"Oh, beware to take care of yourself or you'll lack the strength to help somebody else." God Bless the Child - Michelle Featherstone

Back At Your Door

Chapter Two

The tension is horrible in the tiny room. So horrible. Everyone looks like they are about to either explode or break down. No one wants to even breathe just in case the world collapses. It does not help that Shane will not take his eyes off you. The tears in the hazel orbs and the ones running down his face makes you want to leave this room and never come back. "Nathaniel and Caitlyn Grey wrote a will about a year ago. They leave all their money to their son, James, for when he turns of age at 18. To Mr. Grey's parents, he leaves the home in the Bahamas, while to Michelle Torres and Shane Grey they leave the house here in California as well as custody of their son James Jerry Grey. Mr. and Mrs. Geller are left the house in New Jersey. Mr. Jason Grey is left with…" The lawyer continues to talk but you long ago stopped listening.

Do they really expect you to take care of a child? With a man you left? You rub your sweaty palms together before sneaking a peak at Shane. The moment your eyes connect, your heart drops all the way down. It's like you cannot breathe. His eyes are so green and beautiful and destroyed. A shot of pain runs through you as you think of the betrayal, of the good times, of the love between you. Of how quickly it left - or at least, how quickly you did. He tightens his fists and he looks ready to pull you to him. You can read his face like a map; he wants to scream at you in pain and anguish.

Tearing your eyes away from him before you started to cry hysterically, you focus on the older man, handing out deeds and papers to everyone. You look down to the floor, feeling suffocated and you run a hand through your hair, messing it up even more. You must look the image of beauty: from your crazy hair to your blacken cheeks to the scratches you are leaving on your wrists. "Oh, my God." You let out in a breathy whisper.

You and Shane are the last two to go to the old lawyer to receive the papers and he looks at you expectedly. The rest of the family is crying and holding each other. You feel like you do not belong anywhere, much less here with this family. "Excuse me? Miss Torres? Mr. Grey?" The man calls you over.

You don't even want to be in the same room as Shane. The silence, the eventual screams, everything is haunting. It's going to drive you crazy. Trying your best not to fall over your own two feet, you walk slowly to the man. Shane's eyes stay on you before doing the same. You freeze when you feel him come close to you and you breathe in sharply. The lawyer just thinks you are grieving. "This has to be a mistake." You blurt out, your voice cracking. The older man's eyes widen and he shakes his head softly. He has a small frown, looking at you sympathetically as he handles the papers. You look at them before shaking your head. "I can't…How am I…?" you start and Shane takes a deep breath.

He leans forward, grabbing the papers. "Sir… Did the will say why they wanted us to…I mean, I know we're the kid's godparents, but we're…" he trails off before scoffing. "I don't know if we can do this." He says, his voice bitter. "Both parties would have to be able to stay and be mature." His voice is harsh, angry and attacking. You swallow hard and look at him incredulously. The moment you do, Shane lets his anger get the best of him. His hand shoots out and grabs your arm roughly, pulling you to him. You gasp as you fall into his warm embrace. His smell is just like you left it, except now tinged with alcohol. "I need to talk to her for a second. We'll be right back." He says between gritted teeth. The lawyer blinks but does not say anything else.

"Shane." His mother says, her voice sad. "Please."

But he ignores her.

He ignores everyone and practically drags you out into the hallway. Your back hits the wall when he lets go of you, turning around as he digs his hands violently through his hair. "Shane…" you spit out, your throat hurting suddenly. He starts to laugh, tears running down his face again.

"Five years Mitchie." He whispers very lightly. You close your eyes. He cheated on you. Why is he so mad? He growls hard under his breath and throws his hands up in the air. You look down to the floor before breathing out slowly. Your legs give out and you slide down, until your face is buried in your knees. "Jesus." He mutters, coming to you. He stands right in front of you, not knowing what to do. "You left me. You just got up and left. Didn't even say goodbye. Didn't I merit a goodbye, Mitchie? I mean, Jesus, I know you have this insane notion that I was sleeping with that bitch, but five fucking years!" he yells as you push your head up with your arm.

