulled back; there was that shadow in his eyes, "of course I did," crap, that wasn't what she meant, well not really.
"I know I mean, I'm just excited," Jessi rambled.
With a laugh that almost chased the shadow away Kyle pressed a kiss to her temple, "I can see that. Care to share why."
"Yup," Jessi took his hand and pulled him inside. The lobby was simple, clean lines exposed brick. Jessi went to the elevator, one of those industrial ones with the doors you had to lift manually.
"Here, let me," Kyle pulled the gates shut and Jessi pressed nine, she wanted the top floor but it was under renovation for another tenant so she had taken the next floor down.
When the elevator stopped Jessi didn't wait for the gates to open all the way before she went in. Earlier she had come up, lit a few candles, and slid the one sofa she had bought closer to the windows. The view was better than the website had boasted.
"Jessi what-"
She waved him quiet and began taking her coat off, "First of all you have to know that this was in the works before New Years," Kyle's face darkened at the mention of that night but he didn't say anything, just continued taking his own coat off.
"Andy found it, came up with the idea initially, even if Lori had been the one to insist on a girls' night in the first place," Jessi had had a speech planned, but the nice neat words were lost to her now as she got caught up in the story.
"The night Declan kept me out," Kyle smiled.
Jessi grinned back, smoothing back her hair, "Yeah that was the night. I wanted to make a big gesture, one that set things right, that would, I don't know set things up for us because I want there to be an us, I want that so badly."
Kyle frowned, "Of course there's an us, Jessi I don't understand."
"I bought this loft for us," Jessi blurted out.
After his jaw dropped Kyle looked around slowly.
"You bought us a loft," Kyle asked.
Jessi nodded, "you wanted to make a big gesture?"
In retrospect it might have been more of a grand gesture, "Between classes and training," Jessi caught herself, cleared her throat and thoughts.
"I want to spend as much time with you as I can," her heart was giving her the words. Kyle stopped and turned towards her.
"You're it for me Kyle, at eighteen or eighty, it's you," Jessi couldn't wait to be eighty and still with him, "and I know soon enough you are going to have to go do whatever it is that you need to do, but I'm going to be with you every step and until we start moving on I wanted to have a place we could call our own."
Jessi wasn't sure she could say another word and not cry, thankfully Kyle had started talking, "Jessi. God Jessi, it's amazing, you're amazing."
With a wet laugh Jessi reached for him, "I love you," she whispered. He held her close, "I love you so much."
Kyle leaned back, "God I love you Jessi," the edge was gone from his eyes, his words, Jessi smiled at him.
"You like it," she had to know.
"It's wonderful," she might have believed it if he was looking at anything other than her, but she could live with that.
"When do we move in," he asked. Jessi dug into her pocket and pulled out his keys.
"Anytime we want," Kyle took the keys as he pressed his lips to hers.
They spent the night on the sofa, watched the sun rise and reflect on their bare skin.
As far as big gestures went Jessi thought she had outdone herself, "just wait until your birthday," Kyle whispered in her ear, pressing a kiss to her shoulder.
Jessi laughed, "I can't wait."