"Shane." You say hoarsely. You want to tell him to stop yelling, to realize that he did this, but he doesn't let you finish. He grabs your hand roughly. You gasp when his familiar fingers hold your palm, and you shiver when his glare leaves him. Suddenly, he looks like a lost puppy. He looks broken.

"You took off the ring." He closes his eyes and lets your hand go. You limply put it down, swallowing harshly. His eyes fill with sad tears and suddenly, he is sliding down beside you. Your knees touch when he gets to the ground. "Oh, God." He says, his voice breaking. "This isn't fair. I didn't do anything." He starts to cry.

You take a deep breath, shaky and broken, just as Mrs. Grey comes out. She looks at the two of you on the floor and her heart breaks. "Guys, please." Is all she starts out with. You stand up rather awkwardly, putting your hands on the wall behind you as leverage. Your sweaty palms slip and you almost fall, especially when one of your heels twists to the side. Swallowing hard, you steady yourself.

"Mrs. Grey, I can't do it. I don't want to be near Shane." You tell her not totally telling the truth, but you do not know what else to do.

Anger explodes in Shane again. "You don't want to be near me?" he yells, standing up a lot more fluidly than you did. His hands immediately go to your waist, trying to pull you close to him. You try to fight him as his fingers claw into you. "I fucking love you so much." He leans in so close to your ear, so you are the only one that hears. You try to push him away, turning your head to look Mrs. Grey in the eyes. "I want my whole life with you. Don't you fucking understand that? Why won't you listen to me!" he continues, following you as you move away.

"Shane, for the love of God." Denise screams, her cheeks rosy.

"No!" Shane's voice echoes in the hallway and the smack of his hand, as it hits the wall beside you, vibrates loudly. "This isn't fair!" he screams just as loud. He takes a step back, looking defeated as his back hits the wall. "This isn't fair." He lets out in a whisper, a cry in his voice. Denise closes her eyes, tears running down her face quickly.

"And it's fair to me?" she yells at him, almost buckling under the pressure the world has on her right now. "I cannot take care of a three year old child. I just lost my own baby, so please for the love of God, I need you to take care of Jamie. I'm asking for six months from the two of you, and if you still hate each other or whatever is going on continues then I'll take him off your hands." She says in the same teary, stern voice. Shane digs his hands through his hair and you wrap your arms around yourself silently. Denise sighs softly. "The two of you were trying to have a child just four, five, six months ago. If you honestly thought back then that you could have a child without life throwing you a curveball, then you were so wrong. It happens. People make mistakes. Fights happen. But the child shouldn't get hurt. Be mature about this, please. James is only three years old and he just lost his parents." You flinch, looking away abruptly at the memories.

"Stop it." you laughed, pushing his fingers away. Or at least, you tried to push them away. He persistently tickled you, giggling along with you as you try to get the remote he so desperately wanted to keep away from you. "Give it back, jerk." You tried to lift yourself so that you could get leverage. Surprising him, you flipped you two over so you are on top. "Ha!" you said with triumph before bursting out in laughter when his fingers still find your sides.

"You're not getting it! So…" he blew a raspberry before giving you a warm smile. He stopped tickling you for a second, but before you could react and take the remote away, he sits up. You gasped softly, tucking your legs around his hip and weaving your hands through his hair. He gave you another grin - sweet and loving - before leaning in and kissing you.

It surprised you that after five years you could still feel a swift fire go throughout your entire body. You moaned hard that day as he held your close, never letting you get too far. "I love you." you whisper softly, hugging him hard. He kisses the side of your head before taking a deep breath. "What are you thinking?" you asks, still out of breath from the tickle fight.

"Nothing." He shakes his head before poking your side. "So what did you do today?" he asks, brushing your hair out of your face.

"Well, Caitlyn and me and Claire…Did I tell you about Claire? The girl that just moved in next to Caitlyn's? Well, she's awesome. We're becoming like best friends. You have to meet her." You said with a shake of his shoulder. Shane laughed and rolled his eyes, before nodding. He came closer and kissed your collarbone. "Well, anyways, we went to this place to get some clothing for Claire's baby cousin. Oh, my God, Shane…she is so adorable. Like…" you made a noise under your breath, your eyes lighting up.

He smiled. "Oh yeah?" he asks, his voice soft. You nod before leaning your head in the nook of his neck. He threads his finger down your back slowly, making you shiver. "I think we should have kids." He confessed and you froze. You could not help the huge smile that goes on your face and you could not stop yourself from picturing the little girl you met the day before over and over again in your mind.

"Really?" you asked vaguely, trying not to put so much emotion in it.

He saw right through you. "Really."

When you get back inside the room, the lawyer looks at both of you critically. You know at the moment Shane and yourself probably made the worse impression, but you're hoping the lawyer just chucks it up to best friends/brother/sister-in-law dying. You take a deep breath. What Denise said hits you hard. It isn't that you still want children with Shane…Well, maybe you do…

No, you don't.

Shane has done nothing but harm you and try to manipulate you. You don't know why he is trying to keep up this façade that he didn't cheat on you; you wish he would just admit it instead of making you look like the villain each time. You don't think you can keep crying. "Six months." You mumble under your breath reassuringly. Denise is right; the boy lost so much, the least you can do is take care of him - especially when you voluntarily signed up for the job a year ago. "Okay. Where do I have to sign?" you finally say, choking somewhat on the words.

xxx

Jamie is asleep when you finally have everything settled with the lawyer.

You technically haven't seen him in almost two months. It may seem strange, but you are convinced he has grown. You very lightly glide your fingers over his soft blonde hair before bringing them to his still-wet cheeks. You feel your heart break for the kid as he wakes up a little. You want to pick him up but you don't think you should. Caitlyn hated when other people picked him up: from Nate to Shane to you. She was so uncomfortable with it. "Hey, buddy. Wake up." You clear your throat hesitantly. The little boy stirs further and opens his light brown eyes. You almost break down again; he really is Nate and Caitlyn's child. From the curly locks to the soft freckles to the innocence in his eyes, Jamie was totally their child.

And now, he is alone. "Oh God." You let out breathily, feeling completely overwhelmed. You put a hand to your forehead to quell the throbbing headache you have had for the past hour or so. "What's wrong, Aunt Emmy?" his voice is almost angelic and it makes you jump. He looks confused and sad as he looks up at you with those big, wide doe eyes.

"Nothing, buddy. It's just way past your bedtime." You try to smile, put your hand on his head again. He nods and steps down from the bench he was lying on. He stares at your hand for a second before taking it.

"Where have you been? Mama said you were in pain, but that it was a bigger pain that when I fell in Bobby's yard and cut my knee. I still have the scar." He says, lifting his leg slightly before looking up again. You take a deep breath, but you have no idea what to tell him.

"I was…" you trail off.

"She was home, Jamester. She went home to her parents for a while." You look up, your hand feeling clammy in Jamie's small one. You and Shane make eye contact, and for a less than half a minute, you can only look at one another. The air is tense and electrifying; honestly, you're just exhausted. You don't want to yell anymore. "She wanted her mommy and daddy." He's trying to hurt you, but what he doesn't realize is that he is hurting Jamie as well.

Jamie frowns, his eyes confused. "You mean, if you want them, you can find them? Because I really want Mama and Daddy. Can I find them too? Can I go home too?" he is desperate, looking so mystified and almost hopeful. "I want to see them again, Uncle Shay. Really, really, really, really badly!" A tear falls softly down his face and you shoot Shane a distraught look as his eyes widen. You reach down and wipe the little boy's cheek, basically going on your knees to get on his level. He looks you straight in the eyes. "Will I be able to see them again?" his tone breaks your heart even further.

You push back his curly hair softly so that it isn't in his face. "One day, honey." You choke out, not sure what you're supposed to say. Caitlyn was so religious. She went to church every Sunday with Nate and Jamie. She read the Bible to him and taught him how to pray. You, on the hand, haven't been to church in forever…Today's mass was the first in a long time. "She's in heaven. So is he." You swallow, looking at Shane desperately. He is just staring at Jamie. You turn back to the little boy. "Come on, honey. Let's go to my motel room. There's a bouncy bed and a Jacuzzi." You poke his side but he doesn't even crack a smile.

Jamie shakes his head. "I want my bed." He frowns. "Why can't I go there?" he asks, scrunching up his freckled nose. You take a deep breath in and open your mouth, but do not say anything.

"You can, buddy." Shane's voice is softer and definitely tenderer. He goes forward and picks Jamie into his arms, and you wince. Caitlyn would hate that. But the little boy holds onto Shane tightly, his little hands balling up into fists. You stand back up, looking down to your shoes. You don't want to disturb Caitlyn and Nate's place. It was their place. "But for now, why don't we go to my house. It's one floor so you can run all you want and, maybe I could let you play on my Playstation." Shane squeezes Jamie's sides and the little boy stays quiet.

"Can I play on the Wii too?" he asks in a small voice. Shane kisses the side of his head.

"Of course, buddy." He whispers, rubbing his back soothingly. You bite your lip and shove your hands in your pockets.

"What about Aunt Emmy? Is she still in pain or can she come play with us? I want her to be on my team. She knows how to shoot better than Cindy from school does." Shane turns to look at you, his eyes changing from gentle to angry hurt in seconds. You press your lips together. "I want her to come, Uncle Shay." Jamie repeats, clinging tighter to Shane's frame.

You clear your throat. "Of course, honey. Just for tonight…" you mumble the last bit when Jamie gives the smallest smile. "Are you tired? I'm so exhausted." You tell Jamie, rubbing his back like Shane was doing. Jamie nods his head and puts his head in the nook of Shane's neck.

"Me too." Shane says, giving you a look. There's so much that needs to be said, it's ridiculous. But you don't want to talk to him. You wish you didn't have to. He hurt you so much; how does he expect you to behave around him? Does he think you'll greet him with open arms?

The two of you silently, tensely, walk to Shane's car - a car you used to share with him: a small little Honda - and pause as he puts Jamie in the backseat. He is already dozing off when his little head hits the leather. You clap your hands together lightly before taking a step back. "So, I'll meet you there." You say awkwardly. You really do not want to go. "I need to grab some clothes from the motel anyways." You add to show you weren't going to take off.

Shane scoffs lightly. "Honey, we're going to the place that up to two months ago called your home. You left a lot of stuff, Mitchie." He reminds you, a bitter edge to his voice.

You don't move. "Right." Is all you say. He sighs as he closes the door. "Okay, well, I'll follow you then. See you in a bit." You turn around and immediately see your rented bright blue Mini Cooper sitting just a little off. You walk without turning around and get into your car quickly. You put in the key into the ignition and as soon as you see Shane has left the parking lot, you cannot help it.

You completely break down. You scream and you hit the steering wheel and you wonder why the fuck did Caitlyn and Nate have to die and how the fuck did Nate lose control of the car and why is this happening to you. Big tears fall down your face as you bury your head in your hands.

Your best friends.

"Mitch, what are you doing?" his voice is steady -almost calm - but you knew he was interested. You smile at Nate.

"Oh, you know. Buying your wife an awesome birthday present. Did you get her anything yet?" you sing, bobbing your head happily. Nate laughs and shrugs his shoulder before falling into the chair besides you. He lightly points to something on the computer screen. "Ohhh, she'll like that." You nod approvingly.

Nate smirked. "She is my wife, you know."

"Ha!" you say simply. "If I know Caitlyn, and I know Caitlyn, then she totally sent the same email to both of us telling us what site to go to and what exactly she wants. That girl doesn't believe in fate bringing her anything. She likes taking things in her own hands." You roll your eyes and Nate smiles widely.

"You know whatever…that's just my Caity."

When you arrive at your home - or Shane's little ranch house or whatever - you have managed to hide most of the puffiness with more makeup. You pause at the door; you don't know whether to ring the doorbell or just enter with the key you still have. You bravely try the doorknob, wondering if Shane just left it open for you, and you sigh in relief when it opens. "Aunt Emmy." Jamie calls from inside. He doesn't say it with enthusiasm but at least he isn't crying.

"Hey, baby. Shouldn't you be in bed?" you say, closing the door behind you. You notice Shane walk out of the kitchen and lean against the doorway. He looks at you with a sad glance.

"I'm waiting for Mama to tuck me in. She does it every night." He says, looking up at you with innocent eyes. You freeze, just staring at him, before looking at Shane. There are tears in his eyes but he doesn't say anything either. You bend down again to look him in the eyes.

"Honey, I told you. They're in heaven."

Jamie frowns deeply. "Mama's never not tucked me in." he chirps, confused. Shane sighs and grabs his hand gently. "No!" Jamie yells, his eyes wide as he yanks his hand away. "I want Mama!" he screams. You close your eyes tightly, wishing this was all a dream. "I don't care if I never sleep again. I want Mama." He says stubbornly, tears in his eyes.

Shane sighs sadly, hitting his head against the wall. "Okay, buddy. But you'll get tired eventually." Shane reminds him before walking towards the kitchen again. You quickly follow him, noticing Shane has his face in his hands.

"We can't just leave him in the living room." You tell him, your voice a little high.

Shane looks at you, emotionally drained. "I know, but I don't know what to do. Mitchie, I really do not know what to do, and I just…I want you to listen to me. To realize the mistake you made." His voice progressively got stronger. "Please, for the love of everything…for all the love we have between us, just listen to me." He halfway begs.

"Shane, I can't…not tonight." You whisper softly.

He throws up his hands angrily. "Then when, Mitchie? Are you ever gonna listen to my side of the story? Because right now, it doesn't seem like you have ever loved me!" he accuses and your eyes light up furiously.

"I loved you, you ass. I still do with all my heart. You're the one who fucked her." You spit out, trying to keep your voice down. Shane laughs sarcastically.

"Oh, right. Was the between me taking you on this damn table…" he motions to the kitchen table in the middle of the room. "Or when I was fucking you against our bedroom wall or when you were begging me to join you for a shower!" he got closer with every word and you look at him appalled.

"You're disgusting." You snap at him, angry tears forming. Shane doesn't say anything; he just grabs your wrist and pulls you to him. "Don't." you say sharply as he pushes you against the wall. "Shane!" you struggle against his grip as he presses his chest against yours. He holds you tightly, trapping you.

"Do you know that she got paid about one million dollars to break the story to People?" he tells you, his voice harsh. His eyes stare straight into yours. "Did you know that she basically told me to my face that she just wanted to get the money and didn't even care about you? She never cared, Mitchie. She never gave a fucking damn. I did!" he yells, pushing you against the wall harder.

You wince when your back hits it, and you are reminded of the many memories of him doing this to you sans clothes. "I don't believe you." you whisper and his eyes light up with anger. Before he can say a word, you interrupt him. "Why wouldn't you, Shane? Why wouldn't you sleep with her? Okay, maybe she did it for the money, but why wouldn't let her seduce you? Have you seen her? She's gorgeous."

Shane laughs mirthlessly, shaking his head. "Oh, Mitchie." He whispers sadly. His hands let go off your wrists and drop to your waist. He doesn't let you go though. "Are you serious?"

Tears fall down your face. "She could give you more than I could. Her legs are longer and she's more experienced and she could…" you trail off, the real reason getting stuck in your throat. Shane catches it though and his eyes widen, before his face falls. He closes his eyes sadly.

"She could give me a kid?" he finishes for you. A figurative knife goes through your heart and you close your eyes tightly. "Is that what this is about? About the fact that you can't…" he asks and more tears fall down your face. For a second, he just holds you but then he backs away completely.

When you open your eyes again, he is gone.

XXX

Wow, guys. Thank you so much for your support. It is unreal and I'm so thankful for it.

I don't know if you know this, but I have responded to all your reviews at my blog. The link is up on my profile. I'm also giving sneak peaks and answering any questions. I want this to be so much more interactive. I would love to hear from all of you. I'll put the links to all the review responses on my last entry, so you do not have to dig through.

Also...I was thinking. I know a lot of you were against me going to JBFA to write a Joe/OC...but if it was on my site/blog? Would you read and comment? They would probably be long one shots (like 15,000 words long so they will take a while to go up) but they will not be chapters unless its like sequels or whatever. Tell me your thoughts!

Also, tell me what you thought of this chapter: what does the ring mean? What kind of ring is it? Did Jamie make you cry? Do you like Shane? Mitchie?

Thanks so much!

I love you guys

Sandy

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